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Author Alex Elle & Her Memoir 'After The Rain' Shows Us How To Heal By Example
2h
<p>Sometimes life's greatest journeys are the ones that begin without a roadmap. The sense of wonder grants us the opportunity to carve out space for our own <a data-linked-post="2639894767" href="https://www.xonecole.com/books-to-discover-your-purpose/" target="_blank">self-discovery</a>, while leaving a path for those who choose to follow in the footsteps we've paved. Over the last few years, the wellness space has been the new frontier for many to find their way to <a data-linked-post="2647426679" href="https://www.xonecole.com/no-one-owes-you-an-apology-to-heal/" target="_blank">healing</a> and self-growth, where words like "self-care" and "affirmation" serve as breadcrumbs to lead us to our highest self. Although we don't all start off with the perfect tools or any at all, life has a way of guiding us to the lessons that will equip us for the journey ahead. For author and wellness consultant,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/alex_elle/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> Alex Elle</a>, writing has been the compass that has guided her path.</p>
<p><em>Featured image courtesy of Alex Elle</em></p>
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxNzA5OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MDc4NjM5OX0.9qQRvJQniPji69x1Df5vAdH_3duQ5qbApUhPa69IYmQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="75e51" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="38b553ad540bbfb77797a15fb6771834" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="alex elle after the rain" />
Courtesy of Alex Elle
<p>For as long as she can remember, Alex had always been a writer. Whether through the expression of poetry or <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/shadow-work-meditation-journaling/" data-linked-post="2645970269" target="_blank">journaling</a>, writing granted space to find her voice on the page in times of heartbreak and uncertainty. But it wasn't until she entered therapy that she was able to uncover the healing power that writing had to offer, "I found writing to heal by way of therapy and I think that's when the lightbulb went off for me; that I could heal parts of myself through writing practice that was supportive to the growth I wanted to have as a woman."</p> <p>Through the guidance of her then therapist, Alex was able to unlock the "emotional toolbox" that opened her up to writing practice as a measure to write to heal, not just to vent. This shift evolved Alex's approach to writing, and soon, the gentle nudge of a friend would push her to tap deeper into the direction of her purpose, "A friend of mine told me to stop hoarding my story and happiness because someone else might need it. I said to her, 'Why me?' And I remember her saying, 'Why not you?' And that really changed the game." </p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxNzEzMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNTI0MzAzOH0.49M1oEa9FctZofDWQTkfhI22Yt7MzNfyyVz8yC1ENZU/img.jpg?width=980" id="ef88c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="76c32b64e11cdba6cb06738bfbd3135f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Courtesy of Alex Elle
<p>Since then, Alex has been writing her way through healing, self-compassion, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kelly-rowland-new-baby/" data-linked-post="2648146913" target="_blank">motherhood</a>, and partnership while drafting a blueprint of growth for a community of women around the world. Now, as her debut memoir, part guide, <a href="https://alexelle.chroniclebooks.com/" target="_blank"><em>After the Rain</em></a>, releases, Alex hopes that it will serve as a companion and support system along her readers' healing journey, "I wanted people to know that they aren't alone. I wanted to give people hope. Things can be really painful in our lives, but we can greet them with curiosity, grace, and understanding."</p><div class="ad-tag">
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xoNecole: What was the moment like for you when you decided to say “yes” to the process of healing and self-growth?
<p><strong>Alex Elle:</strong> I love that you said that because it was definitely an intentional choice. When it comes to my process: self-choosing has been like a prayer; it's been a meditation and a mantra. Being able to hold myself accountable when I get it right and when I get it wrong has really been the greatest lesson in writing for me. The turning point was knowing I wanted something different in my life and knowing that I could access it, I just had to show up and do the work, even if it was scary and daunting. And it still is sometimes.</p> <p>I think a lot of people might think that because I've healed some, that I've healed completely. And that's not the case. I'm really proud of myself for making the choice to use writing to get closer to myself and to examine my truth and my <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/ruth-and-boaz-what-if-youre-not-ruth/" data-linked-post="2647711314" target="_blank">flaws</a>. Because for me, writing makes things real. I wanted to make sure that I was really leaning into the self-belief of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/karrueche-tran-talks-new-movie-brown-sugar-collection-love-hate-relationship-with-social-media/" data-linked-post="2618329578" target="_blank">worthiness</a>. This was the blooming of self-accountability and deciding to make a different choice for the life I wanted to have and the life I wanted to lead. </p><h5>"The turning point was knowing I wanted something different in my life and knowing that I could access it, I just had to show up and do the work, even if it was scary and daunting. And it still is sometimes."</h5>
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How have you embraced the path of a pioneer in your own healing?
<p>I've been thinking a lot about this a lot; not having anyone show me how to do this. I think for me right now, there's a sense of pride that I was able to pave the way for what healing could look like for my daughters. And also being an example to other people who might not have had folks available to show them how to heal or love themselves. I want to show folks that you don't have to have somebody show you how to do it all the time, sometimes it's just a choice to figure it out on your own terms. It may take you a lot longer, but it's given me a sense of accomplishment and sacredness. The sacred ability to teach myself how to be who I want to be.</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxNzEzMi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMTMyMDk2MX0.fcSnwqhvhiuoctYG2HKsQBqJ_GScVVJEKLfyeTcK_Mc/img.jpg?width=980" id="b6faf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7d6853d9d3675877692bf2bc136d4696" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Courtesy of Alex Elle
<h5>"I want to show folks that you don't have to have somebody show you how to do it all the time, sometimes it's just a choice to figure it out on your own terms. It may take you a lot longer, but it's given me a sense of accomplishment and sacredness. The sacred ability to teach myself how to be who I want to be."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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How do you decide what stories to hold and which ones to release?
<p>Being in this work, I feel like I have a duty, especially as a Black woman, to show up fully in transparency and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-high-note-star-kelvin-harrison-jr/" data-linked-post="2646317921" target="_blank">vulnerability</a> because often we're taught to do the opposite out of fear and self-protection. And I get that. But I also think it's important that we have folks we can turn to who model vulnerability and who do it scared. I think it's also important to say that there are some stories that I will always hold close because they're sacred and they're mine. Maybe pieces of them will be shared but the whole story is not always for everyone. So it's about how we move through our delicate stories and still show up and say, 'Hey, you're not alone here.' That's what's so important for me in my work: that people know that they're not alone.</p> <p>I hear so often that I'm like a mentor to people, even if we've never met, that the work feels like a warm hug from a mentor. And that makes me so proud, especially as a Black woman who is in this work of making space for other Black women. Even if they do it in private or make space in their family or community, that they have the language and blueprint to do it for themselves.</p><h5>"Being in this work, I feel like I have a duty, especially as a Black woman, to show up fully in transparency and vulnerability because often we're taught to do the opposite out of fear and self-protection. That's what's so important for me in my work: that people know that they're not alone."</h5>
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What did you learn about yourself in the process of writing 'After the Rain'?
<p>I learned that rainy seasons are a part of this life. Not enough people are talking about our stormy seasons, especially in wellness and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-plant-moms-self-care-houseplants/" data-linked-post="2647006628" target="_blank">self-care</a>. We hear about manifesting and affirming and that's beautiful, but sometimes things are going to be hard and rainy and terrible. But the sky will clear, the sun will come back up, the plants will bloom and we will still be here. There's a blooming and wilting that happens, during and after the rain. Making that really clear on the page was important and trusting the storms of my life is too. </p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxNzEzOC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MDQ3MzMxMn0.-SWd77hzeMfbd4MRuGwxRhjSMxOFoF2pNQItkJM4VRQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="01cdf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="de9d309013602f547da02dea62d44f25" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Courtesy of Alex Elle
<h5>"We hear about manifesting and affirming and that's beautiful, but sometimes things are going to be hard and rainy and terrible. But the sky will clear, the sun will come back up, the plants will bloom and we will still be here. There's a blooming and wilting that happens, during and after the rain."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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As you look to the future, what does legacy look like as it pertains to being a wife and mother?
<p>It's funny because I've been thinking about legacy a lot when it comes to my work, but I haven't sat with legacy as much around motherhood and wife life because I just feel like we are a living legacy. But now that you ask, my greatest legacy is that my children know that they are valuable and important and that I model that for them. At first, I didn't know if I was doing it right because in motherhood you really don't know. But our children are watching; they're watching closely. My oldest daughter wrote an essay for school recently and shared, "My mom is a successful author and a kind, compassionate person. She shows me that if I work hard, I can do what I love." And that's legacy. The memories that your children have is legacy.</p> <p>Belly laughs and fun is legacy. And I say that because I don't have a lot of good memories from my childhood, but my husband does. His mother passed away four years ago, and the greatest legacy that I see through her children is how hard she loved them and how much they loved her. Legacy for me is deeply rooted, unconditional love. That at the end of the day, my husband knows that he is deeply loved, my children know that they are deeply loved, not just because we say it, (because we are a very lovey home), but if for some reason any of us lost our voice, we would be able to show it and feel it deep in our bones in ways that words can't match. So for me, that's legacy.</p> <h4>Get your copy of <em>After the Rain</em>, <a href="https://alexelle.chroniclebooks.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">here</a>. And for more on Alex's work, follow her on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/alex_elle/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Instagram</a>.</h4>
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xoNecole Happy Hour
Throw It Back Like A Zodiac: Mercury Retrograde, Horoscopes, & Tarot Reading Defined
2h
<p>'Tis the season, ladies! The leaves are falling and temperatures are dropping, which can only mean it is time to get in tune with our best autumn and third quarter selves. And listen, for some of us, we have no clue where to start. <em>Are we in Mercury retrograde? </em><em>Am I an earth sign? </em><em>Wait, how do I know if I am <a data-linked-post="2645680526" href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-youre-spiritually-compatible-with-someone/" target="_blank">compatible</a> with my partner?</em></p><p>Well, just in time for the shift, Tarot reader, Dani Simone joined <a href="https://www.instagram.com/amariebrb/?hl=en" target="_blank">Amer</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/sheridenchanel/?hl=en" target="_blank">Sheriden</a> for this week's episode of the <em>xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast</em> to get all of our vibrations in check! Also known as <a href="https://themysticmodel.com/" target="_blank">The Mystic Model</a>, Dani's resume extends way beyond your local newspaper clipping. She also serves as <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/u/danisimone" target="_blank">the resident horoscope writer for xoNecole</a>, and as Amer says, "Sis, don't miss!" So, grab your <a data-linked-post="2646033269" href="https://www.xonecole.com/healing-crystals-more-at-peace/" target="_blank">crystals</a> and conjure up your best <a data-linked-post="2618441414" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-truth-about-the-law-of-attraction-heres-the-real-reason-you-arent-manifesting/" target="_blank">manifestation</a>, spirituality, and zodiac questions. We're tapping into our higher selves today.</p><p>(Oh, and there may even be a live tarot reading for Sheriden and Amer too!)</p><p><strong>Be sure to subscribe and listen on <a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0VkV8DkipOPYwyh3BFe5z1" target="_blank">Spotify </a>and <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/xonecoles-happy-hour/id1484872409" target="_blank">Apple Podcasts</a>.</strong></p><p>--</p><h3>xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast Season 2, Episode 5 Show Notes:</h3>
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<h4>Pre-Show Intro</h4><p>Have you ever invested on a <a data-linked-post="2646409985" href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-owned-luxury-bags-twitter/" target="_blank">luxury bag</a> or purse? -- Telfar bags, black-owned luxury bags. People have been buying them and marking them up like 200%. So, they offered pre-orders to prevent mark-ups and were criticized for the process. Either way, it's important to support these brands. </p><p>OnlyFans or nah? --<strong> </strong>Sheriden: too much porn is already free; hates faux-enticement. Amer: it's exploitative for celebrities to join, was originally for <a data-linked-post="2622889314" href="https://www.xonecole.com/ordinary-people-what-sex-workers-need-you-to-know-about-their-careers/" target="_blank">sex workers</a> who want more access to more coins.</p><p>Various porn categories, and how black women are disrespected...even in porn</p><p>OnlyFans buyer's remorse?</p><p>White people showing up to hate on black women's bags. Again. </p><p>--</p><h4>Happy Hour</h4><p><strong>Zodiacs And Horoscopes </strong></p><p><a data-linked-post="2632933769" href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-your-signs-love-language-a-how-to-guide-to-gain-the-key-to-their-heart/" target="_blank">"Your Partner's Love Language, According To Their Zodiac Sign"</a>: an xoNecole article written by Dani that explores different signs, planets to consider when it comes to compatibility, your moon, communication, and more. Expresses the importance of knowing sun energy in relationships and how deep it can go, as well as other signs you should consider in dating. Also, understanding how our energies interact with others.</p><p>Our experiences and connection with the spiritual world -- Sheriden: connection to God, the universe, and their energy is usually through sex and orgasm. Amer's connection: has an uncle that was a healer. Often dreamed of future, which caused her to get into zodiac signs. Was introduced to tarot cards. Has practiced or studied astrology ever since.</p><p><strong>Zodiac Terms Defined</strong></p><p><em>What does sexuality mean to you?</em></p><h5>"Sexuality is energy and intention that you bring to the fact that you are a sexual being. That can never be separated from you, even if you're not in the act of sex. And when I'm in full alignment with that energy, I feel like I tap into a state of being that feels spiritual. There's a reason why in the throws of passion we say, 'God.' We come face-to-face with our highest selves." — Ev'yan Whitney</h5><p>"What's your sun, moon, and rising signs?"