Any time I scroll past a social media post that makes fun of men who play video games, I always chuckle. I’m tellin’ y’all — although social media definitely has some pros, the list of cons is pretty endless as well. And one of them that really drives me up the wall is how much misinformation is spoken so boldly…and incorrectly…as if Google is not just one browser away. SMDH.
When it comes to video games, specifically, contrary to popular belief/assumption/opinion, especially among many women, there are several benefits that come from playing them.
Video games boost one’s cognitive abilities. Video games help you to effectively multitask. Video games can bring relief to symptoms that are associated with depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Video games can also help to improve your memory, make you a better decision maker and problem solver; plus, they can put and keep you in a better mood. Yeah, as I oftentimes tell some of my wife clients, “While you’re complaining about that video game that he’s on, he’s probably trying to figure out the monthly budget while he’s playing. Chill.”
Anyway, I actually thought that sharing that bit of food for thought would be quite fitting since, today, we’re going to touch on a sex technique which uses a word that is oftentimes utilized in video games: a joystick. In fact, as life would have it, Logitech actually makes a joystick (that you can see here) that bears an uncanny resemblance to the male body part that we’re going to focus on (hmm…).
And so, whether you play video games or not, here’s a sex-theme technique that will make you come off like a pro joystick pro…umm, in another non-video-playing-yet-hella-stimulating kind of way. #wink
The Joystick Method: Here’s the Breakdown
GiphyI enjoy watching Black web series on YouTube from time to time. One from back in the day is 2kLifeTV’s Diary of a Cheating Man (which happens to be a series that I believe I’ve shouted out before). Anyway, in episode two (entitled Shaunte), the main character, Corey, runs into a closet after finding out that a woman who he is sleeping with is cheating on her boyfriend, and the guy unexpectedly drops by.
A line that Corey says while hiding off in the closet scene explains perfectly what the Joystick Method is: “I can’t lie, though. I understand why dude is overprotective. It’s hard to find a girl who can do the twisty hand thing when she gives you head.” So true, so true — or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. LOL.
And yes, in a nutshell, that’s what the Joystick Method is all about: it’s about maneuvering your hands, while performing fellatio on your partner, in such a way that you can alter the sensation and level of intensity that he’s experiencing in the process.
And since reportedly, 80 percent of people enjoy oral sex, almost 74 find it to be a fun activity and, on average, people engage in fellatio and/or cunnilingus around five time a month (is that it?!), it can never hurt to bring some new techniques into that particular act.
Although the Joystick Method itself kind of leaves the option open for you and your partner to explore how to “move his joystick” around, experts of the act say that it is a good idea to accompany the movements with eye contact and sound effects. The eye contact is so that the two of you can feel intensely connected; the sound effects can help to stimulate you both on an audible level, since sex has a way of arousing all five senses (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”).
My thoughts? Well, since the main thing — on you, that is — that the Joystick Method hones in on is your hand(s), I wanted to share a few things that you can do with them that will cause your partner to get damn near turned out…just by applying the Joystick Method alone.
1. Gently Squeeze His Shaft
GiphyRemember that when a man becomes sexually aroused, blood will rush down to his penis and cause an erection. And although that makes his penis hard, it can also be quite sensitive to the touch as well. This is why gently gripping his shaft and then squeezing and releasing can provide an amazing sensation, especially while you are giving him head simultaneously.
2. Caress the Underside of His Penis with Your Index Finger
GiphyThe technical term for the tip of a man’s penis is glans or glans penis. Due to all of the nerve endings that are in it, it’s considered to be the most sensitive part of a penis overall. So, just imagine how a man feels when you use your index finger to gently stroke the underside of his shaft as you’re licking or sucking the glans too. I’m sayin’.
3. Massage His Testicles
GiphyAsk any man who’s been hit in his testicles (i.e., balls) before, and he’s going to tell you that it’s one of the worst pains that any guy will feel in his lifetime. The main reason why is because not only do testicles have a ton of nerve endings inside of them, but some of those nerves and tissues are shared between their scrotum (the place that houses testicles) and abdomen (which is why sometimes they can feel the uncomfortable sensation in their stomach).
Oh, but when you take the massage approach to those bad boys, that can stimulate, de-stress, and increase blood flow, which, in turn, can intensify his orgasms. Definitely another awesome fellatio 2.0 tip to keep in mind.
4. Create a “Hot Dog Bun” with ‘Em
GiphySpeaking of testicles — when’s the last time that you’ve caressed your partner’s scrotum in such a way that each one lands on one side of his shaft in order to create what looks a bit like a hot dog in a bun? If you hold his testicles like that and act like you are literally eating a hot dog (sans the teeth)…listen, just do it and then report back. #wink
5. Play Around with Some Cold Therapy Gloves
GiphySomething else that can have your man climbing the walls is bringing temperature play into the mix (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”). Since, again, what we’re mostly focusing on is the hands, why not invest in a pair of gel hot and cold gloves (like this set here)? You can either toss them into the freezer or microwave to make them the temperature that you want — and that will take the Joystick Method to a whole ‘nother level, chile.
BONUS: If He’s Uncircumcised, Pull the Foreskin Back (a Bit)
GiphyOne day, very soon, I’m going to write an article on uncircumcised/uncut men to address some of the myths and ridiculousness that is centered around them (for instance, your clitoral hood is basically the female version of the foreskin of an uncircumcised man). For now, I’ll just say that if you do have a partner who still has his foreskin intact, give thanks in the sense that those guys reportedly have the ability to give women more orgasms than circumcised/cut men do.
And a way to show your appreciation? GENTLY pull his foreskin back a bit during fellatio; that way, his glans can feel the warmth and sensation of your mouth more easily and better.
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Ah, the Joystick Method. My two cents? If your partner is an avid video game player, put on some lingerie (check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type”) and ask him if you can play with him one night (that’s already gonna be a form of foreplay for him — LOL). Find a game that requires a joystick and slowly and sensually transition from the game to him (if you know what I mean).
He will never see a joystick in the same way again. Perfect. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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