

How To Keep Your Fall Back Game Strong
Throughout my years of dating and being in relationships with different men, I've mastered the skill that strengthens my respect and self-control when things get rough.
I know how to fall back.
No, scratch that. I know how to fall back so solid that I can fall on the ground and enjoy the leaves without missing a beat, chile!
"Falling back" is a phrase used for becoming less involved with the person you're dating in order to protect your feelings. There are much needed reasons for falling back. Things could be going great between you two and then all of a sudden he becomes emotionally distant, stays "busy", or acts like you're too pressed for him. Falling back will you give you the space to see if this relationship is something worth pursuing.
After many tried (and failed) attempts to take a break from the guy I've been dating, I thought it would be helpful to share some tips with others who are in a similar situation. If you're having a hard time creating some needed distance, here are a few tips to fall back successfully:
1.Avoid Getting Stuck On Him Being “The One”
When he is the one you think you want spend the rest of your life with, it can be harder to experience your ideal partner drifting away from you. You really like this guy because of who he once was, and you continue to stay with him in hopes that he will "snap back" to the person he was when you first met.
In order to fall back from him, you must get over the feeling of missing out on someone great. The purpose is to protect your feelings, not his. The right guy will reveal himself to you regardless of the time you give yourself to figure things out. Falling back is not the same as breaking up — you can still be involved with this person, so use this opportunity to see if he wants you just as bad as you want him.
2.Evaluate the Relationship You Have With Yourself
I've noticed that I've had the best relationships with people when I felt the best about myself. It was through self-reflection that I realized the importance of knowing who I am and determined what was and what wasn't healthy in a relationship. When you fall back, you get to evaluate your life and your happiness.
Doing this makes you accountable and in control of a situation. One of the ways you can learn more about yourself is by asking questions and answering them as honestly as possible. Here are some examples: What makes you vulnerable? What are your triggers? What are you dependent on when dating someone? Can you be alone with yourself? Do you crave attention when you're trying to get over someone? The answers to your questions will give you more insight on how you're feeling so that you aren't so quick to go back to him.
3.Practice Detachment
Learning how to detach from someone is like forming another habit. Attachment is the reason why we breakup and makeup on the same day, all along feeling guilty about the "makeup" part. The reason that detachment plays a key factor when you fall back is that it gives you the freedom to decide what is best for you objectively. Most of the time, the attachment is the only reason that we can't break away from an unhealthy relationship.
I find that creating space from a guy gives you time to think your feelings through and make good decisions. Spending all day and every waking moment with someone can make you feel as though a piece of you is missing when you do have alone time. He'll never feel like he's missing you if you don't create distance. Being away from him is important because it's a sign that you don't need to be around him and that you're complete without him. The best way to go about this is to limit contact, whether by phone or in person, as much as possible.
4.Occupy Your Mind and Time
Through focusing on myself, I was able to put myself first by doing hobbies and activities that interested me. I worked on becoming the best version of myself that I could be and this enabled me to be a much better partner in a relationship.
Going to networking/social events or occasional dates is fine as long as there's no immediate expectation that your next date will take the place of the person you're falling back from. Find some relaxing things to do (such as hanging with the girls or finding a new project) and give yourself time to be alone and heal.
Choosing to remove your emotional dependency on him will give you back the control over your feelings. Hopefully, these tips can make your fall back game stronger and make your next moves your best moves!
Featured image by Getty Images
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Tori Glaude is a relationship coach, author, and blogger on a lifelong mission to empower women so they can achieve their goals. When she's not working, Tori enjoys kickboxing and trying out new restaurants in her hometown, D.C. You can connect with her on Instagram @toriautumncoaching and at tautumncoaching.com.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Living In A New City And Feeling Nervous About Making Friends? These 6 Tips Can Help
The first big leap was moving to a new city and getting settled into my new home. The next big leap? Was finding community and belonging. Moving to a new city excited me! I looked forward to having my own apartment, decorating it, and exploring what the city had to offer. I also found excitement in the thought of meeting new people and expanding my connections. When it actually came down to it, I felt nervous. I heard that making new friends as an adult can be hard because we all have different responsibilities and schedules that may not align. I knew in order for me to really feel at home in my new city, I had to create community.
Having a community of people who I can share memories with, lean on in times of need, and inspire each other is something I always valued. I took a moment to truly center in on what I desired from the new friends I would make. Then I realized it all would have to start with me. I had to be centered and confident in who I was to attract who I desired to be aligned with. As someone who moved to a new city and established quality friendships, I gathered these six tips that helped me feel grounded and create community in hopes that it will help you, too.
6 tips to start building community and making new friends in a new city:
Sean Anthony Eddy/ Getty Images
Be true to yourself
Do you know who you are? If someone asked you to describe yourself in three words, what words would you use? In order to develop deep friendships, you must be a friend to yourself first. Know what refuels you and what zaps your energy. Self-study your habits and why you do the things you do. All this will be important to keep in mind when looking to create bonds with others. Every day there’s all kinds of people telling you who you should be, how you should act, or what you should wear. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that truly matters is your own. Spend some alone time with yourself indoors or out at an event you like to truly discover who you are in this season of your life.
Pray about it
Before you step out into the world and cross paths with all kinds of people, it’s important to pray about building your community. God outlines what true friendship looks like in numerous Bible verses such as "Iron sharpens iron." - Proverbs 27:17 and “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. If you desire friendships that last, pray about what you seek in friendship. I remember praying for mentally stable, happy, and whole women who moved through life with abundance mindsets. Take a moment to journal about the community you want to build and then pray on it.
Go to fun events to meet people who share your interests
Most metropolitan cities like Washington, D.C., New York City, and Atlanta are known to have strong young professional communities and events where you can connect with others. I highly encourage you to attend events in or near your community to see what the city is like and meet people. It’s likely that the people at the event have the same interests as you, which is a great way to start a conversation. You can start by searching for events on Eventbrite or following Instagram pages that highlight events happening in your city.
Carlos Barquero/ Getty Images
Accept that you won’t be compatible with everyone you meet
While living in your new city, it’s likely you’ll meet a variety of people. Please know that everyone you meet will not bud into lasting friendships, and that’s okay! You are uniquely created and not made for everyone. Then you’ll meet people who are good for only surface-level connections, and then you’ll have your girls who you can get deep with. I think sometimes people can look down on surface-level friendships, but not everyone needs to fully know you. That’s a privilege to have and to accept within yourself. Continue to check in with yourself and be real about who you crave to spend more time with and who is nice to see for a monthly or quarterly catch-up.
Join Facebook groups & GroupMe chats
If you haven’t used Facebook in a couple of years, it’s time to dust your profile off. Facebook Groups is a great place to join online communities for people who just moved to a new city like you. Typically, you have to agree to the group’s guidelines, and then you can join. For example, you can search for groups in the Facebook app by using keywords like women, Black girl, or [the name of your city] foodies. With the GroupMe app, you’ll have to be invited to join an already existing group. While you’re out and about networking, don’t hesitate to ask if they’re in any online groups/communities they recommend you join too.
Be friendly to folks in your neighborhood
When I first moved to my new apartment, I spent the first week walking around the complex and working in the community spaces to get a better feel of it. I was able to meet people in my neighborhood, enjoy small talk, and learn more about what the community has to offer. Step outside of your comfort zone and work in your apartment’s community space or a local coffee shop to connect with others.
Overall, you may feel alone in your new city, but I guarantee you’re not. There are other people experiencing living in a new city too, and all you need to do is find each other. I hope these tips help ease the nervous feelings you have about building a new community and inspire you to make a new friend today!
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