

10 "Weird" Things Could Actually Elevate Your Sexual Experience
I write about sex—a lot. That's because I read and research the topic, even more. Sometimes, while I'm out here perusing, I'll happen upon something that'll immediately evoke a light chuckle or a "For real? That's crazy" internal response. Today, I'm about to share 10 semi-weird things that caused me to do either or—sometimes both. While the overall objective is just to provide some food for thought, I'm thinking that if you actually apply a few of these things to your own sex life, it could prove to be beneficial for you. Are you ready to check out some totally random things that could improve copulation for you and yours? Let's hit it.
1. People Who Make Their Bed Have More Sex
I'll be honest. When I heard Oprah say a few years back that she hardly ever makes her bed, I felt that in my spirit. Because I make sure to get 6-8 hours of sleep and also because I am totally unapologetic about taking a nap during the day, it's rare that my bed gets made either. And since I'm currently not getting any, when I read that people who make their bed have more sex, for now, all it did was cause me to Kanye shrug. Oh, and want to share it with folks who actually are.
Apparently, there was a survey conducted that said, not only is it a total turn-off to 55 percent of people to have sex with someone who doesn't make their bed, those who actually do so are participating in coitus 25 percent more too. As a bonus, bed makers tend to get more quality sleep. So, if making your bed isn't something that you're big on, but you want to have more sex than usual, pulling that comforter up and fluffing a few pillows could be the solution to this particular "problem".
2. A Man’s Girth Is More Important than His Length
Earlier this summer, I wrote the article "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go" for the site because, well, it's the truth. While I've indeed had my fair share of "big ums" in my day, the man who gave me the most vaginal orgasms actually had the smallest member of them all. That's why I'm not sold on the fact that a big penis is all that necessary when it comes to sexual fulfillment; especially since our most sensitive nerve endings are actually two inches into our vagina.
That's why it actually makes perfect sense to me why a man's girth (the width of his penis) would make more of an impact than his length.
From what I've read and researched, our vagina is covered in stretch mechanoreceptors; those are receptors that give our central nervous system information as it relates to things like touch, pressure and vibration. Because our vaginas are capable of stretching wide enough for a baby to come through (another reason why size is "eh"), it would make sense that the width of a man's penis would help to stimulate our mechanoreceptors more than the length of one would. So, if you're wondering what kind of penis would work more in your favor…now you know.
3. Heels Can NEGATIVELY Affect Your Orgasms
Gasp if you want, but I'm not big on high heels. It's not that I don't think they're sexy; it's just that I know what they can do to our backs over time and, the older I get, the more I care about that kind of stuff. Something that confirmed my sentiment was learning that wearing heels can also work against us in the bedroom. The bottom line reason is, many shoe companies have designed the arch of heels to match the arch of our pelvis. The problem with that is the heels can create a contraction in our pelvic floor that actually makes it challenging for us to fully climax during sex. Hey, I'm not saying you need to toss out all of your stilettos or anything. I'm just saying that wedges and sneaks might be your better bet on non-special occasion days. If you wanna have more orgasms, that is.
4. The More Water You Drink, the More You’ll Be Able to Get Off
This point isn't really "weird" so much as it is a reminder. We're made up of around 60 percent water, right? So, rather than immediately reaching out for lube, every time you have sex, how about committing to drinking more water throughout the day, every day? Hydrating your body from the inside out is a proven way to make you wetter, which ultimately makes sex oh so much better.
5. The “P” and “V” Are Low on the Erogenous Zones List
If you're someone who likes a lot of foreplay, even if it's more than intercourse itself, don't think that it makes you a high-maintenance lover. The reality is, as far as erogenous zones go, the penis and vagina count for 10 percent of "importance" when it comes to sparking sexual stimulation. That's probably why a lot of us don't get turned on if our partner immediately goes for "her" without taking a few pit stops along the way. The more you know.
6. Certain Sleep Positions Can Ramp Up Your Sex Dreams
I once read somewhere that if you want to engage in more morning sex, you can significantly increase your chances of that happening by dreaming about coitus the night before. If you just read that and thought to yourself, "Great. But who can actually 'will themselves' to have a sex dream?", it's funny that you would ask that. Word on the street is, if you sleep on your stomach, with your hands over your head, you actually have a really good chance of dreaming about copulation. It might sound crazy but before you totally write it off, try that position tonight. Report back in the comments if it sparked anything.
7. Sitting in a Chair Can Make You Hornier
All of us have something called a pudendal nerve. It runs from the back of our spine, right down to the base of our genitalia. It's a nerve that is able to send messages to our brain via our vagina (or in men's cases, their penis) and anus. Coincidentally, it's also what controls our sphincter muscles whenever we go to the bathroom. Well, when we sit with good posture in a chair, that nerve that can get stimulated which can arouse us. So, if you've been wondering why you can't seem to stop thinking about sex while you're at work, you being in your chair all day could very well be why, sis.
8. Big Guys Are Better and Last Longer
I'll be the first to say that a six-pack is really nice to look at, but if you wanna have a better sex life, you might wanna go the beer belly route instead. Yep. Apparently, men who have a little more jiggle around the middle are not only able to last longer (roughly around five minutes), they also produce more of the hormone estradiol which can also prevent them from cumming before they are ready to.
While this certainly isn't license for a man to pack on the pounds (because obesity can cause health issues up the road), it definitely is enough of a reason to not nag your partner if his body isn't picture perfect. His gut just might be able to please you more than any body builder or model ever could. Tell your man there's no need to thank me for sharing this with you. I was more than happy to help. #wink
9. Sex Can Regulate Your Cycles
Is your menstrual cycle all over the place? Something you can do to naturally regulate it is to have more sex. No joke. A part of the reason is because sex releases the natural hormone oxytocin which can reduce your stress levels. The less stressed out you are, the more balanced the rest of your hormones are so that the regularity of your period becomes more consistent. As a bonus, sex can also make your menstrual cramps less intense and sometimes, even shorten your period too. Engaging in intercourse, around once a week, is all you need to (hopefully) make this happen.
10. A Headache Can Be an Aphrodisiac
Got a migraine? Guess what can be better for you than ibuprofen? You guessed it—an orgasm. Apparently, the same brain chemical that causes us to feel horny is the same one that can also give us a killer headache. And so, what some scientists have discovered, is folks who are prone to migraines actually have an elevated libido. I actually know some migraine sufferers who can't get enough sex. I never made the connection until I read a study surrounding it. Interesting. Very interesting, indeed.
BONUS: Being in Love Makes Sex Better
Let me close out with something that isn't weird; just a reminder. Last fall, I wrote "Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?" for this site. I must say that, as someone who has counseled many sexless married couples who do love each other but still ain't having good sex, to a large extent, I would have to agree. That still doesn't mean that love isn't a really important ingredient in a lasting and fulfilling sex life, though. When you love someone, you trust them, you feel OK sharing all of yourself with them and you care more about being with them than setting unrealistic expectations—and yes, that makes for a much better sex life. To seal the deal on this, I wanna share an article that I read on Thought Catalog's site entitled, "18 Men Explain Exactly How Sex Is Different With Someone You Love".
So, if all you pretty much engage in is casual sex, maybe give waiting until you love someone a chance. It could be what stands between the "cool sex" you've been having and the climbing-the-ceiling sex that you're truly deserving of. You might get the sex you've been looking for without needing to personally apply all of this…weirdness.
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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Tracee Ellis Ross On Why She Declined The Idea Of Someone Else Running Her Hair Company
Actress and entrepreneur Tracee Ellis Ross recently revealed the driving force behind her desire to become the owner of her haircare brand, Pattern.
According to its site, Pattern is a haircare company that provides a wide range of products, from shampoos, conditioners, oils, creams, and many more to individuals with curls, coils, and tight hair textures. Although Pattern would launch in 2019, the idea for the company first came to Ross a decade before --in 2008, when her hit show Girlfriends wrapped-- following a brief encounter at a beauty supply store and many wanting to recreate her past looks.
At the time, those individuals couldn't achieve the exact results because limited natural hair products were offered to the public. That instance became a pivotal moment in the star's life because she spent eleven years experimenting with professionals to create products that best suit those within the natural hair community.
In a May conference with Fortune's MPW Next Gen, Ross opened up about the struggles she faced early on as an entrepreneur trying to get Pattern off the ground and why she declined the offer to have the company be run by someone else.
Tracee On Past Struggles And Why She Chose To Run Her Company
During the discussion, the 50-year-old revealed that she is Pattern's "majority owner" because the company's overall mission to cater to those in the natural hair community was built from her "experiential knowledge."
"I'm a majority owner of my company. [Other celebrities with brands] aren't the founders of the company. Often, they join a company that exists," she said. "The mission [at Pattern] is born out of my experience. It's born out of my own experiential knowledge."
Further in the interview, Ross would add that she avoided partnering with an expert for Pattern because she felt she had gained enough knowledge experimenting with products in her bathroom.
"I didn't want to partner with an expert or a 'professional' because I felt—like so many—I had become my own best expert in my bathroom because the beauty industry was not catering to us," she stated.
Despite refusing to have a partner within her company, Ross found creative ways to build it. It includes paying a chemist with her own money to bring her visions of various products to life, and sending those samples to retail stores, ultimately leading to partnerships.
The final piece that helped Ross during her journey was receiving advice from business partners on ways to improve the brand, one of which came from Ulta Beauty CEO and Footlocker CEO Mary Dillon.
The black-ish star claimed that Dillon helped her realize how she could use her celebrity status and journey to promote Pattern, which she did. Because of that, Patten has now become a favorable haircare brand among many.
Tracee On How She Plans To Use Her Company To Create Opportunities For Others
Toward the end of the discussion, Ross disclosed how she plans to use the power of being Pattern's CEO to help others.
The High Note star explained that being an owner of a company has given her access to be around other CEOs interested in what appears to be becoming more profitable, and with that, she wants to expand that access to other people.
"I know that I have access to sit at a table with a CEO in a way that perhaps another founder doesn't. And when I do that, I make sure that those conversations are not only centered around Pattern," she said. "They're centered around creating and expanding the access for all of us."
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