
Hands down, sex is one of the greatest things that life has to offer. Anyone who's had some great sex before can 1000 percent vouch for that. And while the act itself is fantastically bar none, all on its own, if you've been with your partner for a while and/or you're someone who likes to be sexually spontaneous as much as possible, it can only help your bedroom (or wherever you prefer to have sex) experiences to be intentional about finding ways to make things feel exciting and new.
That's why, every time a new season rolls around, I try and find a way to give some sex tips that directly apply to it. This time last year, I wrote, "Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex". This year, since Halloween is one of the two main holidays that autumn has to offer, I thought I'd share a few ways to incorporate it into your sex life—whether you plan on going trick-or-treating this year or not.
1. Send Trick-or-Treat Texts Throughout the Day
Something that most men and women are able to agree on is sex isn't just about the meshing of bodies. It's also about connecting on a mental level. One way to flirt with your partner, in the hours leading into Halloween, is to send them some trick-or-treat texts; only, make sure they come with a bit of a twist. Customarily, Halloween tricks come in a form of some sort of mischief, so you can ask your partner a trivia question about your relationship or even about your sex life or particular turn-ons. Treats are traditionally given in the form of candy or money. So, if your partner gets the answer right, you can reward them with either or both.
For instance, you can shoot a text during their lunch hour asking them, "trick or treat?" If they say trick, respond with, "What's my favorite sex position?" If they get the answer right, let them know that their favorite candy will be placed…on a very intimate part of their body, in order for you to lick it off. If they get the answer wrong, they have to "treat you" instead.
2. Get Some Pumpkin-Scented Soy Candles
It's kind of hard to imagine Halloween without a pumpkin being around somewhere. Well, here's the thing about pumpkins as it specifically relates to sex—I've shared before that there are studies to support that when a man catches a whiff of the pumpkin scent (especially when it is mixed with lavender), he gets aroused 40 percent faster than other smells. So, why not turn off all the overhead lighting and light up some pumpkin-scented soy ("soy" because they burn longer and cleaner) candles?
If you want to create an authentic Halloween theme, you can even put the candles inside of a jack-o'-lantern or two. And if you really wanna set off the Halloween theme right, you can make some edible webs outta cotton candy too (click here or here for step-by-step instructions).
3. Also, Get Some Pumpkin (and Lavender) Essential Oil
If it's been a minute since you and/or your partner has had a nice and soothing massage, create your own massage oil by adding some pumpkin and lavender essential oil to a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado or jojoba oil. Put between 5-7 drops of each oil, per 1/3 cup of carrier oil, and zap the combo in your microwave for around 15-20 seconds. Things will be popping up, all over the place, the moment you apply the oil…if you know what I mean. #wink
4. Make Some Liquor-Filled Chocolates
What would Halloween be without bringing some chocolate into the mix? Not only does it taste great, but since it's a food that has phenylethylamine and serotonin in it, and since those are chemicals that are considered to be mood boosters and sexual stimulants, chocolate also makes the list of being an aphrodisiac; especially if it's dark chocolate.
This year, rather than just eating a Kit-Kat and calling it a day, surprise your partner by making some liquor-filled chocolate candies (you know, since alcohol is one way to totally turn up the dial on a lit sexual evening). While it might sound a little complex at first, after checking out a couple of recipes (here and here), you might find that this is something you'll wanna do year-round.
5. Serve Up a Lil’ Jekyll & Gin Glowing Cocktails
In sticking with the Halloween and alcohol theme, how about making a couple of Jekyll & Gin Glowing Cocktails? They're super easy to make. All you need is some gin, grenadine, lemon juice, lemon/lime soda and ice. What I like about this particular drink is, if you shine a black light on it, it'll literally glow in the dark. As far as where to find a blacklight, your local Walmart is one of the many places that carries them.
(By the way, the recipe calls for tonic water but that can actually tank a man's libido; swap it out with something like Sprite and you'll be all good. You can cop the recipe here).
6. Dress Up
Something that Halloween and people who have a healthy sexy life tend to have in common is fantasy is incorporated quite a bit. This Halloween, bring some newness into your boudoir by dressing up. It can be in a costume or it can be simply taking your lingerie game to a whole 'nother level. While you're at it, ask your partner about a fantasy they have that has yet to be fulfilled. You rolling up, as fine as you wanna be, with you both having a mutual desire to make a couple of sex fantasies come true, could easily turn Halloween into your favorite holiday of all-time!
7. Do Some Neck Biting (Well, Kinda)
When it comes to getting and keeping you and your partner in the mood, enough can't be said about foreplay. A part of being a foreplay master is making sure to hit the right spots which are oftentimes known as erogenous zones or pressure points. Well, a place that is especially sensitive is the neck. In fact, if you Google other articles on this particular topic, you're gonna be hard-pressed to not see the neck come up. It's sensitive. It's sexy. And it's one of the true hot spots for arousal for both men as well as women.
And since vampires are something that often come to mind during this particular holiday, don't just kiss the neck—do some light nibbling too. If you add a little bit of cinnamon oil to the area first, it will provide a warm tingle for your partner and a hint of spicy sweetness for you.
8. Go Apple Bobbing (Again…Well, Kinda)
Here's some of y'all's something new for the day, I'm sure. Did you know that apple bobbing (you know, when folks put their head into a bucket of water, in the attempts of getting an apple out) is tied to a female fertility ritual? Not only that but, on the sex tip, apple bobbing can be another way to refer to fellatio. Plus (get this), it can also be when a man inserts a piece of an apple out of a woman and tries to get it out with his mouth. While I'm all for folks having a true adventurous time, putting actual food into your vagina can be a bit risky (especially if you're unable to get it all out). However, a nice alternative is to get your hands on some apple-flavored lubricant that you and your partner can put on your genitalia. Consider it apple bobbing—with a twist.
9. Incorporate Favorite Candies into Foreplay
If you don't have a massage oil candle, why the heck not? There is something that is super sensual about dripping hot wax onto your partner and having them return the favor. For Halloween, rather than going with a candle, how about bringing some of your favorite candies, along with a lighter, into the mix? Whether it's a Starburst, a Snickers bar or (ugh, why Lord, why?!) some candy corn—it's a sweeter take on the massage candle theme. It'll open your eyes to enjoy candy in a totally erotic kind of way.
10. Surprise Your Partner in the Middle of the Night
Halloween is alright in the day, but it's not until after the sun sets that things really get mysterious…fun…interesting. Even if you and your partner go around before turning in at night, go for a surprise second round in the middle of the night. Whether it's full-on intercourse, a quickie or oral sex, it'll be the kind of treat that will make you both glad that you decided to put a sexual twist onto Halloween this year. No doubt about it. Happy Halloween, y'all. Enjoy it to the (sexual) fullest!
Featured image by GIFS
Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
These Black Women Left Their Jobs To Turn Their Wildest Dreams Into Reality
“I’m too big for a f***ing cubicle!” Those thoughts motivated Randi O to kiss her 9 to 5 goodbye and step into her dreams of becoming a full-time social media entrepreneur. She now owns Randi O P&R. Gabrielle, the founder of Raw Honey, was moving from state to state for her corporate job, and every time she packed her suitcases for a new zip code, she regretted the loss of community and the distance in her friendships. So she created a safe haven and village for queer Black people in New York.
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.

Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.

Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.

Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023









