12 Random Habits That Can Definitely Age You Faster
While I am someone who doesn’t think that we should fear getting older (with time, hopefully, comes wisdom and that’s always a good thing), at the same time, I also don’t think that we need to be out here looking older than we are, simply because we’ve been careless with some of our daily habits. Because y’all, as much as we all know that the extra melanin that we’ve got in our skin is a blessing beyond measure, that doesn’t mean that we should take it for granted.
And just how do some of us do that very thing? Check out these 12 random habits that can put a dent in the “Black don’t crack” narrative. It might just surprise you how much you do them and how stopping it can have you looking 5-15 years younger in absolutely no time.
1. Neglecting Your Neck
There is a particular Black celebrity woman who I’ve always found to be attractive. She also ages really well. Matter of fact, I still think she could pass for being about 15 years younger than she actually is — if it wasn’t for her neck. Her neck has a lot of rings around it which makes it look kinda old. She’s actually the reason why I make sure to pay closer-than-ever attention to my own, now that I’m in my 40s.
For me, that consists of applying some rosemary oil to my neck in the morning and at night. It hydrates it really well. That’s what works for me. As for you, just make sure, because the skin around your neck is thinner than the skin that is on your face, that you also moisturize it on a consistent basis and that you even apply sunscreen. Because if there are two spots that can age us, no matter what our face may look like, our neck and hands would definitely have to be it.
2. Constantly Wearing Acrylic Nails
Before the pandemic decided to totally show out, I would see my nail tech like clockwork. Although my nails were mine (no tips), I would get them powder dipped (which is lighter than acrylic and lasts longer) and because I like to switch my styles up, I would see her a couple of times a month (at least). But when the country shut down and I had to take a couple of hours to totally soak that dip off myself and then several weeks to get my nails back healthy and thriving? I’ve been really hesitant about returning to powder (especially now that new variants of COVID are upon us and things could possibly shut down again).
It might be a wise move too because I also read that something that can age our hands are acrylic nails. Why? Because the continuous process of applying, filling, and removing the product from our nails causes our cuticles to thicken over time which causes our hands to look older than they should. If you just read all of that and were like “whatever,” at least consider going on 3-6 month breaks sometimes; a lot of professionals say that’s the best way to keep your nails healthy overall.
3. Drinking Too Much Coffee
One of the most controversial foods (in the sense of the pros being about as much as the cons) is coffee. What I’ll say as it relates to this topic, in particular, is if you’re someone who can’t seem to get through a day without at least three cups, you should probably scale that back a bit. Aside from the fact that coffee can create somewhat of a diuretic effect which can lead to dehydration (which isn’t good for your skin), the caffeine that’s in it also tends to lower your dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA); that’s a hormone that helps to reduce inflammation and keep you looking younger. You know what that means, right? Even if you don’t do coffee but you drink anything that’s highly caffeinated, it’s probably working against you rather than for you on the anti-aging tip.
4. Eating Inflammatory Foods
Y’all probably aren’t going to like this very much but — sugar, refined carbs, dairy, trans fat, vegetable oil, processed meat, and (excessive) alcohol. Wanna know what these things have in common? They all have the ability to trigger inflammation in your system. The problem with that, when it comes to premature aging, is not only can that accelerate the aging process but sugary stuff can break down the collagen and elastin in your system too (which is never good). Life is too short to not enjoy some “fun stuff” every once in a while. Still, for the sake of your Black not cracking, always remember to consume inflammatory-prone foods in extreme moderation.
5. Always Sipping from a Straw
I like straws; especially since I adore some lip color and straws help to keep it from smudging or getting onto my teeth. Plus, straws can keep sugary drinks from getting too much on my teeth, not to mention the fact that I feel a lot better about drinking from cups and glasses in restaurants when I have a straw in hand. Yet as with most things in life, there are a couple of cons to them. For one thing, most are made out of plastic which definitely isn’t good for the environment. Also, the constant puckering that we have to do to suck through a straw can actually cause fine lines and wrinkles — not immediately but eventually. I guess the bottom line here would be to use them in moderation too. Oh, and to thoroughly moisturize that space in between your nose and lips. Sometimes it gets neglected more than it should too.
6. Constantly Wearing Eye Make-Up
I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up while growing up. Matter of fact, I don’t think it was until my junior year of high school that I got to put on something that was more than tinted lip gloss. In hindsight, I’m grateful because, although my gene pool is pretty dope when it comes to aging well, I know that when people tell me that I don’t look my age, going without make-up (most of the time) has been a huge part of my saving grace (check out “8 Solid Reasons To Go Make-Up Free At Least Once A Week”).
This point was further affirmed when I read that another thing that can age a person is constantly wearing eye make-up and/or not removing it properly. The main reason why is because the thinnest skin on our face and body, period, is our eyelids. So, constantly manipulating that space wears it down and ultimately ages us. That’s why it’s a good idea to sometimes rock a “wake-up face”. And when you do wear eye stuff that you apply an emulsifier (something that has water in it that allows water and oil to easily mix) like Aquaphor to remove your eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara, so that your delicate skin is handled with some much-needed TLC.
7. Not Wearing Sunglasses
I recently went to the eye doctor. While we were discussing the fact that my mild astigmatism was healing (I had no idea it could do that), I got mildly reprimanded for not wearing sunglasses more often. I had no idea that it reduces my chances of getting cancer and cataracts (I just saw them as a way to make squinting in the sun less of an occurrence, to be honest). As a bonus, sunglasses also reduce fine lines and, since crow’s feet can definitely age a person, you can best believe I’ll be picking up a pair sooner than later.
8. Tight Ass Protective Styles
I’ll be the first to say that when I get my hair braided if there’s something that I want my stylist to do, it is to make sure that they get as much of my edges into those braids as possible. Between my braider being really good and my not getting braids back-to-back all of the time, my edges have survived my pseudo vanity. I do know others who can’t say the same because whether it’s their braids, twists, wigs, weaves, or high ponytails, the constant stress and strain that their hairline has had to endure have resulted in very thin or flat-out bald edges that have added a few years onto them.
A flawless hairstyle is top-tier. I get it. At the same time, it’s a little counterproductive to get a protective style that doesn’t protect ALL of your hair…right? By the way, if you want to take extra special care of your edges and nape right through here, check out “7 Tips For Getting The Edges And Nape Of Your Neck To Grow Faster."
9. Doing THE MOST with Your Face
I’d be surprised if you didn’t have at least one relative who, if they saw you cross your eyes when you were a kid, told you to stop because they could end up getting stuck that way. Hmph. Somebody needed to alert more of us about this when it comes to those totally over-the-top facial expressions that a lot of us put on display.
Constantly doing things like turning up your lips or furrowing your brows can also cause fine lines to set in. Yeah, I know a lot of us think that we’re doing nothing more than being “expressive” but exaggerating our facial expressions can age us faster than we want to. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you, chile.
10. Sleeping on a Cheap Pillowcase
I’ll tell you what — the older I get, the more I am learning to respect my bedding more. Take pillowcases. While a lot of us know that a satin one can be good for our hair (because it helps to keep moisture in our locks), were you aware of the fact that a silk one can help to reduce wrinkles? Sometimes, it might seem like it’s a wise move, financially, to go with cheaper sheets but when you’re rolling around for 6-8 hours a night on a set of rough pillowcases, that can start to put tiny marks on your face that can result in premature wrinkles or even sagging. So, if you haven’t been investing some good money into your bedding, this is a solid reason why you should.
11. Not Having Enough GOOD Sex
I write about sex, basically all of the time. That’s why I know that I can easily provide you with literally dozens of reasons why having as much sex as possible is beneficial. Matter of fact, in the article “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day,” one of the things that I touch on is the fact that orgasms can make you look younger. The long-short of it is, orgasms help to decrease stress and elevate estrogen levels — both are great because stress triggers premature aging and estrogen helps to collagen and elastin production.
Long sessions can cause you to sweat which removes toxins and bonding with your partner increases oxytocin which is also stress’s enemy. Just make sure that it’s good sex because the more that it goes down, the more often you’ll want to “engage” and the better off your skin will be because of it.
12. Not Having a Pamper Day (At Least Twice a Month)
At the turn of every birthday, something that I commit to, more and more, is refusing to let any person, place, thing, or idea stress me out. For what? Stress is directly attributed to things like obesity, diabetes, headaches, depression, and heart disease (which continues to be the #1 killer among Black women). If you add to that the fact that accelerated levels of cortisol (the stress hormone in our system) can also break down collagen and elastin at an accelerated rate…why wouldn’t you see doing things like having a pamper day as a necessity in your life?
Massages. Mani/pedis. Facials. Take a bubble bath. Unplug from social media. Doing things that make you feel good and help you to relax is good for your mind, body, and spirit and can help to keep you looking younger for a longer period of time. That’s why you should definitely pamper yourself, at least a couple of times a month. You will adore it and your skin will adore it even more!
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
These Tips Will Keep Foreplay From Becoming Boring AF (No Pun Intended)
As a writer, I happen to like quotes A LOT. When it comes to the topic of sex, specifically, there used to be a page on Twitter (it’s always gonna be Twitter to me, chile) calledKinky Quotes that I would enjoy checking out from time to time. The reason why is it was good forshowcasing content like “Foreplay. Don’t rush it. Enjoy it.”
INDEED.
Okay, but what if you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, and although the foreplay is still pretty good, the real issue is that it’s also become a bit, well, boring? What do you do? First, don’t overthink it; you’re not in a position that is strange, rare, or anything to be overly concerned about. Second, there are a few things that you and your partner can do to bring a bit more spice back into the foreplay aspect of your sex life.
1. Build Up Anticipation
GiphyI’ve been working with long-term couples for a really long time now — and if there’s one thing that can tank the sex life of people who’ve been having sex for years, it’s not doing what builds up anticipation. At the end of the day, anticipation is all about giving your partner something to look forward to. Sexting does this. Sending your partner an email with a hotel reservation or some out-of-the-blue sexcation plans does this. Calling them to share something that you want to check off of your sex-themed bucket list does this.
Pretty much doing anything that lets them know that you want them to get into the headspace of getting super excited about what you have in store for them, on the sexual tip — that is some of the best foreplay that there is, y’all. So, when’s the last time that you gave your man a preview of what is to come? Hmm…
2. Get Creative with Your Nudity
GiphyUnfortunately, our culture can be so…imbalanced (let’s go with that word) when it comes to sex that many people think it’s impossible to engage in intimacy with someone for years (even decades) on end and still find it to be an absolutely wonderful and fulfilling experience. Meanwhile, there areplenty of studies to support that sex actually gets better, the longer that you are with someone (one study says that it’s around the 15-year mark when things really start to soar!). The thing that you should avoid is falling into a rut — being lazy about intimacy, looking crazy while going to bed (y’all know what I am talking about), and not “dressing up” the gift sometimes.
I can’t tell you how many husbands I have worked with who have told me that they never get tired of their wife’s body (like…ever); what they do get sick of is no lingerie or creativity when it comes to her “sexual presentation.” Date night with no drawers on. Watching television in a sheer baby doll get-up. Celebrating a goal that he’s reached with nothing but a bow on when you come to bed. You get what I mean, right? He chose you. He wants you. Get creative with your body when it comes to intimacy sometimes, though. That way, he’ll never see you coming (well…until…you know. LOL!).
3. Leave Touch Out of It (Initially)
GiphyWhile once reading an article on Bustle’s site about where the term “blow job” came from (it’s a semi-long explanation; you can check it outhere), there’s a sentence that says, “The roots of the term ‘blow job’ began a bit earlier than this, however — in the 17th century, to be exact, when to ‘blow’ meant to bring someone to orgasm.” One definition of blow speaks to what we do with our breath whether it’s whistling, breathing hard, or creating a steady stream of air out of our mouth.
If you do this on your partner’s erogenous zones, it can provide a very flirty yet arousing level of stimulation to where they will want you to touch them as soon as possible. Oh, and if you add some dirty words into the mix, they will damn near be ready to climax the moment even your finger touches their body. Hey, try it. I’m absolutely not exaggerating.
4. Kiss Everywhere…BUT the Mouth (Again, Initially)
GiphyEven though some people don’t like to kiss (check out “Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?”), the rest of us? We want it as much as possible! There isa scientific reason for why that is the case too. When you kiss someone (especially in the mouth), it releases feel-good and bonding hormones and chemicals including dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin; not to mention the fact that it can also help to reduce stress. And while kissing does feel absolutely amazing, remember that the focus here is to “pregame” stimulation.
So, if you really want to get your man riled up, avoid his mouth (at first) and even his penis and opt for turn-on spots instead.The wetness of your mouth, the softness of your lips, and the texture of your tongue along his neck, around his ears or gently grazing his back? Girl, I’m getting a little hot ‘n bothered just talking — well, writing — about it.
5. Stay Out of the Bed
GiphyIf there are two things that couples can find themselves getting really lazy about (if they’re not careful), it’s when they have sex and where. As far as the “when” goes,although reportedly, guys tend to prefer it in the morning (I mean, morning wood…makes sense) and women do late at night, most couples will admit that there is usually a time when they have it the most (especially if they’ve got young children — check out “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids”) as a way of “meeting in the middle.” For example, if for you and your man,that’s 10 p.m. and it’s pretty much that way, every time, that can get to become boring, simply because no anticipation is necessary; you know what’s coming.
Same thing goes for always having sex in the bed. Even though it’s comfortable and accommodating to most sex positions, trying other places (at least for foreplay) can cultivate a feeling of newness and excitement. Whether it’s on the kitchen floor, in your car (when it’s in the garage), in the shower (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”), in your closet (some people really like the closeness of it) or, what appears to be most folks’ favorite spot,the living room sofa (go figure, chile) — get out of the bed sometimes. The bed is comfy, no doubt. It’s also predictable as hell.
6. Have a Foreplay Staycation
GiphyIt honestly floors me, just how many married couples I know who either haven’t taken a romantic vacation in years or (what in the world?!) haven’t done it since their honeymoon. To that, I’ll just say this: there was once a study conducted of 2,000 couples. It was revealed that of those who felt like their relationship had lost its spark, 42 percent of them were able to get it back by spending some quality time together while taking a leisure trip (without the kids). To me, this makes all of the sense in the world because romantic vacations are designed to “get off of the grid” and focus, solely, on you and your partner’s needs.
So, if you are one of those couples who doesn’t have a trip, just for you and your man, on the docket for some time this year, here’s your sign that you need to figure something out — ASAP. And what if your money is tight? What should you do in the meantime? How about a foreplay staycation? Plan 24-48 hours where you and your man do nothing but kiss, lick, and touch without any penetration involved. Play sex games. Dance naked. Come up with (new) safe words. After a day or two of nothing but this, you will be ready to explode once it’s time to actually have sex with each other!
7. Play Your Own Version of “Hot, Warm, Cold”
GiphyTemperature play plays a solid role in sexual pleasure; that’s why I’ve written articles like “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom” for the platform. Anyway, aside from the fact thatit’s pretty damn hilarious that 69 degrees is the ideal room temperature for intimacy (umm, if you catch my drift), a big part of the reason why playing around with hot, warm, and cold temps is so effective is because your nerves respond,sometimes drastically so, to variations in them.
I mean, when you stop to consider that there are8,000 nerves in a clitoris and 4,000 in a penis, imagine what some ice would do during oral sex. Or, how about heating up a sex toy that’s made out of glass or metal in some boiling water, letting it cool just a bit, and running that up and down each other’s erogenous zones? If you do this while being blindfolded, there really is no telling where the peak levels of stimulation could take you!
8. Focus on Upping the Ante on Your Partner’s Stimulation (As They Do the Same for You)
GiphyI’ve already referenced the word “stimulation” a few times. To stimulate is “to rouse to action or effort, as by encouragement or pressure; incite.” Some synonyms include arouse, inspire, spark, activate, energize, enflame, support, urge — and motivate (cue Kelly Rowland’s song, "Motivation"). And so, keeping all of this in mind, when it comes to foreplay with your partner, how much effort do you put into stimulating him — into inspiring him, energizing him, motivating him…yes, sexually?
Something that I am a big-time believer of is, it’s hard to fall into a sexual rut, if the goal that BOTH PEOPLE have is to always outdo themselves, damn near every time that they come together. That said, how can you “out-inspire” him with your compliments? How can you “out-energize” him with a creative meal that’sfilled with aphrodisiacs? How can you “out-motivate” him with some new ideas that you’ve researched while you were at work?
When it comes to both foreplay and sex, “applying pressure” can be a ton of fun — when you see yourself as your own competition as far as taking your partner to new heights in the stimulation department.
9. Be Unpredictable
GiphyUnpredictable can go a lot of ways. In the context of what I’m referring to, I’m not talking about being fickle, erratic, and unreliable. Nah, what I mean is, be intentional about having a few tricks up your sleeve that your partner would never see coming.
An example of this comes from a song from a local legend here, Shannon Sanders (if you know, you know). He once wrote a song entitled “Interstate” and the intro starts off with him saying, “What you doin’? Not you. Didn’t think you were the type.” Yeah, you can read between the lines (or click on the hyperlink to the title) to get what he’s talking about yet I’m pretty sure that what made the experience, 50 times greater, is she did something that was outside of the norm. When it comes to foreplay and sex — that is typically the case. #wink
10. Switch the Energy Up
GiphyForeplay can — and should — have different themes from time to time. One time, focus on being romantic (rose petals and toasting each other). Another time, lean into being kinky (where are your handcuffs and bondage rope?). Still, another time, discuss a fantasy that you each want to fulfill. Then play dress-up as you role play. Record (the audio) of yourselves having sex one day; then play it another day — during foreplay.
Spoon naked and talk about all of the things that you adore about each other’s bodies. Get some oral sex dice (like thesehere) and see where throwing the dice will take you. Y’all, energy is such a big part of foreplay and sex, and the more you master switching it up, the more you and your partner will look forward to coming — and cumming — together for years to come. No doubt about it, sis.
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Featured image by Giphy