From The Hood To Silicon Valley: Rukayatu Tijani On What It Means To Be A First Generation Attorney
There's a billion-dollar industry promising to guide the masses to purpose.
Best-selling books adorn polished store shelves waiting to be read by those starved for answers. Sold-out conferences and seminars convince us to look to their hosts for guidance. Podcasts crash through the glut with episode after episode of anecdotes, interviews, and advice. Everyone's got 'the key' to ultimate success - whatever that may mean today - and we pay them our hard-earned money and our time when many of us haven't spent time examining the course of our lives for the glimpses of destiny we so desperately seek.
The course of Rukayatu Tijani's life made her destiny clear early on. Her path to studying law was set at five years old, when she learned of African-American giants of justice like Thurgood Marshall and Charles Hamilton Houston. Their carefully crafted and executed litigation strategies dismantled structural racism in education and formed the foundation of American integration as we know it today. This narrative intrigued Rukayatu, or "Ruky," as many lovingly call her, and motivated her to forge a path similar to those legal champions whose pictures now grace her office walls.
A Clear, Unpaved Path
Kayla Schmah Photography
Creating a career in which she could catalyze equity, inclusion, and the reclamation of dignity was exactly what she wanted to do. But there was no blueprint for a first-generation Nigerian-American girl from the projects of Brooklyn, New York.
So the path to her Juris Doctor would be hers to cut, step-by-step.
"Looking back I'm really grateful that God kept that vision consistent, notwithstanding the context in which I grew up," she says reflectively during our call. "There's a complexity to my upbringing that I've recently brought to light; my 'hood,' where there were crack vials in the staircase and urine in the elevators, formed the foundation, in a sense, of my grit, drive, and tenacity. But it also brought forth feelings of immense pain, torment, and trauma. I never really saw attorneys growing up, so the fact that I can [now] be an advocate, and use my Brooklyn beginnings to inform the work I do, is amazingly powerful, especially as I navigate the Silicon Valley."
"My 'hood,' where there were crack vials in the staircase and urine in the elevators, formed the foundation, in a sense, of my grit, drive, and tenacity."
Ironically, Ruky has had to do a lot of climbing in her 30 years of life to reach the Silicon Valley. Some upward paths found her pushing past fear of failure and survivor's guilt. But through it all, she found her footing, showing up as her authentic self - heels high, locs set, and her signature bright smile, stretching from ear to ear. She learned to navigate life confidently and define for herself what it meant to be a first-generation attorney.
Though her childhood wasn't easy, it isn't a past she wants to bury. Living in the inner city presented hurdles. With no close examples for who she wanted to become, Ruky found guidance and encouragement in sage mentors, her education, and sometimes, her own life. "I consistently say that I grew up in the projects because I'm proud of it. It taught me determination and resourcefulness."
Leaping Over The Bar
Kayla Schmah Photography
From the outside, it would seem that the path to becoming an attorney is fairly straightforward: study law, pass the bar, and land a job at a good law firm.
But this narrative is deceptive. A closer look at the details lays bare the specific ways in which many aspiring lawyers can fall through the cracks. And those details proved challenging for Ruky, as well as many first generation professionals learning to navigate professional spaces; spaces their peers were groomed to navigate from childhood.
"[The hardest part was] not knowing what I didn't know about the application process, including what I needed to do in high school and college and beyond. Just like there's a pipeline for prison, there's a pipeline for law school. From a young age, it's assumed that you're either going to be successful in this space or you're not; so if you don't 'fit' the success metrics, it can be hard to break into the field later on."
"Just like there's a pipeline for prison, there's a pipeline for law school. From a young age, it's assumed that you're either going to be successful in this space or you're not."
She benefited from the counsel of mentors and sponsors and participated in programs like CLEO, LSAC, TRIALS - all of which armed her with information she wouldn't have necessarily been privy to. "They encouraged me to take this journey step-by-step and I got comfortable asking questions. I had a village to help guide me along the way."
From a deep-seated desire to pay it forward, Ruky founded the First Generation Purpose Project, which helps first generation professionals create actionable steps in their workplace, career, and life by utilizing the tenacity and grit they already possess. The idea for FGPP came, Tijani says, from her own road to career success and the lurking feeling of wanting to give up.
"I'm a proud first generation four-year college grad but it was a difficult journey and janky road. I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 5. And while generally, I didn't waver in this sentiment, suddenly, less than two years into my career, I wanted to quit. In fact, I was determined to quit. But I didn't know why. I had to take time to unpack what undergirded my motivations. And after reflection, I noticed that a good number of my colleagues come from lawyer families. I didn't have that network or community to ask questions or figure out things with. I didn't have a community committed to convincing me not to quit."
And then there is the assumption that with a degree in hand or a white collar job secured, there is nothing left to do but enjoy a long stretch on Easy Street. This is not the case for most first generation professionals as they are still, to varying degrees, straddling two very different lives.
"[There is the] psychological difficulty of living between two different worlds. The 'homeless to Harvard' trope conveys that as soon as you get to 'Harvard,' everything is solved and that's just not true," Tijani explains.
"When I graduated from Berkeley (a top 10 law school), I came back to New York City and lived near Harlem. I navigated New York as a young urban professional uptown while my mom was still in the projects in Brooklyn. Although I 'moved up' in a sense, I was still tethered to a background that was, frankly, still under-resourced. I couldn't run away from this, so in order to engage and appreciate both worlds, I felt like I had to do mental gymnastics of sorts - essentially moving in spaces where people paid $500 for a pair of shoes, then returning to neighborhoods where a cab ride was a luxury."
Ruky realized she had to take the time to unpack two crucial questions: 1) Why this was such a hard journey and 2) Why no one else was talking about it.
She decided to start talking.
Equipped To Equip
Kayla Schmah Photography
Through speaker presentations, one-on-one consulting, and telling her own story, Tijani wields the First Generation Purpose Project as a weapon against isolation, impostor syndrome, and intimidation for first generation professionals. Harvesting anecdotes from her own life and data from her research, she speaks to the most prevalent obstacles that first generation professionals face.
"One of the biggest [issues] I've seen is the inability to engage friends and family to 'level one up,' frankly, in career and everyday life. This inability stems from the seeming lack of networks and social capital."
Another challenge comes from the physiological and psychological effects of shifting socioeconomic statuses. This influences budgeting and forming healthy financial boundaries with family members and friends.
"What does it mean to now identify as a person with more means, newfound privilege, and social capital? And what can we do with that?" Tijani asks these questions as she finds answers along the course of her own life. And as a result, she stands as an example. "If we don't see it, we can't be it, so I articulate my story and who I am."
"If we don't see it, we can't be it, so I articulate my story and who I am."
Clear on her grounding principles and practices, Ruky offers that prayer and an array of friends and mentors are important in combating impostor syndrome, survivor's guilt, and wanting to retreat to former comfort zones. "Prayer is the big tool. I also learned to be open to different displays of mentorship, including mentorship from white men who have been so gracious and have taught me a lot of the skills needed to hone my craft."
First Generation Purpose Project is another helpful tool to stay in a profession where she's often encouraged to leave - by friends and foes alike. "My pitch [with the FGPP] is that I'm teaching first generation professionals to navigate the workplace; this encourages me to stay in this space so I give legitimacy to my brand. It motivates me to stay in it for the long haul."
Her recent trip to Yale Law School was her first speaking engagement as founder of FGPP. "It was all student-initiated, which speaks to power students have in how they can shape the institutions they navigate," she recalls. "The night before my Yale presentation, I was creating an elaborate PowerPoint, making sure I incorporated all the bells and whistles. But at the last minute, I decided to chuck the presentation and speak from the heart. I spoke about passing the California and New York State bar exams while my mom was on food stamps. I spoke about the daunting task of leasing a car because I grew up with a Metrocard. I spoke about going to schools like Berkeley but coming home to different spaces in Brooklyn."
And the response to that honesty was overwhelming.
"The students said they'd never heard a talk like this and they were so glad they didn't have to let go of themselves in order to pursue their greatness."
The number one lesson she's learned along her path as a first generation professional?
"Keep going, God is working. If I could go back to my 21-year-old self or even yesterday, I would say keep going. Even if you don't see it yourself, somebody sees it. So it's going to work out, I promise."
You can connect with and learn more about Rukayatu's journey and work with First Generation Purpose Project at www.firstgenpurposeproject.com and on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Rukayata Tijani
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Draya Michele And Jalen Green Address Backlash Over Age Gap In Their Relationship
Romantic relationships with significant age gaps often attract heightened attention and scrutiny, especially when they involve an older woman dating a much younger man.
This criticism is usually viewed as a double standard, considering society's general acceptance of couples like Jay-Z and Beyoncé or Julius Tennon and Viola Davis, where the male partners are over a decade older than their female spouses.
The debate surrounding age gaps in celebrity relationships reignited in March when Draya Michele, a 39-year-old former reality star and entrepreneur, revealed she was expecting her first child with her boyfriend, 22-year-old Houston Rockets player Jalen Green, after nearly a year together. Immediately following the announcement, Michele, who has two sons from previous relationships, faced massive backlash due to the couple's 17-year age difference.
In response to the scrutiny, Michele posted a quote on her Instagram story, which has since been deleted, suggesting she was comfortable with being "misunderstood." The post read, "Get comfortable being misunderstood. Only a fraction of people will be able to truly grasp your essence. You are not on anyone else's timeline of comprehension."
Since then, the couple welcomed their daughter in May and maintained a relatively low profile regarding their relationship. However, during a recent outing in Hollywood, Michele and Green shared their thoughts with TMZ about the criticism they have received.
Draya And Jalen On Age-Gap Backlash
When asked about the online chatter surrounding their relationship, Michele revealed the couple's strategy for dealing with negativity. "We try to stay off the internet and not really listen to that kind of stuff," she explained.
Green echoed this sentiment, stating they don't care about the public backlash. The former Basketball Wivesstar elaborated that they strive to live as normally as possible by blocking out the hate.
“We block it out and we mind our business,” she stated.
When questioned about why she was facing scrutiny despite the pair looking the same age, Michele disclosed that the entire ordeal was strange.
“I don’t know what people’s problems is,” she said. “We are two adults– being in love. I don’t know why that would rub people the wrong way. It’s kind of weird. Love is love at the end of the day.”
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Feature image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images