Your March 2020 Horoscopes Are All About Resets & Renewal
March begins with us at the tail end of Mercury Retrograde which is ending just in time for the Spring. Venus is bringing in the blessings this month as she returns home to Taurus on the 4th. The Full Moon in Virgo on the 9th helps us let go of the crap that is holding us back from actualizing our greatest potential. The astrological new year kicks off when the Sun enters Aries on the 19th restoring us with more vitality, longer days, and warmer weather. Saturn finally shifts gears this month after spending the past couple of years in Capricorn. Towards the end of the month, the New Moon lifts our spirits and Mars inspires us to work towards a better tomorrow.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign this month:
Aries
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The month begins with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius giving you the opportunity to reconnect with your friends and social allies. During this time, you'll become even more clear about who will play a key role in helping you achieve your big hopes and dreams. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus blessing your finances and self-esteem over the next few weeks. Just be mindful of overspending at Ulta Beauty or your favorite boutique. On the 9th, the Full Moon in Virgo encourages you to cut Netflix off and get your lazy ass in the gym. You're encouraged to release some bad habits to prioritize a healthier lifestyle. Messy Mercury finally goes direct on the same day moving back into Pisces. Dejavu, much? Give yourself a couple more weeks to recalibrate from the retrograde weirdness.
Your birthday season officially begins on the 19th and all eyes are on you, making it a perfect time to reveal your new and improved appearance. On the 21st, Saturn finally leaves his home sign of Capricorn to begin his transit through progressive Aquarius. During this transit, you're encouraged to get innovative when it comes to the vision and the impact you want to make on your community. The New Moon on the 24th invites you to set the intention for something you'd like to manifest by the Harvest Full Moon later this fall. March comes to a close with energetic Mars moving into Aquarius amping up the genius content for your social media while also reminding you of the power in numbers. There's no need to do it all alone, Aries. Remember—teamwork makes the dream work.
Taurus
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The beginning of the month gives you a chance to review your strategy when it comes to climbing up the ranks in your career. An important conversation with your supervisor or an influential person can provide you with key information for achieving your goals. On the 4th, your ruling planet, Venus, moves into your sign making you a magnet for money and love. You've got the Midas touch so make the most of these next few weeks. The Full Moon on the 9th is the perfect time to reveal that project or that cute little baby bump you're growing. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and moves into Pisces on the 16th, reviving your mission to make the world a better, and more beautiful, place.
Your world gets a little more private when the Sun moves into Aries on the 19th. Over the next month, prioritize rest and moments of solitude to reflect on your past year. Make an attempt to tie up any loose ends before your birthday season. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius requiring you to put in a little more effort than usual when it comes to your career advancement. Try to stay 10 steps ahead of the game to rise above the competition. The New Moon on the 24th initiates you into the next phase of your spiritual evolution, reminding you just how powerful your divinity is. On the 30th, Mars moves into Aquarius and gives you extra motivation to expand your professional network, making this a perfect time to create that LinkedIn account.
Gemini
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March kicks off with a quarter moon in your sign on the 2nd, making this your most productive week of the month. On the 4th, your ruling planet dips back into Aquarius, giving you the chance to brush up on your knowledge of a topic of interest. This is also a favorable time to work out any issues with immigration or international affairs. Venus, planet of love and money, moves into Taurus on the same day giving you extra support from the non-physical world. Ask and ye shall receive. On the 9th, a Full Moon in Virgo could bring family matters to a head. Avoid being overly critical of your loved ones (and try not to take it personally if someone is sharing their unsolicited advice). Channel your attention to detail to organizing and cleaning your home instead. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and moves back into Pisces on the 16th and an important conversation at work could give you a promising glimpse into your rise up the career ladder.
