With the new year right around the corner, many of us are figuring out how to end it with a bang.
We're planning holiday parties, checking our fourth quarter numbers, and looking back on the year that was. For some of us, this has been a year of trials and tests. For others, it's been a year of challenges and changes. But despite all of that, you can make the decision now to make sure what's coming is greater than what's passed. You can decide now to make your next year be the year of freedom and fruition. You can decide right now that things will be different, but it's up to you to take the necessary steps.
Issa New Year coming soon sis, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be caught slipping when it comes. Here are a few things you can do to get yourself primed and ready.
Set Your Intention For The Year
With every year that comes, find one word or phrase that will serve as the tone for how you move. What this does is make you more conscious about the actions you take or don't take as the months go by. This word or mantra will serve as a rubric and an accountability meter to determine whether or not you're actively living out what you said you wanted for that year.
Write it down every day, make it the lock screen on your phone, add it to your affirmations in the morning. Proclaim that over yourself and be willing to put the work in behind it, I promise when the year is up, you'll be amazed at what you've accomplished.
Map Out Quarterly/Weekly Goals
If you haven't learned that chopping your goals down in smaller bite-sized pieces is the best way to get them done by now, then I don't know what to tell you, sis. While quarterly goals might give you a sense of leeway, weekly goals will help to keep you on track and keep you focused on the task at hand.
Determine the overall task you want to see done each quarter, and then map out all the things that it takes to see it done on a weekly basis. By doing this, not only will you set yourself up for success but you'll be able to look back and see tangible results at the year's end.
Assess Your Relationships
Listen, now is not the time, nor has it ever been the time, to be surrounded by those who no longer serve you. What previous years should have taught you more than anything is the value of good relationships and having the right people in your circle. You are the sum total of the five people you hang around most and, if that doesn't make you pull back and look at your environment, then I don't know what will, beloved.
Make it a point to look at the benefits and risks of each person you call “friend" before this year is up. If one outweighs the other, then you and I both know what you need to do.
Establish Boundaries
One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is that you teach people how to treat you. Essentially, it's up to you to show people what you will and will not tolerate. With that said, before you become a witness to 2018, get clear on your limits. Figure out what works for you and what doesn't when it comes to your relationships, your mental space, and your environment and put certain boundaries in place to keep all that's good coming and all that's not out of your life.
If that means getting off social media an hour before you go to bed, or not getting on it until an hour after you've woken up, put it in place. If that means only having contact with that certain friend or family member that absolutely drains you every time they come around once every blue moon, then do that. (CUT THAT RELATIONSHIP OFF SIS, but you know baby steps.)
Declutter Your Environment
How can you make room for the blessings of the new year when you're still holding on to the baggage of the past year? In the words of Badu, "You gon' hurt yo back draggin' all them bags like that." While it may have been a catchy song to sing, the sentiments ring true to this day.
Rid yourself of anything and anyone that's potentially holding you back. That teddy bear you got from your ex that you loved dearly but was hella toxic. Throw it away. Those old baggy clothes that remind you of the weight you used to have when you we're going through a rough patch? Trash it. Those mental strongholds that are keeping you from forming real long-lasting relationships? Get rid of it sis; out with the old.
Create A Reading List
Pick out 12 books you've been wanting to read and assign one to each month for 2018. It may seem like a lofty feat, but in all honesty, it isn't. We all make time for what we really want to do, so choose to do this instead. Reading has more benefits than we realize and it's important now more than ever to expose ourselves to works that will help us grow for the better. Expand your vocabulary, entertain new thoughts and paradigms, explore a whole new world outside the one you currently live in.
Make this upcoming year your year of yes, and choose to soar to new heights.
What are some ways that you're preparing for the new year?
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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