In xoNecole's new series Mother/Hustler, we sit down with influential mom bosses who open up about the ups and downs of motherhood, as well as how they kill it in their respective industries, all while keeping their sanity and being intentional about self-care.
Tabia Charles-Collins is a former Olympic athlete, a NCAA Champion, a University of Miami Hall of Famer, a mentor, a business owner, and a wife. But 15 months ago, she added the most important title to the list of hats that she wears on a day-to-day basis: mother.
Growing up, Tabia trained extensively to become an athlete and her hard work paid off in the form of a number of scholarships to pursue her career in track and field in college. In 2006, Tabia attended the University of Miami as a student-athlete and received a degree in Psychology after only three years. The following year, she was chosen to compete professionally for Nike and Team Canada in the 2008 summer Olympic Games in Beijing, China. But shortly after, she got injured, permanently deferring her dreams of one day becoming a star athlete.
Forced to choose a new path for her life, the former athlete returned to school and received her master's degree but was constantly reminded of a passion that had been previously overshadowed by her athletic career. As a child, the only thing Tabia loved more than track and field was fashion, and she used her newfound time and energy to master her hidden affinity for design.
Inspired by bold colors and prints, Anisah by Tabia Charles was born and lit a fire in the young entrepreneur that would be impossible to extinguish.
After years of committing to the corporate grind, the Toronto born entrepreneur married her childhood sweetheart and assumed the role of bonus mom to a son, but Tabia learned quickly that her life would dramatically shift after giving birth to her first child. While on maternity leave, her ambitions to become a business owner that were mere whispers before became louder and she knew it was time to step out on faith.
She told xoNecole, "I was working as a project manager in the pharma/health department for a company called Cognizant, a consulting and IT firm. I had just came back to work from maternity leave and after four months I was laid off. To be honest, after I was laid off, I laughed to myself and said never again will I give an organization that much power over me. "
Tabia translated the same drive and discipline that she learned in her athletic career to her work ethic as a business owner and developed a thriving full-time business as a clothing designer.
As a wife, entrepreneur and mom to a one-year-old son, every day hasn't been easy, but according to this smooth Mother/Hustler, every moment is worth it. To Tabia, what should have felt like rejection was actually an omen that it was time to finally answer her true calling.
"I knew at that very moment that I wanted to create my own security and freedom and it was time to take a real chance on myself. If I am going to put my all into something, I want it to be for myself and my own goals. This is the first time I have been able to go full force on my business venture. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy by any means but it feels worth it."
Tabia sat down with xoNecole and opened up about how she manages to balance motherhood and entrepreneurship all while remembering to stay up on her self-care:
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
When I'm overwhelmed, I do a lot of self-talk. I tell myself everything is going to be OK and this feeling is just temporary. I then start to prioritize what's important.
What’s the hardest part of your day?
The hardest part of my day is balancing the energy and needs of my 15-month-old while trying to get a million and one things done with my fashion business. It's also important for me to have meals prepared for my family, so adding that into the equation while still balancing the work I do for the track club I'm associated with often gets me super overwhelmed. I'm constantly balancing so many duties but I am thankful I have full support from [my] parents during the day.
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
Self-care is so HUGE for me! I get two massages a month [and] I go on vacations regularly in order to get away from the hustle of everyday life. I take about three to four getaways a year. Self-care is part of my regular routine. Whether it includes downtime with my family and friends, getting away alone, massages and pedicures, I always fit it in.
Courtesy of Tabia Charles-Collins
"Self-care is part of my regular routine. Whether it includes downtime with my family and friends, getting away alone, massages and pedicures, I always fit it in."
When do you feel most productive?
I feel most productive in the mornings and late at night. Once everyone goes to sleep, my phone isn't going off like crazy and it's just me by myself on the couch, I get so much done! There are times I'm up from 9 P.M. to 2 A.M. getting the most amount of work done.
What is your favorite way to spend “me” time?
I really enjoy spending "me" time in my home, drinking a glass of my favorite wine, watching movies or my favorite series. During that time I also have time to reflect and be with my thoughts.
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?
To be very honest, I don't typically suffer from mom guilt. However, the days that I'm literally working all day and my son is at my parent's house or home with my husband, I remind myself that he is going to realize what a hustler his mom was and he will aspire to be the same. He is going to benefit from my hustle and the results that come from it. More than anything I want my son to have an abundance of opportunities. The work I'm putting in now, the long hours, the risks, the time away from him, the long adventures I sometimes take him on when I need to get things done... are all going to be worth it, especially for him.
Courtesy of Tabia Charles-Collins
"I remind myself that he is going to realize what a hustler his mom was and he will aspire to be the same. He is going to benefit from my hustle and the results that come from it. More than anything I want my son to have an abundance of opportunities."
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
I want them to learn that they create their own destiny. ANYTHING they want out of life they can get it, as long as they are willing to put the work in. I want to be living proof that whatever I went after I was able to achieve.
Why was it important to you to be an entrepreneur even though some people may think that a 9 to 5 offers more stability?
