Hard Water Is A Thing, And It Could Be Doing Your Curls A Disservice
Ahh, water! The one thing we need to survive and the only thing that fully hydrates our hair. But did you know not all water is the same? Considering the different water types, hard water is talked about the most in the curly/natural hair community, as it’s doing our curls a royal disservice. By definition, hard water is water that contains high levels of minerals such as calcium and magnesium, which can have damaging effects on your hair.
Have you moved to a new state or country recently, and you noticed a difference in your hair even though you have been doing the same routine as before? The first thing most people attribute the change to is their environment, and in most cases, the water is the culprit. Myself included.
As someone who moved from Colorado, where you could drink the water out the faucets, to Atlanta, where filtered water is what you should drink and use. Over time I started noticing a tremendous amount of change in my hair! My hair went from being full, moisturized, and able to easily retain length to now being frizzy with increased shedding combined with a dry and itchy scalp.
I freaked out and had no idea the cause because my routine and products were the same, which made me consider if the water was why I was seeing such a change in my hair.
The effects hard water may have on your hair:
When you wash your hair with hard water, the minerals in the water can form a buildup on your scalp and hair. It can also create a barrier that prevents haircare products, such as shampoos and conditioners, from effectively penetrating the hair shaft, leading to reduced efficacy of these products. Hard water can strip your hair of its natural oils, leaving it dry and frizzy. The high amount of minerals in hard water can disrupt the natural pH balance of your scalp and hair, which can lead to dryness, frizz, and increased porosity of the hair shaft.
If you have color-treated kinky or coarse hair, hard water can cause your color to fade more quickly. The minerals in hard water can strip the color molecules from your hair strands, causing your hair color to become dull and faded and reducing the longevity of your hair color. Hard water can also irritate your scalp. The minerals in hard water can create a film on your scalp that can clog hair follicles and lead to issues such as dryness, itchiness, and dandruff.
The best hard water solutions for natural hair:
First things first, do a hard water test to determine if you actually have hard water. It's recommended that you have one done by a professional, but if you want to do it by yourself, Amazon has options for you to choose from.
1. Install a showerhead water filter.
After the test, the next best option would be to grab a water filter showerhead and replace yours. Some people opt for a water softener system installation, but a showerhead filter can be a much more affordable DIY alternative to removing some of the minerals found in your hard water at a more cost-effective price point. The water filter will help to reduce the amount of minerals getting on your hair when you wash your hair.
2. Use a chelating or clarifying shampoo.
The help of a new showerhead filter combined with washing your hair once a week with a chelating or a clarifying shampoo should allow you to start to notice a real difference. Although clarifying shampoos are stronger than washing your hair with a regular shampoo, a chelating shampoo is considered to be stronger than that in its ability to remove buildup and residue on the scalp and hair that goes beyond the surface.
Some naturals opt for a once-a-month clarifying wash, but it can be done as often as once a week if needed. For chelating shampoos, start off with once-a-week washes, but if you find the frequency is too abrasive, use could be scaled back to once a month. For product recommendations, check out InStyle's "The 5 Best Clarifying Shampoos for Natural Hair."
3. Do an apple cider vinegar rinse.
Apple cider vinegar is known for its multiple uses, acting as a naturally acidic hair rinse is one of them. The reason it works so well is that acidic ingredients are effective in counteracting the pH imbalance created by the hard water. You can go the DIY route by mixing one part ACV with five parts water to create the rinse. After that, apply the solution to your scalp, massaging the mixture there and working it down the hair shaft, paying attention to your scalp and ends. Rinse your hair after five minutes and resume your wash day routine, following the rinse with your preferred conditioner.
Hard water can have detrimental effects on your hair, including mineral buildup, dryness, frizz, color fading, scalp irritation, and reduced efficacy of haircare products. If you have hard water in your area, using a water filter to soften your water and the right products can help mitigate these effects and help get your hair back to a place you're familiar with.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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