You know, life is a funny thing. Back in 2018, when I wrote “I'm Not A Fan Of My BFF's Man - This Is How I Make Our Friendship Work,” although I’m not gonna sit up here and act like I didn’t see signs that divorce could possibly be in her future, it wasn’t like I was hoping for it.
I’m a child of divorce myself, and so, no matter how common it is in our culture, I am aware of the pain that divorce can cause and the damage that it can do. And yet, fast forward to 2024, and here we are — my friend who once had a husband who was more triggering than almost any human I know (what’s wild is damn near everyone in her life has cosigned on that since she’s separated from him), he is now, officially, her former husband… And boy has getting to that point and place with her been a complete roller coaster ride.
You know, when you sign up to be someone’s friend, one thing that comes with that is being supportive. However, that word has so many nuances and layers to it these days that I think it’s important to really unpack what that actually means (check out “What A Supportive Friend Actually Does (It's Not Quite What You Think)”). Although a lot of people’s egos want to believe that support means being told what you want to hear, clapping for decisions even when they are poor ones, or having people have your back to the extent of them breaking their own — that isn’t the case. Not by a long shot.
True support is about being willing to help someone hold their own selves up; it’s about providing encouragement, comfort, and providing assistance in a way that will actually help (help, not coddle) them. And when that support is needed during something as life-altering as a divorce, that can require a lot of prayer, compassion, and forethought…on the person’s support system’s part.
And so, as someone who just recently went through all of this with an individual who is quite dear to me — and also since I’m very aware of the fact that with the divorce rate being as high as it is, most of you will have to experience something similar sooner than later — I wanted to offer up some tips on how you can, yes, support your friend during their time of transition while keeping your sanity, standards and the friendship intact in the process.
(Try to) Put Yourself in Their Shoes
GiphyEmpathy. If anything is on the endangered species list when it comes to relationships these days, this would have to be it. A very basic definition of empathy is having the ability to not just understand but share in how someone feels when they are going through something. This basically means that, by being truly empathetic, you are able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes — or at least, you are intentional about trying to.
When it comes to something like a divorce, because no two marriages are exactly the same, of course, you can’t know exactly what someone else is going through. However, if you’re trying to support a friend who is experiencing one, the key is to imagine how you would feel if your marriage was falling apart. What kind of emotional support would you long for? How would you prefer to be spoken to? Would you want to hear a ton of “I told you so” statements, or would you prefer more questions like, “What can I do to help you get through this?”
Actor Sterling K. Brown once said, “Empathy begins with understanding life from another person's perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality. It's all through our own individual prisms.” Personally, I think there is a lot of truth in those words because, when you choose to try to see things as another sees them, it creates a safer space for them to trust you and for you to be a softer place to land — right when they need it the most.
Draw Firm Boundaries
Giphyhe very day that my friend was officially divorced, she did something that was beyond cyclic, toxic, and counterproductive — on a billion different levels. It honestly had me so baffled that I found myself getting angry because, after years of her talking about how her ex has treated her, why in the world would she tolerate him in the way that she did (I’m leaving details out by design)?! I mean, it had me so heated that I found myself needing to “take off” a few days, communication-wise (when it comes to talking to her) — and that’s how I knew that I was more emotionally invested than I needed to be and it was time to put some boundaries in place…yes, even when it came to our friendship.
When you love someone, it can be very easy to involve and invest yourself in things as if it is your problem when it absolutely isn’t. So, how can you keep yourself in check? Learn the difference between who you are responsible for vs. who you are responsible to.
Me? I adore my friend, I absolutely do. At the same time, she is not my spouse or my child and those would be the only individuals who I would actually be responsible for. So yeah, when I need a break from hearing the cycle, it’s okay to say that. When I find myself getting more upset over her stuff than she seems to be, it’s okay to put limits in place.
And if I need to accept that she’s not me, which means that she’s going to do things differently, it’s okay to not emotionally invest in her situation quite so much — because it would be a damn shame to lose a friend all because the boundaries (or lack thereof) in their life have caused you not to have any in yours…and that has ultimately resulted in bitterness, resentment and/or a total emotional disconnect when it comes to your friendship. Yeah, breaking up with a friend because of how her divorce is going really isn’t worth it.
Be Their Friend. Not Their Therapist.
GiphySpeaking of boundaries, chile, so long as I’m out here coaching couples, this tip right here will probably always be the “thorn in my flesh” that helps to keep me in check — ‘cause y’all, when you’re trying to help a friend through a challenging time, and folks actually pay you to coach or counsel them, it can be really challenging to “get off of the clock” when your friend isn’t also a client. Oh, but it’s a wise thing to do, believe you me.