The Sun moves into Aries on the 19th making you the center of attention amongst your friends and also inspiring you to reconnect with the bigger vision of your life. This transit encourages you to be a leader in a world full of followers. On the 21st, Saturn leaves behind a grueling two-and-a-half year transit in Capricorn and moves into Aquarius inviting you to expand your knowledge and spiritual awareness. Going back to school, enrolling in a course, or even connecting with a mentor can do wonders for your growth over the next couple of years. The New Moon on the 24th motivates you to take a stand for a cause that is near to your heart. Focus on defining what your mission is to align with your purpose and your soul tribe. The month comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius reminding you that there's little truth to everyone's beliefs. Seek to find common ground instead of discrediting other people's experiences.
Cancer
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The first half of the month brings your attention to your inner world and your closest relationships with Mercury going retro in Aquarius. This is a good time to revisit any conversations about shared assets and income. If you've been avoiding Sallie Mae, this may be a good time to arrange a plan to start paying off those student loans. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus and you're feeling the love from your tribe and maybe even some romance from a secret admirer who wants to be more than friends. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to share those beautiful thoughts of yours with the world. Maybe it's time to finally go live on IG or launch that blog. Mercury goes direct on the same day and moves back into Pisces on the 16th. You've got a lot of wisdom to share and some wide-eyed followers that are pining for you to drop some gems.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries, lighting the fire beneath your ass to make some major moves on the career front. As a cardinal sign, you're a natural born leader (even though that may not be the most comfortable role for you). With that being said, taking a leadership development class could win you some brownie points on the job. After spending the past couple of years in Capricorn, Saturn finally enters Aquarius on the 21st, giving you the chance to transform and heal from some karma that's affected your ability to connect with others more intimately. The New Moon on the 24th could land you a new job or promotion that you rightfully deserve. Just get ready for the extra responsibility that comes with this new role. The month ends on a high note with Mars moving into Aquarius helping you understand the bigger picture when it comes to some of your most painful experiences.
Leo
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March kicks off with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius on the 4th giving you the chance to revisit some important plans you and a significant other are making. Renegotiating existing contracts is also favorable during this time. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus, helping you receive the praise you love so much from your supervisor or someone you look up to professionally. The Full Moon on the 9th helps you push past a mental hang-up that's been wreaking havoc on your self-esteem and possibly your finances as well. Mercury finally goes direct on the same day, moving back into Pisces on the 16th, inviting you to delve deeper into your connections.
It's time to let those guards down to receive the love and healing you deserve.
The Sun enters your sister sign Aries on the 19th, motivating you to expand your awareness. Take a pilgrimage to a place, check out a seminar, or go back to school to enhance your wisdom. You may even consider teaching others about a topic of expertise. On the 21st, Saturn begins its transit through Aquarius giving you a chance to clear up some relationship karma. *cues Erykah Badu's "Next Lifetime"* The New Moon on the 24th inspires you to pave your own lane when it comes to your spiritual evolution. Recognize the guru within you. Towards the end of the month, you're feeling motivated to secure a more solid relationship or business partnership with someone that shares your vision.
Virgo
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The beginning of the month draws your attention towards your physical and mental wellness. It's time to revamp your daily routine so it's more supportive of your health. On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus, bringing you fortune and blessings in the form of a much-needed vacation. You could also receive opportunities to share your expertise on a bigger platform. On the 9th, the Full Moon in your sign encourages you to show the world what you've got. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct on the same day then moves into Pisces on the 16th, giving you the chance to renegotiate the terms of a contract or to heal a significant relationship.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries helping you feel empowered and ready to overcome any psychological obstacles that stand in the way of your success. This is also a good time to resolve your fears of stepping into a role of leadership. After spending the past couple years in Capricorn, Saturn finally shifts into Aquarius on the 21st, helping you get more innovative in your approach to your physical wellness. Over the next couple of years, you may be challenged to release some bad habits that aren't supportive of your health, wealth, or happiness. On the 24th, the lively New Moon could align you with some much-needed financial support, making this the perfect time to apply for that business loan. The month comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius, motivating you to devote more energy to acts of service and making the world a better place.
