The Proverbs 31 Woman Is More Than "The Good Wife"
"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies" (Proverbs 31:10)
After attending a wedding many years ago, I can recall the remarks on behalf of the bride and groom.
It was repeatedly stated that the bride was a virtuous woman and her groom was blessed to have found her. I had heard the term "virtuous woman" several times when referring to a wife or a mother, and since I was neither, I never really felt it applied to me. In fact, when I took the time to read Proverbs 31:10-31, I did not feel I could even measure up. Though I was a Christian, I felt I was too far gone by living the less than virtuous life. So, I admired the bride at the wedding and accepted that that would never be me.
Time had passed and the thought about being a virtuous woman would cross my mind, but I still felt I could not meet the standard. I did not measure up. It was just too late...or was it? If I listened to society, then the answer was an undeniable yes! But if I listened to God, it was an unequivocal no!
I was looking at "her" the wrong way.
In studying and applying all 22 verses, we see that though this woman was an amazing wife, that's not all she was and definitely not all she was created to be.
When you really stop and think about it, she wasn't always a wife and she didn't become amazing when she became a wife. It is written she was found and found already virtuous. So whether she was childless or a mother, employed or unemployed, praised or feeling inadequate, insecure or confident, dejected or rejected, breaking down or breaking through -- she was already virtuous in all her greatness and her glory. Meaning yes, at every step of your life, even right now, you are amazing during this walk – even in your missteps. Every moment always brings you full circle to God's plans for your life.
This woman was so amazing that she was described as being more precious than rubies. Research reveals that rubies are part of the precious stones family. While we usually think of rubies for their beauty as birthstones and treasured jewelry, rubies also have another very specific use: research shows they were laid at the foundation of most ancient Asian buildings as a symbol of structural stability.
Being compared to the ruby is not by mistake. As women, we need this reminder that we are the foundation of our families and communities.
To expand on this further, the Proverbs 31 woman understands that her role in the family and community extends beyond being the good wife and mother. She is also an amazing entrepreneur, a respected woman in society and one to be reckoned with. And as stated, she was all of this before the ring, saying "I do" and changing her last name. She is all of this because she is Woman.
Understanding our importance to the family unit and overall community will help us look at ourselves as the regal queens that we are...and then ladies, others will have no other option but to view you in the same way. So, let's start.
Women ask yourselves, are you making yourself a precious and valuable find?
Anything inexpensive or cheap or invaluable is available to everyone; yet anything worth having and valued takes effort to find, obtain and keep. In the material world, most valuable things are guarded and protected. There are limited editions and once it is gone, you have missed out. That is how it should be with us. We should be regarded so valuable that a man will seek us out and pay whatever price it takes to be with us. And no, not financially, but through sacrifice. Sacrificing other women, sex, misogyny, and egos. They will know when they have found a limited edition and will not want to miss out. But wait, I want to pause here to make this clear:
Being a Proverbs 31 woman is not about winning a man or finding a man or winning people. It is about being the woman God created us to be.
That may not include a man, may not include that best friend, or having children, that ideal job or ideal situation, but it does include something much more valuable, and something more precious than rubies – and that is being in the right relationship with God, serving others and most of all loving ourselves. We tend to miss that last point of loving ourselves because we may not have realized our own value, choosing instead to value the opinions of others.
When we begin to focus on the woman that God created us to be, we find our decisions are not based on the opinions and approval of others but on God's approval.
Remember, to be anything other than what God has called you to be is being less than your best. We must turn our ear to God and the things He says about us. Turn our ear away from the naysayers, negative influences and temptations. My prayer for you is found in Ephesians 1:8 of The Message Bible:
"I ask – ask the God of glory – to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him – endless energy, boundless strength!"
Carla George is an author and speaker hailing from the Island of Bermuda. She is passionate about encouraging change agents and thought leaders to renew the way they think of themselves and their challenges by honoring the power of their "I Am…," as explored in her book Proverbs 31 Woman: More Than The Good Wife. Follow Carla on Instagram @iamcarlageorge and connect with her at iamcarlageorge.com.
Featured image by HEX/Getty Images
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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