Kehlani On What It Likes To Be Young, Queer, Bi-Racial & Struggling With Mental Health
In honor of Pride Month, PAPER Magazine interviewed Kehlani who is an outspoken queer artist that constantly uses her platform to uplift the LGBTQ community and raise awareness of the harsh reality that Black trans and queer people have to face.
Kehlani is a person that has no filter for her passions and thoughts, but she sometimes has to take a step back when speaking about topics, such as race and sexuality, because she is aware of the way that she is presented to the world.
She describes herself as, "a non-Black passing and Hetero passing person." She always holds herself accountable for her posts that may have been received in a way she hadn't intended. With her empathy always at the frontline, she learns from her fans and is extremely mindful of everything she says to steer clear of verbally causing harm or offending anyone.
"I have to check myself with when I do give information. I'm a bisexual woman who has been with men, and a lot of queer women are sensitive to that. I'm a mixed woman who is white presenting at times, and a lot of black people are very sensitive to that so I'm sensitive to that. And I'm a person who has mental health issues, but I live a 'stable life' in the eyes of a lot of people, so I have to be careful when I'm speaking on that."
The 23-year-old hit the R&B scene in 2014 with her debut project Cloud 19. To some listeners, the image behind the voice where delicate, rasp, and power meet came as a surprise. The colorful tattoos wrapped across her body, piercings galore, and her face tattoo of a paper airplane was a juxtaposition of the warm honey of her voice.
Her unconventional look has led her to become the target for judgment and interrogation-esque questions. In high school, she fell victim to being more masculine in relationships with a woman and more feminine with a man.
"I feel like I had to define it: I had to be gay or straight. That was a big thing I went through for a long time. I was really butchy in 11th and 12th grade because I just felt, if you like girls, this is what you're supposed to look and dress like. I wasn't comfortable with my feminine side. I was definitely like, 'If I'm touching a girl, she's not touching me back because I'm the boy.'... I only wore snapbacks, and it was really intense."
"Once I really understood that if someone likes me, they like me for all of me, I started being myself depending on how I felt that day, not based on who I was dating at the time."
With breaking down the rules and labels placed on queer women, Kehlani learned to become more comfortable with her feminine side, which is why we now see her killing fashion events with a beat face in designer dresses and six-inch heels, most recently the 2018 CFDA Awards with her now signature yellow.
She even made changes to her original PAPER cover shoot to show the soft, vibrant, and beaming light of a person she is that an outsider from first glance may not have gotten to experience. For Kehlani, fluidity means exactly that: being fluid. And her queerness doesn't place her in anyone's box.
"Why wouldn't I take such a great opportunity, which is an article to express my queerness and my fluidity, and allow the images to put me in that box? It's not going to help anyone reading this understand fluidity. It's not going to educate anyone on me, it's going to further put me in a box that I don't want to be in."
"When you truly understand the humanness of queerness, there are no rules to this shit."
Her journey of embracing her fluidity and femininity has further immersed her into the greatness that is women and her admiration for them that she loves to share to the world through her music, most notably with her anthem "Honey". (Real fans know it all started with "First Position").
"I was blown away with my first encounter with a woman. It's one thing to really know yourself and know how you react to things, but when you first start to understand and love a woman, you really almost get intimidated with how epic a woman is."
For more of Kehlani's PAPER feature for Pride Month, find the full article here.
Featured image by Jeff Kravitz/AMA2017/FilmMagic for dcp
- Kehlani Just Gave Us A Lesson in Sexuality - xoNecole ›
- Kehlani Sexuality, Sexual Orientation Terms - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Kehlani Clarifies Sexuality Following On-Stage Demi Lovato Kiss ... ›
- Demi Lovato and Kehlani just made out on stage while grinding in a ... ›
- Singer Kehlani identifies as 'queer' ›
- Kehlani Breaks Down Shady Managers, Her Bisexuality, and Her ... ›
- Singer Kehlani Confirms She's Queer After Kiss with Demi Lovato ... ›
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Soul Brother/Soul B Photos/Shutterstock