I Survived Stage IV Cancer At Age 27
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Lindsey Walker's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
Here I was, walking into the treatment center for the very first time. I was walking as slowly as I could.
The center was unlike anything I could've ever expected, and nothing like what we've seen in the movies. There were so many people there: young, old, some full of joy and hope, others in so much pain you could see it in their eyes. I wondered how everyone had gotten to this point and if it were anything similar to how I had gotten there.
Everything was a blur; I was terrified of what my life was. Or wasn't.
I remember how welcoming the nursing staff and my oncology team were. They were warm and kind, truly concerned about my well-being. They tried their best to prepare me for what was coming my way, but there was nothing they could've said to ease me into the experience to be honest. It all happened so fast...
The Arrival of Cancer
One random day I was on the phone with my friend when suddenly, my breathing was out of sync. I told her something was wrong and that I was having difficulty breathing at all. I hadn't been feeling my best up to this moment and I had been running fevers for an entire week, so she urged me to go the hospital. I immediately called my mom and asked her to take me to the emergency room.
While we were there, they did X-rays on my chest and found a mass sitting directly in front of my heart, which was why I was having trouble breathing. The doctors decided to admit me.
Huh? Admit me?
A mass?
What does that mean?
The next day, the doctors came in to my room and asked me a series of questions. They then decided to do a biopsy to determine a clearer understanding as to what the mass was. Before I knew it, I was being whisked away and prepped for surgery, scared out of my mind. I woke up with a chest tube in my side and I had to do breathing exercises. After about a week, they let me go home as we awaited the results of the biopsy. A few days later, I started running fevers again and had to go back to the hospital and one of the doctors demanded to see my tests. By this time, they had me on the "Unknown Floor"—meaning they didn't know what my diagnosis was.
I was laying in the hospital bed when one of the doctors came in to tell me that I'd been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The exact date was July 3, 2018. I later found out that it was in Stage IV.
Growing up, I could have never imagined this would be something I would have to battle through, although this wasn't the first experience with complications. Raised by my mother, grandmother and great aunts as an only child, I was born severely premature (my mother had me at 23 weeks), so my family was quite overprotective of me as a child.
So, when I was formally diagnosed, it took me a while to process any emotions, thoughts, and optimism—even with all that I had dealt with in the past.
Chemotherapy is...Hell.
My world transformed into a dream that I just couldn't seem to wake up from. I immediately thought about the fact that I was 27 years old, single, with no children. I wondered what was going to happen to me.
Would I ever be married? Would I have the opportunity to have children?
I thought about everything that I always wanted to do, but hadn't done yet. I thought about my family, my friends. I wondered why God allowed this to happen to me.
Where did I go wrong? Why me?
I wasn't angry at God. I was just hurt and confused. How could I allow my life to get to this point? I felt betrayed. I betrayed myself. I didn't take care of my health as much as I should have, and I allowed myself to be put on the back burner for the sake of my friends and family. I should have been more selfish. But even in the midst of this life-altering situation, I knew that if I was going to make it through, I needed Him by my side—now more than ever.
As I heard the doctor mention chemotherapy as a treatment option, that was the first time my diagnosis hit me, and the first time I cried because of it.
Mainly because I was so against chemotherapy from the start. The day I was diagnosed, my mother and I had a full-blown argument because I didn't want to do chemo, I wanted to heal naturally. She told me that it wasn't an option or up for discussion. She told me that I had to do it. I knew this was real and it wasn't going away on its own or just because I wanted it to.
So, I won't say that I chose chemotherapy—it was chosen for me.
But I am so grateful that my family loved me enough to fight for me when I didn't have the understanding and capacity to make the right decision for myself.
Anyway. Listen guys: to be completely honest, chemotherapy is pure hell. I was stuck with needles multiple times, I sat in pods for hours, uncomfortable and in so much pain. One of the meds that I had to take burned internally as soon as it entered the bloodstream. I experienced various side effects, including mouth sores and a blood clot that hit me so hard I could barely walk.
I learned to prepare my mind for each visit after a while. I would make sure I drank plenty of water so that I could avoid getting stuck more. I would listen to sermons for moral support—it was still tough. But not tougher than me. After twelve chemo rounds, my cancer disappeared.
Ladies, I was cancer-free!
Lindsey Walker
Image via Ashlee Nicole/Artistry Studios
Life as a Survivor
One day, while undergoing treatment, I decided to look up the definition of "cancer". The Greek version literally means "burden." At the time, I'm not sure that I knew that, but I knew that at the same time. I had been carrying the weight of perfection and trying to please other people so much to the point that my burden manifested itself. Even prior to my diagnosis, I was hurting from the pains of my past. And it took my diagnosis to wake me up to that so that I could finally release the things that tried to paralyze me spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
You see, before I had cancer, I didn't think to define it. To me, cancer was just a really bad thing that sometimes good people have to go through. But my diagnosis forced me to look at life in a deeper way; such as the way I treated myself, or how I allowed myself to be treated.
So, this particular “burden” taught me lessons that paralleled everything I ever thought I knew.
On another note, there's so much to be said about our healthcare system today, especially given the current climate. I think more patients need to learn to advocate for themselves concerning their treatment plans, how they are cared for in hospitals, etc. Hospitals must realize that patients are more than just a number, they are people with families and feelings.
Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself, if you feel that something is wrong, despite the doctors orders, say something. And say something yesterday. It can make all the difference in the world. It could save your life.
As for me, I learned to listen to myself and my body. I learned to put myself first and care less about what others had to say about me, my life and my decisions. I learned to love myself for who I am and be gracious to myself. I'd spent most of my life trying to fit into this box that I was never meant to fit in the first place. I learned to give myself permission to be whoever I needed to be for me.
And I learned that I, Lindsey Walker, can defeat all of my burdens. Even if it's cancer.
For more of Lindsey, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Lindsey Walker
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty