Rihanna Embracing Her Thickness Is Not Up For Discussion
I don't think I ever permitted anyone to keep track of my body.
Rihanna didn't either.
The 60th Grammy Awards brought out the crew - some old homies (Beyonce and Jay-Z, Nas, Diddy, DJ Khaled, Lady Gaga, Kendrick Lamar) and some new (SZA, Bryson Tiller, Khalid, Brent Faiyaz and Goldlink). Rihanna showed up and showed out as usual. Besides gaining recognition for her South African dance moves in her "Wild Thoughts" performance, Twitter is talking about her weight gain as if she had won an award for it.
Considering that there are other things to discuss besides her body - oh, I don't know, her whole bomb performance - it makes me cringe that people take the time out of their day to body shame a woman. Rihanna has opened up about her recent weight gain but spoke about it with honey on her tongue. To her, she has "had the pleasure of a fluctuating body type" and has even given insight on how to dress such a body type.
With someone who deals with (because the word "struggle" is so 2017) weight fluctuation, witnessing the comments on Rihanna's body made me think about the state of consciousness that we seem to be in when it comes to policing women's bodies.
However, the optimistic realist also sees that there is room for improvement.
I've always been on the thicker side and it rendered me the topic of bullying during my elementary years. Being bigger than all of the other kids, developed with a B cup and size 7 in juniors as a 9 year old, and Black - well, it was tough. Throughout junior high, I struggled with my weight in silence but was embraced by others at my new "diverse" school as thick.
It was a crown they exalted me with; though, I secretly wished I was a size two. When I changed high schools for the zillionth time, in a city outside of Los Angeles, I really began to develop a long distance relationship with my body. People around me complimented me on my shape and my body, but I always felt like the 9-year-old who never fit in belly shirts. In college, I got extremely "healthy" and restricted myself to certain foods because I wanted to make a change. I really just wanted to start to love my body and not feel so self-conscious under the gaze of others.
My weight fluctuation is connected to my depression. During my time in New York, I was the skinniest I have ever been - I was also the unhappiest. Spending my time in a toxic relationship, stressed about money, and constantly working 2-3 jobs at a time had me (and my weight) at my lowest. Instagram photos still couldn't capture the dimly lit light of my soul.
Since then, I've been in a happier space (mentally and physically), I've gained a few pounds. I'll admit it.
And I don't care.
Getting to know myself more helped me to establish a better relationship with my body. And it's helping me to realize that I am under no obligation to be at the center of anyone's policing, anyone's gaze, or anyone's understanding.
Looking back during some years I was praised for certain assets (pun intended), but it never fed my spirit or made me feel more connected to my body. It actually disenchanted me and made me feel like I was a soul living in a rented home, out of a spiritual and emotional suitcase. I was a person in a shell and not an embodiment of an existing form. I wanted to be more in tune with myself as a full entity - mind, body, and spirit. It wasn't until I realized that my journey to this destination was not fulfilled under the work of outside strangers that I felt comfortable in the skin and the body I was in.
Rihanna's embracing of her weight fluctuation mirrors the space I'm in now.
When you look at her, she seems to be glowing. Besides her enlightening of dressing for a fluctuating body-type, there is no explanation. And there doesn't need to be any.
It's up to the woman to grow her relationship with her body on her own terms.
How she wants to curate herself from the inside out is her decision. Those that believe a woman should curate herself from the outside in have it misconstrued. We live in a peak of body positivity but there is still a lot of work to be done.
Slender, thick, plus size, or in-between: there is beauty in the art of never explaining ourselves. Because our bodies are not objects to be policed, tracked, or shamed, but a wonderful work of art to be celebrated through the scenic route to utopia of complete mind-spirit-body connection.
Featured image via Giphy
Olivia Jade is a writer and creative engineer, intersecting wellness, culture, womanism, and self-development. She waters the flowers in her mind so others can recognize their own internal garden. Link up: @akaoliviajade (Twitter and IG) oliviajade.co
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images