While tending bar at a local hotspot, aspiring actress, army veteran and ATL transplant DominiQue "G.I. Jane" Williams found herself serving entertainment mogul Will Packer and his wife. After a lively chat, to Williams' surprise, Packer offered her his contact information to stay in touch about an upcoming role. She wrote it down on a copy of his receipt.
To her dismay, while searching for that same receipt a day or two later, DominiQue realized that it was long gone. At the end of that fateful evening, it had been collected with the rest of her receipts for the night. For someone else, the story would have ended there, a suspenseful little "almost made it" anecdote to tell the grandkids 40 years from now.
But as I soon came to understand during our conversation, DominiQue Williams isn't settling for cliffhangers or a life half-lived.
"What is meant for me will be for me," she says with conviction as we delve into her journey from the beginning.
Infectious optimism is her stock-in-trade. DominiQue glows with what the old folks would call an "in-spite-of" kind of joy. It's carried her through a network of storms and rewarded her with a windfall of wisdom in just 29 years of living. She can tell you all about surviving and thriving through military training, fighting an arduous battle with an aggressive illness, and the life-or-death decision to leave home at 23.
You wouldn't guess she's experienced so much or even think to feel sorry for her; you wouldn't have to. DominiQue tells her story with ease, humility and not one trace of self-pity. "I'm not dismissing [my] process because I understand that it's for my good. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me," she says during our interview.
Leaving The Nest, Finding Her Best
Image courtesy of DominQue Williams
DominiQue always aspired to more than her small hometown, Cincinnati, Ohio, could offer. Acting presented precisely the right outlet for her unforgettable personality; animated and diligent, curious and determined. Though she applied to the local arts high school, things didn't go as planned.
Shortly after, DominiQue set her Hollywood dreams aside and focused on the "more realistic" goals. The kind of monotonous, hemmed-in realism a small town demands of its residents, no matter how big and brilliant and bold their dreams.
"There was nothing [in Cincinnati] for me. I've always had really high ambitions and it just wasn't where I wanted to settle because that's exactly what it would be...settling."
While in college, the Reserved Officer Training Corps (ROTC) offered captivating stories of international army travel and Dominique joined The U.S. Army without much hesitation garnering a new nickname "G.I. Jane." It was both an homage to her favorite movie G.I. Jane, the 1997 military drama/action film starring Demi Moore and DominiQue's new look sans hair. Not only was the name fitting, it was foretelling.
"The military provided discipline and they humbled me. [I realized that] if I could do that, I can do anything. The results that you want don't happen right away but if you are diligent, determined, and persistent, they will come," DominiQue says with a kind of conviction that can only be born of experience.
Flying Against The Wind
Image courtesy of DominQue Williams
Fast forward to 2013. At an age when most young women are making their first post-graduate career move, DominiQue was hit with life-changing news: a cancer diagnosis. "It felt like an out-of-body experience. I didn't believe it and I really didn't know how to handle it," she recalls.
With little understanding of her illness and no one to equipped to help her fight it, DominiQue found herself spiraling, unmotivated to seek further treatment or care for herself.
"[I thought] 'I have to get out of here. If I don't get out of here, I'm going to die.'"
Packing as many of her belongings as would fit into her Camaro, on Christmas Day 2013 DominiQue left Cincinnati for a seven-hour, one-way drive to Atlanta, Georgia. "I never looked back. I left my whole house. I [felt] that if cancer was going to be something that [ended] my life, I at least [wanted] to go live my life and I knew I couldn't live in Cincinnati."
What she'd been dying to find in Cincinnati saved her life once in Atlanta. New friends seamlessly incorporated her as family, taking an interest in her health and introducing her to traditional and holistic practitioners. They drove her to doctors' appointments, sat with her when she fell ill from chemo treatments, and used social media to raise money, alleviating the financial strain of medical bills.
Consistent treatment and her newfound community's support helped DominQue to feel like herself again and, with time, beat her diagnosis. She holds close an invaluable lesson:
"I remember thinking that even if I wasn't getting better, I was feeling better. A lot of people don't know that long before the disease will defeat you, [a negative] mental state, spiritual state will kill you first. So, moving saved my life."
Chasing Destiny
Image courtesy of DominQue Williams
The move to Atlanta provided both a cure and an opportunity to continue living out her favorite quote:
"I'm willing to work for everything I prayed for."
Despite initially losing Will Packer's information, DominiQue's resilience rose to the top. She called a friend in the industry for help contacting the Hollywood hitmaker.
"We were sent to the gatekeepers and the answer was no [at first] but six months later my friend gives me a call and he says, 'Hey, Will Packer wants to know if you would be interested in an audition. I said, 'Me?'" she recalls with an ever-present awe.
Her friend echoed a sentiment to which DominiQue was no stranger, "Yeah, you. He didn't remember your name but he remembered your personality."
Just as Time and Opportunity met again, another obstacle presented itself: DominiQue was pushing one month with pneumonia on strict bed rest orders for at least two more weeks. Her friend's response? "He said, 'You can stay in bed if you want but this is a big opportunity. You just have to get up and go nail it," DominiQue lets out a raspy laugh.
Not even knowing what she was auditioning for, she submitted her audition reel with the help of another friend and returned to bed rest. A few weeks later, DominiQue got the call. She had landed her first movie role in the 2019 Shaft sequel starring Samuel L. Jackson, Richard Rountree, and Jessie T. Usher.
As her acting career begins, she looks to the greats for inspiration but holds space for her own exploration of a range of roles. She wants to do it all.
And with the knowledge she's gained, DominiQue is giving back no matter how far Hollywood takes her. "I want to speak to women who struggle with terminal illnesses, college students, [and] girls in the inner city."
Her ultimate desire is to stir up hope for those who are facing stacked odds because, as she knows well, sometimes your journey is about more than just you. "In order to get through you've got to go through. Sometimes what you go through isn't always [just] for you, it's for someone else," she implores.
DominiQue wastes no time on self-pity for past failures to launch, not with so many miles of blue skies ahead and the lives she now understands she was destined to touch.
"When I was going through [being sick with cancer] I felt like, 'Why is this happening to me? [I felt like I was] being punished.' But when I saw the people it was [inspiring] how many people reached out to me on social media and come up to me to this day… Discussing my story is helping them through losing loved ones or going into the military. Me aspiring to do something is inspiring other people."
Check out Shaft, in theaters now.
For more of DominiQue, follow her on Instagram.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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