How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
In 2005, Keyshia Cole's hit single, "Love" hit the airwaves and had everybody and they mama singing off-key. Little did the singer know, a Louisiana love that's more than a decade in the making was actually conceived thanks to one of her concerts in Baton Rouge that same year.
Love is a dangerous game that can either be a whirlwind miracle or hit you like beautiful disaster. NOLA-born bridal coach Pep and her husband, Ebo Holman, met only months before Hurricane Katrina, but not even a storm of the largest magnitude could manage to keep these one-day lovers apart. The couple told xoNecole that they first crossed paths randomly during a casual encounter that would eventually blossom into a lifelong blessing.
I think we all have at least one pair of shoes that are absolutely adorable but impossible to walk in, and in Pep's case, those uncomfortable heels walked her right into the presence of the man she was destined to marry. While waiting for some friends after the concert, she was approached by a handsome stranger with good conversation.
Afterward, the two parted ways, but it wouldn't be long before they reconnected. The couple's hour-long conversation turned into a breakfast date via phone the next morning, but due to the sudden devastation brought on by Hurricane Katrina, it would be months before they went on their first real date. After making it official, they carried this patience into their relationship and waited nearly 10 years to jump the broom.
Although we as women are sometimes quick to put a deadline on relationship milestones, Pep says patience and discernment were the keys to securing the man of her dreams. She told xoNecole, "Some people may feel like it's a waste of time. Maybe maybe not. I also see people date for two years and get divorced by year five. It's really no formula to it. It's just two people who are good for each other and that's the magic sauce. It's not about a time thing, it's about who I want to be with. So often we allow people to tell us where we should be, what we should be doing. And that can really affect us."
What God had his hands on, no man, woman, or natural disaster can get in the way of, and this was especially true for Pep and Ebo who later fell madly in love and made it official in a Nola-Ghanaian fused wedding that nearly broke the internet.
14 years after that Keyshia Cole concert, Pep and Ebo share a home in New Orleans and are still in love. Pep shared, "The more and more I got to know him and I got to know his character, I learned from him. Like how to treat other people, how to be a good gift giver, how to appreciate other people. Then I was like, well this is somebody who I want in my life because he was always showing me different layers of himself, but every layer that I peel back was good. I was just like, fuck that. I'm not letting this person go. So that's why on the inside of my wedding band, I have never let go. Cause I was like, I'm never letting go. This person is mine. This is my person."
The couple recently sat down with me to talk about that fateful night, the 10-year journey to the altar, and how they keep their love alive after more than a decade.
How They Met
Pep: At the time I was doing Army recruiting and I was passing through Baton Rouge, Louisiana. And a friend of mine called and asked did I want to go to a Keyshia Cole concert. And this was in 2005, June 2005. And I said, sure, but I can't drive my government car, so I'll need a ride. So I rode with my friends to the concert. Well because I rode with them, I had to wait for them to finish up. While I was waiting for them, I was standing outside and I heard this guy say, "Oh my God, you're walking gingerly.'" And I said, "Gingerly? Well, at least my toes are done." And he said, "Well, let me see." And then that turned into like a one-hour conversation and he introduced himself. I introduced myself and we talked and we exchanged numbers and that was pretty much how we met.
The Morning After
Ebo: I have a little thing that I do. Like most guys, they wait two days, three days, you know, and people forget you after a while. So I actually called her the next day and asked [if] she wanted to go out to eat, but she was leaving. I was living in Baton Rouge [at the time] and she was leaving to go back to New Orleans. But you know, I kinda like strike while the iron's hot. I don't usually wait for the individual to, you know, forget you. So that was my little thing that I kind of did that I think helped me out.
Pep: Yeah, I think it helped, but what he's not saying that he didn't call me the next day. He called me the next morning like, early in the morning, like rooster early. Like… it was 6 a.m., I thought it was insane. But the crazy part was, that I was actually up because I was driving back. So it's really early and I was actually pulling into Jack In The Box. I was getting some breakfast and he called and I was like, "Okay, who is this?" And he's like, "Oh, this is Ebo. You know, we were talking last night." And I said, "Hello?!" You know, like, are you serious? Why did you call me so early?" He said, "Well, I called you so early so that you wouldn't forget me because I know you probably met other people last night. And I just didn't want you to forget me." And that was like… Oh. And then he said, "I'm thinking just you might be up because you said you were in the army, so I figured you may be a morning person." But I'm not a morning person.
Making It Official
Pep: We made it official Easter 2006 and we were on a trip together. We came in from Baton Rouge and we got a room at the W in New Orleans for Easter weekend and we went out to eat and we were just hanging out. And my mom called and asked like, "Well, what are you doing?" I said, "Well, I'm here, with Ebo. And we're just hanging out." And my mom was like, "Well, what is that? The boyfriend? 'Cause it's a holiday, like you don't just hang out with people unless you really dating them or something like that." And I just was kind of like, "Uh..." and I was looking at him and he was nodding like, "Yeah, we together, right?" And I was like, "Yeah." And that was it. It was like very impromptu and we've been together ever since.
