As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Ebonie Baxter's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My son is five years old and he's had over 100 bone fractures.
Yes, 100.
Byron Baxter Jr. entered this world in 2014, through emergency C-section, just in time for the new year. He came in fighting at six weeks premature, under four pounds, and had two broken legs, a broken arm, and a fractured rib.
My husband and I were so afraid. And not only because of his birth complications, but we just weren't sure if he would survive at all.
I was still pregnant when doctors told us Byron would be born with a disability. But to be honest, I took it all with a grain of salt. I had suffered five miscarriages in the past and doctors said that I wouldn't be able to have kids anymore—I was just happy for the chance to be a mother again. Despite my excitement, my husband and I knew that we would have to dedicate ourselves to Byron's needs.
He spent 6 tough weeks in ICU when he slowly began to show signs of improvement. He was such a trooper. And although his hospital stay was overwhelming for my husband and I, we continued to put forth our best efforts to remain positive.
Byron was formally diagnosed with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a condition also known as Brittle Bone Disease. It's a rare disease that causes his bones to fracture and break easily.
Think of him as a thin layer of glass, or very fragile glass, that requires mindful handling.
Courtesy of Ebonie Baxter
Many, many days and nights were spent researching and preparing for him; expectations and best advice. We didn't have many outlets outside of our doctors, so online research became our go-to. We made it our sole business to care for, and protect, Byron however long God allowed us to (which according to doctors, wouldn't be long).
And before we knew it, due to his increasing progress, we were discharged and headed home.
Adjusting to home life was difficult. We could no longer rely on the comfort of the hospital as our bedroom, and we had to work out best practices on our own.
By the time my youngest son, Blake, joined our family, we had mastered our rhythm. Blake entered this world without any complications, so even though he's younger, he's often confused as the oldest of the two. As he's grown, we've explained to him the importance of being careful with Byron due to his fragility. And he has grown to be such a great little brother to him—sometimes even I'm surprised by his gentleness. Their relationship is so precious to me, a different kind of love.
As for Byron, Byron is a character! I mean, you guys see it, he's so full of energy and light. He's positive and loving; always happy. He has the heart of a lion and is literally the bravest person I know. And he loves WWE. We monitor everything he watches because he's such a sponge, but he has some of his funniest moments when watching. There's this saying that some of the wrestlers say, "You need an attitude adjustment." When Byron feels that someone is grumpy around him, out of nowhere he'll say "You need an attitude adjustment" in his cute little voice.
I love his little voice, I can always hear it.
My background isn't as colorful, but I wouldn't change it. I was born and raised in NYC, now residing in Georgia. I met my husband 8 years ago and we've been teammates ever since. I've turned lemons into lemonade more than I even care to count—probably more than the average, and I'm appreciative of all my life's experiences, good or bad. Other than that, I'm just a regular mama bear and wife who loves her family.
Courtesy of Ebonie Baxter
Our lives changed when one day, I decided on a whim to upload footage of Byron—just to showcase the joy we experience from him everyday. His videos started to go extremely viral; they gained more and more views, and before we knew it, our family had created an online community of over 1.3 million cyber aunts and uncles.
The world fell in love with my baby the way that I have. And now people are just happy to have the access to his journey everyday.
With this, comes its own unique sets of challenges. As much of the good we experience, we also have to take on the bad, and adjusting to the attention has been testing at times. It's funny because my husband says I am intense when it comes to my family—and he's absolutely right, I'm not a passive mom. I've had moments where I've had to request new doctors and nurses when the ones working with him weren't up to standard. I've had to frantically ask fans who were only excited to meet Byron, not to touch him if they see us out or at family events. And I've had to dismiss negativity on a daily basis. It's all in stride, of course, many have incorrect assumptions. But because we have so much going on behind the scenes that we don't show, my understanding of how this online world can be, keeps me focused on my family.
To take time for myself, I seek refuge in my bathtub. I'm a firm believer in soak therapy; it can be the cure for a hectic day. I love taking time for myself for all the various self-indulgence and vanity interests that us ladies enjoy. But mostly my happiness comes from simply being thankful that my children are such beautifully happy children, and that they are afforded the experience of having the proper childhood that I never had.
Nothing is greater.
I'm often asked what life will be like for Byron as he gets older and transitions into adulthood, and my response is always the same: Life will be great.
Being a special needs mom means being someone that's always aware, and someone that's the first to advocate for them. It doesn't matter if anyone has doubts or feel that they can speak on any of their obstacles. As long as your child is protected, safe, and full of love, let everyone know that for your baby, life will be great.
So, moms, aunts, grandmothers, and anyone who's blessed to care for a special needs child, count on God. Or count on whatever higher power you believe in to make the best decision for your child. Be their voice, even if it makes you look crazy. Doctors told us that Byron would be deaf. We told them he would hear pins drop. They told us he'd be blind. We told them he would have the sight of an eagle. They said my baby wouldn't make it.
We said...just watch.
To learn more about Osteogenesis Imperfecta, you can visit the OI Foundation. To keep up with the Baxters, follow them on Instagram or visit their website.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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