I love men. I really love Black men. There's just something about a 6'-plus Godiva chocolate man who's full of intellect, humor, old-fashioned values, spiritual vigilance, self-awareness, and mega-ambition (not necessarily in that order) that literally gives me chills. But what really takes me over the edge is a man who is consistent. Oh, and stable. Stability is soooooooooo—inhale, exhale—oooooo sexy to me.
Now here's my segue on that. Recently I was talking to a man (who checks most of these boxes, by the way) about two character flaws that 1) I think a lot of men have and 2) men are in total denial about having—gossiping and emotional instability. I can't tell you the amount of stuff I've heard about other people that came from the mouths of other men. The guy I was talking to reluctantly agreed that happens more than it should (barbershops, anyone?). But what he gave me pushback on was the whole emotional instability thing.
Shellie, give me an example of what an emotionally unstable man acts like.
Hmph. Brotha, let me count the ways.
A moody man is emotionally unstable. A jealous man is emotionally unstable. A lying man is emotionally unstable. An unforgiving man is emotionally unstable. A controlling man is emotionally unstable. A cheating man is emotionally unstable. A commitment-phobe is emotionally unstable.
After I shared the list, the guy said, "I bet it doesn't stop any man from gettin' some."
Not so fast, playa. Not so fast.
One day, while I was doing my usual perusing of the internets, I read an article that featured a study about the kind of personality traits, in men, that happen to get more sex than others. Out of all the individuals who were interviewed, guess what one of the top turn-on traits was? Ding—emotionally stability. Not only did women say they were more drawn to an emotionally stable man, men also admitted that being emotionally stable got them more sex too.
Those weren't the only personality traits that caught a woman's eye and libido either. Men who were extroverted (outgoing) and conscientious (a man who listens to his conscience) also ranked high on the list. Something else that the study revealed is women really do find a man with a great personality to be super appealing.
And what kind of female personality traits get women more action? According to the same study, agreeable women made the cut. That seemed a little too obvious (and shallow) to me, so I did a bit more digging around to see what else got a man's nature to rise.
As far as what sexually attracts a lot of men, some of what I discovered was pretty interesting. If a man's mom had him before she was 30, he tends to desire older rather than younger women. Women who like to take physical risks—zip-lining, mountain-climbing, etc.—were also super appealing to men.
The Huffington Post once featured a survey that said 69 percent of men dig tattoos and 55 percent of men are all for body piercings. Just like a lot of us prefer a tall man, a lot of men prefer a woman who's shorter than they are.
But what I really liked was the fact that individuals—whether male or female—who were altruistic tend to get more action than anyone else. The first thing that came to my mind was if you're unselfish outside of the bedroom, you're probably also unselfish once you're in it as well. The next thing I thought was, "The more you're willing to give, the more you up your chances for receiving." Again, both outside and inside of the bedroom.
At the same time, folks with pathological personality traits (think pathological liar or pathological narcissist) are more interested in casual sex than anyone else is. Meanwhile, the convenience, safety, emotional intimacy, freedom to take (sexual) risks and awareness of how to turn each other on and out reportedly makes married sex much better than single sex (oh, and for those of you who are as in love with Black love as I am, I also noticed NPR reported that 75 percent of Black men are married to Black women…amen? Amen!).
Soooo basically, what this all boils down to, is if you're stable, nice, generous and not afraid of commitment, you actually end up getting more action than anyone else does.
Well looka here. Seems to me that while nice guys (and gals) may finish last—they also finish best. In the bedroom anyway (wink).
Featured image by Getty Images.
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