So, They Say If You've Got A Tattoo, The Sex Is Better. (Hmm.)
Remember when grandma, auntie and/or mama—don't even get me started on the First Lady of your church—used to say that one of the worst things that a person, especially "a lady" could do was get a tattoo? Especially if we wanted to get a job? As with most things in life, seasons (and culture) change. On the work tip, from what I've read, many employers are not as hesitant as they once were. According to one study that caught my attention, around 35 percent of prospective employers said that hiring someone with tats depended on the position they were trying to fill, while 28 percent of them said that it all depended on how many tats a person had, along with where they were on their body. Something else I found interesting about the study was, when they were asked whether or not they took someone with tattoos less seriously, 49.39 percent of people said body ink didn't faze them in that way (very cool).
Because I've worked from home since 2000, maybe that is why I was well into my 20s when I got my first tattoo. It's on my hip and, to be honest, it's so small that it really wasn't all that big of a deal. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that a sistah got bolder and put some semi-large Hebrew letters on that same hip and also one of my favorite bible verses on the inside of my lower right arm. While I have absolutely no regrets when it comes to getting any of them, I can't really say that I am on the "tattoos are addictive" bandwagon either. They ain't cheap. They do hurt. Plus, there's nothing's worse (to me) than having to go back and get an area filled in after the initial healing process (Girrrl…girl). Not that I'm trying to discourage any of you who may be thinking about getting a tattoo for the first time. I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.
Although I will say that I recently discovered a silver lining to having body ink that I never knew before (hmm…).
What Tattoos and Sex Actually Have in Common (Who Knew?)
It never fails. At least 10 times a week (sometimes a day), I will read something in cyberspace that'll have me be like, "What in the world are folks doing out here?!". A recent example came from an article on Revelist's website. The title? "People Are Giving Themselves DIY Stick-And-Poke Tattoos During Quarantine". Tattooing yourself. During a pandemic. Geeze. Shoot, let me tell it, going to a tattoo parlor right now is risky enough. I mean, have you ever read what you're—well, we're—actually signing up for with body ink? Mayo Clinic provided a pretty graphic description when it said, "Typically, the tattoo artist uses a hand-held machine that acts much like a sewing machine, with one or more needles piercing the skin repeatedly. With every puncture, the needles insert tiny ink droplets." Yeah, that's a lot.
So, why do so many of us do it? There are a myriad of reasons. To document a particular time in our life. To represent our own sense of style. To make a permanent declaration about something. To cover up body imperfections. To have a better sex life.
Hol' up. Is that last one for real? According to a study conducted at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Canada, it very much so is. Some researchers there decided they wanted to test the stereotype that women with tattoos are more "sexually open"—you know, more willing to explore and experiment than the average individual. What they discovered is, of the 814 women who were interviewed (some had tats, some did not), the women with body ink were more willing to engage in casual sex; they were also greater sensation seekers.
How does that even make sense? Think about it. There is a certain level of confidence that it takes to get a tattoo. You've definitely got to have a certain threshold for discomfort in order to get one. From a physical standpoint, you are taking somewhat of a (health) risk (which is the case with any permanent body modification, by the way) by having a tattoo as well. Yeah, we might not like to think about sex in this context, but when you really stop to take all of this in, all of these reasons translate over to coitus pretty seamlessly, don't you think?
Something else that the study pointed out was, another reason why women with tats might be more sexually open is because, when you make the decision to get a tat, whether you realize it or not, you are challenging contemporary views on femininity and sexuality. You are basically saying that you don't follow the status quo when it comes to how you look or what you want—including in the bedroom (again, it makes total sense).
So, how many folks are out here feeling this way? Well, 40 percent of people around the globe have at least one tat on their person (Italy has the most, then Sweden and then the United States). 45 percent of those individuals are between the ages of 30-49, and 32 percent have a higher level of education than the norm. That's a lot of "sexual open-mindedness", y'all.
Not to say that those without tattoos are automatically sexual snooze fests. Shoot, some of my fondest sexual memories came from guys with not one tat on them. But I will close this out by saying that I remember when I was in the room with a friend of mine who was as sexually shy (when it came to talking about sex) as they come. As she was undressing, I was shocked to see two hearts on each side of her pubic bone, right above her vulva. When I made a joke to her husband about them, he grinned, winked and said, "You have no idea." They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe a tattoo is worth a thousand orgasms—and then some.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Is 'Erotic Self-Focus' & Why You Should Definitely Try It
10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem
Featured image by Giphy
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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7 Black Men On TikTok Making Everyday Living Look ThirstTrappy
You know how many of us, ladies, keep wondering why men don’t have the same sexy, handsome looks of yesteryear? That look from the ‘60s to the ‘90s? I FOUND THEM. And guess what? They’re doing what “real” men do best…simply making themselves handy (and not just in the traditional, gendered sense of the word). These fellas make it easy to fantasize about the reality that there are still good men out there – men who come into the lives of women and make it easier and softer by contributing every day but meaningful ways.
No, I don’t know them in real life because I found them via TikTok, but that’s the fun of fantasizing. You get to take one piece of the pie and make up the rest of it as you go alone. It’s like a game of MASH–choose your fighter and then go from there.
When I was watching their videos, I was totally unaware that my libido had been laying so low OR how attractive a useful man was until I tuned in to these guys (it started with Cam, and you’ll see why shortly). And I don’t mean to make it sound like men are only as good as what they can do for you, but I think it’s safe to say that far too many men are weaponizing their incompetence and enjoy being cared for but aren’t as quick to pour back into the women keeping their day-to-day afloat. Not even in minimal ways.
That said, these men seem to be a breath of fresh air on a sunshiny day. And, allow me to be wholesome and candid for a minute but they made me optimistic that there is hope for us after all. That we can find husbands and fathers who allow us to exist in this world with less harm and hope.
And, on a less wholesome note… never mind. I choose to keep it cute, but you’ll soon know exactly why this feels like a helluva task in just a moment. The other refreshing thing about many of these videos is the ASMR vibes – very cathartic to watch; really brings a sense of peace and calm over you. And, not to gas it, but if watching a man in action in that way via TikTok does that, JUST imagine what having the real thing would be like. My God.
Here are seven Black men on TikTok making everyday living look thirstrappy AF.
Cam
@renaissancecam subsist ⚙️ #vlog #dailyvlog #sundayvlog #peace #adayinthelife #gardening #handyman #rotties #bbq #pitmaster #juicing #health #healthy #fruit #fyp #explore #foryou #viral #menshealth #farming #country #outdoors #dogs #landscaping #food #vibes
Not only does Cam (28 and single) understand the assignment when it comes to carefully selecting Sunday’s cleaning playlist but he also was handcrafted by God himself, giving us #TradMan in only the best ways possible. Based on my lurking/Inspector Gadget deep dive through his content, he chops wood, gardens, fishes, and cooks–it’s no mistake that his handle is Renaissance Cam. And, ladies, I was able to get a few other little details about him because we all know curiosity kills the cat. No need to stay curious when we can just know. Yes, he’s single. He’s a Leo. And his ideal first date is a picnic at his favorite sunset island near one of the spots where he likes to fish.
Derwynn
@lifeofdwho Look how dirty my washing machine was 🤢🤮 . . #sundayreset #sundayroutine #cleaninghacks #cleaningmotivation #homefragrance #fyp #explorepage
Next up is Derwynn, who is more of a modern man. His content centers on his Sunday resets which entail deep cleaning his home–and, if you know, you know–Black household law is that this type of cleaning must occur on Sundays. And, man, ol’ man, does he make cleaning look good. It’s no wonder more men don’t do this willingly. Most have speculated that he’s a Virgo, but he’s actually a Cancer (but maybe he has other Virgo placements throughout?)
Deon
@chakmahtheking Brcome someone you woukd be proud of‼️ Don’t settle, you’re a KING! Follw me on IG @chakmahtheking #fyp #diy #motivation #jackofalltrades #king
Mister DIY himself, in living color! Admittedly, I did have to mute that Rocky music, but all the fix-it action 100 percent makes up for that. I don’t know him, but it’s giving “my man, my man, my man” type of delusion the minute I saw him handle that power tool (like my little pun). Unlike the first two, Deon isn’t quite as subtle in his understanding that he is indeed a prize (not to be confused with thee prize, y’all). But, he is, in fact, a man that adds value in many ways. And, this is what we mean when we say bring back these men – the good with their hands, easy on the eyes type men – and we’ll bust out the apron and the table settings.
Oklahoma Cowboys
@oklahomacowboys0 🤠 #oklahomacowboys #rodeo #blackcowboys #fyp #explorepage #cowboy #blacktiktok #fypシ #losangeles #countryboy #billpickettrodeo #race
When Destiny’s Child said, “they always be talkin’ that country slang,” I imagine these are the type of men they had in mind. Cause the video alone gone bring out my Southern ancestors in my spirit, and I was born and raised in Michigan. Babbbby, this is a retro type of man, and I’m here for it. It’s also a personal belief of mine that it speaks volumes about a man’s ability to nurture in the way that they care for animals and, in turn, the way animals respond to them. What’s that they say about animals and children being the best judges of character? Unfortunately, we don’t have a name for this cowboy, but fortunately, this page is action-packed with other cowboys.
John Doe
@atvmvp #honda #hondaaccord #carsoftiktok #cars #bodywork #painting #spraypaint #restoration #accidentrepair #southcarolina #blackmen #cartok #cartiktok #7thgenaccord #blackentrepreneur #blackdudes #budgetfriendly #voiceover #countryboy
While it’s always safest to have a bald-headed daddy to handle all your car issues, it definitely doesn’t hurt to have a car-fixing zaddy on call, too. Well, here you go! Out in the garage, in the hoop shorts and the slides – now him coming inside smelling like outside, car parts, and fading cologne. We also stan a frugal, problem-solving king! Peep how he purchased a used car and a five-dollar can of spray paint and got to work. The definition of getting it out the mud, if you ask me.
Stephen
@styleunrivaled #fyp #trending #viral #atx #car #ignitioncoil
Impressive, I must say. This gentleman, Stephen, walks us through replacing his ignition coils, but he also makes himself useful in other ways. That’s word to his other TikTok, where he offers the young fellas who want to argue about why women aren’t submissive instead of giving them something worth submitting to advice.
Lee
@leeshomeimprovement Deck for the chicken coop #fyp #foryou #dmv #blacktiktok #watchthis #explore #HousestoHomes #HomeImprovement #BuildingstoCompanies #blackmenbuilds #building #constructing #StayFocused #menwithdreads #follow #share #baltimore #HGTV
While this video doesn’t quite show Lee’s face, it does show his craftsmanship. I mean, it looks secure enough–I don’t know too much about building decks, but I do know this looks about right.. As for the rest, I scoped out the facecard on his other videos, and he is worthy of this list.
These men were difficult to come by, and I’m not sure if it has to do with the ratio of podcast mics to rakes/power drills/etc. Or because they’re simply not documenting themselves. But you should know that we’re looking for some more of these men folk to lust after while they check off the one honey-do list item within their reach through the internet … the one with my Rosé. Send more over! Tag them. I might even start a Make Men Great Again campaign on behalf of these brothas.
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Feature image by @renaissancecam/ Instagram, @steviie_j/ Instagram, @derwynnwho/ Instagram