On behalf of all men, Terry Crews says--it's not us, it's them.
Ok, maybe not speaking for all men, but actor Terry Crews opened up about his epiphany on "intimacy" and guess what? It's not all about sex!
The actor who has been married to his wife, gospel singer Rebecca Crews, for over 25 years, explained why the couple went on a 90-Day sex fast, to which he came out loving his wife even more. According to Terry, the fast also included steering clear of all sexual and stimulating images (e.g. pornography), while taking it back to the basics of cuddling and courtship, with no intentions of sex thereafter. The parents of five and grandparents of one were able to talk more and relearn one another. He said:
"My wife and I, we did a 90-Day sex fast. 90 days, no sex. All relationship, all talk. All cuddle. And I found at the end of that 90 days, I was more in love, more turned on, more 'I Knew Who She Was.'And it wasn't about, "let's go out because I know I'ma get some sex later." It was like, "No, let's go [out] because I want to talk to you. I want to know you."
Terry also revealed that he feels all men are looking for a level of intimacy that stretches far beyond sex. Only thing is, fear gets in the way of allowing most men to ever reach a place of letting their guard down:
"Let me tell you, what every man has a desire for is intimacy. Intimacy is what you're looking for. You're not looking for porn--you're looking for someone to know you and love you at the same time. That's all you want. Every man out there.But [we're] scared sometimes; that's why men put up big fronts. It's all like, "Yeah, I'm the man, blah blah," but what happens is there is that moment when he's scared that if you find out who they really are, you won't want to be with him."
That's refreshing to hear. It's no surprise that absence--or in this case, abstinence--makes the heart grow fonder. Many adults, male and female, will give celibacy a shot at least once in their life. People often feel that sex, especially in a non-committed or unhealthy relationship, can cloud the mind, often getting in the way of one's productivity in both their personal life and career.
Last year, Terry also revealed that he had a bad addiction to pornography that almost ruined his marriage. Starting at the age of 12, the actor said that his addiction was the result of growing up in unhealthy living conditions, to which he turned to pornography as a means of escape from his reality. The addiction grew from watching VHS tapes in his uncle's basement to viewing online porn from his own home, creating extreme desires within Terry that he'd later want to replicate with his wife Rebecca, something that she was not always comfortable with. Terry told the Huffington Post that after seeking proper counseling, he realized pornography contributes to distorting one's perception of lovemaking, and that there is a difference between love and lust:
"I went to rehab. I was addicted to pornography.When you believe in the wrong things, all of a sudden everything in your life ends up wrong. I realized pornography is using people. You're treating people like objects. You're looking at them wrong. You're not looking at them like human beings, you're looking at them as objects to be used. And that effects everything [in] every way. The way you talk to people, you think everyone can be used. You think everyone can be manipulated, everyone can be controlled. And that is what this whole thing is about.
Once you get into love, pornography can't stay in that. When you're talking about love, porn does not exist in the world of love. There is lust and there is love. They are two different things. So I had to go into rehab."
You've got to respect when anyone--man or woman--can be that honest about their sexual encounters for the sake of hopefully helping others avoid the same mistakes in their marriage and relationship. I can especially respect Terry's willingness to attend rehab for an addiction that many others may not even realize they have too. These days, sexual images are so accessible that there is no telling how many men and women are blindly affected by it.
Have you and your significant other ever given up sex (or any other habit) and found yourselves growing closer afterward?
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So, today? Today, we’re going to tackle how sex impacts us when it comes to our energy fields. What (mostly) inspired this is once reading a science-based article about how it is a fact and not a myth that just like plants can absorb energy from other plants, humans can do the same thing by being in the space of other human beings. And when you stop to really think about it, doesn’t that make all of the sense in the world?
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be terms out here like “peer pressure” and big grown folks wouldn’t be out here trying to look and act just like some of their favorite celebrities or IG influencers (and yet, on that point, I digress).
So, since energy impacts us in some pretty significant ways, let’s take a few moments to see how it goes down when it comes to copulation — just so that you’re (even more) aware of what you’re getting yourself into when you “do the do,” as far as your personal energy space is concerned.
Energy. Revisited.
GiphyOkay, so before we get all up in how energy is exchanged during sexual activity, what is energy as it relates to human beings, in general? Well, in some ways, it all depends on who you ask. For instance, the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that energy is about having the capacity to do something. Some medical experts say that energy is all about how something impacts you on a mental or physical level.
For instance, negative energy tends to be very heavy and draining while positive energy can increase feel-good chemicals throughout your system which makes it easier for you to do things like be creative and problem-solve. Something else that I think is important to keep in mind as far as human energy goes is it’s impacted by a myriad of things including a person’s stress levels, how healthy a person is, what their life choices are (as far as how their decisions influence them) and even what their sleep patterns are like.
And if all of this is true, then something else that Aristotle once said about energy would be beyond accurate: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
Energy is life. Whew, so if this is indeed the case, does this mean that when you choose to have sex with someone, you are sharing your life force — whatever state that may be — with someone as they are doing the same to/for/with you? YES.
What Does It Mean to Exchange Sexual Energy?
GiphySince I grew up in an entertainment industry household, I think that’s probably why I’ve ended up with some close friends who are in the industry as well. That said, I will never forget when I was talking to one of them one day about a particular artist. When I expressed how much sex appeal that she had, my (male) friend simply said, “Yeah, I’ve been in her presence a few times before. She has some really dark energy. I didn’t even hug her.”
Now from a scientific standpoint, dark energy is simply what causes the universe to accelerate in growth over a certain period of time; however, when a person is described to have dark energy, that usually means that they have an evil and/or negative and/or heavy and/or draining aura about them. And y’all, here’s what’s semi-wild about what he said: did you know that science backs that hugs do indeed transfer energy?
Yep, research reveals that a hug from someone can literally alter your brain and body chemistry — so you definitely need to be discerning about who you let up into your affection space. Straight up. And so, since a hug has the capacity to do that, how much more can SEX?
To further emphasize this, let’s begin with an article that I read on Healthline’s website entitled, “Do We Really Exchange Energy During Sex?” After checking it out, one of the main things that I appreciated was when a doctor who was interviewed for the piece said:
“Every sex act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers your energy level…Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or physiological, mechanical act…Rather, it’s an energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone, the two energies merge.”
Okay, so according to science, when two people have sex, energies merge. Well, according to Scripture, when two people have sex, oneness transpires (Genesis 2:24-25). Let’s keep going.
There was once a Physician-scientist by the name of Wilhelm Reich (who actually died in prison, in part, because of his radical beliefs on sex and orgasms during his time), who once said that having a healthy sex life (which, to him, including orgasms and is what he referred to as “orgastic potency”) is what played a huge role in one’s emotional health and well-being. That’s because, to him, without the release of sexual energy, neurological disorders would be come to be.
My takeaway from this is when you think about the fact that things like serotonin, dopamine, and the “the bonding chemical” oxytocin are all released during sex (and most certainly during orgasms), and also since sex (and orgasms) reduce stress — you need to tend to your sexual energy for the sake of your holistic health. Let’s continue on.
After reading an article on sexual energy on Cosmo’s website in which one of the sex therapists said that “our sexuality is our power" and then reading an article on the same topic on Well + Good’s platform where another expert stated that, “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul's connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe”, I thought about the word “power” and then “soul connection.”
At the end of the day, power isn’t just ability but the capability to influence and even take authority over something or someone. And a soul connection? Several years ago, when I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” one of the things that I made sure to emphasize is your soul IS also your life. This means that soul connections are life connections.
And so, it would appear that sharing sexual energy also means that you are making a life connection with someone. And that type of connection has the power to influence you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine. That is how deep exchanging sexual energy is.
What You Should Always Keep in Mind Before Sharing Sexual Energy with Someone Else
GiphyNow are there degrees to this whole sexual energy thing? Of course. The type of connection that a husband and wife of 20 years can make via sex is very different than a one-night stand. However, it would appear that science believes that it doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself about sex with someone (or even how many condoms you may use during sex) — potent energy is exchanged regardless.
That’s a huge part of the reason why I will forever roll my eyes about how ridiculous “casual sex” sounds to me, because, although I do believe that it is very possible to engage in coitus that has no real purpose (casual is purposeless, by definition), what isn’t possible is for there not to be a significant connection made from a scientific standpoint. Because again, if a mere hug can alter you (shoot, a handshake too), do you really think that allowing a man’s penis into the sacred space known as your vagina will not? After reading all of this…do you really?
When it comes to energy, author T. Harv Eker once said, “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” With all that was just shared about sexual energy, each and every person you choose to “engage” with, they are either going to affect you or infect you — just with their energy alone.
Knowing this, if there was ever a time to choose wisely, this would be it.
Your energy is your power. Who you exchange power with? CHOOSE WISELY.
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.
And because energy can shift…be cognizant of what you’re doing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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Featured image by Giphy