A 9 to 5 does offer stability to a certain extent, but the idea of working hard to fulfill someone else's goals doesn't sit well with me. If I'm going to pull all-nighters to get work done and complete deadlines, I want it to be for my own businesses goals. The happiness I get from working on my own brand is something I can't get from working for someone else. I want to create a business model for myself that I can have flexibility and freedom to spend time with family, [and] continue traveling the world while still achieving my business goals.
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur, or vice versa?
Being a mother definitely makes things slightly more challenging especially during the infancy stage of my business, but it's all taught me patience as well as time management which are two very important things in becoming a successful entrepreneur.
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a mom who runs a business?
The biggest challenge is not being able to just get up and go get things done. I can't just jump on my laptop and send emails or run out of the house to meet up with people. I've gotta get my son ready, make sure he's fed, bags are packed, and then I can be on my way. I'm learning better time management so that I'm not losing too much time in getting things done.
What advice do you have for moms who are looking to start their business but haven’t taken a step out on faith yet?
Just do it! There's never a better time because if you keep on waiting you're going to keep finding excuses as to why you need to keep putting it off. More than anything, you owe it to your children to go after your goals and dreams. How do you tell your kids to go after their dreams if you didn't?
Courtesy of Tabia Charles-Collins
"More than anything, you owe it to your children to go after your goals and dreams. How do you tell your kids to go after their dreams if you didn't?"
Do you think it’s important to keep your personal and professional life separate? Why or why not?
Well, to be honest, I guess it depends on your line of business. There's a lot of crossover in my business and personal life and it works for me. I want to be as authentic as I can in my personal life so that people can truly know the person behind the brand.
What advice do you have when it comes to time management as a mogul mommy?
Time management is key! Get a scheduler and a notebook to write EVERYTHING down. As moms, we are so busy balancing the daily tasks necessary to raise our children, that we often forget about the other priorities we have (i.e. meetings, appointments, deadlines). I often times post up sticky notes with important information that I need to remember. Another important thing I will advise is not to take on too much. I'm learning now it's OK to say, "No, not right now." We can't spread ourselves too thin. We need to leave some time aside for ourselves.
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
Financial planning is something I'm getting much better at. It is so important to ensure that my children have a savings account, education plan, and life insurance. Also, it's important that my husband and I have funds that we can dip into if anything important comes up. It's not always easy putting money aside when you're investing into your business while still paying mortgage, bills etc, but we gotta have funds for emergencies and enough funds to be able to put our children in extracurricular activities. Even if you can only put away $10 a week, do it! You gotta start somewhere.
You can keep up with Tabia on Instagram and check out all of the dope pieces from Anisah by Tabia Charles here!
Featured image courtesy of Tabia Charles-Collins.
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The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
This is an intro, so I don’t have a lot of time to get into why marrying someone who has been married before will absolutely never be an option for me (unless they are a widow) and honestly, because neither one of them has yet to jump a broom, I think that’s why there is still a part of us who romanticizes the notion that life may someday cultivate another chance for us. I don’t know — I’ve been humbled enough by his fineness and our undeniable chemistry to not pull a Brandy and “never say never” anymore (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
For now, I’ll just say that I’m only sharing all of this because of something that he — and many other men in my world over the course of my life — has said to me before: “I’ve only really loved you and one other woman”…and trust me, there have been MANY, so that statement is…something.
That’s why the man’s first love theory, something that has been generating quite a bit of chatter on social media these past few months, has intrigued me so. Because, even as a woman, I believe that men don’t “fall in love with love” that often. Not only that but, contrary to a lot of rambling gibberish that I oftentimes see on TikTok and Instagram, I also believe that when easily 80 percent of men genuinely love a woman, they take it far more seriously than they are given credit for.
Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, though. Let’s first unpack what the “theory” is all about and then hear what 10 men have to say about it all.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
First, What Is the “Man’s First Love” Theory?
@jayoffline♬ original sound - JB
Honestly, what this guy just said pretty much covers the theory in a nutshell: once a man has experienced true love for the first time, it’s hard for him to ever fully shake it. Okay, but what intel is there to support this notion beyond his post?
Well, a USA Today article on the topic said that this could be true due to the fact that since men are typically not encouraged to process their emotions in the same way that women are, that could be why their first love oftentimes has such a lasting impact on them. Beyond that, I once watched a social media post where a man said that since men are called to provide and protect and women expect men to do that, men love women like they do their daughters while women love men like they do their fathers — and since fathers are (mentally and emotionally) expected to die before daughters, that’s why men and women process love differently in the sense that women can see love ending and surviving it while men? Not so much. Pretty deep, right?
And I mean, the mere fact that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women? That may help to prove that perspective to be pretty accurate (just sayin’). There’s also scientific research that says women tend to experience love more than men and that women tend to “fall out of love” before men do, although, interestingly enough, men reportedly “fall in love” faster than women and say “I love you” three times quicker (bet y’all didn’t see that last part coming).
