Remember That Elite Dating App From 'Insecure'? I Tried It .
Issa Rae's Insecure has been taking millennial, men and women alike, to church for the past few summers. Mostly because it's a representation of us and how we date and how we do life that is more accurate than most. It's the most authentic show that the black community has received in quite some time and it shows.
So in season one when Molly was simultaneously trying to fix her broken pussy and prove to Issa that being single was not where it was at, she made mention of a dating app that many of us had never heard of before: The League. An alternative to the other mediocre dating apps that we are aware of, but especially Tinder which Molly refers to as a "fuck app."
Something like those inconspicuous 555-5555 phone numbers your favorite shows of the 90s and early 00s would give out, many of us weren't sure that this elite dating app actually existed until we were. Curious, I made it my business to try this app that was only for professionals (it even connects to your LinkedIn) — a truly elite concept. And, not going to lie, a standard that sits damn-high on my list with a handful of exceptions is a man who is career-oriented.
I reached out to the League and was able to bypass with mile-long waitlist with these xoConnects — not even going to hold any of you up, let's just keep it all the way real. And while in theory the app would be great, I'm almost positive that Insecure took creative license with the fish Molly was catching using this app (in that they were all black men). Spoiler alert: That was not my experience.
The Cons
Let's start with the bad and just rip the bandaid off. When or if you decide to use The League, you might be surprised by the lack of black or brown prospects at your fingertips. As an elite dating app, there are a handful of possibilities to consider. So here it is: 1) as a people, we don't have the resources to frequently become the "elite" and thus there aren't nearly enough of us to use this app in hopes of finding #BlackLove. Although growing, we know that the ratio of institutionally educated black men to women is off kilter and it shows when you're using the app. 2) We know based on OkCupid's 2014 finding that Black women are the least desired amongst all races of men, including our own. And if this app is further indication, well then, the odds are only further stacked against us, me, we.
While I wouldn't go as far as to say that the app marginalizes users of color because that is beyond them, its elite touch serves as a bigger reminder of the prejudices held against black women and the difficulty that comes attached to our prematurely marginalized identity. And I was not someone who was only seeking out black men, but as a natural black girl, I can't say that this was my crowd. The reality is, to fit into elite crowds we are asked to do away with features such as natural hair and that translates to the microcosm of the world that is dating apps.
I also would like to throw out there that I was on the app consistently for a month (while they suggest spending three months on the app); nonetheless during my time, no dates came to fruition. Most of the men I matched with were stiff and the dialogue felt forced, as in I am of the belief that a person who is interested will not leave me on "Read" for days and then come back to the dialogue multiple times. Which is fine, it simply means we didn't vibe and that's bound to happen.
The Pros
What the app gets right is that in asking users to pay for a better experience, you are absolutely weeding out the weak links from the winners because anyone who is not serious about dating in a promising way is not coughing up membership fees to utilize a dating app. Most might find the membership fee steep, but quite frankly it wouldn't be an elite dating app experience if the price didn't say so. Oftentimes, we don't see things as "elite" until the price point parallels the very definition of that and The League is no different than that in this right.
Furthermore, the way they hold users accountable by revoking privileges and membership when you've been inactive is another hurdle that weeds out the clowns and clownettes of the dating pool. This can feel both overwhelming but also exciting because you are only able to swipe on five people per day--leaving you with something to look forward to and a reason to return. New swipes are available at the cost of tickets (which can be purchased) or the next day at 5 o'clock i.e. Happy Hour.
But the best part is the concierge, who not only is there to gently nudge you when you have been inactive, but also provides personal customer service to help you create a profile that is worthy and winning. I took advantage of this element asking my concierge for tips on how to improve and took any feedback they provided to up my odds.
The algorithm, according to my concierge, is able to prioritize traits like humor and even better users who have six clear pics of themselves -- eliminating the hella annoying crowd who enjoy using group photos on their dating profile that have us stuck and confused like this:
They also provide a community of people with groups and local events that allow users to create meetups of their fellow league members. This brings back the traditional and desired, but nearly obsolete element in modern dating which is the potential to meet and connect with people in real life.
As someone who feels conflicted, I feel unsure about what platform best serves my generation as we seek out romance that lasts more than a few pumps.
I would say that The League has the potential to be the Match.com of elite millennials, bringing the modern to the Matches of the world. Perhaps as they become more known to black and brown elite communities, the potential for matches will increase, making for a higher rate of matching. As it stands, the app only serves a handful of communities but works efficiently to do roll outs in more cities each day.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Chilli Dishes On Her Drama-Free Dynamic With Matthew Lawrence And No Longer Fearing Marriage
Chilli may be preparing to walk down the aisle soon. The TLC singer has been dating actor Matthew Lawrence since 2022, and the two seem to be going strong. Chilli dished on her relationship with the Boy Meets World star during her visit to Fox 5’s talk show Portia. “This is the first time that we have both experienced being in a relationship to where, I mean—there's no drama at all. We get along, and we have differences but we, still to this day, we've never had an argument,” she said of their drama-free dynamic. “I don't even understand why we would have to have an argument in the first place.”
The “Waterfalls” singer also revealed that since dating her beau, she no longer has a fear of marriage. “I do not. I don't have any fear at all when it comes to him,” she said. “It is just the way he is as a man, you know? He is a good guy. He has an amazing heart, and I mean, he checks off all of my list except for a few I don't know yet—’til we get married.”
Chilli and Matthew's relationship may be taking another significant step in the future. In a 2023 interview with ET, Matthew shared their potential plans for children. "That's the game plan. That's what we're trying to do," he disclosed. This news is particularly exciting as Chilli already has a son named Tron with music producer Dallas Austin, and the prospect of expanding her family adds a new dimension to her relationship with Matthew.
While Chilli is known as a legend in music, her dating life often takes center stage. But that’s what happens when you’re linked to some powerful men. Here’s a look back at Chilli’s dating history.
Dallas Austin
The “No Scrubs” singer dated the super producer throughout the ‘90s, and he produced many songs for her group, such as “Creep” and “Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg.” The two welcomed their son in 1997 and shortly parted afterward. Their relationship was documented in the VH1 TLC documentary Crazy, Sexy, Cool.
Usher
Usher and Chilli
Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
Usher and Chilli are probably each other’s most famous relationship. The former couple, which is still talked about to this day, were together from 2001-2004. They were still in touch over the years, but the “Unpretty” artist said she finally stopped all contact 15 years later.
Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Chilli and Floyd Mayweather Jr. sparked dating rumors after he appeared on her VH1 reality TV show What Chilli Wants in 2010. While the two looked really chummy on the show, the “Diggin On You” singer denied that they were ever romantically involved.
Nick Cannon
In 2016, Chilli and Nick Cannon were rumored to be dating. The Masked Singer host gushed about the mother of one in an interview with E! News. "She's amazing," he said about Chilli. "She's an outstanding person, but you gotta ask her what's going on." He later clarified that they were friends and he’d “be so lucky to be able to...be called dating someone like that."
Matthew Lawrence
Chilli and Matthew Lawrence have been together since 2022, and they sometimes give us glimpses into their relationship on social media. We can’t wait to see what the beautiful couple has in store for the future.
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Feature image by John Parra/Getty Images for Sandals Resorts