Ebo: Like we really crawled our way even to that point. We talked for a long time, we were just hanging out, we were doing a lot of boyfriend-girlfriend kind of things with no titles. So it was like pretty much like we almost understood in each other's minds, at least my mind until we actually said it out loud.
"We really crawled our way to that point. We talked for a long time, we were just hanging out, we were doing a lot of boyfriend-girlfriend kind of things with no titles. It was like pretty much like we almost understood in each other's minds until we actually said it out loud."
The One
Pep: I don't think it was one moment [that I knew he was the one]. I think it was a series of moments. When I could just be myself more and more and more. And once I was able to really, really, truly be myself, that's when I knew like, 'Okay, this is somebody who I could keep around,' you know? There was a level of consistency with him, like he never changed up. He was always the same person. Like the sun rises every day and it sets every day. I promise you.
"There was a level of consistency with him, like he never changed up. He was always the same person. Like the sun rises every day and it sets every day."
Baggage Claim
Ebo: Well, I mean, there's always going to be some sort of disagreement. We've argued before and it got heated, but it's never anything that's disrespectful and never anything that's a final thought. We're different personalities. I'm calm, she's excited. I'm a slightly neater person. So we have disagreements, but I mean in the grand scheme of things is just common, you're going to have to have disagreements. And you don't try to be hurtful to the individual you love like a stranger on the street. Some people blur those lines and say hurtful things to people that they love. And I think some people treat their loved ones, or their wife, or their girlfriend, like a person on the street and say hurtful things. Why would you do that?
Pep: When you know, when you are arguing with someone, you know your limits. That there are some things you can't come back from. You know, I'm aware that saying certain things could escalate an argument or tiny disagreement to like, something of monumental proportions. So I think when you're having a disagreement with anyone, but especially with your spouse, you just can't say everything that comes to your mind. You just have to just say, you know what, it's just a moment. It'll pass.
Love Lessons
Ebo: Well I would say, take it seriously. I would have friends, they dated for a year or two years, and get married. They treat marriage like they're dating, rather than treating it like it's marriage. It is something different than boyfriend and girlfriend is, it is something different than having a fiance, and a lot of people don't look at it as something different. They look at is like, 'It's my girlfriend part two or an extension of our dating life,' and it's not that.
Pep: Number one, you have to go at your own pace and you set your timeline. So when we were starting out dating, and we didn't get engaged until we had dated for a decade. We dated 10 years, most people would have thrown in the towel. And the people who look at that and say, 'Oh look, I wouldn't date somebody for that long and I wouldn't do this, and I wouldn't do that.' They jumped into a marriage after two years of knowing a person and they jump right back out because they don't even know that person.
So I would say get to know the person. And don't look at the people's relationship and feel like that's what you should be doing based off of what they're doing, or what everybody else's timeline is. And if it takes five years, if it takes two years, if it takes 10 years, that's your business. Nobody else's business, it's yours. Some people may say, 'Y'all had a celebration for your wedding,' and you damn right. We were celebrating being together for a decade and starting a new chapter because we deserved it and we knew each other front and back.
"I would have friends, they dated for a year or two years, and get married. They treat marriage like they're dating, rather than treating it like it's marriage. They look at is like, 'It's my girlfriend part two or an extension of our dating life,' and it's not that."
Building Together
Pep: We have some business ideas that we want to work as husband and wife and we think it would be a great thing for us to work together. I have my business The Bridal Citizen already. We just plan on living and being model citizens. Doing good for our community and giving back. Starting with the one business and keeping it up and going forward.
Ebo: She's the dreamer. I'm kind of like a foundation-type of individual. Like she brings in the ideas. I'm more of like, like stack on stack, on stack, on stack, like a financial foundation. I'm the stable individual. She might come up with an idea for a business and I may say, "Let's buy a property," you know, so it's a yin and yang deal. We have different directions for growth, but we do agree that multiple streams of income in our future is going to be the only way to be comfortable and live a fruitful life.
The Best Part
Ebo: Her lightheartedness. She does things that out of the norm, from just like a random blurting out random like rap verses or something that you don't expect that she will know. Just unexpected humor. That's what I love the most.
Pep: His ability to always move forward. We have had moments that would probably bring most people to their knees because they were so gripping. My dad died, and just other things that have happened to us, you know. There have been times where I was just beside myself, you know, trying to figure out how do I pick up the pieces, how do I move forward? And Ebo has this way of being really, really silent, but really confident. Like it's a quiet confidence that is very comforting and reassuring. It's a quiet, reassuring confidence that he exudes that just lets me know like, okay, we're going to get past it, whatever it is, we're going to be able to get past it. And that is what I appreciate.
This couple proves that true love is definitely worth the wait. You can keep up with Pep and Ebo on Instagram!
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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