Although having an orgasm is not the end all be all when it comes to great sex, it doesn't stop us from desiring to have them, whether alone or with a partner. One trip to the land of the Big O is awesome. Two.. three trips? That sounds too good to be true. But, orgasms of this kind are not just some mythical folklore. In fact, having multiple orgasms is very possible, and you can do it too.
Generally, multiple orgasms refer to a pleasure-seeker climaxing more than once in a single session. They are more common in vulva owners—15% of people with a vagina consistently experience multiple orgasms. Not everyone with a vulva experiences this, though, even though most have the capacity to do so. And how about penis-having folks? They could, but not so “ejaculatory.” More like dry orgasms from prostate or nipple stimulation.
After all, there are different types of orgasms up for grabs. Studies show that women are quicker to climax and much prefer to do it alone. Fourteen out of 15 vulva owners orgasm from masturbation before sex, according to the same report above. Plus, 25.2% of female pleasure-seekers who masturbated solo took 2-3 minutes to climax. It’s easy to see why. You know your body best. And without pressure to “perform” or “give” to a partner, you can focus on your pleasure and the sensations.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t orgasm during partnered play. Being with your partner could make things hotter, helping you orgasm more.
As a disclaimer, there is no step-by-step process as each body is different. Therefore, what feels good to one person might not feel good to you. So take these tips as a roadmap that you can adjust to your preferences.
5 Ways to Reach Multiple Orgasms Alone
1. Tone your pelvic floor muscle
Strong pelvic floor muscles = stronger orgasms.
You need to do a bit of groundwork for mind-blowing orgasms. It’s not just all about sex. Like most things in life, you need to sow and do some work before you can harvest rewards. In this case, your seeds are Kegel exercises.
How to do Kegel exercises:
- Find the most comfortable position for you. For example, you can sit comfortably or lie on your back.
- Engage your pelvic muscles by squeezing them 10 to 15 times: clench, then release.
- Hold the “clench” for 2 seconds before releasing it.
- If you’re unsure, the feeling is similar to holding your pee.
- Slowly increase the intensity or repetitions over time. Walk before you run.
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2. Relax and take a break in between
A refractory period is a time your body recovers after an orgasm. So there is really a “break time” because, uh, biology. That said, some vulva owners can orgasm one after the other with no refractory period. But for most of us, a little breather is necessary. Literally.
Don’t forget to breathe. Not breathing could impact the likelihood of climaxing for the second or third time. That little break should give your body enough time to reset while not stopping the arousal. You can stimulate other erogenous zones of your body, switch positions or maybe take a sip of a glass of water.
3. Try a different kind of stimulation
An orgasm could make your clitoris extra sensitive. During these times, some can’t bear their pleasure button to be touched. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment and switch stimulation. Play with your breasts, nipples, inner thighs, perineum, etc.—the sky's the limit, and it’s totally up to you.
Sensation play might also be something you’d want to explore to add spice to the session. Trying something new always makes solo sessions more fun. If your clitoris is not too sensitive and clitoral stimulation is what gets you off, you can apply different techniques as well.
Some examples are:
- Rubbing - Slide your fingers up and down or back and forth across the clit or clitoral hood.
- Tapping - Tap the clit and hood as fast (or slow) as you like.
- Circling - Draw circles around the clit and hood, including the labia along the way.
- Pinching - Pinch your clitoral hood in between your first two fingers and gently tug it up and down.
- Grinding - Grind your pelvis on something—your pillow, the sheets… and so on.
4. Concentrate on your breathing
Breathwork is key to multiple orgasms (and orgasms in general). It clears your mind so that you can stay in the moment. Your body is super connected to your mind. When you’re stressed, it could impact your ability to orgasm. So breathe slowly and deeply as you orgasm.
As your body nears climax and your arousal levels peak, your body will naturally incline to switch to short, huffy breaths. Fight that urge. Continue breathing slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth (like when meditating). This breathing technique is a great way to enhance the sensation.
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5. Bring out the toys
Adding a sex toy or two elevates the sexploration, making the entire experience more pleasurable for you during solo play (plus with your partner during sex). Almost half of the female participants from a study were revealed to be multi-orgasmic when they use sex toys to aid their sexual activities. So, why not?
These sex toys could help vulva owners achieve multiple orgasms:
- Doxy Die Cast - A wand massager that packs a lot of power and sends deep, rumbly vibrations to your clit and various erogenous zones.
- Lelo Soraya Wave - A top-shelf rabbit vibrator that provides both clitoral and internal stimulation. The insertable arm is powered by their patented WaveMotion tech that feels like you’re being expertly fingered… by a vibrator.
- Lovense Lush 3- A wearable egg vibrator perfect for public and long-distance partnered play. Of course, you can also enjoy it solo by connecting it to your smartphone to enjoy customizing vibration patterns, music syncing, and sound-activation functions.
- We-Vibe Tango X- One of the most powerful bullet vibrators with 7 rumbly vibration patterns and 8 adjustable speeds to give you a variety of sensations. Plus, it’s super portable and easy to hide.
- Satisfyer Pro 2- A budget-friendly clitoral stimulator that creates changes in air pressure to deliver pleasure. You get 11 levels of intensity, so you can find a configuration that gives you multiple orgasms without putting anything inside yourself. Plus, it works underwater.
Practice makes perfect
Rome wasn’t built in a day. So if you didn’t orgasm multiple times after your first few tries, don’t lose hope. It takes practice to be better at something—including multiple orgasms.
The more you train, the easier it will be for you to achieve your second, third, fourth (and so on) orgasm.
Orgasmed or did not, multiple or just one—NO PRESSURE. It’s not a requirement or an end goal.
If you enjoyed the journey, then it was a success. The best part? You can always keep trying.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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