

If there's one thing that I look forward to at the turn of a new year, it's the creative names for dating scenarios that folks seem to come up with. When it comes to 2019, I was not disappointed. Last year was all about cushioning (keeping people around as extra "cushions" in case the main guy or gal didn't work out), Caspering (someone who doesn't quite ghost you but after a couple of dates, only communicates via texts), and subbing (which is basically short for sub-tweeting an ex on social media).
This year, things are a bit more, well, "cryptic" is the word that immediately comes to mind. I say that because unless you know what kind of red flags to look out for, you could very easily become the victim of one (or several) of these forms of manipulation.
No one said that dating was easy. But the more information you have about what goes on out in these streets, the better equipped you'll be to spot straight-up foolishness way before too much of your very valuable time gets wasted.
7 Dating Terms You Should Know
1.Cookie Jarring
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Basically, this is a cute term for cheating. Well, kind of. Although cookie jarring is all about dating two people at once so that you'll have one of them waiting in the wings if it doesn't work out with the other, this doesn't really apply to serious relationships. It's got more of a casual dating feel to it.
What's wrong with that? Nothing — at least not on the surface. Where this gets tricky is when you've been dating a guy for a couple of months and you think it's headed towards something serious. Then some girl implies that he and her spend quite a bit of non-platonic time on her IG page. While you were out here thinking that things were heading towards exclusivity, he was out here giving more women than you that very same impression.
Cookie jarring folks have the "don't put all of your eggs in one basket" mentality. That's fine so long as you know that's where they're coming from. Unfortunately, when someone is cookie jarring you, usually, you don't.
2.Prowling
Prowling is the dating form of playing cat and mouse. Initially, things are all good. You know for a fact that the guy is into you because he texts "good morning", calls at night, and plans dates on a fairly regular basis. He's been consistent long enough that you start to let your guard down and relax in the relationship. Oh, but just when you exhale, he gets ghost.
As if that already doesn't suck, what makes matters so much worse is right when you let the shock-then-anger-then-expectations-of-hearing-from-him again go, he has the nerve to pop up — just so he can start the cycle all over again.
I'm not really sure what a man gets out of being a prowler other than getting off on knowing that he can leave and come back at any time (when women let him). Oh, I guess I got my answer, didn't I? My bad. Next.
3.E-Maintaining
Out of all the dating terms that I'll share with you, this one is probably what most of us become the victim of (or victimize others with) whether we realize it or not. Case in point — have you ever gone on a date with a guy, things went really well and, a few days later, he mentioned wanting to hang out again? Only he didn't do this on the phone. He did it either by hitting up your inbox or DM'ing you? He was polite and engaging but the plans he brought up were super vague and he never followed through? He didn't only do this one time, though. Over the course of several weeks, you've received similar messages.
Ladies, I present to you e-maintaining. It's when someone is on the fence about actually going out again, but says something along the lines of "We should catch a movie sometime", just so they can stay on your radar. SMH.
4.Pocketing
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Back in the day, R&B singer Stephanie Mills used to sing a song with a chorus that said, "I just can't go on being your secret lady, mystery baby, you're the one I want." It's talking about an affair but when you're caught up in pocketing, it almost feels like you must somehow be the other woman.
That's because a person who's trying to pocket you is all about spending time and gettin' it on. The problem is, they'd prefer that no one on the planet knows about it other than the two of you. Even months into the relationship, you haven't met a friend, family member, or even a co-worker if they can avoid it. In fact, if they can get away with keeping you off of their social media, they'll do that too.
If you like being an undercover lover, do you. But if you want a relationship that has a real future, pocketing is NOT the way to go.
5.Scrooging
This one cracks me up, mostly because I know GROWN MEN (and yes, I'm yelling that!) who continue to pull this stunt. OK, we all remember A Christmas Carol and how ridiculously stingy Ebenezer Scrooge was. All that money and resources and until some ghosts visited him in his sleep, he kept it all to himself.
With that as your clue, can you guess what scrooging is? It's when a dating situation is all good. That is until Valentine's Day, Christmas, or your birthday rolls around. Then all of a sudden, dude needs some space.
Rather than chalking this up to being cheap or even broke, I'd prefer to go with him being uber-selfish. A guy without a lot of money who still wants to keep you in his life will figure out something. On the other hand, a guy who is willing to end a relationship just because he doesn't want to give or get you anything probably didn't have long-term plans for you anyway.
Valentine's Day is steadily approaching. Pay very close attention to if you've got a Scrooge on your hands — or not.
6.Kittenfishing
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Catfishing is when you're pretending to be someone you're not. Kittenfishing is when you're exaggerating about who you are. You might post a pic from when you were 10 years younger (or 20 pounds thinner). You may claim that you're on staff at a top media company, when the real truth is you did some contract work for them a couple of times several years ago. You get this gist. Kittenfishing is presenting yourself in (what you think is) your best light, even though you know you're not being totally forthcoming or honest.
If you catch a guy kittenfishing you, while I'm not saying that it has to be an automatic deal breaker, he is showing you that he's not the most truthful person on the planet. Be careful. White lies are still lies.
7.Mindfulness
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I decided to save the best for last because it really is good to see that some of us are growing weary of always swiping left and/or hooking up. Some people want to get back to old-fashioned dating, taking things slow and falling in love.
Making lasting connections. Being in the moment. Organic dating. Romance. Emotional intimacy before physical involvement. All of these things are making a comeback this year and I couldn't be more thrilled about it!
In the midst of all of the ridiculous that comes with dating, don't get too jaded. Dating with a purpose is trending this year. Lucky us!
Featured image by Getty Images.
Related Articles:
These Dating Habits Are Why You're Still Single – Read More
Here Are The Dating Trends That You Need To Avoid At All Costs – Read More
No, Your Standards Aren't Too High As Settling For Crumbs Will Leave You Starved – Read More
- Seven 2019 Dating Terms That You Should Definitely Be Aware Of ... ›
- What Guarding Your Heart Is NOT & How To Understand What It Is - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
Swipe Right For Sisterhood: Reginae Carter Talks Teaming Up With BLK To Make Friendships Front & Center
You know the vibes: dating apps aren’t just for finding romance anymore—at least not for Gen Z! As young people continue to redefine connection, BLK, the leading dating app for Black singles, is shaking things up with the launch of Social Mode. The new feature allows users to toggle between dating and platonic connections. Yep, you read that right—friendship is now just as easy to find as love.
To kick off this game-changing launch, BLK teamed up with TV personality and socialite Reginae Carter for the ultimate Girls’ Night In, proving that sisterhood is just as important as romance. The exclusive event was a celebration of the new feature and the power of Black women coming together to uplift one another.
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
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Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage