I recently read a quote from Sarah Jakes Roberts that says, "We don't need a fresh start, we can finish strong."
It resonated so strongly with me because this season is always an interesting one. A lot of us are getting ready for the hustle and bustle of Christmas but at the same time trying to achieve this weird balance of preparing for all that 2019 will offer and making sure we reflect on 2018 and all that it was… or I guess I should say, still is.
I think that's part of the conflict. 2018 is still here and most of us have already said "thank u, next" and are thinking about all of the amazing things we'll do in 2019 that we didn't get to check off this year. It's like we're over the things we didn't accomplish or things that didn't go the way we expected, so we can't wait for 2019 to get here so we can show out the way we always knew we could. My question is, why wait?
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You Don’t Have To Wait To Pick Yourself Up Again
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for forward thinking and anticipating what's to come. But this year doesn't have to be a complete wash… at least not yet. Most of the time, it's so easy to beat ourselves up if we had an "off year." I mean, time goes by so fast these days that it feels like we go from January to July to December without getting a chance to catch our breath and recover from any unexpected punches this year came with.
I went through a major transition this year, so I can definitely understand that this year wasn't the best year like you thought it would be this time last year. But who says it's too late for that to still happen? I guess the mentality of waiting until the New Year to accomplish something bugs me because it's as if we're putting our lives on pause in hopes that we'll feel different about accomplishing that task in 2019, when in reality, it could just serve as another day. We might not feel any different. And after a couple of weeks, the momentum could have already died down. But as long as we're writing 2018 at the end of the date, there's still time to get in some of those goals you had for this year.
On the flip side, as long as we're waiting for something new (like a new year to arrive before we get started), will we ever really get to the finish line?
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You Don’t Have To Wait Until 2019 To Press Go
It literally just hit me that this time last year, we were doing the same thing for 2018 and that we're now doing for 2019. It's a never-ending cycle. So who says we have to wait until 2019 makes its highly-anticipated arrival to start on those goals? Of course, time is definitely ticking and waits for no one. Most of us have realized that time is going by faster and faster as we get older, so the realist in me knows that at this point in 2018 might not be the year to lose all the weight I wanted or start that business. But it can definitely be the year you start. And how you start is just as important as how you finish.
You can intentionally embrace a healthier lifestyle that has the potential and power (if you let it) to jump start you with even more motivation when the clock strikes 12 AM on January 1. If you had a dream of starting a business, you can at least develop a plan and start getting your contacts together. Whatever it is, I would bet that there's something no matter how small, that you can do toward the goals you had for this year, and the ones you've set for 2019.
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You Can Stop Taking That Ish Now.
This is typically the time of year we see viral memes and messages that say we won't take the same crap we did the year before. You know homegirl with the high bun that's stepping on all things she had to go through the year before as she walks into the door of a new year? It reminds me of this post I saw on Facebook that said 2019 is going to be the year they get everything back that the devil took from them. But again, why wait?
There's no reason the things you want to do next year can't be done now. I'm not trying to be super serious or even a Debbie Downer 'cause I hate that, but I just never realized how our culture can sometimes make us subconsciously feel like we have to wait until a new year before we start on our goals or to take on a new mindset; like standing up for ourselves or being confident. I've had to learn that I don't need the excuse or justification of a new year to live my best life and be my best self.
I get that 2019 is an exciting thought because it feels like a fresh start; just like a new month or a birthday typically does. You might not believe it after this post but I'm actually one of those people who loves a new season, new month, or new birthday because it just feels like I get to press start again and forget about the past. Still, I've embraced this new thought that we don't need a fresh start sis, we can finish this year strong right where we are.
It might be almost over, but it's not completely over, which means it's not too late to go after what we really want this year.
Featured image by Getty Images.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
