Normally, I’m quick to hop on the bandwagon for new shows but with Bridgerton I took my time. I’m not sure what it was but I think I felt disengaged by Shonda Rhimes' Shondaland for a moment or perhaps it was the mere fact that I had enough shows on my roster. Who actually knows but what I do know is this: I avoided Bridgerton like the plague or consumption or whatever disease may have been ravaging them during the Regency Era.
With all my TV shows going off-air soon, I decided to reconsider my position on Bridgerton with the release of the newest season (season two), and it didn’t disappoint. First and foremost, it was a relatively stress-free show which I’ve been leaning into because the world is glum enough but let's not get sidetracked.
Colin Hutton/Netflix
Bridgerton, in all actuality, is a relatively feminist show – as feminist as it can be for the time period. We see women making a way for themselves when there isn’t a way. Above all, we see women taking ownership of their wants and needs (sexually and otherwise) – from Eloise (played by Claudia Jessie) protesting the traditional roles handed down to her, to Kate (played by Simone Ashley) doing whatever is necessary to protect her family. We see the female leads being fierce!
But, hunny, let me tell you this! Had I known that Bridgerton had the sex scenes that it does…I would’ve moved on it immediately.
They weren’t raunchy or graphic, but they were centered around the feminine. Truly, there was so much that Bridgerton got right about sexuality – here are just a few of the things that I found to be the most significant.
1. Sexual Desire
Though in that era, it was frowned upon to be seen alone with men (outside of immediate family), much less have sex with them – I think the show still does a great job of identifying sexual tension in a way that’s not too subtle. The show made it clear that sexual desire and lust are not improper emotions to feel – and no amount of virtue can remove the intensity found in those emotions. Granted, depending on the social status of the woman, I noticed that there were fewer expectations of virtue than others but I can’t fault the show for depicting an otherwise realistic dynamic that no doubt occurred for women and their sexuality.
For instance, they waste no time in allowing Siena (Sabrina Bartlett) to express her sexuality in any manner she sees fit because of her social status as an opera singer. They don’t tease the sexual tension out between her and Anthony. There’s even a scene in season one where Daphne (Phoebe Dynevor) points out that women are not told in great detail about the act of sex because they wouldn’t be able to get anything done if they had truly known.
2. Woman-Centered Pleasure
In this show, women don’t just lay there and get fucked, they do the fucking! Siena being aggressive and taking the lead during sex is but one example. Though not under the most pleasurable circumstances, I’d even say there was power in Daphne climbing on the Duke even if for no reason other than to prove all of the moving pieces were…working! Time and time again, we see women going after their sexual desires with certainty and without regret – at least not for the act of sex itself.
In my opinion, what's great about the show is that it doesn’t portray sex as some "dirty" act. I’m not stating that the show is perfect because again, it does have to be somewhat rooted in the reality for women at that time. However, what I would say is they could’ve made this another Regency Era tale where women are sexually assaulted and have little to no sexual autonomy. And Bridgerton does the opposite of that. Instead, women are portrayed at the center of their own pleasure.
3. Sexuality is Fluid
Although they don’t do a deep dive, they make a brief attempt at highlighting the complicated nature of sexuality for men during that time. Benedict Bridgerton (Luke Thompson) begins to run in a new social circuit (artists, of course, because some cliches must remain) and he finds himself held to secrecy. Not only in regard to the modern sex parties he’s attending but to Sir Henry Granville’s (Julian Ovenden) sexuality.
What I like about their mention of his sexuality is that rather than Benedict being homophobic and completely dismissive, they leave space for curiosity with his character – not necessarily curiosity to partake but to potentially unlearn his ignorance.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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