Libra
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March begins with Mercury dipping back into Aquarius, inviting you to reconnect with a creative project or hobby. Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into Taurus on the same day, helping you attract financial support from people that value your expertise and drive. When it comes to romance, you'll be spending plenty of time indulging in the sensual pleasures of life. The Full Moon on the 9th helps you resolve the battle with your own inner critic. Pay close attention to your dreams for signs and synchronicities around this time. On the same day, Mercury goes direct then moves into Pisces on the 16th, making this a good time to schedule your annual health screening.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries making your relationships the top priority over the next month. This is a promising time to establish a more solid commitment or to business partnership. Saturn, Lord of Karma, moves into Aquarius on the 21st, helping you clear out some creative and romantic blockages. On the 24th, the New Moon lands you an opportunity to connect with someone that supports your mission and wants to play a role in helping you accomplish your goals. With spring finally here, you'll likely be restless for some adventure once Mars moves into Aquarius on the 30th. Now that Mercury is finally direct, this would be the perfect time to gather your girls for a road trip.
Scorpio
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Family matters are your top priority in the first part of the month and you may be asked to play mediator in an ongoing conflict (unless you're the one in the middle of it). On the same day, Venus moves into Taurus giving you the grace you need to bring harmony to the situation. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to reassess your social circle and detox where necessary. Mercury goes direct on the same day and you're even more clear about who you're no longer in alignment with. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Pisces helping you tap into the infinite source of creativity. If you've got an audition around this time, you're sure to stand out amongst the competition.
The Sun moves into Aries on the 19th shifting your attention to your health. It's time to whip that Winter body into shape for the Summer. You're feeling more motivated than you have in a while making this an ideal time to make those lifestyle changes that will improve your overall well-being. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius getting you tapped into the wisdom & guidance of your ancestors. Over the next couple of years, you'll experience major breakthroughs in generational karma as you establish a more authentic way of existing in the world. Family planning and property investment may also be a big focus. On the 24th, the New Moon motivates you to be of service to the collective which requires you to step into your own unique style of leadership. On the 30th, Mars moves into Aquarius reminding you to see the bigger picture as you create your family's legacy through the impact you make on the world.
Sagittarius
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March starts off quietly on the tail end of Mercury retrograde drawing your attention towards your inner world. You may feel more inclined to focus on a personal project or dive into some research about a social cause of interest. On the 4th, Venus enters Taurus, helping you attract good fortune in the workplace. This placement is notorious for overindulging so be mindful of backtracking on your New Year resolution to lay off the sweets or the wine. The Full Moon on the 9th is fit for celebrating your latest career achievement. If you're feeling stuck in your professional development, this energy can illuminate how you're potentially sabotaging yourself. On the same day, Mercury goes direct then moves into Pisces to help you smooth out friction amongst the household or family members.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries inviting you to indulge in more romance, creativity, and play, making this a great time to start a new project or reconnect with a childhood hobby. After spending the past couple of years in Capricorn, Saturn transitions into Aquarius on the 21st. During this transit, you're invited to restructure the way you communicate and connect with others. Building a social media presence may be one of your top priorities and the easiest way to get your voice heard. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to put yourself out there when it comes to love. Don't be afraid to seize the moment! March comes to a close with energetic Mars moving into Aquarius, making it the perfect time for some Spring Break fun.
Capricorn
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March kicks off with you renegotiating your contract with your employer or adjusting your rates for your services. Either way it goes, your prices are going up. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus, bringing you good fortune and lots of romance. Pluto and Saturn have been giving you enough shit, so enjoy the blessings of this transit. The Full Moon on the 9th encourages you to always be curious and open to change which could result in you parting ways with some old beliefs that don't support the direction you're going in. Trust yourself, Cappie. There is no guru outside of you. On the same day, Mercury goes direct in Aquarius before moving forward into Pisces on the 16th which has you deep in your feels. Channel your emotions into your art instead of your Twitter timeline, please.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries which brings your attention to home and family. This energy can be impatient and ready to pop off, so practice a little extra patience with your loved ones over the next few weeks. Your ruling planet, and the thorn in everyone's side, finally moves out of your sign and into Aquarius on the 21st. This next Saturn transit gives you the opportunity to clear up karma related to your self-worth and finances which is ultimately aligning you with greater prosperity to come over the next couple of years. On the 24th, the New Moon invites you to be a pioneer in your family. Don't be afraid to live the wildest dreams your ancestors only imagined. The month comes to an end with Mars getting you focused on increasing your flow of income and impacting the world for the greater good.
