Did You Know Certain Personality Traits Get More Sex Than Others?
I love men. I really love Black men. There's just something about a 6'-plus Godiva chocolate man who's full of intellect, humor, old-fashioned values, spiritual vigilance, self-awareness, and mega-ambition (not necessarily in that order) that literally gives me chills. But what really takes me over the edge is a man who is consistent. Oh, and stable. Stability is soooooooooo—inhale, exhale—oooooo sexy to me.
Now here's my segue on that. Recently I was talking to a man (who checks most of these boxes, by the way) about two character flaws that 1) I think a lot of men have and 2) men are in total denial about having—gossiping and emotional instability. I can't tell you the amount of stuff I've heard about other people that came from the mouths of other men. The guy I was talking to reluctantly agreed that happens more than it should (barbershops, anyone?). But what he gave me pushback on was the whole emotional instability thing.
Shellie, give me an example of what an emotionally unstable man acts like.
Hmph. Brotha, let me count the ways.
A moody man is emotionally unstable. A jealous man is emotionally unstable. A lying man is emotionally unstable. An unforgiving man is emotionally unstable. A controlling man is emotionally unstable. A cheating man is emotionally unstable. A commitment-phobe is emotionally unstable.
After I shared the list, the guy said, "I bet it doesn't stop any man from gettin' some."
Not so fast, playa. Not so fast.
One day, while I was doing my usual perusing of the internets, I read an article that featured a study about the kind of personality traits, in men, that happen to get more sex than others. Out of all the individuals who were interviewed, guess what one of the top turn-on traits was? Ding—emotionally stability. Not only did women say they were more drawn to an emotionally stable man, men also admitted that being emotionally stable got them more sex too.
Those weren't the only personality traits that caught a woman's eye and libido either. Men who were extroverted (outgoing) and conscientious (a man who listens to his conscience) also ranked high on the list. Something else that the study revealed is women really do find a man with a great personality to be super appealing.
And what kind of female personality traits get women more action? According to the same study, agreeable women made the cut. That seemed a little too obvious (and shallow) to me, so I did a bit more digging around to see what else got a man's nature to rise.
As far as what sexually attracts a lot of men, some of what I discovered was pretty interesting. If a man's mom had him before she was 30, he tends to desire older rather than younger women. Women who like to take physical risks—zip-lining, mountain-climbing, etc.—were also super appealing to men.
The Huffington Post once featured a survey that said 69 percent of men dig tattoos and 55 percent of men are all for body piercings. Just like a lot of us prefer a tall man, a lot of men prefer a woman who's shorter than they are.
But what I really liked was the fact that individuals—whether male or female—who were altruistic tend to get more action than anyone else. The first thing that came to my mind was if you're unselfish outside of the bedroom, you're probably also unselfish once you're in it as well. The next thing I thought was, "The more you're willing to give, the more you up your chances for receiving." Again, both outside and inside of the bedroom.
At the same time, folks with pathological personality traits (think pathological liar or pathological narcissist) are more interested in casual sex than anyone else is. Meanwhile, the convenience, safety, emotional intimacy, freedom to take (sexual) risks and awareness of how to turn each other on and out reportedly makes married sex much better than single sex (oh, and for those of you who are as in love with Black love as I am, I also noticed NPR reported that 75 percent of Black men are married to Black women…amen? Amen!).
Soooo basically, what this all boils down to, is if you're stable, nice, generous and not afraid of commitment, you actually end up getting more action than anyone else does.
Well looka here. Seems to me that while nice guys (and gals) may finish last—they also finish best. In the bedroom anyway (wink).
Featured image by Getty Images.
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How To Eat Your Way To Better Sex - Read More
We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex' - Read More
4 Easy Ways To Build Intimacy In A Relationship Without Sex - Read More
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage