"You're not good enough."
"You can't do this."
"You are way in over your head."
Those were just some of the negative statements and thoughts I would say and think to myself as I walked into class. As a 26-year-old Ph.D. candidate at Howard University, my journey in academia has been both exciting and fulfilling yet at the same time, emotionally and spiritually grueling. If the pressure that comes along with being the first in my family to graduate from undergrad, to receive a Master's degree, and pursue a doctorate was not hard enough, the constant feeling of self-doubt and chronic self-criticism of whether or not I "belonged" in higher education was a weight that was too much to bear –– despite my academic and professional accomplishments.
Not being able to put a name to this dark feeling of doubt that consumed me and too intimidated to share my feelings with my other Black female colleagues, I started to do research on what I was going through. After reading the article "For Colored Girls Who Are Unsure" on Sister PhD, I realized what I was battling with. It was called "Impostor Syndrome."
For those of you unfamiliar, Impostor Syndrome is the psychological phenomenon affecting individuals who find themseleves incapable of interanlizing their accomplishments. Instead they view themselves as failures or inadequates, and are living in a constant state of anxiety that they will be found out for the "fraud" that they believe themselves to be. It's quite common among women and people of color.
And unfortunately for us, Impostor Syndrome among Black women academics is a pervasive and debilitating issue that too many of us are suffering in silence with. Following in Audre Lorde's revolutionary charge to "transform silence into language and action," I interviewed five Black women Ph.D. students and they shared with me their experiences with Impostor Syndrome, how they cope with internalized perceptions of inadequacy; and some advice they would give to other Black women doctoral students who too are dealing with inclinations of unworthiness.
Erin Berry-McCrea, 33
The University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC)
How has imposter syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"I think as a Black person, you are always battling with what W.E.B. DuBois describes as 'double consciousness.' You are so used to surviving and dealing with the duality that you become a master at 'saving face.' I was so accustomed to dealing with covert and overt racism; so, I thought dealing with it in the academy was simply part of the territory. I really had an "ah-ha!" moment when a friend from my hometown was killed by the police; my step-father passed suddenly in 2013; and I was taking a research methods class. I felt like I needed to perform some function of myself that I could not as a young scholar because I lost a parent. Death is permanent, and I was not prepared to include that in my life during my second semester as a doctoral student. That is when I realized that my imposter syndrome was bigger than me and almost crippling. I literally had anxiety attacks once a week and thought about moving back to Durham and quitting my program."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"I encourage Black women Ph.D. students to be transparent. Keep it 'a band' with yourself and those around you. The SBW (Strong Black Woman) trope is dangerous and it will kill you. Don't fall for it.
Stand in your truth. Do what you can and what you need to do for you and if you need help, ask for it.
Articulate it to those who say that they love you and be specific in what you need. Practice self-care. Prioritize self-care and knowledge of self in the same way that you prioritize meetings with advisors, trips to the library, dissertation writing, and any other academic task. I'd also suggest that you locate a 'tribe' of other 'Ph.D.ers' ––whether it be in person or digitally —so that you can have systems of support."
Ashley Daniels, 32
Howard University
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"I remember 2012 being a bittersweet year for me: I was getting settled into living in my first apartment by myself; I scored a great permanent job; and I was starting my first year as a Ph.D. student at one of my dream schools, Howard University. Things were looking good until my fall semester. Thinking that my new work-school balance was going to be like my old work-school balance, I kept my same full-time hours at my new job and took a full load of coursework at Howard. Because of the terrible school-life balance I struggled to maintain, I began to doubt myself and my position in life at the time.
Perhaps Howard and my job made a mistake in taking a chance on me? Was I really as smart as I thought I was?
This kind of thinking did a lot of damage in my first year. I finished my first year on academic suspension; was unconfident in my job performance; and feeling completely beaten down."
What are some ways in which you challenge, overcome and/or cope with your Impostor Syndrome?
"I can clearly remember the times I would walk the hallways of Howard or sit at my office desk and try to fake as many smiles as I could. It wasn't until I came to work one day the summer of 2013 looking as defeated as I felt. My boss — whom I had only known for a few months but was very supportive of my education since we met –– asked me what was going on. I finally broke down and told her everything that I was going through for the past year. However, that was the moment where things began to change. The breaking of my silence led to an adjustment in my work schedule; better advisement on how to be a successful working Ph.D. student; and eventually going to therapy to treat a plethora of issues including anxiety and depression. Six years later, I am proud of the long way I've come to the better physical, mental, and emotional space I am in."
