How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Imagine falling in love with the infamous "other woman" in your relationship.
What seems like a recipe for a Love & Hip Hop brawl, was actually the start of a beautiful relationship for Devri Velazquez and Allex Dean. This fairytale ending was years in the making, but both Devri and Allex have very different versions of how their unconventional love story all began.
Related: This is What Self-Care Looks Like to Chronic Illness Warrior Devri Velazquez
According to Devri's recollection of their first encounter, which she affectionately described as a "hot mess", the lovebirds first met when they were just teenagers. Devri and Allex were both dating the same girl, at the same time, resulting in the same tragic ending. As for Allex, her first recollection of them meeting came much later, during Devri's college career. Allex coincidently got her hair braided by someone she would soon find out was Devri's neighbor.
The couple has now been together for two years and their love story continues to blossom by the day. Although the origins of when their love story officially began is still up for debate, there is no question on where their love story is going. "We both want to work hard to be happy and successful. We want to raise a family, own a home, and travel as much as possible," Allex explained.
Here's their story:
How They Met
Devri: She says we met when I was 17 in my first year of college, but I don't remember that. We were actually dating the same person back in high school, ironically enough, but we didn't know each other personally. It was a hot mess. We first officially met two years ago while I was at a work event and she came to meet me.
Allex: The first time we first officially met was in college in Devri's on-campus apartment when I was getting my hair braided by her neighbor. She says she doesn't remember the interaction but I definitely do.
First Impressions
Devri: As an adult, she was super different from anyone else I had dated. She was into fitness and I am not; she didn't have a same appreciation for the arts the way I do. I am creative and methodical, while she tends to go with the flow and think reactively. I only really knew her in passing during the high school years due to us dating the same girl (we had no idea until almost 10 years later when we reunited for our first date).
Allex: I was interested, but I wasn't sure of who she was or what I should have expected. Something about her drew me in.
Instant Attraction
Devri: I was intrigued. I liked her arms and her unique eye color.
It developed quickly into something beyond the physical, especially once I learned how much of myself I could trust her with.
Allex: I definitely thought she was cute before I knew her, but I became more attracted to her the moment we had our first conversation.
First Date
Devri: I was trying to kill two birds with one stone by inviting her to a work event and not feeling bad if I had to bail because I was bored with her company. It turned out to be interesting, though. Afterwards, we went to a bar and talked for hours and then spent maybe another hour trying to locate where I parked my car. She stayed with me until I found it, which was a good sign.
Allex: It was nerve-racking because it was the first time I would have seen her in almost 10 years. Once we started talking, it was informative. She was very open with me -- she let me know exactly what she had going on and what her plans were for the future. I felt like she wanted to put everything out there.
Making Things Official
Devri: I like to get straight to the point about my feelings, so I remember initiating the conversation after a date, laying everything on the table. There was no pressure, but I just wanted clarity so I could let the prospects know that I may be going on a hiatus until further notice.
Once I let her know what my intentions were for my future, I knew I could trust her with the plan, so I didn't hesitate to be exclusive. It might have taken me about three months before I was certain.
Allex: I think it was mutual and we were on the same page. We were both very open and did not hesitate to tell each other how we felt along the way. We moved slowly; we dated each other for a while before jumping into something deeper. We do our fair share of talking things out; we didn't move too fast and we communicated a lot along the way.
The more I got to know her, she was someone I could definitely see myself growing with. We shared a lot of the same values so I wanted to take the next step. Month one, I knew.
The One
Devri: I realized I didn't want to go more than an hour without hearing from her. Each day, I grew more interested in helping her see her potential, and I invested my time and energy in becoming an accessory to the dream.
Allex: I knew [she was the one] from the way I felt after our first disagreement.
Best Part
Devri: She is extremely supportive and is a great listener. She tries hard to not interfere with me fulfilling my desires, even if she disagrees with me.
Allex: I like how silly she can be with me at times. I feel like I get a Devri that not everyone gets to see. I admire her drive and her honesty, most of the time.
Love Lessons
Devri: I've learned patience above everything else. That's something I've been working on my whole life, but she makes me work twice as hard because her habits require a lot of it.
Allex: If I didn't try to love myself, it was going to be extremely hard to love someone else, that's for sure. Devri is always pushing me to be a little more selfish and pay attention to myself, so I know now how important that is.
Overcoming Odds
Devri: Like I mentioned, being patient with her. I encourage her (as I do with everyone else) to unpack her childhood traumas and baggage, and it can take a toll on my energy sometimes. But she's worth it.
Allex: Devri and I are definitely two types of people, so it's a huge challenge. I don't mind going home and relaxing and I like being quiet, but she just keeps going. She's a particularly busy body.
Our differences within our personalities have been the biggest challenge.
Baggage Claim
Devri: I had to unlearn my sense of selfishness. I like to move in silence sometimes, I have a lot of emotionally intimate connections with friends, so it took me a huge revelation in losing her to come to my senses to want to be completely transparent particularly about that, even if it wasn't with bad intentions.
Allex: Devri is very particular and likes things her way, so I had to learn to change some things around. For example, making my bed in the morning wasn't such a big deal before I met Devri, but for her, it's important. Also, I haven't always been the best at managing my finances, so she has stepped in to keep me on track: different apps and practices that may have slipped my mind or I didn't think about.
Making it Work
Devri: We spend a lot of time with each other, mostly being foodies and searching for the next best almond milk mocha.
Allex: We wake up early in the morning to go on a walk with our poodle, Coco. After work, we share a meal together and talk about our days. We also watch a lot of movies together.
Common Goals
Devri: We put a lot of emphasis on family and love. We both work from our hearts. I have always been determined to create a strong bond that resulted in success, whatever that looks like for us.
Allex: We both want to work hard to be happy and successful. We want to raise a family, own a home, and travel as much as possible.
For more of Devri and Allex, follow the two lovebirds on Instagram here and here. Click here to read past How We Met couples.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy