Weirdly, I've noticed that although big boobs are coveted, our fave fast fashion companies and lingerie lines don't cater to the admiration. And I'm not sure if it still comes down to some weird fashion fetish where smaller is better, but it sucks. It's yet another way society works to reinforce the narrative that you have to give up a certain niche of style and fashion if and when your body doesn't fit the standard of beauty set by industry folk. I believe this is why there have been very few lasting solutions that give women cleavage while lifting their breasts. Sure, I could be reaching...buuut I'm not.
But I digress because this here isn't political, not today. This is bottled up excitement and joy that I'm ready to reveal to the world.
You should know that my boobs have always been on the larger side. Yet, as God lays this grown woman weight on me thick as ever, my boobs have come to defy gravity. And as much as I prayed for days like this, I have to say that the newfound thickness comes with a whole new set of challenges. Also, if I'm keeping it all the way real, age is likely another factor as I'm sure the elasticity on these bad boys is not that of my 14-year-old self.
As someone who likes to free the nipple and titty whenever the opportunity presents, I've had to try all the tricks in the trade from double-sided tape to that Kim Kardashian tape hack.
Courtesy of Kiarra Sylvester
Still, I almost always end up with tape showing, peeling back, or saggy boobs – it's always, always a sacrificial ceremony. If you want to wear a plunging neckline, you can go braless and sag. Or, you can wear a bra and be a "tacky" heux (word to all the old heads). Or, you say no to little cute tops. Pick one, but never both and you better pick right. Until recently!
Thanks to the interweb's creepy algorithm that creates ad experiences based on my search history, I happily stumbled across the best things since Apple pie: Misses Kisses Frontless Bra. As far as I'm concerned the product creator, Amanda Marie, deserves a Noble Peace Prize for this one. Not only has she solved the never-ending conundrum of being a big boobed babe, but the fact that the bra is for long-term use – well, that's undoubtedly way, way better for the planet than all the stickies and other bullshit solutions used to lift and shift the girls. And this is a take I will stand on until the very end and the "why" can be summed up in two words: it works!
But because I'm a woman of many words I'm going to give you a few more "whys" to make this a well-rounded, soul- and titty-snatching review.
The Rundown
Unboxing
Upon receiving and unpackaging the bra, you might be a little terrified. At first glance, there are a good amount of moving parts and a big ass wire piece. It comes in a cute satin carry case, equipped with two regular pads (black or nude), four anti-slip stickies, and one lone strap. The one-size-fits-most (30B to 44J) bra comes in three different options: Shallow, Moderate, and Deep (currently out of stock). I have found that in almost all cases I can get away with the Moderate Plunge Bra Kit. When I can, I opt for the shallow plunge because it doesn't sit as low on my belly as the Moderate.
At 5'1'', the Moderate Bra dips into my gut, which is a major reason Amanda reassured me that I didn't need to get the deep plunge. Otherwise, the bra is no less comfortable than any other. It reminds me of a wire bra but it's far less restrictive because there are no straps. That alone eliminates a great deal of discomfort and pressure that is typically misplaced on the body.
Setting Up
Post-fitting with Amanda, I continued to reference the video while tinkering with my bra and setting up another. The more I practiced, the more intuitive it became. The "training wheels" strap that comes with the bra was very helpful in providing peace of mind the first couple of wears. As previously mentioned, this is a frontless backless bra made for all the oddly-cut shirts in your closet. With that in mind, there's definitely an adjustment period where it feels a little too free and while I was in that period, the strap helped provide a feeling of safety.
The pair of pads that you receive will be placed on your side-boob to help round out your breasts. The tutorial iterates that when they're pushed together, they lose volume and the pads aim to eliminate this. In my experience, the regular size pads didn't do it for me but this was something I figured rather quickly with the help of Amanda during my fitting. Because I was unsure of my cup size at the time of the fitting, I wasn't positive which pads I needed. But once I switched the standard out for those, all was right and I had an easier time situating the bra to fall near my nipple but not on it as instructed.
Let me add, that depending on various factors from breast and nipple size to the cut/angling of the top, you may find that you need pasties and double-sided wig tape to keep your breast nicely tucked away. I have found that this is usually necessary with spandex, stretchy materials that snapback (basically anything Fashion Nova). But with my plunging sweaters, I am able to pop on the bra and go with zero manipulation. This is not a reflection of the bra, but the breast and gravity. Regardless of what you need, I will say Misses Kisses and their founder are a one-stop-shop. Which brings me to the next thing...the glowing customer service exhibited throughout this process.
The Fitting and the Figurehead
Courtesy of Kiarra Sylvester
Honestly, not sure if I've ever received such amazing customer service in my life. Despite being a smaller-scale operation that requires all hands on deck, Amanda made herself available to do a fitting and customizable tutorial to help me get my MK bra to fit snuggly to my breasts. Because she is based in Los Angeles, we were able to do the session via video chat. And if you happen to live in LA, well, even better because the fitting is a service that is offered to all buyers who may need an extra hand after watching the tutorial. Throughout the entire process of writing this review, I was able to contact Amanda with any and all questions that I had, from how to properly store the bra to sending her pics to confirm I got it right. We were practically BFFs after the Facetime fitting, in the way that I demand anyone who has seen my boobs on the first "hang" to be.
And yes, if you opt for a video fitting it does require a level of comfort with both your own nudity as well as Amanda's because she essentially talks you through everything while you mirror her movements. It's worth noting, additionally, she was really great about being professional and there wasn't a moment I felt uncomfortable during this fitting. She does check-in to ensure you're comfortable with nudity beforehand and that's always a positive. As you may have noticed, common sense in customer service isn't always easy to come by. So it must be stated that she is considerate in the most basic, but necessary ways.
When it's all said and done the product is very customizable, which is what makes this product such a success in my opinion. Well, that and the fact that however you customize it, it does exactly what it's supposed to. Think back to when your mother would buy you oversized clothes so you could "grow into them" way back when? Well, for $125 here is a bra that allows you to grow with it. This is ideal for human beings period, as we know weight fluctuates but especially for us women. From PMS symptoms to pregnancy, and whatever else life throws at us in the name of womanhood--we deserve to feel and look our best. And if you've ever purchased a bra made for larger breasts, then you know the price point is well within reason for its magical, transformative ways.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
I'm A 34GG & Here's My Review Of 4 Size-Inclusive Bras
I Tried It: I Went Braless For A Week
#SaggyBoobsMatter: This Movement Encourages Women To Love Their Saggy Boobs
Featured image by writer Kiarra Sylvester
- I Tried It: Misses Kisses Frontless Bra Review - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Amazing Facts About Nipples - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