Latoya Haynes-Thoby, 37
Penn State University
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D journey?
"Impostor Syndrome was really hard in the beginning to deal with and sometimes it creeps up even now. One of the things that has helped me with my Impostor Syndrome is considering the consequences of not speaking up and talking about it. As a first-generation college student, I have seen how my peers have the support system and can reach out to their family members and close friends who have doctorates; whereas that is not the case for me. I also remember that I am here for a reason and my silence on certain issues won't further the reasons and causes that I am fighting for. I have to remind myself daily that the ideas and things that are important to the groups I belong to won't be heard unless I speak up."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"I remember highlighting someone for a project I did for my graduate research and one of the statements he said was, 'Always remember that your voice is important and what you have to say is important.' It wasn't until very recently that I was able to digest that. I hope that other Black women in doctoral programs remember that our voices are important and what we have to say is important. If we risk silencing ourselves, we risk silencing the communities and families we represent. We risk silencing new ideas and people that we are trying to highlight in our work."
Dominiqua M. Griffin, 28
Penn State University
How has Imposter Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D journey?
"In the beginning of the program and even now, it just feels like 'do I really even matter?' or 'will my work really make a difference?' I always feel as if I am the only person advocating for certain issues, especially in a predominantly white space such as Penn State. I've constantly questioned myself about whether or not I am good enough to be here but I also know that I am not the only person in this predicament either. I recognize there were Black women before me who felt this way and there are going to be Black women after me who will feel this way too –– and they feel imposter syndrome whether they attend predominantly white institutions or historically black colleges and universities. With this, I really have conversations with myself and say, 'I can definitely do this.'"
What are some ways in which you challenge, overcome and/or cope with your Imposter Syndrome?
"While I was at Penn State, I was a part of the Black Graduate Student Association (BGSA) and the Commission on Race, Ethnicity, and Diversity. That was really helpful. Being able to advocate for students of color; students with disabilities; and advocating for mental health and wellness and how Black students need counselors of color on campus, really helped me because I felt heard and valued. It was great to be around fellow graduate students who looked like me and who also were going through the same issues as me and being able to talk about our issues collectively really encouraged me."
Ree Botts, 25
UC Berkeley
@reeciology + @theselfologymovement
How has Impostor Syndrome impacted you and your Ph.D. journey?
"My Impostor Syndrome started when I was an undergraduate at Spelman. My sophomore year, I was in a program called the Mellon-Mays Fellowship, which is a program that serves as a pipeline for undergraduate students who are interested in getting their Ph.D. At the time, I did not know if the program was what I wanted to do but with the encouragement of one of my favorite professors, I applied. I was so surprised that I was accepted into the program because I did not think I was smart enough. I felt like I didn't belong. I remember the first day of the program when everyone was making their introductions and I was really nervous because I was afraid they would judge me because of my Philly accent. I did not want people to think that I was 'ghetto' or 'stupid' because I did not talk the way they did. I used to question myself and wonder how can I be a scholar and yet an 'around-the-way' Philly girl and try to exert my confidence? I thought I had to pick a world to belong to but then I realized that I can be and do both."
What advice would you give to other Black women Ph.D. students who may be dealing with Impostor Syndrome as well?
"You deserve everything you worked hard for. Nobody made a mistake on you. Nobody accidentally let you slip in. There are a lot of unqualified people with doctorates, who have gotten through their programs because of their privilege. You have the power to create the life you want to live. Don't let your professors or these institutions have power over you.
Stay true to yourself and know that you don't have to put up with the bullshit.
You are a student at your institution and you have rights. You do not have to endure pain and trauma to get a degree. The moment you start making decisions for you and the moment you realize there is more to life –– your life –– outside these institutions and a degree is the moment you will be set free."
Have you ever encountered Impostor Syndrome? What steps are you taking to overcome those feelings?
- The Five Types Of Impostor Syndrome And How To Beat Them ›
- Learning to Deal With the Impostor Syndrome - The New York Times ›
- How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome: 21 Proven Ways ›
- Impostor Syndrome: How to fight the feelings you're a fake - CNET ›
- Afraid Of Being 'Found Out?' How To Overcome Impostor Syndrome ›
- How to Get Over Imposter Syndrome - The Muse ›
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
Courtesy
In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
Courtesy
With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
Courtesy
For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy