As her fame continues to rise, Tiffany Haddish has remained a positive light for her fans with her infectious smile and relatable story. Since Girls Trip, fans have witnessed the comedian become a modern-day Cinderella due to the many opportunities that have come her way and the recognition she began to receive.
We watched her She Ready: From the Hood to Hollywood comedy special, read her book The Last Black Unicorn, anticipated her red carpet looks and interviews, and rooted for her relationship with Common. Through it all, Tiffany has given us a front-row seat into her life and the excitement just keeps building. The L.A. native interviewed with Byrdie for The Balance Issue and she opened up about an array of topics such as her trip to her grandfather’s homeland of Eritrea and getting the big chop. Here are some highlights:
Photographer: Jason Kim for Byrdie
Tiffany Haddish on Using Baths to Bring Positive Energy Into Her Life
“I imagine all that pain just going down the drain. Sometimes, there’s a little ring around the tub and I’m like, ‘ooh, look at all that negativity.’ I call it programming the water. I program the water to get me jobs. I program the water to bring me adventures. Whatever energy you put out, that’s what you get back.”
On Getting Into Agriculture
“I got some land in Eritrea. I’m about to be a full-blown farmer. About to open this grocery store in South Central [Los Angeles]. We’re going to have Black-owned products from Black farmers in there. That’s going to be dope.”
On How She Felt After Her Big Chop
“It’s really important to know who you are, to know every nook and cranny of your body, and that’s the one part of my body I didn’t know. Baby, best feeling I ever felt in my whole entire life. The most sensations I ever felt. The most alive I ever felt. And then I was jealous of every bald-headed man I’ve ever seen. When you touch the back of your head, you feel it in the back of your feet. Then you go outside, the sun is shining, and it feels like this warm hug around your head—just deliciousness.”
Photographer: Jason Kim for Byrdie
Tiffany Haddish on Advocating for Herself
“I tell people I want to be paid like I got a pink penis from Australia. I want to get paid because I know that if I’m getting paid a certain amount, that’s going to raise the price for everybody. And I want to be done by 50. Not done with life, but I want to relax. I want to enjoy all the fruits of my labor. I want to sit back and eat plums and pomegranates. So I got a lot of work to do.”
On Being Fake
“When I was trying to be something I wasn’t, my soul was screaming at me. ‘What are we doing? This is not who we are. Stop it! Stop pretending b–h. Be you. You might actually find somebody that really loves you."
To read the interview in full, check out Byrdie.
Featured image by Amy Sussman/WireImage
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You can imagine my dismay when my ex reached out years later. Turns out, HE needed closure. Yeah, you read that correctly. Every part of me wanted to "boy-bye!" his ass up out of my phone, but I didn't. I had so many unanswered questions that lingered in my mind for years. I knew it was time to put my pain to rest. I texted him back, and we had one of the hardest conversations of my life. Healing is not always sunshine and rainbows.
It's also not as colorful as the wellness pages on social media. We all process pain differently; therefore, we all heal differently.
Sometimes the process of healing looks like emotional breakdowns in your car or regular dates with your therapist. Overall, healing is difficult for everyone, and we will all face hardships along the way. Here are some hard truths I've run into during my healing process.
It Happened, Period.
I found the moment I accepted things for what they were, the easier it was to move forward.
He cheated, it happened, and there was no changing it. I could yell all I wanted, but the fact is the deed was already done. I had to accept that there was a woman who was important enough to sacrifice our relationship for, period. Me staying angry forever or justifying his actions to give him a second chance won't change the past. This is no shade to those who have gone back after cheating. I'm just speaking from my own experience.
Whatever hurt you, happened. I know this may sound a little forward to most people, but we keep it real at xoNecole. In my experience, it was easy to get wrapped up in the whole, "Is this happening to me? Nah, this can't be happening to me."
I learned denying that it happened or justifying the action to make it less painful, doesn't mean it just goes away. Denial or justifying is just an excuse to suppress your emotions or not face the reality of the situation. This can only lead to prolonging your healing process.
To start our healing journey, we must accept what happened and that we are hurt. We live in a society where we are encouraged to "look at the positive" or ask yourself, "What did we learn from this?" three days after it happened. You are allowed to admit a situation sucks and feel those emotions for what they are. It is okay to validate our pain if it means moving forward.
Sometimes You Have To Call Yourself Out On Your Toxic Traits
If you think you don't have any toxic traits, you're lying. Yes, sis, you have a toxic trait and so do I. We all have a toxic trait or two. Although my relationship ended due to cheating, that doesn't mean I was exactly perfect either. I had a few toxic traits that didn't help my relationship thrive. I had the classic "daddy issues" which made me extremely codependent. I also suffered from a strong case of "hood mentality" due to my upbringing.
I didn't know how to talk about my problems. I just knew how to fight about them. This was a huge issue in our relationship.
It's hard to admit that we have toxic traits because no one likes to feel "wrong." Confessing our toxic traits also means "showcasing" our weaknesses. Letting others in on our weaknesses is an extremely vulnerable place to be in. Admitting we have a toxic trait may take time, but it can make us aware of it. Becoming more self-aware with our whole being will only make us better in the toughest of situations.
We will be able to detect our toxic traits when they arise and have more self-control.
You Owe It To Yourself To Heal
Unfortunately, it's not the job of the person who "hurt us" to heal us. In fact, I have a confession to make. There was a period in time where I felt my cheating ex should've made up for what he did. Crazy, right? As if a Michael Kors bag (don't judge, they were popping back then!) was the answer to all of our underlying issues. What I was subconsciously doing was placing MY healing in HIS hands.
My healing is my responsibility, just like it is yours.
You owe it to yourself to heal. If you rely on those who hurt you to heal you, you might be hurting for a while. Taking charge of our healing is taking back our power.
Closure & Forgiveness Are For You. Read That Again.
When I agreed to meet up with my ex after some time, it was because I needed closure too. As selfish as it may sound, I decided to embrace closure and forgiveness for me, not for him. I spent years being angry and labeling all men as "ain't shit" because of what another man did. All I accomplished by choosing to "stay mad" was block other relationships that could have been great for me. I was tired of being a "bitter woman."
I was ready to forgive and release all of the pain I found comfort in.
Closure and forgiveness don't always require a meet up at Starbucks. It can consist of your journaling or organically coming to terms with how things ended. If you do choose the Starbucks route though, make sure to prep before going. Write down a list of key points you would like to mention and do your best to be in a good headspace. Remember, holding on to situations that no longer serve us is holding us back from our higher purpose.
Toxic Relationships Shouldn’t Be Turned Into Friendships
This may be an unpopular opinion, but trust me sis, I'm trying to save you. If your situation was toxic, give him back to Jesus, and move forward with grace. Turning any toxic relationship into a friendship is still holding onto the toxicity; it means we're not ready to let go. The point is to let toxicity go so we can thrive into who we're meant to be.
My ex and I tried to have a friendship after we broke up and it got messy. The issues we had in our relationship began to roll into our friendship. Arguments about people we were dating, mixed signals, and old wounds from the past began to come up again.
The friendship felt more stressful than the actual relationship itself. I realized If I wanted to move forward with my life, I had to let him go completely. I gracefully gave him back to Jesus.
Letting go of my ex and the grudge I had against him has helped me find peace. I truly feel happier, free, and more aligned with myself than I ever have before. I've learned to fall in love with the woman I am today and embrace all of me. I love my independence, peace of mind, and the beauty marks I have gained along the way. I wish my ex well and I truly hope he has also healed from this experience.
I hope these hard truths are a benefit to your healing journey. These truths have helped me find acceptance in many ways. The hurt you are going through now is molding you into a strong phenomenal human for the future. I promise it does get better. If you need someone to talk to during this time, please reach out to me on Instagram. Happy healing.
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Originally published on January 9, 2021