</p><ul class="ee-ul"><li>Sun: how you present yourself to people</li><li>Moon: how you emotionally navigate through situations</li><li>Rising: who you really are at the core</li></ul><p>Various modalities of <a data-linked-post="2632675378" href="https://www.xonecole.com/2019-the-year-of-the-empress/" target="_blank">astrology</a>:</p><ul class="ee-ul"><li>Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn</li><li>Water signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces</li><li>Fire signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius</li><li>Air signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius</li></ul><p><em>Birth charts</em>: snapshot of the cosmos at the time you were born. You need to know the exact time for accurate chart. </p><p><em>Synastry</em>: comparing your birth chart to someone </p><p><em><a data-linked-post="2644945338" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-to-know-mercury-retrograde-2020/" target="_blank">Mercury retrograde</a></em>: the planet is back-tracking, you revisit energies, themes, situations, relationships. That's why your ex is popping up, sis! Considered negative because of frequency (half of the year), but it's more inconvenient than negative. </p><p><em>Sex magic: </em>visualizing what you want to manifest during orgasm. Get into it! </p><p><em><a data-linked-post="2558487548" href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-opening-your-7-chakras-can-change-your-life/" target="_blank">Chakras</a></em>: different energy systems in our bodies</p><p>Tarot reading, what should you expect?`</p><p>The difference between an evolved sign and an unevolved signs</p><p><span></span>New Moon vs. Full Moon</p><p>Trines and Sextiles</p><p>Seeing repetitive numbers meaning (ex: <a data-linked-post="2583329098" href="https://www.xonecole.com/angel-numbers/" target="_blank">Angel Numbers</a>: a way that spirit, angels, and ancestors communicate and confirm something with us. Empress energy, manifestation energy, and creativity. Shifts, changes)</p><p>What's in store for the remainder of 2020?</p><h4>People mentioned in this episode:</h4><p>AOC (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez)</p><p>Rickey Thompson</p><p>Cardi B </p><p>Bella Thorne</p><p>Zendaya <br></p><p>Rubi Rose</p><p>Kayla Robinson (OnlyFans)</p><p>Laci Jordan (graphic designer)</p><p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/evyan.whitney/?hl=en" target="_blank">Ev'yan Whitney</a> (sexuality doula)</p><p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/thehoodhealer/?hl=en" target="_blank">The Hood Healer</a> </p><p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/tatiannatarot/?hl=en" target="_blank">Tatiana Tarot</a></p><p>Whoopi Goldberg</p><p>Ms. Cleo</p><p>Necole Kane</p><p>Jidenna</p><h4>Resources mentioned in this episode:</h4><p><a href="https://www.telfar.net/" target="_blank">Telfar</a></p><p>xoNecole's <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/money-talks/" target="_blank">"Money Talks" series</a></p><p><a data-linked-post="2645368729" href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-woman-owned-honey-pot-trending/" target="_blank">Honey Pot</a></p><p><em>Carmen: The Hip-Hopera</em></p><p><em>Ghost </em></p><p><em>The Craft</em></p><p><em>That's So Raven</em></p><p><a href="https://cafeastrology.com/" target="_blank">Cafe Astrology</a> (website)</p><p>Time Passages (app)</p><p><a href="https://www.costarastrology.com/" target="_blank">Costar</a></p><p>The Pattern</p><p><em>Indian Matchmaker</em> (Netflix Show)</p><p><a data-linked-post="2641236492" href="https://www.xonecole.com/xonecole-happy-hour-podcast-saturn-return/" target="_blank">Saturn's Return</a> </p><p><a href="https://www.chakrubs.com/" target="_blank">Chakrub</a> (crystal sex toy)</p><p>Dani hosts <em>Soul Sessions</em> on IG Live every Thursday at 8PM EST, where they explore different spiritul and life topics. You may follow her on Instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/themysticmodel/" target="_blank">@themysticmodel</a>. You may also visit her website at themysticmodel.com.</p><p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>
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<p>As much as we all love a good <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-films-and-tv-shows-on-black-women-beating-the-odds/" target="_blank">Netflix binge</a>, diving into a great book never gets old. Many of us are stuck dealing with the unique issues that come with <a data-linked-post="2646166362" href="https://www.xonecole.com/6-tips-to-successfully-manage-a-remote-team/" target="_blank">managing a remote team</a>, trying to virtually impress a boss who holds the keys to your job's future, conducting meetings while needy kids, pets, (and even hubbies) play the background, and doing magic with bank accounts that are literally on their last legs. </p><p>Sis, we all need to take a moment of silence and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/we-inside-10-books-to-add-to-your-summer-reading-list/" target="_blank">get our read on</a>. Here are 10 career advancement, <a data-linked-post="2644813254" href="https://www.xonecole.com/job-search-in-2020/" target="_blank">job hunting</a>, leadership and motivational books to help you tap into a bit of calm and upgrade your boss moves, one step at a time.</p>
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The Negotiation Workbook: Don't Leave Money on the Table by Jacqueline Twillie
The Negotiation Workbook: Don't Leave Money on the Table by Jacqueline Twillie
<p>This is the perfect companion to the Twillie's best-selling guide, <em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Leave-Money-Table-Male-Dominated-ebook/dp/B07WN2JSSN" target="_blank">Don't Leave Money on The Table: Negotiation Strategies for Women Leaders in Male-Dominated Industries</a></em>. It's one thing to just read something that offers strategy and what-you-need-to-be-doing directives, but being able to put words into action is the key to real growth.</p>
$19.99
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Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders
Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders
<p>Whether you're a person of Christian faith or not, the insights in this book on servant leadership are amazing and can apply to any industry. This read breaks down the foundational aspects of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/leadership-skills-to-master/" data-linked-post="2641608564" target="_blank">leadership</a> that many successful people embody---faith-based or not---and it's an easy read where you can reflect via questions at the end of each chapter.</p>
$13.69
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Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba
Little Black Book: A Toolkit for Working Women by Otegha Uwagba
<p>The great thing about this book is it includes direct, no-nonsense tone of advice on subjects including productivity, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/calendar-blocking-for-your-schedule/" data-linked-post="2645522044" target="_blank">time management</a>, creativity processes, and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-things-no-one-told-entrepreneurship/" data-linked-post="2500815073" target="_blank">entrepreneurship</a>. It's basic, foundational insights packaged very conveniently in a read that can easily be completed on a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/quarantine-friendly-summer-road-trips/" data-linked-post="2646883452" target="_blank">road trip</a> or while waiting for your last load of laundry to finish.</p>
$10.99
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After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
Amazon
After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love by Alexandra Elle
<p>This book is clearly a manifestation of the peaceful yet definitively impactful self-care vibe of her online platform. (Sis has more than 900,000 followers on IG who are blessed with a healthy daily dose of hope and positivity.) Alex Elle shares super-relatable stories from both her personal and professional life---all eloquently illustrating how to overcome issues that challenge self-confidence, abundance and self-love.</p>
$16.39
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The Leader You Want to Be: Five Principles for Bringing Out Your Best Self -- Every Day by Amy Jen Su
