As a person working towards becoming a part of the publishing world someday, I make sure to explore it daily, learn what I must learn, and discover its little secrets so it becomes familiar enough for me to conquer it and not get lost in it. Part of the reason I created the Writers Club within xoNecole's xoTribe community app (if you haven't become a member of xoNecole's community app, join the tribe here) was to help novice writers sharpen their skills and gain confidence through practice and feedback, as well as gain tips from experienced writers within the group.
Equipped with those tools, there are quite a few subject matters that the writer in me feels confident enough to issue and advise other writers on. A perfect example of that is how to properly pitch stories to writing platforms. When submitting stories to websites and writing platforms for opportunities to be featured and have your work published, it's all about the pitch. In fact, there are a few keys all beginner writers should keep in mind when pitching and submitting stories to outlets. You can find them below.
Know The Audience, Know The Voice
Before you pitch or submit anything, it is of the utmost importance that you do your research when looking to write for a site. How can you write for a site that you don't read? Depending on the area that you want to pitch yourself for, take time to read 3-5 of the latest stories published within that section to get a feel of the kinds of stories that are published, frequent writers that are used, and most importantly, the voice of the site. Is it conversational or uplifting? Informative or personal? It's important to know who the site is to know how to best craft the ideas and the subsequent pieces you wish to pen for a publication.
An editor can tell a mile away if you're a reader of the site you publish based off of your ideas and writing style. For example, a site like xoNecole is not going to publish a story called "10 Times Claire Danes Gave Us Our Lives On 'Homeland'". Why? Although it's a women's interest site, they cater more exclusively to Black women and WOC and if you researched the site, you'd see that although the talk about TV and movies from time to time, it's about Black content, ideally centering around Black leads. So yes, take your time to get to know the audience because that will help you understand the voice and the kind of content they prefer to be featured on their outlet.
Only Pitch When Necessary
In my opinion, pitching stories without submitting a draft when it's not necessary is somewhat a waste of time. For both you and the editor. You should only pitch a story without a draft when the story you want to cover requires you to put in a high level of work (i.e. extensive research, interviews), invest your own money (i.e. when you could potentially use the resources of your proposed outlet), or when you want to make sure that the topic you're writing about will only be covered by you (i.e. you don't want to write about something that another writer could already be covering). If none of that is the case, then you don't want to wait around for your editor to give you the green light before you start writing. To me, as a writer, your judgement should be strong enough to know whether your story fits your targeted platform's voice/genre or not.
As author Elizabeth Gilbert stated in her book Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, ideas wait for no one.
You either do something about them while you can or someone else might do something with the idea you had while you're waiting for a response from your editor. Moreover, writing a piece that you aren't 100% sure will be published on the platform of your choice isn't the waste of time you might think it is; it's experience. It's work that you can still submit to another platform if it gets rejected, publish on your own site, or attach to your resume when you apply for writing jobs.
When you do pitch, include the pitch and the proposed headline in the email's subject line to entice the editor to open the email. Inside of your email, give a quick intro into who you are, then segue into the pitch idea(s) you'd like to pursue, ideally formatted like the example below:
Proposed Headline
2-3 sentences summarizing what the article is about (not an excerpt), the angle you want to approach (especially if it's a subject already explored on the site -- how will yours be different?), and the kind of article it is (interview, listicle, timely, evergreen).
Side note: Ideally, you'd also include the full draft of the proposed pitch idea with your email, if not, the editor and you will usually correspond about whether or not the pitch is the right fit for the site at the time.
Submit Full Drafts That Only Require Few Edits
Keywords: full draft.
Unless it's for requesting guidance or a professional opinion, I never submit an incomplete draft (a draft that isn't fully ready for publication). Simply because that too is a waste of time; it lengthens the writing, editing, and publishing process. I believe that when you aim for your story to be considered and/or secure a contributor contract, you must provide the editor with material that displays your writing style, versatility, and talent. You don't want to submit only an excerpt and risk the editor overlooking a potentially great pitch just because it was unfinished and didn't reel them in. Show your editor that you can cook and plate your ideas mostly on your own so that the only thing that is left for them to do is add a little seasoning.
