
Black K-Pop Fans Are Here To Tell You All About Their Lit Fan Community

Call me old, and maybe I am, but I'm just now learning about the world of K-pop, and the degree of which it is celebrated.
K-pop, short for Korean pop, is a popular music genre originating in South Korea that's basically taking the world by storm. It's highly influenced by styles and genres from around the world, such as rock, jazz, gospel, hip hop, R&B, reggae, electronic dance, folk, country, and classical, on top of its traditional Korean music roots.
One of the most impressive things about K-pop, is their loyal fanbase, reminiscent of the early 2000's boy band saga. And like so many others, there's a black following of listeners who have also gravitated to the movement, causing many of its artists to take note. For example, BTS, one of the more popular K-pop bands, took the initiative to show support and label themselves as allies by donating a million dollars to Black Lives Matter--ultimately encouraging their avid fanbase ARMY to match the donation. This was a huge gesture, considering there have been talks of anti-blackness in K-pop fandom.
The appeal is magnetic and we found some ladies willing to discuss just what that appeal is. Here are their stories:
Sequerstin | 23 | Memphis, TN
Courtesy of Sequerstin
I grew up living with my mom and my dad separately. My dad introduced me to the world of video games and anime. I was always the weird introverted cousin, preferring to be alone most of the time, and as my old English teacher would put it, "I was scarily quiet"--the biggest contrast to my loud, outspoken family. My interest in mostly pop and anime made me stand as well. I felt like I didn't fit in--not just in my family, but the black community as a whole. I've grown to not be ashamed of it now.
I discovered K-pop on YouTube one random day. I was searching for Keri Hilson's "Pretty Girl Rock", but instead, I found nine Korean girls dancing to it. The actual music video of Girls' Generation was linked. I was super intrigued, so I clicked on it, and was sent to another one of their music videos. Before I knew it, I was in a hole watching the next music video and the next and the next. I had instantly become a fan.
I loved their choreography, the music, the concepts. It was so refreshingly different from Western artists. The fact that they train for years before they even debut shows on stage with each performance. They also have so many variety shows and you get to watch them doing the simplest of things: cooking or enjoying a water park. It's fun seeing them interact and grow.
Admittedly, I don't participate in the fandom as much as I used to when I was younger. Now, I just enjoy their music, watch performances, vote, and go. There's so many toxic fans, and a lot of them like to stir up drama, I see it up and down Twitter and in Facebook comments. It gotten pretty bad, honestly.
Not only did I sense anti-blackness from the genre, but also non-black K-pop fans. It's a sad world really. For instance, South Korea's beauty standards include pale skin (white as a ghost), skinny, v-shaped jawline, and high bridge nose. It speaks for itself. I've watched Korean variety shows where they made fun of an idol who wasn't as pale, saying they needed to bathe and scrub off the dirt.
When I saw that clip it made me wonder, "Well if they're dark then what am I?" Or "Will my idol consider me ugly?" Sometimes I think they forget international fans are watching, but they continue on or they just don't care.
There's so much cultural appropriation, yet I still read/watch videos of black people facing racism in Korea. International fans are referred to as "Koreaboos", meaning we're trying to be Korean. I can't speak for everyone because there are some out there who try, but most of us just enjoy the music and appreciate the culture. I do find their culture fascinating but never tried to participate myself. I watch from the sidelines.
Oh, and Western media likes to say we're young teenage fans, when a lot of us are grown grown.
At the moment, my favorite group is TWICE. Their concepts are very cutesy, which isn't common in America but it works for them. They're chemistry is amazing. Yes, they were put together by a company, but strong bonds is what keeps them going for so long. And every song they've put out—a bop.
As far as BTS donating to Black America, I'm proud of them. They do nothing but promote peace, loving yourself and others. This is coming from a group that is heavily influenced by black culture. Their discography includes R&B and rap/ hip-hop. They've had a lot of eyes on them since the Billboard Awards and it's only right they lead by example.
Akilah | 29 | Miami, FL
Courtesy of Akilah
I was a quiet and imaginative child. I was always creative and curious and loved putting and making things, but I was never confident to show who I was or be myself. I was the type of girl who followed what her brothers did; from TV shows I watched, all the video games I ever played, to the sports I later played, I grew to love because I was with my older and younger brother. From there, I became immersed into gaming, comics books, cosplay and anime and even falling in love with something that was considered not normal at the time, aka K-pop.
It was really easy for me to get into K-pop since I was already really into watching shoujo anime and listening to tons of J-pop and J-rock artists. But what really made that extra push, was getting into K-drama, or Korean Dramas (Boys Over Flowers, my first K-drama). That's what really opened my doors fully because I got curious to explore more of the music and culture.
