

Foreplay: sexual stimulation of one's partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse
Prelude: a preliminary to an action, event, condition, or work of broader scope and higher importance
Off top, this might seem like a really strange topic to tackle, but just hear me out on why I think it's super relevant. Did you know that, in the United States alone, somewhere between 14-15 million people consider themselves to be in a long-distance relationship? Not only that, but out of those, only around four million folks are married (close to 33 percent are college-aged individuals), even though a whopping 75 percent of engaged couples admit to being long-distance during some part of their engagement?
Now do you see why I thought this was an issue that needed to be addressed? Just because two people may be apart, that doesn't mean that they still don't have needs. And, what I adore about the definition of foreplay, is it doesn't just lend to what a couple should be doing 15 minutes before penetration transpires. Foreplay is all about stimulating one's partner,, period and since the brain is actually the largest sexual organ that any of us have, incitement really should begin with what's going on between our ears, not our legs.
Hmph. The more I think about it, as challenging as being miles away from one's lover may be, perhaps one of the best parts about a long-distance relationship is how creative you can get when it comes to the fine art of foreplay (and it is indeed an art form, y'all).
Want some help with stoking the fires? I've got a few ideas.
Exchange Sexy Letters
As a writer who got my start as a poet, I've fallen for my fair share of writers—spoken word artists, rappers and singers—in my day. It's not just because of what I do for a living, but because words of affirmation is my primary love language too. And let me tell you—a well-placed and timed letter, poem or song could hit me in all the right places. That's why it totally resonated with me when I read an article that said that handwritten notes are quite powerful. So much in fact that increases positivity and an overall sense of well-being in both the writer and recipient.
So tell me something—when's the last time you went to a local office supply store (or a Hallmark), picked up some fly stationery and penned a sexy letter to your man, complete with some of your signature perfume on it, and mailed it?
A text or email are aight, but making the time to write about the way you love how he makes you feel will resonate on an entirely different level; especially if you both make it a mutual practice from time to time.
Create a Sex Bucket List
Speaking of writing things down, another way to get your creative sexual juices flowing is by creating a sex bucket list. Think of it as being a couples' vision board only, everything that is on it has something to do with sexual fantasies and desires that you both would like to try someday (hopefully sooner than later).
You could exchange ideas back and forth in an email. Or, you can both download an electronic vision board and swap thoughts that way. You can get a few leads on apps here.
Download the Kindu App
It wouldn't seem right to discuss how to better navigate through a long-distance relationship without bringing up some (other) apps since basically they are designed to make life—including your relationship—easier. Along these lines, one that you should definitely have on your phone is the Kindu app. The long short of it is, once you and yours download the app, you can go through thousands of sexual suggestions that the app provides. Then you both can discuss what you're willing to try, what's up for negotiation and what's totally off limits. If your relationship is relatively new or you've always been shy about discussing sexual intimacy, this is one way to broach the topic without feeling insecure or totally put on the spot. (Get it from the App Store here or Google Play here.)
Download the iKamasutra App Too
Another "benefit" of being apart is it can give you both some time to learn and/or brush up on your sex knowledge. Take sexual positions, for example. Did you know that there are technically around 230 different ones? With the iKamasutra app (App Store), you can learn about 110 of 'em via the free version and all of the rest for $2.99. They even have a feature that will help you to recreate some of the most memorable sex scenes from movies. Just think of how much you'll be able to, umm, demonstrate the next time the two of you are together!
Design a Sex Calendar
Something that one of my friend's husbands did for one of her birthdays was give her a calendar. If that sounds like he was leaning a little on the cheap side, just wait until I tell you what he did with it. He literally planned out dates with his wife, a year in advance. He didn't just write "date" on random days either; he had ideas, places and times too. Who said that romance is dead?
A cool twist to this is to design a sex calendar. You and yours can divvy the 12 months up and either come up with ideas on your Google calendar or mail the calendar back and forth. (Personally, I like the second idea; it gives you both something to look forward to!)
