Do These 10 Things Daily For The Sake Of Your Mental Health
Last summer,Gallup published a study stating that, worldwide, people are more stressed out than they have ever been. The reason why this should be relevant to you is that when it comes to things like heart disease, insomnia, depression, cancer, and even HIV — if stress is not the cause of these ailments, stress 1000 percent makes these issues far worse. Hell, even the common cold is thought to be brought on by stress. Not to mention the fact that stress can also throw your periods off, make it challenging to conceive, impair your moods and even make it hard to make wise decisions. Yeah, stress is a really big deal.
That’s why it truly can’t be said enough that it’s okay to put firm boundaries in place when it comes to any — and I do mean ANY — person, place, thing, or idea that triggers your stress levels. It’s also essential that you implement certain practices that can help to keep your stress levels down to an absolute minimum. One of the best ways to do that is to take optimal care of your mental health. And here are ten ways to do it.
1. Never Rush into or Out of Bed
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There’s a verse in the Bible that simply says, “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.” (Psalm 4:4 — NKJV) Ever since I happened upon it, it’s been a personal mantra for me. One reason is that it goes to show that there are a myriad of different ways to meditate. Another is because it’s a reminder that you can oftentimes avoid making unwise decisions by lying in your bed and being…still. So, if you’re someone who feels guilty about enjoying some extra time in your own bed, honestly, don’t.
Besides, did you know that there is such a thing as hurry sickness? Although it’s not a science-based medical condition, it is widely discussed among mental health experts. The backstory is, since stress and anxiety are prevalent among so many of us, a term was coined to describe what happens when we are constantly feeling urgency or the need to rush…when there’s no real pressing reason to. And yes, living this way can lead to things like headaches, fatigue, and lowered immunity.
That’s why, for the sake of your mental health, it’s best to create a sleep routine (check out “The Self-Care Bedtime Routine Every Single Woman Needs”) so that you’re not rushing into bed (that can create anxiety and makes it difficult to fall asleep) and that you set your alarm to wake you up about 20-30 minutes before you actually need to get out of bed. Believe it or not, spending some of your morning time easing into the day can do wonders when it comes to pacing your energy and not pushing past your bandwidth until it’s time to come home and rest again.
2. Devote At Least a Half-Day to Nothing but Self-Care (WEEKLY)
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I am a traditional Sabbath observer. This basically means that I keep the Sabbath in the way that Jewish people do: from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. Although I was born into this way of life, as an adult, it’s still a part of my self-care routine because, there is nothing that compares to taking an entire day off from the demands of the world to do nothing but rest (or as Shabbat literally means in Hebrew, “to cease from creating”).
During that time, sometimes I sleep in, sometimes I order takeout (I try and do it the day before so that I’m not overworking folks on the day when I don’t), and sometimes I’m doing a skin routine or nurturing my scalp (dead serious; check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend”). Whatever it is, it’s very self-care-focused — and I love that for myself.
It's unfortunate that a lot of people are hard-wired to think that pampering themselves (check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself”) is a luxury when, 1000 percent, it should be treated like a luxury (check out “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.”). Because how can you give your best to others if you’re not nurturing yourself, to begin with?
Listen, the day when you choose to do it is totally up to you; however, do devote at least half a day, each and every week (even if you have to break up the days) to nothing but self-care. It’s an investment that you will never — EVER — regret making.
3. Don’t Talk Yourself Out of Your “Gut No's”
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Back in 2019, I wrote one article entitled “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and another entitled “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” The method behind the madness is our intuition was never designed to do what I see so many TikTokers attempt: to weaponize. In fact, I firmly believe that without some serious self-awareness and humility (not one or the other…both), oftentimes, what people think is intuition or their gut instinct is really nothing more than projecting that’s been fed by their ego.
Keeping all of this in mind, while I definitely think that “my intuition is always right” could use some tempering, I also believe that when you’re asked to do something and your first mind is to say “no,” you shouldn’t try and talk yourself out of that — nor should you let other people do it.
