Jidenna Describes Being Polyamorous As One Of The "Worst Pains" In His Life
Jidenna finally took off them damn church clothes and although we loved seeing him being a classic man, these days he's giving us the big African king energy we didn't know we needed in our lives. Recently, he announced on Twitter that he is "looking for wifey" and I would personally like for him to know that my DMs are ready and waiting.
The 34-year-old Wisconsin native explained that while he does believe in spending the rest of his life with one woman, to him, the absolute most important component in a relationship is transparency. Jidenna, who says he's had trust issues in the past, is at a point in his life where he's looking to develop a solid foundation with a woman who truly values honesty:
"I believe in monogamy. I believe in polyamory. I believe in marriage. I believe in non-traditional union. There are agreements and compromises to be made in every relationship. Most of all, I believe in Love & Honesty as the foundation. I'm looking for wifey…"
Last week, Jidenna slid through The Breakfast Club and opened up even more about his views on all things love and relationships and his perspective on dating might surprise you. Lately, a number of celebrities have opened up about their belief in polyamory, and Jidenna says that it's not a concept he's explored theoretically, he's actually done it. Like any relationship, it was riddled with compromises, but Jidenna says that the hardest part of being in a polyamorous relationship was knowing that he wasn't the only one.
"I've been in that relationship. I've done that. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever [done]. This tattoo took 26 hours, I did it in one sitting, essentially. The pain that I felt knowing that she was with another man was one of the worst pains in my life. But I had to do that. What kind of man am I to tell a woman that you can't be with somebody else when I'm out here being with somebody else?"
While it was a tough road, Jidenna says that a polyamorous relationship is a route he would take over and over again for the sake of his partner. The singer, a descendant of a Nigerian origin, says that his grandfather had seven wives, and their lack of freedom affirmed his belief that polygamy would never be an option for him.
"I never met him. He's from a village in Southeast Nigeria. I saw a picture of him and he was sitting there like on his little stool and it was three of the seven wives, one of which was my father's mother and I remember the look on their faces and they [were] not happy. I looked deep in their eyes, they [were] not happy. So I was like you know what? I can't do the polygamy thing. I have to go where no man has gone before, I have to take that step."
Out of being shot and getting a 26-hour tattoo, Jidenna says that being in a polyamorous relationship still takes the cake as the worst pain he's ever experienced, but to him, it's a small step on the path to having a truly open and honest foundation:
"I'm not perfect but these are the steps I think we have to take as men. It's not easy, it's not for the weak, but women have been doing that for thousands of years and we still here in 2019 and we can't deal with it if they do one little thing that we've done."
Although I'm not sure if I'd ever be in a polyamorous relationship, but if Jidenna is involved, I'm willing to take any type of -amory he has on the menu, honestly. Truly.
Featured image via Jamie Lamor Thompson / Shutterstock.com
- Jidenna Is Looking For A Wife | Global Grind ›
- Jidenna on Twitter: "I believe in monogamy. I believe in polyamory. I ... ›
- "My biggest turn on is a woman who is intelligent" - Jidenna opens ... ›
- Jidenna talks about his experience in a polyamorous relationship ›
- Jidenna on 'The Chief', Dating, and His Polygamous Past | Digital ... ›
- The Breakfast Club interview Jidenna about new music and polyamory ›
- Jidenna talks new music, African lifestyle, polyamory and more | 'The ... ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