The Leader You Want to Be: Five Principles for Bringing Out Your Best Self -- Every Day by Amy Jen Su
<p>It's never a bad idea to strengthen your foundational thinking on what dynamic leadership actually entails. Su, a successful executive coach and business leader in her own right, shares insider tips from her work with high-earning and high-achievement investment industry professionals. She also includes specific leadership scenarios, case examples and processes you can analyze and learn from. </p>
$19.29
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From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey-Stein
Amazon
<p><br><span></span></p>From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey-Stein
<p>Dorey-Stein's story of her time as a millennial stenographer working at the White House during the Obama administration continues with more intrigue: She got the gig after answering a Craigslist ad. She further writes about traveling on Air Force One, recording and transcribing the former president's speeches, and navigating the culture on the Hill. It's a humorous, inspiring ride that will remind you that anything is possible.</p>
$14.99
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The Memo: What Black Women Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
Amazon
The Memo: What Black Women Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
<p>Harts offers a roadmap to success that does not glaze over challenges black women continue to face in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-working-twice-as-hard-wont-work/" data-linked-post="2630961580" target="_blank">corporate America</a>---the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/drive-racial-change-at-work/" data-linked-post="2646350035" target="_blank">microaggressions</a>, workplace snafus and disrespect and the complications of office politics. It's strategy you can actually use and take to the bank from someone who has the experience and maturity to back up her words.</p>
$19.89
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How to Lead: Wisdom From the World's Greatest CEOs, Founders and Game Changers by David M. Rubenstein
Goodreads
How to Lead: Wisdom From the World's Greatest CEOs, Founders and Game Changers by David M. Rubenstein
<p>This book includes Q&A interviews with people who have reached the top of their industries and have impacted generations across the globe. The conversations go beyond the usual encyclopedia vibes of some leadership books that profile successful CEOs, and there are takeaways for budding bosses who have diverse interests and leadership styles.</p>
$21.99
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From Ball Girl to CMO by Melissa M. Proctor
<p>Proctor, </p>From Ball Girl to CMO by Melissa M. Proctor
<p>Proctor's journey from being a team attendant AKA "ball girl" for the Miami Heat to chief marketing officer for the Atlanta Hawks was creative and out of the box. She provides yet another <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/nichole-lynel-boss-up-interview/" data-linked-post="2634129265" target="_blank">started-from-the-bottom-now-we're-here</a> success story to remind anyone that progress is inevitable when you throw comparison to the wind, embrace your uniqueness, work hard, and enjoy the ride. </p>
$24.99
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Slay in Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinene
Slay in Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible by Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinene
<h4></h4><h4><span></span></h4><p>The authors---best friends of Nigerian descent who grew up in the UK---include interviews with dozens of female powerhouses, offering insights that will ensure you won't play small in whatever you choose to do. Adegoke and Uviebinene press a few buttons with this one, highlighting the relationship between culture, education, upward mobility, and discrimination that might trigger a few sighs, side-eyes, mmm-hmmms, or grimaces, but if you need a swift kick in the butt to elevate and push harder---or at least a great book for your next debate on leadership and career advancement---give this read a try. </p>
$17.99
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<h4>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="http://members.xonecole.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">xoTribe Members Community </a>today!<br/></h4><p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p>I think I can confidently speak for all of us when I say that everyone and their mama had a crush on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/romeomiller/?hl=en" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Romeo Miller</a> at some point in their life. I mean, did you see him? He was every young Black girl's dream - swag, perfect skin, adorable smile and hair that you just always wanted to play in. This is my inner child talking, by the way, not my grown-ass 24-year-old self. Let's just make it clear. Even though years later, the 31-year-old rapper is still showing admirers of yesteryear that there are a bevy of reasons he's considered eye candy.</p><p>From his days on <em>The Romeo Show</em> with his father Master P to executive producing WeTV's <em>Growing Up Hip-Hop</em>, we've watched this boy grow up into the spiritually guided, sensible, humble young man he is today. When I connected with Romeo over the phone, I had no idea that I was in for a therapy session of a lifetime. But before we could even get into any of the love, sex and faith talking points, I had to ask him about his latest venture as a host on Fox Soul's <em>The Mix</em>.</p>
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxMTI0Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NjM3MDQwMH0.-XM6rw2b1mvef6pZEkvbU-cMoDmhd2CN0fJXLexiB8o/img.jpg?width=980" id="23e13" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b58b104cf95d3ea6b31489593de92418" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="The cast of 'The Mix' - Zonnique Pullins, Romeo Miller" />
The cast of the live talk show, 'The Mix'
Courtesy of The Mix
<p>"As a kid, I always wanted to use my entertainment platform to do something bigger. I was always reserved, but I came to life when the lights came on," Miller said as he reminisced back to his days as a child star. He was deemed as the Dr. Phil or Oprah Winfrey of the house because of his ability to give sound advice on love and spirituality due to having his younger years sped up while in the industry. Little did this natural introvert know that his family would be speaking his role as a talk show host into existence.</p><p>When showrunner Jill King reached out to Romeo after Tiny's show inception, he took it as a sign from God to pursue his purpose. "It's the beauty of God and not knowing where life will take you if you just try and live another day," he said to me. "If you're living, that's the greatest gift. You never know what could happen tomorrow. Some of your best days might be once you turn that chapter."</p><h4>xoNecole had the chance to chop it up with the child star-turned-talk show host about his new gig on FOX Soul's <em>The Mix</em>, the importance of faith and a relationship with God if you're gonna be in a relationship with him, and the most important lessons he's learned about love .</h4>xoNecole: Tell me about 'The Mix'. What has your experience been like thus far on the show?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Romeo Miller: </strong>This show is so cool! I did it because of the voices on the show. This is a host that's never been seen representing for young Black America. There's no talk show like that and I thought it was very important for this time if we're truly going to make a difference in this world. If we're all gonna be equal and bring that to light, you need a talk show like this. With Zonnique [Pullins], Anton [Peeples], Jamie [DuBose], and Jazz [Anderson], I think you get a little bit of everything. I call it "The Mix Gumbo"; this is the gumbo version of all the talk shows.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Why do you believe it’s so important for 'The Mix' to have Black Gen Z and millennial hosts? What viewpoints can our generation offer on topics like love, spirituality, social justice, and all that stuff?
<p>Everybody deserves to be heard - it's that simple. As I get older, I see people look at me, but I don't have all the answers. The more time I'm given on Earth, I become wiser and at this point in my life, you're still seeing me grow, but the thing I know about my career is this second wave around, I want to make sure I'm doing everything in my power to empower and educate our people, and to make sure our people have a voice. Black comes in many shades, we come from A to Z, 1 through 10, and there are so many variations. That's what you see with us - there's so many different perspectives, but at the end of the day, we come from the same home and culture. </p>As a host who focuses mainly on love, relationships and spirituality, what do you think you can offer as a key piece of dating advice to your viewers?
<p>Man, shorty, do you know who you're talking to? I told you they call me Dr. Romeo Phil. Whatever you need, I got you on the dating end! (laughs) I could talk to you all day about dating and love. My biggest key to finding happiness and that department is love is actually easy. If you truly think about love, you could love your parents, you could love your friends, you could love your dog, but when you find somebody that you love, that doesn't instantly mean that's your person. </p><p>I think that's where our generation gets it twisted. We're so attracted, we love this person and we jump to the conclusion that this is our person. I always tell people if you truly wanna be happy and wanna find something real, just go towards the people who show that they value you. Don't say that they value you, but show that they value you. Trust and value - that's something that will be ten times harder to find than love. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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When we first got on the phone, you mentioned that you are a man of God. As a woman of God, I have to ask you this: how important is it for you to be with someone who is also a believer? Is that a non-negotiable for you?
<p>Oh! Well, if you read the Bible, we're not supposed to judge and we're supposed to bring as many people to heaven that we can, right? The reality of it is, morally, there is a difference. I don't jump to somebody who doesn't believe, I don't mind being their friend, but morally, there's just a difference with somebody who doesn't believe in anything. Not saying they can't grow into finding that love for God, but I've always seen that it is harder for me to be romantically connected with that person because God plays such a big place in my heart and my life. It's no judgment, but sometimes some people have a higher calling. I have some friends who married people who didn't believe and once they found that person, that connection brought them closer to God.</p><p>I think it's different for everybody, but for me, I just want people to know that everybody's accepted. If God could accept all of us, who am I to be somebody to judge? I think we all find God at different times and that's your journey, but for me, knowing somebody who grew up with that foundation of God makes it easier for me to make that connection.</p><h5>"It is harder for me to be romantically connected with that person because God plays such a big place in my heart and my life. It's no judgment, but sometimes some people have a higher calling."</h5>
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Speaking of connection, you’re a public figure - I’m sure you make connections all the time and women wanna make connections with you, too. How difficult is it for you to find time to date when you’re in the public eye all the time?
<p>This is the thing. I had this friend back in the day who told me, "Rome, you're never gonna find love because of who you are. You've been in the limelight as Lil' Romeo since you were a kid, so who's really there for you?" God put me in this position for a reason to where certain things would bother other people and it would never bother me. I'm very good at knowing who's for me and who's not. I'm not perfect and I think we've all dealt with people who weren't very deserving of our time, but you've got to live and learn. I think that's what prepares you for your person. You have to learn those lessons so you could be the best future husband or wife that you could be for your <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/blue-kimble-p-valley-xoman/" data-linked-post="2646212070" target="_blank">soulmate</a>.</p> <p>In my case, the whole COVID-19 pandemic actually helped me in my love life because I was able to FaceTime and actually talk to people who I never had time to talk to. That was the silver lining for me because I went through my entire life without realizing I was just going, going, going and working since I was 10 years old. I never took longer than three days off - ever. Finally having the time to talk to people and get to know them, it was a silver lining during this whole shutdown.</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxMTU1My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMDY1MTM1NH0.pyID1wjB5TpmSRXZUGk_X_FBOMWlK_--4N8UJiBNaXo/img.jpg?width=980" id="76403" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="da1e5435468dcdd4b1a234e964e0bd5d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="Romeo Miller" />
Courtesy of KAC Images PR
<h5>"I'm very good at knowing who's for me and who's not. I'm not perfect and I think we've all dealt with people who weren't very deserving of our time, but you've got to live and learn. I think that's what prepares you for your person. You have to learn those lessons so you could be the best future husband or wife that you could be for your soulmate."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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Let’s take it back a bit to when you were a child star. You mentioned that you only had, at the most, three days off at a time. Do you believe it was easier for you to date when you were younger or now that you’re an adult?
<p>When you look at this generation, a lot of our most successful people aren't the cool kids in high school who were chasing girls. They're the ones who were building, playing with the computers and trying to figure out how they can make the world a better place. That's how I was. I worked my butt off as a kid, I loved doing what I did, and it made me successful and famous in the world's eye. I never did anything for girls and at a young age, I used to spend my money on Pokemon cards and be with my friends playing basketball. It was never my focus to be cool because this girl has to like me. Maybe because I was a nice looking kid and I never had any problems in that department. Some would say their first crush was Lil' Romeo, so I never felt that pressure to go above and beyond to do something for a girl's attention. I had my first puppy love when I was probably 14, but I didn't get in my first relationship until college.<br></p> <p>It was a lot easier when you liked a girl because all you had to do was give them a lollipop back in the day (laughs). Nowadays, as an adult, there's different levels. Some people want family and for some people, if you don't like their family, that can play a big part. You want to find someone who matches your hunger and passion for life. When you're a kid, you just like who you like and I think that's why kids are so amazing. Social media does make dating a lot harder in this time and age because a lot of people are lost in the comparison game and trying to keep up with other people. </p> <p>I'm very private now and I've learned my lesson. I've been burned a few times by putting relationships out there and thinking you have to show it to the world, but now I'm at a point where if you really want to find something real, you have to live social media free. Why are you really getting to know this person? Are you getting to know them to show them off, or just so people think you're happy? Are you truly getting to know them because they make you happy? A private life is a happy life.</p>Social media is definitely having a huge impact on dating. Do you believe that old school courtship is dead, thanks to social media and dating apps, or is there hope for this generation yet?
<p>I don't think it's dying, I just don't think it's highlighted. I don't think real love will ever die, it's just about who we put the spotlight on. There's a lot of people out there who found real love and who are respected by their mates. If we're highlighting certain kinds of relationships, that's what the younger generations are going to think is cool or the way to go. That's why I play my part and I try to show any woman I meet in my life, anybody I ever date, what a real man is. Even if that person isn't the person for me, they know what to look for, what to expect and they have a standard. I tell my little sisters there's a difference between somebody wanting you and proving that they deserve you. </p><p>There's a lot of women who have men that treat them with respect, show them that they're more than just a hookup and treat them like they really want a partner for life. That's why people look at me and ask, "Why isn't Romeo married yet or have kids?" I'm going to do this right so I only have to do this one time because I am very old school and have an old soul. I want my person to be my first and my last person. I'm not trying to get married over and over. Not saying that anything's wrong with that, but I've been in a household where I've seen divorce and the beauty of marriage. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything right and taking my time. Everyone I've ever talked to, I take baby steps. If someone truly cares for you or wants you, they're going to be willing to take those baby steps to truly get to know you. All the men need to step up out there, but all the women need to stop accepting certain things from these little boys as well. It takes two to tango!</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Speak on it!
<p>(Laughs) Men wouldn't feel they could get away with things you wouldn't allow them. If a man cherishes something, he's not going to do something to lose it unless you allow them to do that. I think we have to get out of that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/simple-mindset-shifts-change-life/" data-linked-post="2644890665" target="_blank">mindset</a> of, "He's going to do this anyway." No, somebody who truly cares for you is going to try their best not to ever hurt you. Women have to realize that you don't have to settle for being hurt or being let down. A lot of super successful men become successful and a lot of women let them do what they do because of a certain status. Whether they're an NBA player or a rapper, so women are like, "He can have any woman he wants, so I might as well hold him down." Is that really for you if somebody isn't gonna do what they have to do for you?</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDUxMTU1NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNjk5MDkzM30.-7br90-7xy4ahNFETgHRlyM0ld20349Vp5QDR_xvQKM/img.jpg?width=980" id="707d3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="66118536a9836ebbb41cb0d4f65f347e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="Romeo Miller" />
Courtesy of KAC Images PR
<h5>"If we're highlighting certain kinds of relationships, that's what the younger generations are going to think is cool or the way to go. That's why I play my part and I try to show any woman I meet in my life, anybody I ever date, what a real man is. Even if that person isn't the person for me, they know what to look for, what to expect and they have a standard. I tell my little sisters there's a difference between somebody wanting you and proving that they deserve you."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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There are certain ways to approach a woman and you seem like a gentleman. I don’t see you walking up to a woman and saying, “Hey, I’m Romeo. Give me your number.” What does it look like when you’re trying to get to know someone? Do you have any pick up lines or do you just see where it goes?
<p>It's a little bit of both. It's about what you feel. If you feel something, you have to act on that. I've been in situations where I did a little bit of everything where I tried to come up with a cool line or if I see somebody, I'm just gonna put it all out there. That's a question that you know the answer to because it's all in how you feel because that girl may like that little line that you came up with and she may think it's cute. Or, she may like that you're so confident and bold that you cross the street just to say hi to her and ask her out. You have to go with the heart on that one because we all find our person in different ways.</p>What do you think your 20s and early 30s has taught you about love, dating, relationships and sex?
<p>I'm just now entering my 30s, but my 20s prepared me to be even ten times greater of a lover than I was in my 20s. I learned that just because you have chemistry, you're attracted to somebody and you love somebody, that doesn't mean that's your somebody. My 20s also taught me to find love on your own time and you can't succumb to the ways of this world. I think we all get lost in what's cool right now and fall off track sometimes, but you could always get back on track. Go with what you feel and stop following the world because God is real, but the devil is real too and he's here to tempt you into something you don't have any business in. </p><p>I learned a lot about separation leading into year 30. I had a dream as a kid that my best years would be in my 30s so I think the best is yet to come because I'm finally becoming the man who I know I'm supposed to become. Even though I had this amazing career, I was very obedient as a child, and I've done things at a certain level to set the bar. If you're here another day, you're smarter than yesterday.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h5>"My 20s also taught me to find love on your own time and you can't succumb to the ways of this world. I think we all get lost in what's cool right now and fall off track sometimes, but you could always get back on track. Go with what you feel and stop following the world because God is real, but the devil is real too and he's here to tempt you into something you don't have any business in."</h5>
Since you’re Romeo, I have to ask this question because I’m sure inquiring minds will want to know. If you could build your ideal woman, what would be some of her most important attributes and characteristics beyond the physical stuff?
<p>This is what changed in my 20s and going into my 30s. As a kid, you always have this dream girl and one thing I realized is that I never even dated my dream girl. You learn that it's not about your ideal person or about characteristics, it's about the soul. Who captures your soul and your heart?</p> <p>My ideal woman is someone who's <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/brian-j-white-ambitions-star/" data-linked-post="2638682621" target="_blank">ambitious</a>, passionate about your dreams and goals - if you're not passionate, you'll never understand a man like me because I'll stay up two days straight just to accomplish a goal. Education is very big, family-orientated, God-fearing and a big thing for me is [being] ready for kids. I'm ready to have my little basketball team. Family is everything. If I found a perfect girl right now and she's like, "I'm not ready for kids," you're probably not the one for me because I feel like God put me here to make some babies tomorrow. </p><p>If you're the one for me, we're going to be ready for that journey together. Everything else, I don't really care [about]. You could be short, tall, long hair, short hair - it doesn't matter if you have those attributes.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h4>For more of Romeo, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/romeomiller/?hl=en" target="_blank">follow him on Instagram</a>. And tune into <em>The Mix</em> every Tuesday at 10pm EST/7pm PST. </h4>
<p><em>Featured image by </em><em>KAC Images PR</em></p>Related Articles Around the Web
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<p><em>This article is in partnership with Ulta Beauty.</em></p><p>Fall is here y'all and since my hair is natural <strong><em>and</em></strong> chemically-treated with color, I need all the moisture I can get! When choosing any haircare line, my two main goals are to keep my hair moisturized and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/hair-color-at-home-tips/" target="_blank"><em>protect my color</em></a> and Ulta Beauty has me covered with their <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477146174;283259303;l" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"><strong>Gorgeous Hair Event</strong></a>. </p><p>As one of their biggest sales of the year, you can expect up to 50% off of brands like <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/pattern-beauty-type-4-hair-review/">PATTERN Beauty</a>, The Mane Choice, and so much more. Their sale is available online, curbside pickup, and in-store now until Oct. 24. Make sure you grab your mask and hand sanitizer and get everything you need for half the price.</p><h4><em></em></h4>
<p><em>Featured image by Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com.</em><br/></p>
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE3NC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjkyODIwOH0.ssFA9msr5LJgBidSpHvZGeu05d9qhXJmrYVZA9zfeww/img.png?width=980" id="ab0c1" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="bf00e88814c572fb3c603d7ac303d97f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>My hair is professionally colored so I can't be lazy with my maintenance to keep these <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-wig-fix-review/" data-linked-post="2647407841" target="_blank">edges</a>, my color, and curls on point and I was so hype to try Black-owned brand, <a href="https://www.ulta.com/rose-water-leave-in-conditioner?productId=pimprod2016007" target="_blank">tgin's Rose Water collection</a>––oh and the entire tgin line is on sale this Sunday, Oct. 18 at 50% off for 24 hours only! I heard some amazing things about the collection and had been wanting to try it for FAHEVA so, like all wash days, I started with a really dirty puff and got to werk! </p><h4>Here's how I created my perfect wash and go using the tgin line from Ulta Beauty:</h4>Step One:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE3Ni9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MzI0ODU5MX0.LEY4MLeRf4wX5taQPjCi37lnJTjb2bgFIm_Qjo_JHTc/img.png?width=980" id="c47a3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a3f2ee4f80cb9b99833ea4d0e0404ccd" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE3Ny9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjEyNDE5Mn0.nsSy_4p24cSYduDCga-8tKt5ibsspMWBleJFW8rVFQw/img.png?width=980" id="3ff73" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="10f92be69cbd24baafcb92e61355926e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Since my hair is color-treated, the shampoo I use has to be hydrating yet gentle enough to not strip my color. So I washed my hair with the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477240889;283259867;i" target="_blank">tgin Rose Water Sulfate-Free Hydrating Shampoo</a> in medium sections with lukewarm water twice. The first thing I noticed was how amazing it smelled and secondly, I noticed how my hair still felt hydrated and it gave a luxurious lather, honey! My hair was super soft after I rinsed it out and my <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-7-products-will-keep-your-curls-poppin-all-summer/" target="_blank">curls were already popping</a> with NO product on it!</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Step Two:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE4MS9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzIxMDk5N30.if82FRG5jpltmvZrW6o8jdETbGHd2k608dJT3rnhq2c/img.png?width=980" id="7d58f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="365a0dc503480f4ff1670bf6514e028a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE4MC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwODc5Mzg4Mn0.S9w87o7dSS1HDFXA7ojpICX0WvgiVtg46PTzKavTF80/img.png?width=980" id="c3053" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="01b7b599379a48ab59ecb3486954315c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Next, I deep conditioned with the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477238582;283259867;f" target="_blank">tgin Rose Water Hydrating Mask</a> and was in love! The best part of a mask is its slip which made unclumping tangles super easy. I parted my hair into 6 sections and applied the mask to each section while saturating each section with water to make the product spread evenly. A friendly tip: more water = less product (and more coins in your wallet). </p>Step Three:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE4NC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTY2MzA3N30.ramNuI4kM6Oy148dJ5zonxjYViIsXllSondUf_oqjQg/img.png?width=980" id="d8158" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4cfc200fea9d698722300f06c6fc0e05" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
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<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE4Mi9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyOTM4MTUwOX0.IYKKUfpJu92s-BAhBJ8tX_LScsCLh2MMVktJlU_82to/img.png?width=980" id="4f51c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2925fdf08f8fb7113e34a28a2c40b8bc" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Then, I placed my hair under a plastic bag (think greenhouse method) and sat under a hair dryer for 15 to 20 minutes so that the hair mask can really penetrate my hair. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/best-affordable-moisturizers/" target="_blank">Moisture is key</a> for natural hair with color!</p>Step Four:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE5MS9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzOTc1NDQ4MH0.y3FT-duwrAL9zSIwRzw9Dthbo_NdKHzwh6yzPqDH-6Y/img.png?width=980" id="fb37d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e1fb7ccea05550e2a44e65a34bfa22ec" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<br><img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjUzNy9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzODU5NTM3M30.bB1tAVgO2vwRHECWbKTsbXM5twJ7aev2L8x3HPIox9w/img.png?width=980" id="7de3c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="40dfe429e39d6b8de4a85da013a84367" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>After rinsing out the Hydrating Mask, I followed up with the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477237832;283259867;c" target="_blank">tgin Rose Water Leave-In Conditioner</a> which seals in moisture and adds shine. Mind you, I haven't done a wash and go in forever so I really had to take my time to detangle section by section while rewetting my hair as needed so that the product distributes evenly. We don't have time for breakage boo.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Step Five:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjE5Ny9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMTI4NzA1Nn0.y469Lz9b8gql0jGaCvRg6qZr9wvI8RXSC5_poddApN4/img.png?width=980" id="5333e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0c06b3520c91c35ddfc9e9a41b1b3b0d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p><br></p><img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjUzNi9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMjkyMDg5OH0.tC842_rxKuuWOTIraYBHfvOYm-dMMdZ2h7UzRdKYvUM/img.png?width=980" id="9e714" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="462574ae6c1440e6cfd8e62ca1110db1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Detangling with a wide-tooth comb during this step is better because it cuts down on potentially <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-i-really-take-care-of-my-natural-hair-quarantine-edition/" target="_blank">having to detangle</a> before and after the deep conditioning process. It's easier just to do it when you're about to style your hair and cuts down on <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/reasons-your-hair-keeps-breaking-off/" target="_blank">breakage</a> which is key to maintaining length retention.</p><p>After detangling each section, I applied the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477500497;283260389;t" target="_blank">Rose Water Curl Setting Mousse</a> for definition and used a Denman brush to further detangle and smooth out my curls. I could already tell this wash and go was about to be lit!</p>Step Six:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjIwMi9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDQ3ODY0M30.3E3R--mBcqiGG12pG8cVDcWNUEilRHnvb8yI8sWLz-U/img.png?width=980" id="4b5c4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f8903119f064d2427d57cc72e0f0dbbf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
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<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjIxMy9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NjI4MzQ4MX0.3est06vhlNcqBBLcGv2W9wONHzvLgIcTsxtq2yaugEU/img.png?width=980" id="29f87" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d5bb9d7618b824daf9870000648c3dc0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Next, I allowed my hair to air dry for about an hour, and then while slightly damp, I diffused the ends and then went in with a concentrated nozzle to stretch out my roots (making sure to not mess up my curls). Then I picked out with my <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477237973;283260182;q" target="_blank">PATTERN Hair Pick</a> and was veryyyyy happy with how my hair turned out! </p>The Final Look:
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjIxNC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDQ5OTY3MH0.911o3NEEs7m9MqhAwA7Sl6VJFwpW3GjaVLW7ksX8BIM/img.png?width=980" id="a02a0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c988982792c40d4f4149d967c8a668bf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0MjIxMC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNDU1MDY5N30.EYOsHwttGNJ56kwEyuyA8IpyJi_YwhCsctuoPqr7uss/img.png?width=980" id="8b146" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f9f37ad405e1c2004e78979ae7f6466d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Anissa LiMara for xoNecole.com
<p>Although the quarantine life has me grateful that I don't have to do my hair as often, it has made styling my hair a big ole treat, especially when it turns out bomb! I would definitely try the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477237685;283259867;i" target="_blank">tgin Rose Water collection</a> again because my hair clearly loved it and my color was still vibrant afterward. I'm so grateful to still be able to celebrate my curls, quarantine or not!</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h4>To shop all of my faves from the <a href="https://ad.doubleclick.net/ddm/clk/477146174;283259303;l" target="_blank">Ulta Beauty Gorgeous Hair Event</a>, scroll below!</h4>
tgin Rose Water Sulfate-Free Hydrating Shampoo (Saturday, Oct. 18 - 50% Off)
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vbWVkaWEucmJsLm1zL2ltYWdlP3U9JTJGaXMlMkZpbWFnZSUyRlVsdGElMkYyNTYzMzk5JTNGb3Bfc2hhcnBlbiUzRDElMjZyZXNNb2RlJTNEYmlsaW4lMjZxbHQlM0Q4NSUyNndpZCUzRDgwMCUyNmhlaSUzRDgwMCUyNmZtdCUzRGpwZyZobz1odHRwcyUzQSUyRiUyRmltYWdlcy51bHRhLmNvbSZzPTQ1MyZoPWNmMWFhODg4ZWMzN2Q4YjYzYWJjNDRmYWI1Yzg1M2Y1NzM4ZmQ2NmU2MGJjMDRmOTIwMDdlZmNhNWEyMmZmYzAmc2l6ZT05ODB4JmM9OTkwMzM5NTk2IiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzY3ODQ1MH0.Esm5ujd6B__f5cQ8lxXOrkh4HYEWs-zhBZvf8o4gOsA/img.jpg" id="13a90" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a49fa1a8f9e3e81cac27e691a429b978" />Ulta
<p><span style="background-color: initial;"><strong>Regular Price:</strong></span><strong> </strong>$14.99<br></p><p><strong>Sale Price: </strong></p>
$7.49
tgin Rose Water Leave-In Conditioner (Saturday, Oct. 18 - 50% Off)
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0NDA2Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MDAyODg1NX0.ZwP95IYG_oiopjNAVyMzCavnY0LbyrRJRtMi6MFSHXA/img.jpg?width=980" id="78c66" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="defe45e9089c33dddbaeabe748379ab1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Ulta
<p><strong>Regular Price:</strong> $14.99<br></p><p><strong>Sale Price:</strong> </p>
$7.49
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tgin Rose Water Hydrating Mask (Saturday, Oct. 18 - 50% Off)
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vbWVkaWEucmJsLm1zL2ltYWdlP3U9JTJGaXMlMkZpbWFnZSUyRlVsdGElMkYyNTYzNDA0JTNGb3Bfc2hhcnBlbiUzRDElMjZyZXNNb2RlJTNEYmlsaW4lMjZxbHQlM0Q4NSUyNndpZCUzRDgwMCUyNmhlaSUzRDgwMCUyNmZtdCUzRGpwZyZobz1odHRwcyUzQSUyRiUyRmltYWdlcy51bHRhLmNvbSZzPTY0MCZoPTU1MTNlYzJkMzc3OTcwYzRjMDZlNDNlMDAzZDhhMDQ1MWYxMzEyZDE5MjE5ZmE2OTNkMDJhZmE3Yjg4MDVkODMmc2l6ZT05ODB4JmM9MTAzMjM5NjY1MiIsImV4cGlyZXNfYXQiOjE2NjM2NTc4Mzh9.NIrrRQxQOe11QUkK3R5ttEJQSbvkK9U8R_hcCGNYLqc/img.jpg" id="c97bf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c35cbd804e9286225b095e1131dfa123" />Ulta
<p><strong>Regular Price: </strong>$17.99<br></p><p><strong>Sale Price: </strong></p>
$8.99
Rose Water Curl Defining Mousse (Saturday, Oct. 18 - 50% Off)
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDQ0NDA1NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNTcxNTMwMn0.eKSByegcMXU0_yn6F3IvpUfZhXrEZsyHibekby6XMBE/img.jpg?width=980" id="9cc49" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c06cc94a694130f31b5ad01db79e9443" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Ulta
<p><strong>Regular Price: </strong>$11.99<br></p><p><strong>Sale Price:</strong> </p>
$5.99
PATTERN Hair Pick
<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vbWVkaWEucmJsLm1zL2ltYWdlP3U9JTJGaXMlMkZpbWFnZSUyRlVsdGElMkYyNTY1NTM0JTNGb3Bfc2hhcnBlbiUzRDElMjZyZXNNb2RlJTNEYmlsaW4lMjZxbHQlM0Q4NSUyNndpZCUzRDgwMCUyNmhlaSUzRDgwMCUyNmZtdCUzRGpwZyZobz1odHRwcyUzQSUyRiUyRmltYWdlcy51bHRhLmNvbSZzPTg2OSZoPTgyZTM4NDBjNjFjZTdmNzJmZDY3M2ZlMGZjMzk2NjUwMjQ4NzM2YjdlM2FkMGI5ZTQyNDJiNDdhNmY5NDg0Yzcmc2l6ZT05ODB4JmM9MzA3NTAyMDM2MiIsImV4cGlyZXNfYXQiOjE2NDA1MzYwNTF9.jb3Ry_y32o-6L6V4YVd0ixmRzOdI5XPEejuLa4DmOP4/img.jpg" id="0aa80" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="eb5eb6dde4d8d0f830c0fc669a15c8bd" />Ulta
$9
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Watch the defined wash-n-go on color-treated hair tutorial below:
<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5203ab4e4d0884353dacd1456a6a973a"><iframe type="lazy-iframe" data-runner-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uXxRIuhyO7I?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><h4>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="http://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">xoTribe Members Community </a>today!</h4>
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