Why Black Women Are Declaring Rest & Self-Preservation For The Next Four Years
It's been weeks since the election results have come in, and the resounding response of millions of Black women all over the country has been unequivocal: America, you're on your own. Exit polls showed that 92% of Black women voted for Kamala Harris, an even higher number than those who voted for Joe Biden in 2020.
It's clear that we showed up when it mattered most. But are we surprised? We always do our part; the rest of this country didn’t do theirs, and it’s not up to us to save y’all this time.
Yet, as the shadow of a Trump inauguration looms, Black women, myself included, have taken to social media to declare that whatever happens next, we won't be the leaders of any movements or causes because we did our part; it's time for the rest of America to do what our ancestors have done since the moment we were brought to this country - work.
Why Rest Is Needed
Black women are proclaiming the next four years as a time of rest and deep self-preservation, a contrast to the resilience we've demonstrated time and time again for the sake of the greater good and during this election process.
Our strength was evident in the monumental Win With Black Women Zoom call that saw over 44,000 (including myself and my mama) participants rally to raise more than 1.5 million dollars for Harris's campaign and in the endorsements from powerful figures like Oprah Winfrey, Angela Bassett, Kerry Washington, Viola Davis, and Beyoncé.
We showed up and showed out to win this election (like we did for Obama and Joe Biden) and still—we lost. So what's next? According to the sentiments of thousands of Black women online - we do what our mamas and grandmas used to do when we didn’t want to eat what they cooked for dinner: let them fend for themselves.
Our needs should be the first priority, and this election process has been traumatizing enough. The racial rhetoric that we’ve endured surrounding Kamala Harris and the questions of her race, qualifications, and overall worthiness have made it very clear that this country continues to not see us as good enough.
So let them navigate the next four years without us. By taking care of ourselves, we affirm our importance and contribute to our own resilience - leaving a legacy of radical self-care for the Black girls of today and the future to know that at this time in our nation's history, we took a unified stand of rest.
How Chronic Stress Impacts Black Women Differently
Studies have shown that chronic stress biologically ages Black women faster than white women in a process called weathering. The term was coined by Dr. Arline T. Geronimus, a public health researcher during her time at Princeton University in 1992 and in her book titled Weathering. Her findings show how marginalized communities are at a higher risk of the chronic stress that comes from living in a racist society.
Additionally, 2021 research on race-related stress shows that not only are Black women exposed to higher levels of chronic stress, but it can also affect our central nervous system, cognition and learning, immune system functions, cardiovascular systems, gastrointestinal complications, and overall mortality.
Speaking with experts regarding Black women's stance post-election, trauma therapist Ashley McGirt-Adair suggests that right now, she doesn’t recommend Black women do anything outside of rest. "During this time, Black women should embrace rest without guilt, engage in joyful activities, practice mindfulness and community care, celebrate your strengths, seek professional support, and lastly, play music and dance." She places emphasis on dance most of all, as our music and movement has long been a way to connect and embrace the joy that is our birthright.
McGirt-Adair also points to the women of the Black Panther Party, whose embodiment of joy and Black pride fueled their resilience. "When I watch videos of the Black Panther Party, I see their fists held high. Afros. All black and enjoying each other's Blackness. Too often, we equate Blackness with oppression, but it's joy, and that is what I think we should be doing. Resting and experiencing joy."
And as joy is our birthright, so is the right to push back against the idea that Black women exist to serve. Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our bodies, leading to serious health risks like hypertension and heart disease. Andrea Dalzell, RN, eloquently states, along with the knowledge that rest is a form of resistance, a nod to Tricia Hersey’s teachings through The Nap Ministry and her novel Rest is Resistance. “By prioritizing rest, Black women can continue leading, advocating, and uplifting from a place of resilience rather than depletion,” Dalzell says.
As Jasmine Johnson, an exercise psychologist and yoga instructor, emphasizes, rest is a fundamental need for survival, not just an option. It's a necessity, and we must reinforce within our community that it's perfectly acceptable to take a step back. "We can take our crowns off and rest," she urges, reminding us that attending to our well-being is paramount.
In this moment in history, whether you are, in the words of our illustrious Vice President Kamala Harris, rolling up your sleeves, or you’re taking the stance of rest is resistance, know that you deserve to prioritize yourself. Not just today, but every single day that matters because your life and overall wellness quite literally depend on it. We have been the backbone of movements and change, and now it's time to care for our minds, bodies, and spirits.
By prioritizing our needs, we can chart a new path forward to ensure rest is our birthright, and when (and if) we so choose to ready ourselves to lead the charge when the call comes again.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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