Pro tip: When you submit your work to a platform you've never been published on before, send along a short author bio (include any links you want hyperlinked) and a picture of yourself to avoid too many email exchanges.
Format Your Drafts According To Your Targeted Writing Platform's Guidelines
Formatting your draft according to your targeted writing platform's guidelines, if any, is like wearing the right outfit for an interview; you want to ensure the draft is presentable, the way you intend for it to publish on the site, and easy to read. That said, platforms don't really set rules when it comes to formatting, at least not that I noticed. How do you know how to arrange your draft then?
If you study several pieces published on that particular platform, you'll find clues here and there. For me personally, every time I submit a story to xoNecole's Managing editor, I make it look like it was already published on the site:
- I give my piece a title (side note: even though it's more than likely going to be edited, it's good to provide the editor with options to choose from),
- I place a subheadline (a catchy sentence that acts as a preview for the content within the post that sits under the headline),
- I include clear and concise headers (especially to highlight the points that I make in my paragraphs),
- I quote one or two of my own sentences (just because it catches people's interest and keeps them reading),
- I use GIFs or other illustrations (and also include links to the sources),
- I use a similar font to the one used on the site and change the size when necessary.
The reason why I format my submissions this way is to condition the editor's mind to post them on the site just because they already look like they're content you'd see published on the site. And if they already look like they are and the content is good enough, why wouldn't they actually be?
Now mind you, not all contributors do that—yet they still get published—and this technique isn't a promise that your stories will get published. But knowing that some of mine pieces have been published the exact way I submitted them, I see that there is method to the madness and that it does indeed work. Plus, I'm sure it's appreciated by the editor(s).
Now, watch your editor open your emails before anyone else's.
Are you looking to link with a tribe of writers? Join The xoTribe's Writers Club, an online community where among other amazing things, experienced and aspiring writers can connect and find the resources, motivation, and coaching they need to produce great quality work ready for publication.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Phase Of Life: I Thought I Was Falling Apart—Then I Learned What Was Really Happening To Me
When it was announced, “Class of 2023, you may now turn your tassels to the left,” that was the moment I realized s**t just got real. Even in the midst of celebrating with family, friends, and professors who had watched my personal and academic growth over the past three-ish years, I was already thinking about how excited I was for my next chapter.
To avoid making others feel more pressure about their post-grad plans than they already did, I withheld revealing that I’d already secured a full-time job six months before graduating and I’d gotten accepted to graduate school. I didn’t know that this lack of celebrating my accomplishments would impact how I’d embrace special moments in the future.
As I continued navigating my way through my post-grad journey, I found things in my life began to get harder and harder. It was one challenge after the next: I was adjusting to a new day-to-day routine. A romantic relationship drastically ended. I lost friends I thought I’d have forever. I had to grieve the loss of a loved one.
It was as if someone had abruptly stopped the record on the player, and the confused look you’d usually see on people’s faces was exactly how I looked after coming to my second realization that this was the worst I’d felt in a long time, if not ever.
Like everyone else, I’d previously experienced sad moments and life stressors related to my personal and professional life, but for some reason, this time felt different.
Even in my own strength of distracting myself with self-care tactics and support from friends, nothing seemed to stop my constant tears or heart from aching. Before long, I was waving my white flag at God and decided that these burdens were just too heavy for me to carry on my own. Therapy was something I was already familiar with, but I hadn’t scheduled it into my new life yet.
After the standard get-to-know-you sessions, it was time to get to the nitty gritty with my therapist. What’s really going on? Nothing could’ve prepared me for what she had to say next.
'Phase of Life' and Adjustment Disorder
When the words “phase of life,” escaped from my therapist’s mouth, it surprisingly felt more enlightening than heavy. Sure, I felt like I was spiraling, and nothing connected to me seemed to be going well, but at that point, I knew what was going on with me.
Associated with the "phase of life," adjustment disorder is something I had to discuss with my therapist to talk about what the next steps for me looked like.
After doing this, I felt reassured but nervous. I’d never been diagnosed with anything mental health-related before and didn’t want this to be the starting point of a cycle that I wouldn’t be able to get out of.
According to Healthline, adjustment disorder is a person’s temporary grouping of conditions in response to a stressful life occurrence. This can usually be seen as multiple events that have happened back to back or a singular event that’s taken a larger precedent. I personally experienced adjustment disorder with anxiety and a depressed mood, proving itself to be impacting my life more than I'd realized.
So many times as Gen Zers, we get told the generic rhetoric of, “You’re so young. Just live your life,” or “You have so much life to live. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.” In reality, not only do I not feel that way, but it honestly just makes my feelings stronger and leads to a desire to constantly prove myself, especially as a Black woman.
The pressure and expectations surrounding being well-established and accomplished are always the heaviest burden.
Dr. Judith Joseph, a clinical psychiatrist and author of High Functioning, believes that post-grad depression is synonymous with adjustment disorder and that the condition is not confined to a specific age group or demographic. “In certain situations, let's say, college students, they tend to have more adjustment issues because they're going from one situation, like being at home, being cared for, to being completely independent, so to speak, in a new setting, and around new friends, not around family,” she said.
Early signs of adjustment disorder may look like feelings of hopelessness, avoidance of friends or family, or even feelings of anxiety and crying often— all of which I was experiencing. “Adjustment disorder can come as the depressed type or the anxious type. If you have the depressed type, you're gonna have symptoms of depression, like low mood, low energy, poor concentration, guilt, hopelessness, problems with your appetite. … The anxious type will have symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like stomach ache, headache, breathing fast, worrying, palpitations, [and] inability to relax.”
Adjustment Disorder, Social Media, and Gaining Understanding
These symptoms can also get heightened with the usage of social media as many people compare their lives to others.
While seeing others’ success can be inspiring, it can also be detrimental to one’s authentic journey by trying to emulate or align themselves with societal expectations, values, and beliefs. “The difference between adjustment disorder with anxious symptoms is that when the stressor goes away or the person becomes accustomed to the situation, the symptoms go away. But if it's more persistent, then it's likely not related to a stressor. It's a persistent condition like generalized anxiety disorder,” Joseph added.
When getting diagnosed with adjustment disorder, it is recommended to implement stronger levels of self-care along with finding supportive people around you, such as friends, family, and colleagues, to help you through the transition.
What was also helpful for me in my journey was being more patient with myself in those tougher times, giving myself grace, and humanizing myself. The superhero complex of Black womanhood, in my lens, does not start at the legal age of 18. It begins with the first iterations you have of female figures in your life. Your mother, grandmother, aunts, sisters— all of these women in some way demonstrated the example of saving everyone else and only sometimes putting themselves on the check-in list, if ever.
While it sounds taboo to some to take your mental health seriously, I’ve learned that doing so not only saves your life but the lives of those around you.
Joseph recommends not only being aware of your personal and family mental health history but also determining ways to avoid taking on so much at once. “The other thing you can do is if in preparation for a big change, try not to make so many different changes happen at once,” she said. “So I've had patients who they're not only moving to a new place, but they're starting a new job and it’s like that's a lot of change. And then they're like, ‘Well, maybe it's time to break up with my boyfriend.’ … You may wanna spread out your change.”
She also recommended being proactive toward the impact of life changes by giving a heads-up to those around you. Whether this be family, friends, or a significant other, being able to lean on others during times of transition makes a difference, especially as someone who may have experienced this before. The symptoms of the disorder can return with another big life change.
In the words of Megan Thee Stallion, “Bad b**ches have bad days too,” and this reigns true for me now more than ever.
My character, demeanor, and core as a person don’t change just because of a bad season or hard times. The confidence I have in high moments should be the same level of confidence I have in other areas of my life. As I continue on this journey of self-growth, life changes, and knowledge of the world around me, I’m reminded of where I started on the road to getting where I want to be.
The bounce back is always going to happen, but there’s a difference between a bad day and a bad life, and hard times don’t last forever. It just feels like forever in the moment.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images