When you (and by that, I mean "I") counsel couples and constantly write about relationships, you’re gonna hear all sorts of random and fascinating stuff. Case in point — not too long ago, I was talking to an older man (in the grocery store, no less) about misconceptions that women have about men when it comes to sex. “A lot of you don’t think that a man can get turned out by a woman, but it happens and is easier than a lot of them think. A lot of it has little to do with her cat and that’s the point.” (Cat. LOL.)
Seniors — especially Black ones — are a wealth of wisdom, so while there was no need to test him on his insights, I did decide to interview a few fellas to see what their thoughts were on what he said and if they would be willing and able to provide me some examples too.
Below are what 12 men shared. At the very least, ponder what was said, poll a few guys who you know and then take all of the intel to heart. Because the other thing that the man said to me is that the women who can make it happen are the women who are truly unforgettable — “And trust me, we don’t remember everyone.”
Hmph. Let’s proceed, shall we?
*Middle names have been used because…well, I’m sure you get it.*
1. Malik. 33. Single.
Giphy“A lot of women talk about the importance of foreplay happening before sex. Guys feel the same way…in a different way. We like it when we get nasty-ass texts in the middle of the day or a phone call where our lady tells us what she enjoys that we do to her. Don’t underestimate a man’s need to feel thought about and appreciated even when it comes to sex. A woman who sexually affirms can have the world.”
2. Zeke. 24. Single.
“There’s muscle memory and then there’s sex memory. My best sex has been with women who pick up on my cues — the sounds I make during sex that let them know that some stuff is cool and other stuff is amazin’. If they hit those buttons and scratch those itches, she’s got me.”
3. Wesley. 37. In a Long-Term Relationship.
Giphy“Before I settled down, sex had gotten pretty stale, I won’t lie. I mean, p — sy is always gonna be good because even when it’s not, we can make it that way but it was just…predictable. That’s not the case now because she [name left out on purpose] always comes with something new — a new position, some new lingerie, some different tasting lube…hell, I never know. That has me intrigued because that means she’s always thinking about how to make our sex life better. It’s an adventure every time. She gets props for that.”
4. Hendrick. 30. Engaged.
“The best sex I ever had was with a woman from my job. At work, she was always really quiet and sweet but in the bedroom…if we ever made it to the bedroom?! She had a totally different personality. Wigs at work. Natural hair at home. Very cooperative at work. Demanding as hell at home. Even the way she treated me was different. She was very 'What do you need?' at work but in the bedroom, she was on some ‘Your d — k is mine’ s — t. It was the contrast more than anything that was a turn-on because she knew how to switch up her energy to get what she wanted. S — t. Now you’re gonna have me look her up on IG to see what her fine ass is up to these days.”
5. Jerod. 27. Single.
Giphy“How graphic can I get?"
"Ladies, you probably already know that good head is all about you enjoying giving it as much as we enjoy receiving it. But some of y’all be on a cheat code. You use so much of your hand that your mouth is barely touching it."
"A woman who moves her hands out of the way? She’s the one who can get a shopping spree afterward.”
6. Alex. 30. Married Five Years.
“I have an average size penis. The best sex I ever had was with a woman who know exactly what to do with it. Not having a huge d — k doesn’t mean we can’t please a woman but it does mean that some positions work better than others and she knew that. She put her own legs over my shoulder. She scooted her own self onto the side of the bed. She told me to sit up, so that she could wrap her body around me. A woman who knows a man’s body is gonna know how to take it there.”
7. Elijah. 42. Married 12 Years.
Giphy“I’ve been married for a long time now and even before then, I was out in these streets and yes, she knows it. What sold me on my wife, even before I proposed, was how high her drive was and how confident she was sexually. Guys are used to being the initiator so much that it’s damn near mind-blowing when a woman comes on the scene and can run circles around you with their libido. She always makes me feel wanted. A lot of women don’t get that that feeling alone will make a man want to come home — hell, come home early too.”
8. Vernon. 42. Single.
“One word: swallow. A woman who devours is gonna always be a top 10 in my book. It’s not just because it feels amazing. It’s also because she’s saying that she’s not turned off by every part of a man. Ask any guy. He’ll say the same thing.”
9. Cendall. 37. In a Long-Term Relationship.
Giphy“My best sex was with a woman who made me meditate naked with her before we did anything. I thought she was crazy AF at first but there can be a lot on your mind when you’re having sex. The quiet calmed me down and made it easier to focus on it all. I’ve tried to get other women to meditate too. Funny…it’s not quite the same.”
10. Manson. 33. Married Six Years.
“I swear you ain’t lived until you’ve been with a woman who hates having sex in the bed. I’m dead serious. The ones who will figure out how to get it in on the side of the couch, in the breakfast nook, and in the corner of your garage? It’s like they’re saying that a bed is too predictable to them — they want to try some new s — t, and hell, I’m wit it.”
11. Uzziah. 50. Divorced.
Sexy Season 2 GIF by Blunt Talk - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphy“The young women need to hear this:
"Making a man cum is not doing much. A hole in the wall can do that. Making a man orgasm is the key to life."
"One tip: His ball sack is there for a reason. Play with it. A LOT. You’re welcome.”
12. Jaymes. 30. Single.
“Enthusiasm is gonna beat out experience every time. A woman who expresses excitement about being with me? I don’t care if she knows how to spin on my d — k or not. She’s already got me hype because I feel like she genuinely wants to be there. I used to not understand Prince’s song ‘Kiss’ when he said that a woman doesn’t have to be experienced. I do now.”
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There you have it — 12 men who divulged a bit of what goes on in their own bat caves (so to speak), chile. Which one surprised you? Which one are you already implementing and seeing the results of? Which one will you try next time?
A wise person once said that the best sex comes from two people who get off on pleasing their partner.
Definitely words to live by if one of your sex-related life goals is to turn your man…all the way out.
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