For full transparency, I envy the person who can jump out of bed in the morning and conquer the day. While I do consider myself a morning person, because I set my bedtime at 10:30pm, I admit I need to ease into my day. I've found that the best way to do this is through something that can set the tone on how I want it to end: on a good note. Talk to anyone balancing their success with inner peace, and they'd tell you morning routines play a huge part in the color of their lives.
In light of that, I was curious in trying different ways to start my mornings off right and wanted to share my experience to the world. And let's just say my experiment on morning routines was surprisingly helpful in all sorts of ways. Let's dive in, shall we?
I Tried 6 Different Morning Routines
The Wim Hof Method
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Recently, I came across this new regimen called the Wim Hof Method. It was founded by a Dutch extreme athlete named Wim Hof who is known as "The Iceman'' for his cold exposure achievements which have landed him in the Guinness Book of World Records. The Wim Hof Method consists of three pillars: Breathing, Cold Therapy, and Commitment. The benefits include increased energy, better sleep, reduced stress levels, enhanced creativity, etc. How it works is, you start with a breathing exercise, take a cold shower, then end the regimen with a commitment that you are going to accomplish a task or goal for that day.
When I got to the cold shower part, it was exactly what I expected it to be, COLD. I am a warm/hot shower type of woman myself, so the cold shower did give me the wake-up call I may have needed. Despite the few sneezes I got afterwards, I felt I was more alert and it allowed me to be more focused and disciplined with the work I had to get done. The laziness was gone folks! If you are interested in trying the Wim Hof Method, you can download the free mini class here.
Video Log
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I love a good vlog. Watching someone share their story, tips, or shared activity with you through a video is engaging and interactive. According to YouTube stats, out of 2 billion monthly users, people upload 500 hours of video every minute and each visitor spends 11m 24s per day on the site, on average. That's a lot of video time, am I right? So why not use it for your own personal life?
With this morning routine, it was about starting a video diary. Start your day by talking about whatever you want, to yourself for yourself. There was something about looking at myself in the camera, messy curls and all, and saying what was on my mind that made me feel at ease. It was a good way to say, "Hey, you good sis?" We can get caught up in social media and need a break from technology sometimes. But taking the time to use technology and giving myself the space to be vulnerable made me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It feels necessary to do in such a digital world. I approve.
The 5-Hour Rule
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Knowledge is power, right? We have probably heard that personal development should always be a part of our wellness goals. When you learn a new skill or talent, you feel better about yourself. So I applied the 5-hour rule to my mornings. It has been practiced by Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Oprah herself. The 5-hour rule is simply you intentionally setting aside 1 hour a day (equaling 5 hours a week) for learning or practicing a new skill.
You can do this by reading a new book, reflecting on small/large achievements, and/or experimenting by practicing a new skill or brainstorming new ideas. The 5-hour rule is honestly one of the things I used to manage my mental health better. When I was able to give time to myself with zero distractions, I was able to focus better on my 9-5 work and even my school work. I felt more in control in a sense. I didn't feel like time got away from me or that something was missing because I made the choice to start my day doing what I wanted, to get my brain going. This is a routine I appreciate continuing to help with my growth.
Future Journaling
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Writing is my therapy. I have countless journals and hundreds of pages filled with my thoughts, feels, and wild imagination. So I figured the concept of future journaling would be great to try. The key is to write a detailed letter to yourself from your future self. It can be as detailed as you want with the lifestyle you dream about. There are no rules when it comes to future journaling because it all boils down to making dreams into reality.
When I wrote down my future, I took the next step in taping it to my wall and reading it out loud. I even wrote my future in different stages (overachiever, this one). This kind of writing reminded myself that my life is mine and no one else's. Everything that was written is the life I am working towards and I am setting intentions while tapping into manifestation. I am my number one motivator and personal hype man. As we all should be.
Dancing
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We all love a good playlist. When we are driving in our cars or in our rooms alone, there is always that one song that hypes us up and gets us in a good mood. I took a nice 10 minutes out of my morning and danced my ass off; no matter how good or bad I looked. The song of choice was "CROWN" by CHIKA. Let me just say, if you haven't listened to this song yet, I'm going to need you to download it ASAP.
The words of this song mixed with my controversial dance moves made me feel happy, sad, empowered, and unapologetic all at the same damn time. I felt free. I felt that all my worries of yesterday were shaken off and left in the past. Bringing my body to movement helped me become more energized and just overall better emotionally. It's important to work hard, but I prefer to play harder.