Aquarius
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The month begins with Mercury dipping back into your sign mid-retrograde. If anyone is getting random texts from their ex(es), it'll be you. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus and love matters take on a more private approach. You'll likely just want to cuddle up with bae in the comfort of your own home. On the 9th, the Full Moon liberates you from the torment of your inner critic and maybe even the nightmares of that overbearing, judgmental person that you never felt good enough for. Mercury goes direct on the same day then transitions into Pisces on the 16th making this an ideal time to partake in some money magic or listen to your fav prosperity affirmations.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries and your social media presence is getting a boost thanks to your bold approach in communication. Stop playing modest and flex that genius mind, and mouthpiece, of yours. Saturn, Lord of Karma, moves into your sign on the 21st restructuring the way you express yourself and engage with the world around you. By the end of this transit, you'll feel like a totally new, and much wiser, person. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to launch that blog or podcast. All inhibitions go out the window when Mars moves into your sign on the 30th granting you just the courage you need stand proudly in your truth.
Pisces
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March begins with Mercury briefly visiting Aquarius before moving back into your sign on the 16th. On the 4th, Venus moves into Taurus, landing you a lot of attention via social media and dating apps. The Full Moon on the 9th can illuminate how you sabotage your relationships, and yourself, by constantly playing the role of captain save-a-hoe. Boundaries are your saving grace. Don't be afraid to say "no" to a person or opportunity that needs too much fixing. On the same day, Mercury goes direct and you're feeling more comfortable expressing some of the insights you gained during your brief hiatus. On the 16th, people are hanging on your every word and you've got the power to heal the masses, or at least the people that value your wisdom.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Aries which is a nice boost for your self-esteem. Stop playing humble and recognize just how talented you are. There are so many ways for you to make money and it's time for you to boldly pursue a secret dream of yours. On the 21st, Saturn moves into Aquarius where it'll spend the next couple of years dissolving subconscious patterns and karmic contracts that are blocking you from fully stepping into your destined path. The New Moon on the 24th instills the courage that you need to go for it. March comes to a close with Mars moving into Aquarius, giving you a chance to reconnect with your vision and your conviction more than ever before.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I thought my friendships in my thirties would look like an episode of Girlfriendsor Living Single. That we’d be meeting up, getting drinks at a sexy local bar, having dinner together in each other's homes, and taking trips like the Housewives shows we’d watched since we were teenagers. My reality has been the polar opposite of that. My friendships have changed drastically and for a while, I felt like I was on my own.
In my mid-twenties, I started going to therapy, started a business that took off, and I started setting boundaries about how I wanted to be treated as a person. From there some friendships changed drastically, for better and worse. Friends who couldn’t understand or accept the new me were removed, and drifted off, and then there were beautiful changes that put distance between my friends and me. My best friend married and had children young, college friends moved away, job offers took other friends across the country, and I found myself face to face with a form of loneliness that I’d never experienced.
In my thirties, I started asking myself questions about what my friendships would look like, if these changes in dynamics would just be my new normal, or if I would find a new set of girlfriends that I could do life with.
Don’t get me wrong, do my friends call me? Yes. Do they check on me? Yes. Are they cheering the loudest for me with every win? Absolutely, but I also can’t tell you the last time we met up for drinks or if we’ve ever taken the girls' trip we’ve been talking about for the past decade. For some time, I thought perhaps this was the trade-off for choosing a different path, not being able to have friends in this phase of life, or that at some point I’d create a new friend group, and while I pray for the latter, discussions with women who were experiencing similar shifts showed me that we all are no longer relatable in some way to your friends.
Whether you’re the friend who got married early, embarked on a healing journey, started a thriving business, moved away from your small town, or are at a low point in life and can’t relate because you’re the friend struggling - we’re all experiencing some form of a shift in our friendships. Digger deeper into this subject matter with women from all across the country, I’ve discovered that we are not alone and we are all experiencing loneliness and transition.
1.There is a need for friends who get that life is a juggling act.
"I've always been obsessed with the idea of sisterhood. My mom is one of 10 children five boys, five girls so I had a lot of aunts that were around growing up. My mom had the same two best friends since she was like in high school in her early 20s, so I just thought like oh I'm gonna go to college and you know I'm gonna find these lifelong friends. I joined a sorority and other organizations where friendship and companionship was at the helm of that and I think you know fast forward to me graduating college, and starting life as an adult away from a lot of those friendships that I created, I realized adulthood is extremely lonely.
"Navigating friendships in your 20s versus your 30s is like comparing apples and oranges, seriously. In my 20s, it was all about exploration – career, relationships, you name it. We were all on different paths, some searching for love, others for adventure, and a few just figuring out what they wanted. I was right there with them, soaking up every moment of freedom and self-discovery. I don’t think that exploration stops in your 30’s but the tools you need and the paths you need to take are a lot clearer.
"Personally, things shifted fast for me in my 30s. I welcomed a child, got engaged, and suddenly, priorities were rearranged quicker than you can say 'adulting.' Self-awareness kicked in, and I realized I needed friends who were on the same page – willing to grow, heal, and understand the complexities of life. Nowadays, it's all about quality over quantity. I've trimmed down my circle to those who bring joy, understanding, and, most importantly, reciprocity. Yeah, it was tough saying goodbye to some old friends, but it had to be done for my own peace of mind.
"In this crazy world where time is the most precious commodity, I'm all about spending it with those who uplift and support me – friends who get that life's a juggling act and offer grace when needed."
- Leticia Owens, 34, Las Vegas, Nevada
2.There is a maturity that either brings friends together or takes them apart.
"As someone who has traversed most of my thirties now, what I’ve really seen from 30 to almost 38 is the cycling of friendships that can sometimes happen when people have different commitments to their own personal growth. I think some of the friendships that I have chosen to leave behind in my earlier thirties were a result of that person not pulling their weight in the relationship from the perspective of not even seeing how their behavior plays a role in the dynamic and how hurtful it might be.
"Some people come to that at a young age and even in their twenties, but some people take longer. There’s an emotional and relational maturity that either brings people together or brings about separation. Your thirties can bring about a lot of changes to friendships, marriage, children, helping your parents if they’re older and now need assistance financially, all of the other relationships have an impact on our relationships."
- Allie, 38, California
3.There's a knowing that motherhood changes how you maintain and make connections.
"I was a new mother at 21, trying to figure out my relationship, navigate a career, and figure out my life so I had to adjust quickly. In my twenties, I partied hard and at one point with the clothes that I had on the day before to make sure I got dressed up at work. I enjoyed my life and when I decided I was gonna be a mom and wife, I didn’t think about if I was gonna miss this life, it was like time to shift gears. I was clubbing because I was tryna run from shit. I don’t have a life that I have to run from anymore.
"As you start to evolve in your life and then your relationships shift, you wanna still keep the connection but at some point, for different friends, you don’t evolve with them. But at times making new friends is just as hard so you’d rather stay stagnant with the people that are already there. It’s not as easy. Then you’re making friends with moms because your kids want to have playdates so you’re entering into a dynamic with this person for your kids, not because it’s a genuine connection.
"I also think that it’s ironic because the same feelings that your single friends are having about not being able to have fun with you, that feeling of emptiness there is twofold. I’m a mom but I’m a person first. I’m now married with three kids and now my friends are having children too so I’m watching my friends struggle with motherhood and they don’t always come to me for advice. But as they evolve as mothers they have a level of understanding for the shit that I went through.
"Granted I sacrificed to be a young mother, but I was also able to excel in my career and go back to school with the help of my husband. He's an amazing dad and partner and with him, I know I know if I drop the ball, he’s catching it."
- Tania, 31, New Jersey
4.There is a coming into yourself that causes you to release what no longer aligns.
"Friendships change because you begin to come into yourself. You begin to understand that you're an individual that has your own needs, values, likes, wants, etc. and those friendships that were cultivated in high school and college are often no longer aligned with who you want to be. And unfortunately what happens is that we start to break away from the old versions of ourselves and what the people who love us expected us to be.
"My relationships started to change when I stopped pleasing people and I asked myself if was I still friends with this person based on the length of time that we’ve been friends, rather than was this person in alignment with what I wanted out of life."
- Brittany, 31, New York City
5.There is a need for more grace as you grow and evolve.
"We don’t extend enough grace to our friends and I feel we need to remember to. Sometimes we extend more grace to a toxic person we are 'dating' than the friend who is there to pick the pieces up after that person exits stage left. It has been great for me thus far and that’s only because my friends and I respect each other and I mean respect where we are in life i.e. marriage, kids careers, etc, and respect that our time and what we dedicate our time to may not always be to each other physically but we show up mentally and spiritually through prayer and sometimes FaceTime or phone calls.
'If you are expecting your friendships to be the same [as] they were when you were in your 20s or teenagers it shows that you're not pushing each other to grow and evolve."
- Dasia Brown, 34, New Jersey
6.There is a change in how and when you connect due to availability and changes in priorities.
"Just this weekend I shared a post that said I am not the club friend anymore I am the spa friend, the brunch friend, the travel friend. Overall I know that part of friendships is connecting on social outings and when those no longer align if there isn’t real substance to the friendship it can start to fade. Another thing is how in our 30s, life starts really life-ing and our availability and priorities change, making it a little more challenging in how and when we connect.
"I’m grateful for friends who give each other grace but [I] will add [that] my immediate friend group no one is a mom yet. My mom friends are way more limited and it’s understandable but I’ve noticed the change from once becoming a mom and how things become one-sided in willingness to understand their needs. I think the solid friends try their best to show up or at least be fully present in the 15 minutes they do have to spare."
- Delila, 37, New York City
7.There is less hanging out and the concept of what makes a good friend shifts.
"Friendships change in your thirties for many reasons. Priorities, time, money, comparing lives, extremely different lifestyles. I’m a great friend so all mine love me… but I’m also not hanging out like I did 5-10 years ago."
- Destiny, 35, Delaware
8.There are challenges when no one is on the same journey at the same time.
"One of the biggest challenges is when people are settling into their careers, getting married, having kids, and no one is going to be on the same journey at the same time. You might have a friend that’s already married with kids, and you might be career-driven and single. You want to go out to happy hour and your friend with kids gotta see if your friend with the husband and the kids is available.
"In that same vein, that friend might also have mom friends that want to go on playdates and are more available to hang out with each other because they are able to do stuff together with the kids, but if you’re on two different paths it’s definitely a challenge."
- Quadira, 30, New Jersey
9.There is a release of friendships that might be holding you back.
"Based on my personal experience the lives of friends - Black women; either verge or diverge based on a major event. For example, your bestie becomes a teen mom in college, someone’s career takes off drastically compared to the others, someone couples or marries younger, or someone adopts a new faith or becomes stronger in their faith. Someone starts to heal generational trauma via therapy. A friend picks up an alcohol or drug abuse problem. Someone suffers a profound loss. I mean the list goes on. And depending on where each friend is in their life those things can make or break a friendship.
"You may even stray and try to come back and strengthen the bond but ultimately what happens to us is often a feeling of 'this happened to me and such and such wasn’t even there forreal.' Or after you/they have a major event see some unhealthy traits that have always existed and you ignored for the sake of friendship but where you are going in life won’t allow you to ignore it any longer.