You know, there’s an author by the name of Nick Chellsen who once said, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to,” and I think that summarizes the point that I’m trying to make here perfectly. Because we live in a culture and society that — let’s be real — can be super self-consumed, oftentimes, when folks want us to do something, our own needs and feelings about the request aren’t taken into account. Basically, so long as “they” are able to get their way, that’s all that matters (to them).
That’s why we have to listen when our mind, body, and/or spirit sets the boundary known as “no” — or at least wait. We need to step back and listen to what our psyche is trying to convey to us before making any kind of commitment.
Unfortunately, many humans seem to really enjoy pushing people out of their boundaries, almost as if it’s an Olympic sport. You can’t do anything about them; however, you can honor your own self by not giving them the room in your life to do so. So, if someone asks you to do something and you don’t feel good about it, instead of allowing them to talk you out of why, spend some time looking for the answer and then move from there. Trust me…they can wait. And if the answer is indeed “no,” chile, they’ll survive.
4. Take a Day Trip Every Couple of Months
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With the summer season technically ending (this year) on September 23rd, it’s interesting that, although around 63 percent of Americans had planned on going on some sort of summer vacation, reportedly, 58 percent won’t be able to because they can’t afford it (inflation is a mutha). What makes matters even worse is a lot of people won’t even try to figure out alternatives even though vacations are proven to help reduce stress, lower anxiety, decrease heart disease and depression risks, provide quality time with people you care about, and ultimately improve your overall quality of life. Yes, y’all, vacations are very necessary.
So, what if you get that yet your bank account doesn’t agree with you? Being that it’s also been proven that a mere change of scenery can do wonders when it comes to your moods and health and well-being, try and at least go on some sort of day trip before the summer season ends and then commit to “rinsing and repeating” every few months. Even going to the next town a couple of hours away to eat at a new restaurant with a couple of friends can feel like a breath of fresh air. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.
5. Have “Phone Hours”
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I remember once having a conversation with an elder about why people seem to be more stressed than ever. Their reason, I found to be a very interesting one: “Cell phones are doing it. Back when I was young, you weren’t constantly on the phone, taking in all kinds of conversations and information all of the time. You drove without it. You shopped without it. You would go on a date and focus on nothing but the other person. These damn phones keep people so distracted that they can barely even function.”
She’s not totally off-base here. While some health professionals say that always having your phone on can trigger intense emotions and disrupt your quality of sleep, others say that limiting your social media time to no more than an hour a day and devoting 3-4 of your waking hours to not being on your phone at all will not only help to keep you in a better mood, it can remind you to put more energy into cultivating the relationships that you actually have offline. Not to mention the fact that constantly scrolling is very possibly standing in the way of you becoming more successful at work (no joke).
If you read all of this and you’re still trying to find ways to justify why you should keep your phone on 24/7, there is such a thing as being a phone addict. Currently, only a small number of folks fall into the category, yet the demographic is ever-rising. You can read more about it here.
6. Put Your Frustrations on a Time Limit
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Contrary to popular belief, you can control your emotions a lot more than you might believe. Some mental health professionals call it “emotional regulation,” and it’s all about deciding how you are going to respond or react to something. Many people see this as a sign of maturity because, while it makes perfect sense for, say, a toddler to throw tantrums and overreact (because they haven’t been taught self-regulation skills yet), an adult should not be acting the same way that they do.
So, what are some of the things that you can do to keep your frustrations from getting totally out of control? Meditate. Journal. Go for a walk. Deep breathe. Exercise. Speak with someone (you can trust who listens well and gives good insight). Take a nap. Consume healthy foods that are designed to de-stress you (check out “9 Foods That'll Actually Decrease Your Cortisol (Stress) Hormones”). Kiss your partner (it literally lowers cortisol levels). Spend some time alone to regroup.
Another thing you can do that is where the big girls and boys play? Give yourself a certain amount of time to feel the way that you do. If someone pissed you all the way off, give yourself permission to be mad as high hell for a couple of hours — and then decide that it’s time to take that feeling down a notch (or 10). I do this often, and you’d be amazed by how empowering it is to tell your feelings that they can’t “make you” do anything…that you are the one who manages them.
7. Declare Your Affirmations Out Loud
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Negativity bias. If you’ve never heard of it before, it’s a psychological term that centers around the fact that most people have a tendency to give more attention to negativity than positivity. This is why, if you ask most people to list five things that they like about themselves and then five things that they don’t, they will typically start off by listing all of the “bad stuff” first (SMDH).
Since cynicism is linked to heart disease, hostility increases stress levels (and depression-related symptoms), tension can cause things like digestive problems and fertility issues, and there are articles out in cyberspace like “Why Negative People Are Literally Killing You (and How to Protect Your Positivity)” — it is absolutely essential that you are hypervigilant and super proactive about “rerouting” negative thoughts by coming up with some affirmations that will cause you to feel good about yourself. There is a lot of data that says the more positive thoughts that you have, the more they are able to influence your actions for the better.
And why should you say them out loud? Research states that it helps with constructive thinking, problem-solving, and building self-confidence. Not to mention the fact that repeating good self-talk improves focus reduces stress, and makes you feel more fearless. So, whether it’s while you’re taking a shower, when you’re on your lunch break, as you’re working out, when you’re making dinner, or before you turn in, jot down some positive things about yourself and life in general, and verbalize them aloud. Your mental health will be oh so glad that you did!
8. Create a “Good Memories” Playlist
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The brain can be a tricky thing sometimes. For instance, did you know that, when it comes to listening to sad songs, science says that it can actually help to put you into a better mood — if not immediately, eventually? The logic is that if a sad song creates nostalgia, it can help you to process your emotions, and that can ultimately reduce anxiety and bring forth feelings of clarity.
At the same time, music that swings more to the happy (or newer) side can give you a “dopamine hit” that will put you into a better mood, boost your brain health, and help to make you a much more creative individual. So, even if you’ve got a playlist that’s devoted to ole’ what’s-his-name from your past, be intentional about also putting together a list of songs that will put a smile on your face and cause you to tap your feet underneath your desk, too (just make sure that it’s not super fast music; that can actually distract you and make you less productive during working hours).
9. Speak Your Love Language...to Yourself
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It always tickles me whenever I sit in sessions with couples who get upset that their partner sucks at speaking their love language. When I ask them if they speak it to themselves, more times than not, a blank look comes over their face. Listen, if you’re not prioritizing how to fully, properly, and effectively express love to yourself, why are you being so hard on those around you who aren’t the best at doing it either (hmm…)?
Virtually everyone knows at this point that the five primary love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Okay, but when it comes to what your “top two” are, how are you showing your own self that you love you? Do you speak positively about yourself (words of affirmation)? Do you schedule regular “me” time (quality time)? Do you make it a point to get yourself some flowers or save up to get something that you’ve been eyeing for a while (gifts)? Do you feel okay about hiring someone to do something that you hate (like maybe getting a housekeeper to thoroughly clean your home once every season (acts of service)? When’s the last time that you gave yourself a foot massage while watching one of your favorite shows (physical touch)?
French author Anaïs Nin once said, “My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.” And you know what? It’s so much easier to not just say this but mean it when self-love is a daily practice — when you speak your own love languages to yourself…fluently.
10. Admit When You’re Wrong
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I will forever die on the hill that the reason why a lot of people struggle with admitting when they are wrong and/or apologizing to other people is because their parents absolutely sucked at modeling it to them (le sigh). That said, if you happen to be a parent who is reading this, one of the best things that you can EVER do for your child is teach them how to hold themselves accountable — and children learn best when adults lead by example (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”).
So, why do I say that admitting when you’re wrong is great for your mental health? It’s an act that requires humility. It helps to preserve relationships. It’s an awesome teachable moment. It teaches you, live and in living color, to not sweat the small stuff. In all honesty, it helps you to grow up.
People who don’t mind owning their errors in life are individuals who want to move forward instead of remaining stuck. They don’t care so much about their pride that they would hold onto it at any cost. They give the kind of respect to others that they would want to receive.
And how could operating in that frame of mind not be good for one’s mental health? Yep. Exactly.
Bottom line, own your ish. It’s worth it.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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