I first moved to Spain in December 2018, bright-eyed and ready to dive into the culture. While I have loved every minute of my life abroad, I definitely received my share of culture shocks in Spain. Some were hilarious, some were surprising, and no matter how many times I was warned about others, they were still shocking!
When I first arrived in Spain, I was so used to the American mode of constant productivity. It almost caused me anxiety how relaxed most Spanish people are about everything.
In the United States, your career defines you; everything must be done correctly the first time and on time, and even your relaxation time should be productive. Spain is the opposite.
I learned to embrace it because if they’re not freaking out about it, why should I? It was an instant release. Spanish people place value on making time to relax, enjoying good company, and being outdoors in the sunshine. My mental health and ability to handle setbacks in stride improved a ton in Spain.
So as I near seven years living abroad, here are the biggest lessons the Spanish taught me about chilling the fuck out.
Lesson Number 1: “No pasa nada”
My first day working as an English Language Assistant in Spain couldn’t have gone more wrong if I tried. The bus that took me to the town where I worked never showed up. When I finally got to the town, hours later, I couldn’t find the school. When I finally managed to make it to a class (after missing my first three of the day), the presentation I had prepared didn’t work.
I remember looking up from the computer screen to a class of eager students and my enthusiastic co-teacher (who also happened to be my boss). My heart sank into my stomach, “I can’t open the presentation, Mabel.”
“No pasa nada, just talk to the kids, let them ask you questions.” Just like that? The kids were so excited to meet someone from the USA that the questions just kept coming, and they thanked me for a fun class.
No pasa nada translates to something like no worries, or it’s not a big deal, and I must’ve heard it at least 10 times a day every day in Spain. If something ever goes wrong, “No pasa nada.”
You can’t control everything all the time. Is anyone bleeding, dying, or injured? No? Then it’s not worth losing your head over. Just come up with the best solution you can think of at the moment and roll with it.
Courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Lesson Number 2: “Teacher, Did You Not Have Time for Breakfast?”
When I was working in the U.S., I often had all sorts of meals at my desk. Breakfast, lunch, coffee breaks. It wasn’t uncommon for me to sit in front of a screen, clacking away on my keyboard while taking bites and sips in between thoughts.
One day, in Spain, I showed up to school with a thermos of coffee and was sipping away while I led the class. One student raised his hand, “Yes Miguel?” “Uh, teacher, did you not have time for breakfast?”
Count on children to call you out! I thought he was just being an 11-year-old until later that week, a teacher asked me to go get coffee in between classes. When I went up to the counter to ask for it to go, she looked at me like, “What are you doing?” I said I was just grabbing it to go so we could get back to work. She said, "Yeah, we don’t do that here." And in fact, they didn’t even have a way to give me this coffee to go.
She later explained to me that it’s not usual for Spanish people to drink or eat while they walk or work. “Certainly you have 10 minutes to enjoy a cup of coffee and relax.”
(ENJOY my coffee? Interesting concept. I was just going to consume it for energy.)
In another instance, a Spanish friend of mine saw someone walking while eating a sandwich and said, “How depressing that they don’t even have time to sit and eat a sandwich.”
And actually, if you think about it, that is sad, but it’s not out of the ordinary in the U.S. But our bodies need food, and when we don’t even take those 10 minutes to enjoy a cup of coffee or actually chew a sandwich, we’re saying work is more important than caring for our bodies.
Even taking those 10 minutes to just focus on your coffee and be present can help you slow down and relax throughout the day.
Courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Lesson Number 3: “Y la sobremesa?”
I learned over the years living in Spain that food and meal times are sacred. It’s not just about getting something in to carry you throughout the day. Meal times are a moment to pause, relax, and unwind, and it’s always at the table!
Meals are also a time to gather with family and friends and have rowdy conversations about any subject under the sun (except work, as they consider this stuffy conversation).
This tradition of chatting after a meal is so important, it even has a proper name 'sobremesa' (over table). Long after the plates are cleared, the sobremesa will continue over drinks, coffee, or dessert. It can last several hours! (I once had lunch for five hours, four of which were just the sobremesa.)
If you try to get up without it, someone might ask, “Y la sobremesa?” like “What about the after-meal conversation?”
There is so much emphasis on connection in Spain, whereas American culture is more individualistic. Now, while I’m not suggesting all Americans have 5-hour lunches or do everything in pairs, there is something therapeutic about prioritizing your meals, not rushing, and being in good company.
Courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Lesson Number 4: Go have some sangria, walk on the beach, and try again.
In my second year teaching English in Spain, I moved to a different city in Spain and had the strange luck that my new boss was the strictest Spanish person I have ever met to this day.
When I couldn’t get an appointment to renew my residency card in time, she told me if I didn’t have it sorted by January 1, she wouldn’t be able to let me stay in the country.
I made an appointment in a nearby town, but when I showed up for the appointment, the police officer told me I had to do it in the town I lived in. I started bawling. As a child of people who had immigrated to the U.S., I was in panic mode.
He tried consoling me and begged me to calm down, but I only started shaking and crying more, “My boss won’t let me stay if I don’t have my card renewed.”
And I will never forget his next words, “It’s okay. It’s okay. This isn’t the U.S. We’re not going to come looking for you.” (In retrospect, it is kind of funny.)
“Why don’t you go have some sangria, walk on the beach, and try again.” This did not feel like the time for this “no pasa nada” attitude, but I took his words of advice.
I had the sangria. I walked on the beach. And I went home to try again, and guess what? I did in fact find the appointment.
Courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Lesson Number 5: Sundays are for soaking up the sun.
Everything in Spain closes on Sunday. Everything except restaurants. So you couldn’t even run errands if you wanted to. This is usually a day for family and friends to gather on the beach, in the park, at a restaurant, or out on the plazas underneath flowering trees.
Sunday is just about connecting with loved ones and enjoying the sunshine at your leisure. I’m sure you can notice a theme here: Spanish culture is all about letting things flow.
Something that struck me most about Spain was how much less they complained about their mental health. It feels like almost all of my friends in the U.S. are struggling with anxiety or depression, and not without good reason. American lifestyle can feel like a pressure cooker, but what I think we can learn from the Spanish is to slow down, take life as it comes, have moments throughout the day and throughout the week where we can just be, and always make time for good company.
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Featured image courtesy of Ambar Mejia
Originally published on October 10, 2023
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If you’ve been rockin’ with me for a while, you know that I am good for sharing, what I consider to be water cooler (do offices still even have those?) content — you know, random facts that folks probably don’t know. And today, the topic is the flip side of morning wood for the fellas, which just happens to be something that is known as “morning bean” for the ladies.
Always Remember That Your Clitoris and a Man’s Penis Have a Lot in Common
GiphyHey, get mad/triggered if you want to, yet I am always fascinated whenever I see women teasing and taunting uncircumcised men on social media. For one thing, it causes me to wonder if they do regular vaginal self-exams (check out “Why You Should Give Yourself A ‘Vaginal Self-Exam’”) and/or any vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) — because if you do like sis says in the video below and take a mirror down to view how God made you, you might see some extra skin that you didn’t know was there yourself.
Not only that but clitorises and penises? Oh, they have a helluva lot more in common than either a lot of us know about or care to admit — including foreskin.
Am I serious? Absolutely.
For starters, science speak says that “The human penis and clitoris develop from the ambisexual genital tubercle.” And, as some fetuses develop more androgens, a penis emerges; without those androgens, a clitoris is fully formed. However, since they both start off in a similar way, a penis and a clitoris have, well, similarities.
An uncircumcised penis has foreskin while a clitoris has a clitoral hood. Both the penis and the clitoris grow larger during puberty. The penis and clitoris both contain erectile tissue in them as well — and this means that when they are sexually stimulated, they both become erect. And that, right there, is where the term “morning bean” actually stems from.