K-pop is fun, K-pop is free. K-pop allows you be your best self. Beside the music and the videos, what really draws you in, is the idols themselves. A lot of them you could relate to being different and doing what makes you happy. With that I feel K-pop aids you to find a voice to inspire!
As a fan, I've honestly heard a lot of crazy stuff questioning my blackness. I have a few friends I have met over time from going to different K-pop events and concerts, but a lot of my closest friends are either curious about the music or simply just don't understand. I often hear from non-fans that I must be lost or the music does not speak a message or oftentimes people would jokingly say that "I'm gonna marry a Korean man" or "I fetishize them."
It is never the case.
I grew to understand who I am as a person and not let a language barrier be the factor as to why I can't listen to music. At the end of the day, music is music. And I LOVE music. My favorite K-pop artist would have to be the renaissance man himself, Jay Park! Jay Park really made a name for himself in South Korea with his music. He is a man with drive, a vision, and he keeps going and going. His hustle don't stop! PLUS, I was able to see him live in person and his performance was AMAZING! He carries so much stage presence and confidence. Who wouldn't love a man like that!?
Anyway, K-pop has seriously came a long way with understanding black culture and I feel like K-pop as an industry is still learning. I honestly felt when BTS donated the millions to Black America, it was expected.
BTS is about healing the world and being yourself and loving yourself. If you love yourself, it will heal others around you. I feel it was just of them to do what they did to help spread love and to aid those who need help and that love. Love heals.
Chelsea | 24 | Washington D. C.
Courtesy of Chelsea
I grew up in Plano, Texas, a suburb outside of Dallas. My brothers and I went to a predominantly white, Christian private school that I don't have fond memories of. I struggle to talk about it because I find myself trying to downplay my feelings, trying to "oh, it wasn't that bad" myself into oblivion, but growing up like that was hard. I never felt like a person, I always felt like an Other. I felt unseen and unheard and alone, more often than not. And when I did feel "seen", it was when I was being tokenized, or used, or paraded like a show pony at a circus. "Look at how smart/kind/sweet/articulate/well-spoken she is!" white people would exclaim, as if I was an anomaly. It was weird. It's still weird.
In the summer of 2011, I was up late one night on YouTube and I was recommended the music video for SHINee's "Lucifer". You know that moment when Alice jumps down the rabbit hole? That music video was it for me. I was hooked. I needed to hear every album they had ever released and see all of their music videos and watch all of their variety show appearances. But, at first, I resisted. I told myself that I couldn't like SHINee. I refused to download the song to my phone. I was already getting weird looks for the anime I watched at home and the manga that I brought with me to school. I knew my peers and my family thought the things I liked were strange and I told myself I didn't need the extra attention another unconventional interest would bring me.
Sad, right?
I don't remember when, exactly, I finally broke and downloaded the entire Lucifer album, but I'm glad I did. The music and the fandom and the friends I've made through it—I can't imagine these past nine years without any of it. Some of the most loving, genuine friends I have in this life I met because I was listening to K-pop on my phone in public or tweeting about it. The community, when it's good, is amazing.
As far as the music, I love it, of course. I've always been a boy band/girl band person. I loved B2K and *NSYNC, and when I listen to songs like EXO's "Growl" or "Bad Boy" by Big Bang, I get those 90's pop/R&B heartthrob vibes that I'm a sucker for. I love the music videos, too, and I love how conceptual K-pop is. How each album is an "era", and each era brings a new sound, new styling, new hair.
It's also fascinating to me on a scholarly level. Seeing the way Korean culture is being spread through K-pop and how it's interacting with/taking from Black culture is so intriguing to me. So much so that I wrote my senior thesis on it in undergrad!
People outside of fandom can say all sorts of crazy things. I've had people assume that I only like/date Asian men because I listen to Korean music, people insinuate that I'm not Black enough (or Black at all), that I'm weird, that I want to be Asian. And even within fandom, there are stereotypes. When I first got into K-pop, every time I found another person who liked it (which was a rare occurrence back then), when it came time to ask about who our favorite groups were, it was always assumed, every single time, that mine must be BigBang or 2NE1. Because if the black girl is into K-Pop, it must be the rap/hip-hop leaning stuff, right? Not the worst thing in the world, but a hurtful microaggression, nonetheless.
Actually, this is disheartening to admit, but anti-blackness is something I expect from fandom spaces and music genres. K-pop is not exempt. I've seen Mamamoo in blackface, heard Zico drop the n-word, seen him wear confederate flags. Non-black K-pop fans like to appropriate AAVE to hype up their faves, and then turn around and call a black fan a racial slur or tell them to "go listen to rap music" when their opinions differ. It's ugly. It's hurtful. I have a hard time being active in fandom because of it and it sucks to feel like even my would-be happy place is full of anti-blackness.
With that said, I do think it's nice that BTS and Big Hit and other Korean artists like pH-1 and Jay Park and CL are donating and speaking out about the things that are happening to black people—I was especially pleased by CL's statement, where she acknowledged the K-pop industry is inspired by black culture and she encouraged fans and other artists to give and support and show love.
Black people deserve love and support (always, but especially now), and all the black artists that have passed through K-pop idols' lips when they're asked about what "inspiration" deserved their flowers. I am, however, concerned with performative donations with no action or change or any real heat or meaning behind them, but that's a concern that's not just limited to K-pop.
Feature image courtesy of Chelsea Irvin
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Laterras R. Whitfield On What He Wants In A 'Future Wifey' & Redefining Masculinity
In this week's episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker chopped it up with Laterras R. Whitfield, host of the Dear Future Wifey podcast, for a raw and revealing conversation about personal growth, faith, and the search for love in a way that resonates.
Laterras Whitfield Believes Men Should Pursue, Not Persuade
“Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest”
Whitfield is a big advocate of a man’s role in going confidently for the woman he wants. “Men should pursue, not persuade, and women should present, not pursue,” he said. He’s open to meeting women on social media but isn’t a fan of bold approaches. “Don’t shoot your shot at me. … Let me know you exist, and I’ll do the rest.”
His ideal woman?
“She has to be a woman of God… I judge a woman by how her friends see her… and most importantly, how she treats my kids.”
Infidelity, Redemption, and the Power of Self-Control
“Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer”
Once unfaithful in his previous marriage, Whitfield has since transformed his perspective on masculinity. “Being disciplined is the most beautiful thing you can offer. That’s what true masculinity is to me now.” He has also committed to abstinence, choosing self-control as a defining trait of manhood.
Whitfield’s journey is one of redemption, purpose, and faith—something that speaks to women who value emotional intelligence, accountability, and the power of transformation.
Rewriting the Narrative Around Black Masculinity
What masculinity, legacy, and healing mean to Whitfield today
“My dad taught me what not to be [as a man] and my mom taught me what she needed [in a man],” Whitfield said. While his father wasn’t abusive, he wasn’t emotionally or affectionately present. “Since I didn’t see it, I never got it either… I would look at my dad and say, ‘I want to be a better father.’ ”
Adoption had always been on his spirit, influenced by TV shows like Different Strokes and Punky Brewster. This mindset led him to take in his nephew as his son after a powerful dream confirmed what he already felt in his heart.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
If there is a piece of consistent sex-related advice that I give people who are considering going the distance in their relationship, it’s this: “Don’t go for someone who is simply good in bed; you’d be far better off choosing someone who actually enjoys sex.” Why do I say that? Because I’ve been doing this couples-work thing long enough to know that there are a lot — and, I mean A LOT — of people who like to manipulate or weaponize sex in order to get something that they want…and then, once they get it, suddenly sex is not a priority anymore.
One day, I might really get into just how actually evil that is (because sex is never supposed to be a bribe in a relationship). For now, though, I want to talk about how motives reveal oh so very much when it comes to physical (and even emotional) intimacy. Hmph. It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes on the topic of motives: “People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs, and motives.” An author by the name of Thomas Mann said that, and indeed it does because, when you are doing something merely to get your way, that is a form of manipulation or control.
On the other hand, when you’re doing it merely for the holistic pleasure of doing so — that is when you are experiencing intimacy in the way that it was intended to be.
So, when it comes to your personal motive for sex, what is it really all about?
What Are You Really Hoping to Get Out of Sex?
When It Comes to Your ‘What’, You Always Need to Know Your WHY
Oh, I’ve got some more motives quotes for you. Psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.” Author Paul David Trip once said, “We rarely do anything with one single motive.” It’s pretty ironic that actor Chris Noth (because if you know, you know) once said, “Since women ask me about male motives all the time, I can offer a bit of advice. If you feel like you're going to get hurt, then you shouldn't be there in the first place. That's the way I look at relationships.”
Now, before I attempt to build on these quotes, let’s first look at a very basic definition of motive:
Motive: a reason for doing something, especially one that is hidden or not obvious
Did you catch that? Oftentimes, when someone is moving based on a motive, the reason is hidden. Is it just me or does that sound semi-sneaky or opportunistic, right off the bat? Interestingly enough, some synonyms for motive include grounds, basis and root. All of those words make me think of the foundation of something. So, since we are talking about sex, specifically, today — before you decide to sleep with someone, you really should ask yourself what your foundational reason is and, if you’re choosing not to share it with said-partner…why is that?
Pick Your Top 3 Motives, Then Reflect
Let’s keep going. Some other synonyms for motive include aim; emotion; idea; impulse; intent; motivation; passion; rationale; occasion; incentive; consideration, and inspiration. Aight, so here’s another thing to ponder — out of these 12 words, select your top three that “connect the dots” as it relates to your motive (or motives). It could be that you feel passion for him, your intent is to show him that and, since you’ve been dating for a hot minute, you think that it’s the right occasion. In this case, what’s shady or opportunistic about that?
If that is indeed your motive, it would fall less into the “hidden” category and more in the “not obvious” once you really thought it through. On the other hand, if it’s more like you aim to have sex, because your rationale is to get some sort of incentive out of it — do you see how that’s totally different? And if indeed that is the case, WHY do you think that is okay?
Sex Is Not A Transaction — It’s An Exchange
I’m telling you, if there is one thing that I damn near loathe is how transactional sex sounds these days: “Unless you’re going to pay my bills, I’m not going to give you any.” What in the world? Listen, I don’t care how unpopular the opinion may be, sometimes — hell, oftentimes — the truth isn’t popular and the truth about copulation is IT IS AN EVEN EXCHANGE. No one should be paying you for it. He got pleasure, you got pleasure. Over and out. And if that isn’t happening, either there is more communication that needs to be going on (which is just one of the reasons why I’m not a fan of faking orgasms) or there is something “off” when it comes to you and your partner.
Whatever the case may be, before engaging in physical intimacy with someone, it’s beyond wise to spend some time getting really honest with yourself about what your motives truly are — because how we start something oftentimes sets the tone for the experience overall. Indeed, motives are a lot like cause and effect — they play a significantly profound role in determining the outcome of matters.
Real Compatibility Includes Mutual Motives
Sexual Compatibility Includes Having Mutual Motives
Okay, so now that we’ve discussed motives, in general — say that your motives are pure (and you are being really honest with yourself about that). You’re not hiding anything because there is nothing to hide. You simply feel so connected to someone that you are motivated and inspired to take things to another level.
Well, that’s where author Lebo Grand and something that he once said comes in: “Sensuality is the purest motive that exists on earth.” When something is sensual, it gratifies the senses. When something is sensual, it arouses the appetite — and yes, when you want to be intimate with someone, simply because you want to get closer to them, there is something that is very sweet, very sincere and even pure — in the sense of being authentic and real — about that.
If that is your motive, share that with your partner. If that is also his motive, then it’s time to get into what the mutual motives of what a healthy sexual relationship should be: pleasure, joy and satisfaction. Y’all, something else that messes many couples up is there is so much focus on what they want to get out of sex that they fail to fully tune in and tap into their partner — and that is unfortunate. You know why? Because it has been both my experience as well as my observation that when both people are totally invested in making sure that their partner is sexually satisfied both individuals end up feeling gratified and quenched. Yeah, a selfish motive rarely brings contentment like a selfless one does — and you can take that to the bank!
And that is why, although I think that sexual compatibility is important, you’d be amazed how much clear communication, patience and selflessness can “get you there” if sex seems awkward at first. Again, if the motives are right, goodness can come from it, even if it takes a bit of time and effort to get there.
When Your Sexual Motives Shift, Say Something
If Your Motives Shift, You Need to Speak Up
Final point. It is the Greek philosopher Heraclitus who once said, “Change is the only constant in life” and this applies to every aspect of it — including sex. That said, some of you may recall back when I wrote an article entitled, “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go.” The wife who I featured in that piece, we were recently talking about it and how she remains 10 toes down about the fact that a “big one” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be if the man who owns it is attached to a huge ego and not much else.
When I asked her to reflect on how much of her dissatisfaction was — and kinda still is — about him vs. who she now is as a person, she admitted that so much of who she is has changed from when they first got together. She’s older and so her hormones have shifted. She has spiritually evolved and so a profound emotional connection is more desired. She knows herself better and so she has some sexual needs that she never had before. And so, her motives have shifted from pretty much just having a good time (only) to longing for something…deeper.
This isn’t abnormal; many people go through this. Thing is, instead of being forthcoming with their partner, they would rather have them pick up on hints or, even worse, attempt to read their mind. Yeah, that’s not how effective communication works, y’all — if your motives for sex have changed, you’ve got to say something. Otherwise, you’re going to end up frustrated or unfulfilled…and honestly, your partner probably will too because if you are different and you don’t share it, eventually there will be a “disconnect” (and not just in the bedroom).
____
As I bring this to a close, take a moment to circle back to the first motive quote that I shared in the intro (“People’s behavior makes sense when you think about it in terms of goals, needs and motives.”). Whatever your sex life is like right now, what are your goals, needs and motives? What are his?
Figure that out and you’ll better understand where you’re at and, if you don’t like it, how to get to where you want to be.
It all begins with the right motives, sis. It really and truly does.
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