Mail Each Other Sleepwear
Something that both husbands and wives tell me is a major pet peeve (and libido downer) is how their spouse decides to come to bed. Between the Fort Knox pajamas that a lot of women wear and T-shirts and boxers that should've been burned years ago that men have on, it's enough to turn anybody off.
Make this less of an issue for you and your sweetheart by coming up with your own Sleepwear of the Month Club. During a phone call, discuss things like one another's favorite colors, fabrics and lingerie looks. Then, commit to mailing each other what you'd like to see your partner in once a month for a year. Not only will you both end up with a new collection of sexy stuff to put on but imagine what an impromptu modeling session will be like!
Keep a Sex Journal
When a relationship is new, sex is pretty much always hot (here's hoping, anyway). But if you've been together for a while now and the distance is taking its toll to the point that it's actually wreaking havoc on the intimacy that the two of you share, something that you might want to do is keep a sex journal between the two of you. It can consist of anything that you want it to—the best sex memories you both have, the needs and wants that are important to you, even when you felt that sex was at its peak and when it seemed to take a bit of a dive, so that you both can pinpoint when things started to go left—just so long as the focus is sex and ways to make it better.
Sometimes, just the documentation and communication alone can help to put a spark back into the relationship.
Plan a Mini Hotel Tour
Foreplay is all about building anticipation. Even if money is a little tight right now, that doesn't mean that the two of you can't dream.
Well, dream and save money. That said, I don't know one person (myself included) who isn't a HUGE fan of hotel sex. So, why not put together your own mini hotel tour?
First, research the sexiest hotel in the city where you both live and plan to spend at least one night there when you travel to see one another. As far as a tour goes, the Post Ranch Inn (Big Sur, CA); Salamander Resort & Spa (Middleburg, VA); Amangiri (Canyon Point, UT); Inn at the Market (Seattle, WA); Bryant Park Hotel (Manhattan, NY); The Standard Spa (Miami Beach, FL) and The Hermitage Hotel (Nashville, TN) are just a few other sexy hotels that can inspire you to meet in another location for a little extra excitement.
Come Up with Your Own Sex-Themed Emoji Language
A part of what makes a long-distance relationship challenging is, not only do you have to deal with being apart from the one you love, you also have to juggle your day-to-day demands. Although I'm sure the intention is to talk at least once a day, something that you can do to remind your partner that you are thinking of them is to text. Or sext. If you want to make it fun and a little more private, you can check out some private texting apps here (or you can try out Wickr or Confide). Then, come up with your own sex-themed emoji language.
Why emojis? Well, not only are they a faster way to communicate but, according to some pretty widespread research, people who use emojis have sex more than folks who don't. Oh, and if you want to nix deciphering between water splashes, eggplants and whatnot, there's a "naughty" emoji keyboard that you can download directly to your smartphone.
Emotionally Connect. Daily.
An actor by the name of Zara Barrie once said something about foreplay that is so on point— "Conversation is the sexiest foreplay, the perfect prelude to sex, the fiery banter that gets you heated, the stimulation of the mind that transmits to the body. Conversation is a give and take. Just like sex itself. And the best give and takes — the best conversations — lead to the best sex."
The married couples I know who have lasted the longest all have said that, when it comes to foreplay, it's about cultivating an emotional connection, most of all. It's a reminder that building true intimacy isn't just about sex; it's about making sure your partner feels wanted, heard and safe.
I could give a ton of tips on this too, but you know what's even better? Ask your partner. By simply saying, "What can I do to make you feel more loved by me?" will be sure to make them feel so much closer to you—no matter how far apart, physically, you may be. As a bonus, it will make coming together again, that much better too. Emotional connecting truly is the best kind of foreplay around. Hands down.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Signs Of A Truly Intimate Relationship
Is Scheduled Sex Really Better Than No Sex At All?
8 Ways My Husband & I Made Our Long Distance Relationship Work
How To Ensure Your Long Distance Relationship Leads To Marriage
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
How To Use Your Rising Sign To Unlock More Financial Abundance In Your Life
Abundance is a mindset and it's one you can obtain more effortlessly by knowing your birth chart. Your birth chart in Astrology reflects your cosmic blueprint for this lifetime and maps out things for you like your purpose, destiny, and financial potential. There are key ways to earn income or increase your finances and Astrology helps you dive into that. By knowing your financial strengths, weaknesses, and gifts, you can enhance the abundance surrounding you and align yourself more with what resonates.
How Your Birth Chart Reveals Your Key to Financial Abundance
In Astrology, there are a few areas of your birth chart that signify what your financial world looks like and have the potential to look at as well. Your 2nd house, rules your finances, personal income, and values, your 8th house rules your shared finances and the money you receive from partnerships or through marriage, and your 11th house rules your hopes and dreams, manifestations, and what you have accumulated through your career or business. The sign Venus also represents finances and luxury, and the placement of this planet is key to understanding your financial purpose as well.
We each come into this life with specific skill sets and perspectives that have the potential to help us live the life of our dreams and fulfill our intentions. By understanding where you tend to naturally thrive in life, you open the door to financial freedom and empowerment. What the stars say about your financial potential is the inspiration you need to walk through that door.
Read for your Rising Sign below to see how to unlock your key to abundance.
How Your Rising Sign Unlocks Abundance
ARIES RISING
Your key to unlocking abundance involves creating concrete, long-term, financial plans. With Taurus in the 2nd house, you have a natural gift for money and you know how to build something from the ground up. You create beauty, love, and stability in the world, and your ability to make people feel comfortable will help you financially succeed. Taurus in the 2nd house are collectors as well, and you have a good eye.
With Scorpio in your 8th house, the partnerships and connections you form help you increase your income and earnings. It’s not about overly relying on others financially, but knowing there is support there for you when you need it. Your financial potential overall involves how much you are dedicating yourself to your dreams and doing things that will provide stability and security in your life.
TAURUS RISING
As a Taurus Rising, you have Gemini in the 2nd house, and there are a lot of different avenues in which you can earn an income. You will most likely have multiple streams of income in fact, and your capacity to learn, grow, and expand financially is endless.
You thrive in communication, publication, and collaborative worlds, and your networking abilities will help you succeed in life.
By educating yourself and expanding your mind, you can use this knowledge to help you connect, sell, and raise awareness to others. With Pisces in the 11th house, you have lucky Jupiter helping you make your dreams come true and creating miracles in your life. No one sees things the way you do, use this to your advantage when it comes to your finances and goals here.
GEMINI RISING
For you, you are more emotionally tied to your finances and sense of stability than most. With Cancer in your 2nd house, you have a strong intuition regarding money matters, but you may also feel like things fluctuate a lot for you here. Your key to unlocking your personal abundance comes by finding the things that you hold value in, thinking about your purpose and the legacy you want to leave behind, and owning your nurturing abilities.
You are a natural caregiver, creator, and protector, and can thrive in roles such as these. Cancer in the 2nd house also shows an ability to earn through real estate, antiques, or investments. With Capricorn in the 8th house, your logic will help you execute your plans and goals, and you are always thinking one step ahead. People may underestimate you often, use this to your advantage.
CANCER RISING
As a Cancer Rising, you thrive when you are able to take charge and lead your creative efforts. With Leo in the 2nd house, you are a charismatic soul and you are meant to take center stage in life. Your creativity, confidence, and courage will set you apart from others, and you will financially succeed in roles where you have some type of authority or can express yourself freely.
With Aquarius in the 8th house, you may also find your financial power when it comes to technology or social media. You are a natural influencer and people want to know what you think about things and what your current obsessions are. You are the star of the show, remembering that is your key to unlocking your abundance in this lifetime.
LEO RISING
You have Virgo in the 2nd house, and unlocking your key to abundance involves getting organized, sticking to a routine, and doing things that benefit others or society in some way. You are typically found in roles that involve being of service and you also have a gift with your words. Careers such as writing, speaking, publishing, health roles, and healing treatments all serve you well.
With Gemini in the 11th house as well, you have a gift for networking, communication, building a group or a team, and succeeding in your collaborative efforts. Don’t let your need for perfection take you away from your potential regarding your ability to connect with others and build something inspiring. Your vision, partnerships, selfless attitude, and creativity will help you financially succeed.
VIRGO RISING
As a Virgo Rising, you are a hard worker and have a lot of beauty and wisdom to share with the world. You have Libra in the 2nd house, signifying a creative soul and someone who can earn an income through art, interior design, fashion, or therapeutic and beauty practices.
You have a gift when it comes to creating things appealing to the eye, and you resonate with the more luxurious spheres of life.
Aries in the 8th house signifies a drive to succeed, and you financially move through a lot of transformations in this lifetime that lead you closer to your dreams. Creating a business that you are passionate about or being a part of a legacy that creates something beautiful for the world, helps you financially succeed in life.
LIBRA RISING
Financially, you evolve over time. The key here for you with Scorpio in the 2nd house, is to trust your intuition when it comes to what to invest in and what to spend your time and energy on. Know that with any setback you may encounter financially, you will rise above more abundantly and successfully. You have a unique way of understanding the undercurrents and concept of money, use this to your advantage.
With Leo in the 11th house, you succeed when you are confident, standing out from the crowd, and doing things that feel authentic and natural for you. You are meant to shine and inspire others through your charisma, personality, and strong intuition.
SCORPIO RISING
With a Scorpio Rising, you have Sagittarius in the 2nd, and financial freedom is very important to you in this lifetime. You are working towards building a legacy for yourself through your wisdom, knowledge, and quest for understanding. You inspire others in your own unique way, and this is a placement for many teachers or guides in this world.
Virgo in the 11th house reminds you to get clear on the things you want for yourself and the plans or dedication it will take to get there. Your intelligence and your capacity to see all perspectives and express yourself in a grounded way is what is going to unlock your key to abundance.
SAGITTARIUS RISING
Financially, you have a lot of potential to succeed in this lifetime. With Capricorn in your 2nd house of income, you are business-savvy and have a knack for money. You know what the world needs more of, and you are the one to provide it. Through your work ethic and need to succeed, you are someone who can be found in higher positions within a business or company.
Cancer in the 8th house also shows that you find financial empowerment by dedicating yourself to a cause or career that holds deep importance for you and your heart. The people you meet along the way are also key to recognizing your dreams and financial abundance.
CAPRICORN RISING
As a Capricorn Rising, you have Aquarius in the 2nd house which shows a gift in community, networking, and social media. You are a trendsetter and are ahead of time when it comes to trends, fashion, and ideals. You have a unique vision and ability to succeed in this lifetime through your manifestation potential.
With Scorpio in the 11th house, you can build a team or an organization and lead yourself and others to success. Your acquaintances and friendships throughout life will help you meet the right people and get the right opportunities. You always need to be thinking big when it comes to your finances, and know that you have what it takes to succeed.
AQUARIUS RISING
For you, financial success comes from your imagination and your hope for it all. With Pisces in the 2nd house, you view your financial world through a spiritual and creative lens, and the opportunities for you in this lifetime are vast. You need a lot of freedom within your career and you need to be doing things that allow you to express your creativity.
With Sagittarius in the 11th house of your hopes and dreams, you will succeed when you are stepping out of your comfort zone, traveling, and exploring new things. Your knowledge combined with lucky Jupiter, makes you someone who is more lucky than most when it comes to making your financial dreams come true. Remain positive and know your path to abundance won’t look like everyone else's.
PISCES RISING
You have Aries in the 2nd house, and financially you feel empowered when you are going after your individual dreams and intentions and are in leadership roles. Entrepreneurship inspires you, and you know how to lead a team. Taking initiative when it comes to your financial world is key here, and you need a certain sense of freedom when it comes to your career and working life.
Libra in the 8th house signifies abundance through your love life, marriage, business partnerships, or commitments and people are more willing to lend you a helping hand than most, use this to your advantage. Overall, your key to abundance is taking initiative, creating things never seen before, and using your charming personality to attract the support you need to succeed.
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Featured image by Igor Alecsander/Getty Images