"I just turned 38 and about 3/4 years ago I had a nagging feeling that it was time to shed a 20-plus-year friendship. I avoided it so long, we fell out twice in a huge way and I, being avoidant, put off the difficult conversation and ignored so much until I couldn’t. We were like sisters and the aftermath was much more than I could have expected but I’ve never felt lighter and more free and I think in your thirties you realize time is of the essence and the things you’ve accepted no longer suit you. Initially, we think of romantic relationships but sometimes it’s the platonic friendship that is what’s holding you back."
- Sydney, 38, Ohio
10.There is a realization that no investment to the friendship is too big or too small.
"I think friendships and relationships change in our thirties because most of us enter an elevated era of prioritization and a different style of communication. This is especially true if you have a partner. Even more so with children. Marriage is an investment. Children are an investment. Friendships are too and it’s easier to invest into people who get that sometimes you can only deposit a penny… sometimes you might be in the red and other times it’s emotional payday. So you hang out with more moms or parents. More married friends, etc.
"Your single friends also stop checking in as much and inviting you places. So you feel like you can relate less, as I’m sure they feel the same. You can’t communicate as often and at length because of work or family or life. And not everyone gets that. As your life evolves, your expectations change, and what you’re able to give changes too. When friends are in different places, they can’t always understand those changes and those relationships become unsustainable. There are so many things, but mostly life happens."
- Denisse, 34, Mississippi
11.There is a hyperfocus on family, career, and love.
"I think the dynamics do change even before you hit 30. I would say late 20s, even maybe early if people went through anything like I did with my friend group from high school. Think about it: we are trying to navigate what we want to do with our lives concerning career, and love, and discover who we are, and what God put us on this Earth for, and a lot of us really aren’t taught what friendships look like as adults because some of our parents don’t have friends who come over all the time, who feel like a part of the community.
"It’s a hyper-focus on family and career and love. School doesn’t help either cause nothing really prepares you for how you nurture friendships long distance, what happens when you realize you and a friend are no longer aligned (they were a season vs. forever), or envy jumps out when you start doing what they perceive as better than some of them."
- Cydney, 33, North Carolina
12.There is a change in how you prioritize friendships that is dictated by major life shifts.
"I’m like one of the last in my friend group in Copenhagen to have kids - and I feel like that just shifted so much for us/our group when everybody started having kids. More difficult to make plans, weekends are very different. But now that I have Naya [my child] it obviously makes sense.
"I feel like there is just so much that’s shifting in our thirties, whether career, serious boyfriends or marriage, kids, moving out of town, etc. Like life gets serious somehow lol and it’s challenging to prioritize your friendships in the same way you could in your twenties! I have a girlfriend back home who used to live just a block away and we’d always like go grocery shopping together and watch movies in bed and have sleepovers etc, and I honestly miss that so much."
- Caroline, 33, Denmark
13.There is acceptance that everyone can't maintain a long-distance friendship.
"For me, one friendship dynamic changed by me moving and the person I was tight with was unable to support a long-distance friendship. It went from twice a week at least two hours of calls to 10-minute check-ins every few weeks."
- Januarie, 34, Michigan
14.There is a tendency for hesitation when making new friends.
"I experienced a friendship breakup when I turned 30 after 12 years. It has caused me to be hesitant with making new friends and categorize people for being in my life for specific reasons instead of being 'deep connections' kind of friend."
- Kiara, 33, Ohio
15.There is knowledge that friendships are inconvenient and that the right friends will show up and show out for you.
"As a disclaimer, I’m antisocial. In my thirties I’ve noticed I’ve changed some random hard rules I’ve always had for the sake of maintaining my friendships. I’ve been taking more trips, I’ve been driving distances of up to two hours to grab lunch if they’re near. Like a light randomly clicked like these people are very important to me my silly 'boundaries' will cause more harm than good. I can look up and we’re so distant or I’m attending a funeral. Like if nothing is physically stopping me from showing up then it’s up!
"Also, I have realized and been practicing the appreciation aspect for them. I’m a married mom of two. The people have taken planes and trains to celebrate me. Their accomplishments aren’t always marriage and kids and I'm gonna appreciate it too even if they don’t make a big deal of it."
- Lala, 31, New York City
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