What do I think personally? Well, I do think that women are oftentimes more relationship-minded and driven than men which makes sense when you think about the fact that we have a strong nurturing gene within us — and because of that, we’re probably more intentional about having a serious relationship and even more resilient should said-relationship come to an end.
On the flip side, I have talked to so many men about this topic over time that I will stand 10 toes down that I think that when it comes to real, genuine, and lasting love, most men probably have three of those max: their first love, their wife and perhaps someone in between or after (should the marriage end).
That’s just my thoughts on all of this, though. And so, I decided to actually ask 10 guys — guys with different relationship statuses — to share with me what they think about the man’s first love theory…based on what they believe and how they now feel about their own first love.
Here’s what they had to say.
Giphy1. Elijah. 29. Single.
“I was late to the game when it comes to love. My first love was in college and she almost ruined my life. Not because she was a bad person — I just had never felt that way about anyone, so it was hard for me to focus on school, I was thinking about changing my plans to follow her around the country and I was even losing some of who I was to make the relationship work. Social media will have you thinking that men don’t know how to love when the truth is that when we fall, we fall hard and if it was painful, we’re just not in a rush to do it again. We’re capable. We just don’t want to be martyrs.”
2. Ian. 30. Engaged.
“My first love was my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until I got with my fiancée now that I realized that I really did compare every woman after [my first love]to her. That wasn’t fair or even healthy but until her, I had never really seen women on such an ‘all in’ way and, since she broke up with me, it’s not like I had wanted the love to end. Men don’t just not forget their first love, the way that they look at other women is influenced by her. Guys who deny that are lying.”
Giphy3. Yosef. 25. Dating.
“The timing of this conversation is strange because I’m wondering if I’m about to have a first love now. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and even though it’s not serious and there is no title, I can’t get her off of my mind. In high school, there was nothing serious. In college, things stayed casual because I was focused on getting out. Now, I’m ready to consider a relationship and this girl has me seeing women really differently. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Is that what having a first love is like?”
4. Claude. 45. Married.
“My first love experience is something that I still try to figure out because my actual first love and my wife are very different women — and when I met my wife, it made me wonder if my first love was the real thing. It’s not because I don’t think that my first love experience wasn’t real or even valid but the way I feel about my wife is so much more. I guess what I will say is, if nothing else, men will always be impacted by their first love — and if it was a good situation, they will be grateful that it happened.”
Giphy5. Mykal. 33. Single.
“I totally agree with the theory that men don’t fall in love often. For what? What women don’t think about is, once we love you, we don’t have plans to leave. That’s why many men have stories of things that they put up with, too often and too long, because what comes with our love is loyalty. First loves can make or break us — that’s how crucial they are. Only women would challenge that. Guys know.”
6. Jackai. 37. In a Serious Relationship.
“My first love broke my heart and that had me on the war path for a long time. I don’t think women get that once we love you, we see you as perfection and don’t even consider that you will do something that will change that. Once it happens, it shakes us to where either we avoid relationships or we keep things very shallow and surface. While y’all are talking about all we think about is sex, what usually is happening is a guy who is still trying to get over his ex.”
Giphy7. Dorian. 39. Dating.
“Funny, because I just talked to my first love recently. Whenever either one of us makes a big life decision, we reach out to update each other. I think it’s because, when we were together, we consulted each other a lot. Anyway, I think that answers your question: men are connected to their first love, one way or another. It’s a space that no one can really compete with. That’s just the way it is.”
8. Franklin. 28. Single.
“Whenever I think about my first love, I’m pissed. She cheated on me and I never saw that coming. It has taken me a long time to believe that all women aren’t like her because when you tell a woman that you love her and she says it back, you don’t even comprehend that she could hurt you. Women don’t get how serious men are about love when it happens…that’s why it doesn’t happen a lot.”
lee daniels GIF by Empire FOX - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy9. Cael. 42. Married.
“I’m lucky to say that I married my first love. It took us forever to get to that point because we’ve known each other since our freshman year in college. We dated for a year and broke up. After graduation, she moved away and got engaged while I dated someone for a few years. We always stayed in touch and when she ended her engagement, we talked more often. I always compared other women to her because she’s my favorite person. We’ve been married for eight years now. Marrying your first love is a pure experience.”
10. Westyn. 30. In a Serious Relationship.
“Your first introduction to anything is going to make up the fabric of who you are. How much you allow that to change you is a choice. A lot about how we love is a choice. But to say that a first love isn’t in the top five as far as life-altering matters? How could it not be? It teaches you about love for the first time. I don’t think any human, not just men, can forget something like that.”
____
You know what I appreciated so much about these answers? It’s because each man expressed that, yes, love is a very real thing to and for them, and their first time learning about it in a romantic way, it did indeed transform them on some level.
And that’s why, personally, I don’t think that the man’s first love theory is a mere theory at all. Men do love — and they love pretty hard whenever it happens. Especially when it transpires for the first time.
As you just saw.
“Theory” proven.
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