This week, rumors surfaced that rapper Big Sean got cozy with former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger and his girl, songstress Jhene Aiko is not with the drama. She took to Twitter to denounce the rumors and affirm that everything is good in the hood with her and her boo. Big Sean validated that their home was un-wrecked and still happy in a comment under one of his Instagram posts:
"It's not true at all. Y'all wasted no time though telling me how much I ain't s–t tho with no doubt in your mind…cause the internet said so? Thanks for the support."
Aiko and the rapper first announced their relationship after she ended her marriage with producer Dot da Genius in 2016. Since the beginning, the relationship between them has been extremely public. The pair have a group together (TWENTY88) and are often seen and photographed together, sometimes even color-coordinated, thanks in part to their shared stylist Ade Samuel.
Aiko is candid about her thirst for her man, sometimes even leaving freaky messages in his comment section. In 2017, the singer even got Big Sean's face tatted on her to commemorate her divorce being finalized, so he knows it's real.
We live in the age of reality TV, where the public is able to speculate and voice their opinions about relationships based only on what they know from social media; in Aiko's case, social media claims to know a lot. Tabloids have gone as far as to involve Big Seans ex, Ariana Grande, and spout conjectures about a potential break-up.
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for FENTY PUMA By Rihanna
Though none of this information has been confirmed, it has to be hard on the couple to maintain a relationship with everyone in their business.
We all know the story: boy meets girl, they fall in love and post it all over the 'gram. Social media has become a huge part of our lives and our experiences in relationships. The easy access of information that Twitter, SnapChat, and Twitter provide fertile ground for misinformation.
There is a notable difference between couples who choose to keep what's personal, private and couples who put their relationship on display to the world via social media. Remember that quality time is much more important that the quantity of times you appear on your man's Instagram.
Here are three rules to live by when it comes to your boo and social media:
Keep your arguments private.
In a relationship, you have disagreements and words get thrown around that you don't mean. You may forget and forgive your boo for reckless posting, but the internet wont. I was always told to keep arguments private because your family and friends will hold a grudge long after you let it go.
Understand the difference between sacred and secret.
When we feel that a relationship is growing or thriving, it's almost instinctual to show ownership on social media by changing your relationship status or posting a pic. Our social media-centric generation has created a culture that says that if your partner is not publicly claiming you on social media that your relationship is not really valid, they must be hiding something or hiding you from someone. On the other hand, how can you keep a relationship between two people truly sacred if the rest of the world is involved in your codevelopment? The key is to find balance. Showing off your love on social media can be a sign of affection as long as you keep what's personal, private.
#Relationshipgoals aren't reality.
So often, we forget that what happens on social media does not equate to reality. Just because someone posts a lot of pictures online doesn't mean they're happy in real life. What many of us often forget about a picture is that it can be painted to look pretty and it often isn't reflective of the whole story. Keep in mind that the grass is always greener on the other side, and try not to compare your relationship to the ones you see on social media.
Everything that glitters ain't gold baby.
Featured image via Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for FENTY PUMA By Rihanna
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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