Free Hugs
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Now this one, this routine surprised me the most. It was one of the simpler routines that I found to be the most rewarding. With these 'Free Hugs', I was able to be present with my surroundings and give myself grace. We can get caught up in the next big idea or working towards that new promotion. But we forget to stop and just say thank you. This routine gives you time to appreciate what you have that is right in front of you. I went around my apartment and hugged everything I had, while saying "I appreciate you and I am grateful for you."
This honestly felt really nice for me. I started hugging things like my pets, my bed, and my clothes. But the more I was hugging, the more comfortable I was in hugging things you probably don't think about. I hugged my table, my shower, my wall paintings, and even my trash can. Yes, I said my trash can. I ended my hugging spree with hugging myself, because why the hell not? Embracing what I currently have allowed me to feel more content and grounded. Even though it's not something you typically hear people do during their spare time, I think everyone should at least try to incorporate 'free hugs' in their lives. When you feel you are always on the go and need to take second to rest, hug something. Enjoy the moment and appreciate all the blessings you have in order to look forward to the blessings that will continue to come. Definitely recommended.
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Relationship dynamics with a boss can be rewarding for some and a nightmare for others. When you first start a job, there’s an attempt to impress, and it’s often like dating someone you really like for the first time. Each of you has to get to know one another in order to learn how best to interact and get along while also getting your job done. The power aspect can be a bit of a threat since your manager or supervisor basically holds the reins of your career’s future.
These sorts of pressures can be a lot for both parties, but more so for the employee. In fact, research shows that most people find their managers to be a pain to deal with. According to McKinsey and Co., in a recent study, 75 percent of survey participants said that the “most stressful” aspect of their job was their immediate boss.
One of the most significant “drivers” of workplace satisfaction in interpersonal relationships is “relationship with management,” which means if you don’t have a decent relationship with your boss, it can drastically affect your productivity and quality of work output.
When you’re having difficulties that center on a boss who seems to never be satisfied with you, leads with toxic behaviors, or you two simply don’t mesh, here are a few things you can do:
1. Think hard about whether they really do "hate" you or whether you're projecting an insecurity.
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Projection, in this case, is a psychological concept where a person displaces their own feelings of insecurity onto someone else. Sometimes, this can happen at work. You might project because there’s something within that you haven’t really dealt with—a hard truth about your abilities, a feeling of not being good enough, or other self-esteem issues.
I once felt this way at a job, early in my career, and thought the problem was my boss. I’d often get defensive when they offered constructive criticism or called me out on something I’d clearly done incorrectly. In reality, my boss wanted the best for me all along.
They were never disrespectful and always tried to endear themselves to me, but I had a huge chip on my shoulder due to a perfectionist complex. I just couldn’t fathom that I needed mentorship or to improve because I’d always been the honor student or the “mama’s girl” growing up. I was quite a brat at the time, to be totally honest.
Sometimes, it’s not our boss who has the problem. It’s within us. A few talks with a mentor, fueled mostly by complaints about my “horrible boss,” led to a realization that I had to humble myself and really be open to feedback. I had to refocus on professionalism and remember the bottom line of what I was hired to do.
Now, if this isn’t the case, and your boss truly is being abusive, toxic, or indifferent toward you in some way, proceed to step 2.
2. Have a heart-to-heart with your manager. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Keep it professional, sis. While you want to find out what might be behind the negative vibes you're getting from your boss, you don't want to put someone on the defense or give them the opportunity to gaslight you. If you don't already have scheduled one-on-ones with your supervisor, get on their calendar or invite them to have coffee on-site with you during a break. (I'm not a huge fan of meeting a manager or supervisor you think doesn't like you outside of the office. It's just a risky thing to do and could go left very quickly in terms of optics, potential for further drama, or even avoidable scandal.)
Let them know that it's important that you gain a bit of insight on your work and any areas of improvement. Again, shift the tone of the situation. Accept the possibility that you might be totally reading your boss wrong, or there might be a very valid reason you're getting less-than-favorable energy from them.
As a manager, I can attest to how we can sometimes be misunderstood. Someone might think I'm being "hard" on them when I'm really just trying to do my job. I might have even saved this particular person from the chopping block and, in those efforts, sought to help them improve. As a servant leader, I want the best for those I lead, whether I "like" them or not. Being a manager or supervisor isn't easy, and oftentimes people forget that. We're human, too.
Sometimes, managers are under an extreme amount of stress, so their interactions can be led by that. Maybe they're not so personable or "nice" because they really don't have the time or energy to be. That's not your fault, and it's no excuse for bad behavior, however, understanding this will inform how you approach solving a perceived problem.
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Some issues are tied to personality as well, so keep that in mind. I've always been an ambitious leader and a straight-shooter---whether a manager or otherwise---which can be off-putting to some. Sometimes I have to be more self-aware in my interactions with certain people and adjust, even if I don't agree with their perception of me. I don't always have to be "right" or always speak out assertively about something.
I can boldly lead without alienating other bold, leading personalities in the office or intimidating other more timid, introverted (but powerful) personalities as well. I wouldn't have known this had I not given a manager the opportunity to express this or at least had conversations with others to find out how I'm perceived.
During a one-on-one, I once told a manager that I don't like being micromanaged and that I'd spoken out of turn during a meeting because I had a passion for the subject matter. We came to a middle ground, and I was able to advance at that company. (I was even eventually added as a co-lead on an initiative.) Working with this person got so much easier after a simple, respectful conversation.
If you don't feel confident enough to have the conversation, that's okay, too. Do a mock run with a mentor, loved one, coach, or friend you trust and admire so you can prep for the real conversation.
3. Take the personal out and deal with the facts. Report to HR or other authorities if the situation calls for that.
If No. 2 hasn't led to a resolution, document tangible facts and actions that led to the conclusion that your boss doesn't like you. Have they been disrespectful, combative, or unprofessional when interacting with you? Have you been threatened? Are they taking credit for your work? Are they forcing you to work overtime without pay or guilting you into working after hours? Have you been overlooked to work on projects that you've clearly been hired to work on based on your job title and duties?
Of course, if you feel physically unsafe, disengage and take the appropriate legal or law enforcement-related action. But if it's an issue of a manager who is simply doing unnecessarily outrageous things at work that make your job harder and might stunt your career advancement, talk with a mentor or coach first to figure out the right plan of action.
Depending on your company's protocols, take your grievances to your human resources department, or your bosses' boss. Document instances of unprofessional behavior and how it actually impacts your work. Advocate for yourself. It might seem scary, but there needs to be a paper trail if things have gone too far.
I once was facing an issue with a boss I thought disliked me. She'd often be dismissive in her tone, avoided answering emails in a timely fashion, and even tried to get me fired behind my back. (I found out from another manager who I had a good relationship with.)
Once again, a mentor came in a clutch. This one was a banking executive who knew office politics all too well. "When you go to HR, don't lead with the problems. Ask them how you can best navigate and learn from the situation. Shift the tone. Then present what you've documented and tell them exactly how it impacts your actual work quality."
Well, it worked. Not only did the HR professional soften up a bit listening to my side of things, but she gave me some very useful tips on how to interact with my boss, who was new at the time. (Turns out, managing up was the solution, which I enjoyed because it actually gave me more leadership experience, which led to my own promotion years later.)
She also had a chat with my boss, and it clearly was a good one that didn't backfire on me. I ended up working under that manager for several years, and today, the professional is actually someone I admire. I learned a lot from working with her.
When The Problem's Simply Your Boss, Not You
Sometimes, it's not a specific issue, per se. Some workplace pairings are simply not a good fit, and no matter how great you are at what you do or how many times you've had one-on-ones with your manager, it's simply a lost cause. And that's okay. It's not a failure when you have to either transfer to a different department or leave a company altogether. It's a simple reality, and it happens to the best of us.
If this is the case, and you've exhausted all reasonable efforts to get clarity and resolve actual issues, it's time to put that exit plan together or simply quit. Trust that your steps are ordered and take that leap toward another dream company, career, or lifestyle that truly aligns with the greatness and fullness of life.
Nobody has time to waste trying to resolve conflicts that are pointless and counterproductive. Sometimes, you just have to let God have it and move on. I've witnessed several instances where walking away was the best option, and eventually, that particular manager was removed or forced to leave. Sometimes, people learn the hard way that they need mental health help, a lot more leadership training, or a pivot into a more fitting occupation, company, or role. It's not always about "fault" but about fit.
Thinking (or knowing) your boss dislikes you can be daunting, but you don't have to live with that dread every day. Confidently seek resolutions that not only affirm how great of a professional you are but also your own values connected to self-care, self-discovery, and self-realization in order to offer your best to the world.
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