The Technical Name Is Nocturnal Clitoral Tumescence (NCT)
GiphyOkay, so when a guy wakes up in the morning with a hard-on, the technical term for that is called Nocturnal penile tumescence (NCT). It happens thanks to a combination of a man’s sleep cycles, his nerves, how his blood is circulating throughout his system, and the fact that his testosterone levels tend to be elevated when he is just waking up.
Meanwhile, the female version of this is called Nocturnal clitoral tumescence (NCT); it’s basically what transpires whenever a woman’s clitoris is doing the same thing and the slang term for this is…yep, you guessed it: morning bean (I’m pretty sure that the wood vs. bean comparison is pretty self-explanatory).
So, why have a lot of us never heard about this before?
There are probably several reasons; however, the one that tops my mind is since so much of what makes up a woman’s clitoris is inside of her body, when a clit becomes erect, it’s not nearly as noticeable as when a man’s penis does. Now, that’s not to say that if you really know your body, you aren’t able to pick up on some of the morning bean — or clitoral erection in general — signs, though.
For instance, morning beans can cause your clitoris to become extremely sensitive to the touch and, since they do fill up with blood, the part of the clitoris that you do see does tend to get larger (how much varies per person). Morning beans also tend to cause your clitoris to become darker in color (due to the extra blood) and could result in your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) becoming fuller/swollen as well. And just how long does this experience last? Well, reportedly, morning woods tend to subside after about 30 minutes. For us? As long as we are being sexually stimulated or aroused, a morning bean will stick around.
So, there you have it: just like men wake up with erections, so do women. And what is my greatest takeaway from this very fact? Well, although the best time of day to have sex has a lot to do with personal preference, if the man in your bed wakes up with a hard-on, I wouldn’t waste it if I were you. See, while society has had you thinking that he’s the only one who oftentimes has sex on his mind in the wee hours of the morning, now you know that your body has some dirty thoughts of its own that it would probably like to get off — more often than you would think.
Because it’s not like there aren’t some real bona fide benefits to engaging in morning sex…
Why You Should Absolutely Make the Most Out of Your Own Morning Beans
GiphyAlthough I did share all of what I said as a “something new for the day” fun fact, any time I can get y’all to get the most out of your bed, you know that I’m gonna do it. And yes, morning beans can definitely take your sex life to new heights.
I say that because:
Morning beans will (probably) make it easier for you to cum.Testosterone is a hormone that is present in both men and women (albeit much higher in men; the opposite goes for estrogen); this means that if it is elevated in men in the morning, the same goes for us. And the hornier one is, the easier it tends to usually is to orgasm. Give thanks.
Morning beans will intensify your orgasms. It can’t be said enough that the more blood that is circulating inside of your genitalia, the more likely you are to not just climax, but have more intensified orgasms too. And chile, if that ain’t a motivator for morning sex…what freakin’ is?
Morning sex will de-stress you. Say that you’ve got a presentation to make, a heavy deadline, or just a long day that’s ahead of you. Wouldn’t it be great if you could go into what lies ahead as calm and relaxed as possible? Sex can help to make that happen because it’s proven to reduce cortisol levels, so that you’re in a greater state of tranquility.
Morning sex will help you to be more energized and in a better mood. Didn’t sleep well, and so you’re exhausted? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and so you’re not in the best of moods? Sex can resolve both of these matters, thanks to the fact that copulation helps to stimulate feel-good hormones and endorphins. Hmph. Sounds better than the usual cup of coffee hack to me (check out “Your Morning Coffee May Be Causing More (Health) Issues Than You Think”).
Morning sex will make you feel more connected to your partner. I tend to mention oxytocin quite a bit in my content, so you’re probably quite familiar with the fact that it helps to bond you to your partner. Well, since oxytocin is at an all-time high during sex (and especially orgasms), if you want to feel especially close to your man (as he feels the same towards you) while the two of you are apart throughout the day — yep, you already know: get it in.
___
Listen, I don’t know if you will ever run into someone who asks about clitoral erections — i.e., morning beans. If they do, though, now you have a thorough answer to offer.
And either way, now you also have a reason to let wood and a bean work together to wake you up instead of that dreaded alarm clock.
Again, sis. Give thanks.
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Featured image by Giphy