Case in point: As much as my friend’s former husband irks the entire mess outta me, if there’s one thing that I will forever vouch for him on, it’s the fact that he is hella consistent. And so, when he recently pulled a bona fide “this man right here” (I really want to use the dirty cuss words to illustrate my point and yet, I digress) stunt, although I wasn’t shocked, I was disgusted. However, to be honest, my friend plays a very direct role in “feeding the monster” when it comes to not setting healthy boundaries with him…and that is largely what causes him to do some pretty bold and semi-crazy things.
Anyway, when she shared with me what happened, the first thing I asked her was, “Did you just want me to know, or do you want me to say something?” (more on that in the next tip). My follow-up was, “Have you told your therapist yet?” and boy, was that a freeing question to ask because she’s not paying me to give her insight (let’s start there, chile) and two, because I’m not her therapist, that frees me up from having to invest in the way that a therapist (or life coach) would. Sometimes, I really can just be a listening ear — no more and no less. Sometimes, by accepting that, everyone ends up being less stressed out.
Watch What You Say. Then When You Say It.
GiphyOkay so, for the past 12 years or so (at least), almost all of my friends know that whenever they tell me something that’s totally off-the-chain, I’m gonna be good for asking, “Now, do you want me to be 100 percent Shellie or would you prefer for me to water it down?” I do this because I am a straight-no-chaser, for sure, and while most of the people in my world say that it is something that they appreciate about me, as the old saying goes, “Timing is everything.” Sometimes, what they can hear on one day isn’t what they can handle on another. Why? Because when a friend is going through something like a divorce, they are processing a lot, and that can cause them to be happy at noon on Monday and totally pissed by dinnertime on that same Monday.
And what this means for you is if you say, “Girl, I don’t know why you chose that man in the first place” at noon, she might laugh along while, if you say that very same thing at 6 p.m., here comes the waterworks or personal offenses. Yeah, if there is a silver lining, for you personally, when you’re helping a friend go through a divorce, it’s that you get an accelerated class in learning to read people better, how to use tact even more, and how to master timing in a way that you may have never done before — and those are valuable life lessons, across the board.
Also, Watch Them on the Roller Coaster. Don’t Get on It.
GiphyOne time, when someone in my family was talking about the cyclic drama of another relative, how they said that they chose to deal with it is something that has always stayed with me (and they stated it damn near 20 years ago): “I don’t get on the roller coaster ride. I simply watch them ride it and then dab their brow whenever they choose to get off.” The fun fact here is I told a friend about the convo, and even he was like “dope.” As a result, he put his own spin to it and, in walked India.Arie’s song “Roller Coaster.”
Roller coasters, chile. It can have you all over the place, and if you aren’t prepared for that reality, all of the unexpected shifts and dips can make you sick — on rides and in relationships. And so, on the heels of what I just said about watching your mouth and the timing of your words, it’s important to take these pearls of wisdom to heart, too.
Yeah, just because your friend needs your ear or shoulder or even advice sometimes, and also just because empathy (and compassion) are awesome traits to display during their time of need, you do not have to get as involved as she is — in fact, that’s a surefire way to be out here putting your own needs in jeopardy because you’ve still got other relationships to tend to, responsibilities to take care of and bills to pay. What sense does it make for you both to be damn near basket cases? It absolutely doesn’t.
Listen, there were some days when my friend was so irritated with her ex (especially when they were going through the divorce process) that she would take her frustrations out on me (because if she did it to him, it would make the negotiating process more stressful). Although I understood what was going on, that didn’t mean that I had to take “the lashes” that were deserved by someone else — and so, I told her so. Several times, I said, “Look, we rarely fight unless it has something to do with him, and we’re not going to lose our friendship over that dude. I love you, and I’m hanging up now. Call me when you’re feeling better.”
I made sure that she knew that I wasn’t going to abandon her. I also knew that I wasn’t going to tolerate her beating up on me either. See: watching them on the roller coaster and not getting on it. Brilliant.
Be Patient with THEIR Process
GiphyLove is patient.Oh, if only more folks actually knew what the definition of "patient" actually is — at least in the context of the point that I’m about to make: “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” I’m telling you from very personal and up-close experience that very few things will test the strength of your bond with a friend quite like them (or you) going through a divorce. Why? Because the decision alone is going to impact them to the extent that it makes them a different person on some level. Then you’ve got to add to that the fact that when they change, there can be nuances within your own relationship that may shift as they start to see themselves in a different life and begin to live their life in a different kind of way.
All of this might be hard to hear, and yet, as the saying goes, divorce is indeed a type of death — and death affects everyone differently (the grieving process does, too). That’s why, as I close this out, it’s super important to remember to be patient with your friend as they go through their process. Remain calm. Give them space. Get that some days are going to be better than others. Don’t be so quick to respond or react to everything because again, they are grieving. And know that, as I once heard someone on television say, even despair will eventually exhaust itself.
Will divorce change your friend and, in some ways, even shift certain dynamics of your friendship? Probably. Still, if you practice patience, it can actually make your friendship with your friend stronger…even as their marriage may be falling apart. I am living proof of that.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by JGalione/Getty Images
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
The energy of the year is about wrapping things up, tying up loose ends, and completing one cycle or phase in your life. We close the door to one experience or way of being and enter a new one. A 9 Year pushes us to change and also invites us to nourish in the abundance that has come from such change and efforts.
Astrology’s Blueprint for 2025: Let Go, Level Up, and Thrive
There will be a lot of letting go this year, but these are necessary transitions as we focus on what is essential and a true priority for our lives right now. For those who are Life Path 9s, this will be a significant year for you, when life comes full circle and changes for the better. Next year is overall about letting go, culmination, growth, and being the master of your reality.
YOUR 2025 KEY ASTROLOGICAL INSIGHTS
THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR LOVE
skynester/Getty Images
January 2, 2025 - February 4, 2025: Venus In Pisces
Venus is exalted in Pisces, and magic comes through in love. This is the time to believe in miracles and to envision what your heart wants right now. Keeping an open mind and heart is key, as the possibilities of love unfold for you. Emotions are running high, and people are looking to connect and build new relationships right now.
June 6, 2025 - July 4, 2025: Venus in Taurus
When Venus is in Taurus, Venus is home. Venus is the planet of love, security, and romance, and is the planetary ruler of Taurus. During this transit, love matters take shape more strongly, and there is a sense of stability blooming now.
This is the perfect time to go on a date, put yourself out there, or treat someone special with something special.
Love is the vibe right now, and this is the time of the year when romance is high. This is also a great time of the year for wedding bells or engagements.
October 21, 2025: New Moon In Libra
A New Moon in Virgo signifies a new beginning in love. New doors open and new chapters begin, and not only is this a good time to experience love, but it’s also a great time to manifest it.
Love may surprise you right now, as the New Moon aligns with the Sun and Venus currently in Libra as well.
Partnerships matters are experiencing a breakthrough, and expect the good energy you’ve been putting out to be coming back to you right now. Write down lists of intentions for your new beginning in love right now, and let your blessings come to you.
November 6, 2025 - November 30, 2025: Venus In Scorpio
Venus in Scorpio brings passion and intimacy to love. During this time, you can see relationships take it to the next level, and more commitment being nurtured here. Venus in Scorpio doesn’t want superficial love- it wants the real thing, and that’s the energy you are getting right now. This is the perfect time of the year to cuddle up with your boo and plan a special night with just you two. Venus in Scorpio transforms love and makes it more concrete.
BEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR TRAVEL
June 26, 2025 - July 18, 2025: Mercury In Leo
This is a good time of the year to travel, and do something that makes you happy. The focus right now is on your pleasure, your joy, and the excitement your heart is looking for right now. The vibes are high with Mercury in Leo, and this is a good time to put yourself first and have some fun.
This is a good time to take a trip before Mercury will be Retrograde in Leo from July 18 - Aug. 11, making travel plans more chaotic after this period.
September 13, 2025 - November 15, 2025: Vesta In Sagittarius
Vesta in Sagittarius helps us step outside our comfort zone. This is the time of year when people are more inspired to travel, as the energy is high for adventure.
This is the perfect time to embrace your inner free spirit and take a risk.
Dedicate yourself to your passions, and be prepared to learn something new in your explorations. This is a time to travel with good company, have fun, and gain a new perspective.
December 19, 2025: New Moon In Sagittarius
This New Moon in Sagittarius is a good time of the year for travel matters, and this is also a good time to set your intentions for travel matters you want to see through but haven’t gotten to yet. When the Moon is in Sagittarius, emotions are high and so are the possibilities. Surprise opportunities for travel may fall into your lap right now, and this is a good time to go after the things you want. If you have the opportunity to travel, this is the perfect time to go to a new place or explore a new location.
BEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR CAREER
alveraz/Getty Images
February 4, 2025 - June 9, 2025: Jupiter In Gemini
This is Jupiter's final leg in Gemini for the next decade or so, and Jupiter in Gemini is great for making new business connections, coming up with new ideas, and getting projects done. Jupiter in Gemini things big and doesn’t doubt or judge the ideas it comes up with. This is the time to bring creative and exciting energy into your career and push forth your efforts, especially if you have a career revolving around communication, social media, travel, writing, or publication.
April 27, 2025: New Moon In Taurus
This New Moon is a great time of the year to set your intentions for your career and your financial world. A New Moon in Taurus aligns you with your desires and helps you see concrete steps you can take to get there right now.
Whatever you have been patient for in career matters is coming to fruition for you now, and this is also a good time for seeing past efforts manifest into success for you.
Write a list of the financial and professional accomplishments you want to see come true for you this year and remember that you are worth every bit of it.
December 15, 2025 - January 23, 2026: Mars In Capricorn
Mars in Capricorn helps us develop in our careers, and also be recognized for our skills and talents. This is a great time to go after a promotion, ask for a raise, or see a level up in your career. Professional matters come full circle around this time, and the things you are known for here are coming to the surface now. Mars in Capricorn brings the passion and the energy needed to succeed.
BEST TIME OF THE YEAR TO MOVE
February 23, 2025 - April 18, 2025: Mars Direct In Cancer
Mars will be direct in Cancer for a little over a month, after being retrogade here at the start of the year. With Mars now direct, any initiatives you have been looking to set in regards to the home, family, and your foundations, are more likely to succeed right now. This is a good time to gain some more stability in your life, revamp the home, or move into a safer, or more nourishing environment. Mars in Cancer understands the importance of personal needs and emotional well-being and helps us align with what you need to feel safe.
June 9, 2025 - November 11, 2025: Jupiter Direct In Cancer
Jupiter enters Cancer for the next year and will be direct for five months out of the year. During these five months, this is one of the best times in over a decade, to see blessings happening within matters of the home. Many people will be moving homes, locations, and cities, during this time, and with expansive Jupiter involved, a lot of these changes are creating something bigger and better for you. This is the time to figure out what home means to you and to see your blessings expand here.
BEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR HEALTH
May 18, 2025: Jupiter Sextile Chiron
This is a significant time for healing, and seeing the blessings that come from it. Jupiter in Gemini Sextiles Chiron in Aries, and the insights you can gain now will help you see the bigger picture in health matters. This is a time for feeling more inspired to take care of yourself and heal, and seeing more immediate benefits for doing so. This is healing on a broad scale, and some powerful events in health matters can occur for you now.
June 17, 2025 - August 6, 2025: Mars In Virgo
Mars in Virgo marks a time of new development in health. Mars gets things done in Virgo, and a lot of these initiatives will be taking place when it comes to the body, daily routine, and lifestyle. This is a good time to commit to a new health regime or practice and to find new ways to take care of yourself. You have more energy and stamina to take care of your health, and the initiatives you take will benefit you overall right now.
THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR TO MAKE A CHANGE
Milan Markovic/Getty Images
January 2, 2025 - March 21, 2025: Vesta In Scorpio
This energy embraces change. Vesta in Scorpio represents your commitment and responsibilities, and in Scorpio, helps us readdress and acknowledge ours. This is the time of the year to look at what you have planned for yourself, to rewrite or to recommit where needed, and a lot of this has to do with the inner work. The changes that benefit now, are coming internally, and where you want to devote more of your passions, time, and self.
August 11, 2025: Saturn Sextile Uranus
Saturn Retrograde in Aries forms a Sextile to Uranus in Gemini, and this is the time to shock people with the changes you are making right now.
Change is favored during this time, as there is more support for not only seeing your goals through but also making something out of them that helps you succeed in the long run.
With Saturn, the planet of long-term planning, forming a harmonious Sextile with Uranus, the planet of sudden changes, you are supported as you try something new right now.
August 23, 2025: New Moon In Virgo
A New Moon in Virgo encourages change and evolution. When the Moon is in Virgo we feel more inspired to make a positive change in our life, in also to experience “something better.” We are pushed to face where things have been out of place or disruptive, and Virgo helps us get things right. This is a great time of year to make a new plan or set a new initiative, and to do what is going to benefit you in the long run.
September 22 - November 4: Mars In Scorpio
Mars in Scorpio is all about transformation. During this time of the year, motivation is high to overcome a challenge or a fear, and we are more willing to do so now. Mars in Scorpio energy brings the courage we may need to make an important change in our lives and helps us feel confident enough to do so. Mars in Scorpio is driven to overcome and evolve and there is a lot of support to do so right now.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by The Good Brigade/Getty Images