Let This Valentine's Day Be When You Write Him A 'Sex Love Letter'

Don’t Let Technology Talk You Out of Writing a Letter. Here’s Why.

My godchildren’s mother must have stock in Hallmark because, if there is one thing that she is going to do, it is send cards while making sure that her daughters do the same. It’s a great practice, one that I remember doing while I was growing up as well. Since my mother kept some of the ones that I sent to my grandparents when I was little, it’s actually a great memory to look back on (via photo albums). However, beyond taking a walk down memory lane, there are other reasons why writing a letter is a beautiful gesture.

For instance, when you think about shooting someone a quick text — really, who benefits more? If you’re really honest with yourself, it’s probably you because texting is convenient and saves a lot of time. And that’s just my point. Handwriting a letter? It requires you making the time to share your thoughts and feelings and who doesn’t want to feel like someone values them enough to spend time that they won’t ever get back on them?

Another reason why writing a letter is bomb is because, something that I will sometimes recommend that my clients do, is write letters to each other, even if/though they live in the same house.

Handwritten letters give you the opportunity to really think about what you want to say which ultimately tends to make the messages a lot more meaningful. Something else that’s wonderful about letter writing is you can put so many personal touches on it — from the stationery that you choose to the scent that you put on the paper to whether you want your words to be in print or you’d prefer to pen them in cursive.

And then, there’s a reason that’s tied to a sappy film that I just watched (again) on Tubi over this past weekend — a romantic movie that I can’t freakin believe turns 15 this year (what is time, people?!): Dear John (Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried). Definitely one of the elements that made it so sweet and precious to watch was the fact that John (Tatum) and Savannah (Seyfried) spent an entire year writing letters back and forth to one another while he was on military assignment.

How can you not feel loved when someone puts in that kind of effort? Yeah, folks don’t handwrite letters like they used to — that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t, though.

How a Handwritten Love Letter Can Benefit Your Relationship

Although probably no one can be absolutely certain about the origin story of a love letter, I do like that one article that I checked out said that probably the Song of Solomon is probably a good place to start. If you’ve ever checked some of those chapters out, the words are poetic, sensual and even intense at times. And even though other love letters that followed may have been due to the fact that distance prevented couples from being able to talk face-to-face, let’s not act like history doesn’t also tell us that love letters were a form of wooing. It is a way of documenting your interest, affection, admiration and desire for the one you care so deeply for.

Something else that’s dope about love letters is it’s a way to document the journey of your relationship with someone — it’s also a solid way to hold yourself accountable to the words that you speak. Case in point: something that I oftentimes advise my clients to do is jot down a list of 10-20 things that made them choose their partner. Then I ask them to post it somewhere where they and their partner can see it on a daily basis (like a bathroom mirror or kitchen’s refrigerator). That way, on the not-so-great days, they can refer to the list and remember to see things from a broader perspective than how they may be feeling at the moment — and that can help to reignite their feelings so that they can get back on track.

One more beautiful thing about love letters? It can help you to express your love for your partner in a way that you may not be able to otherwise. While, in a conversation, you might simply say, “I love you,” in a letter, you probably will be more compelled to expound upon why — and that can make you feel more confident in the relationship while affirming your partner at the same time. Perfect.

What I’m basically saying here is that a love letter can plant seeds in your relationship that will flourish in ways that you couldn’t even imagine at the time that you actually wrote it. And if it can do all of that…imagine what a SEX LOVE LETTER is able to do.

What’s the Difference Between a Love Letter and a Sex Love Letter?

Although, on the surface, I’m sure you get that a “regular” love letter is about mostly about love while a sex love letter is pretty much about sex — the thing that I really want you to get is that the focus of the latter needs to be about how you feel about your sex life with your partner through the lens of love. To make this make more sense, I’m going to use synonyms for love that can be applied to sex:

• What do you especially APPRECIATE about the intimacy that you share with him?
• What EMOTIONS do you feel while you’re having sex with each other?
• What drives your PASSION for him?
• What do you CHERISH the most about your moments, in bed, together?
• What about his body do you RELISH?
• When you think about him, what causes you to have feelings of LUST?
• Is he a TENDER kisser or lover? If so, expound on that.
• What happens during sex that you really LIKE?
• What about him, sexually, are you PARTIAL to above all others?
• What about sex, with him, do you ENJOY the most?

See…a sex love letter. If you answer these 10 questions, in your own words, on some pretty stationery, that has a scent that he adores (or arouses him like a blend of lavender and pumpkin), and maybe you even put a sexy pair of thongs into the envelope and then mail it to him (my personal favorite) or put it under his pillowcase, on his car seat or in his gym bag — how could your man not feel seen, wanted and even respected, even sexually, by you? And how could that not make this a very special Valentine’s Day?

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I will never forget when a husband once told me that the best thing that his wife ever did for him was present a set of flashcards that had nothing but positive adjectives to describe how she felt about him: “Women don’t get the power of their words sometimes. They really can build or kill.”

This Valentine’s Day, “build your man up” by letting him know, lovingly, what intimacy with him truly means to you. You never know how he will return the favor.

In my experience, when a man is celebrated in this way…it is oftentimes…TENFOLD.

In and out of the bedroom. #wink

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