Quantcast
Don’t Miss Out On Mr. Right Because Of This One Thing

Don’t Miss Out On Mr. Right Because Of This One Thing

Dating

If you're anything like me, you've got a list of all the things you want in a man. Maybe it's that he is tall, ambitious, and spiritual. Or that he's romantic and treats his mom well. But I'd venture to say that nowhere on that list did you pencil in "must have kid from prior relationship." In fact, it's probably quite the opposite.


Yet, realistically, adding the "no kid" requirement to your list of must-haves could have a huge impact on your dating pool. A recent study by John Hopkins indicates that 63% of men who reported a birth had at least one child outside of marriage…and that's A LOT of men.

Based on this information, there is a high possibility that you will bump into a cutie you vibe with, only to find out that he has a kid.

Rather than immediately throwing the whole man away, there are four considerations that women should evaluate on a case by case basis.

What kind of father is he?

Someone once told me that the best way to determine whether or not I should become serious with a man was to imagine him being the father of my child. She encouraged me to ask myself whether his personality traits, work ethic, and character embodied the type of man I would choose to forever influence a little life I loved.

Ironically, that thought process helped me scratch off lots of guys from my dating list. And even more ironic was that seeing the love my husband had for our son confirmed that he was someone I could trust to lead my family.

Watching him do things like drive a total of 16 hours to make it to his son's birthday party and back home in time for work the next day, showed me the lengths he'd go to for someone he loved. Pay close attention to the type of Dad your guy is to his child. It says a lot about how he values important relationships.

What is the dynamic between your guy and the mother of the child?

The world stereotypes blended families as full of drama. However, I've also witnessed peaceful situations where people make it work. Like anything, there will be growing pains and tough times.

The standard is not perfection, but you should be on the lookout for mutual respect between parents. Take note of whether the situation is fairly fresh and how they communicate with each other.

There is no one size fits all solution for the dynamic that works best. The key is to pay attention to the interactions and determine whether you can live with them if they stayed the same forever.

How do you fit in?

As I got more serious with my husband, I loved that he made sure I never felt second. In every situation, he's got my back and values my emotions.

Sure, kids demand a ton of attention. But that doesn't mean that you should be sidelined as a result.

Reconsider moving forward if you always feel like a second-class citizen who comes after the demands of the child, or if the mother of the child dictates how the guy interacts with you. However, be sure that you are being realistic and reasonable in your expectations. An accountability partner can often be helpful for a self-check.

Who are you, really?

It takes a special woman to step in as a bonus mom. Check the content of your heart. Under the right circumstances, could you be selfless enough to love a child you did not birth as if he or she is your own?

Thinking through these questions will help you determine if your issue is with having an extra life to love, or largely centered on avoiding drama. If it is the latter, love could be right around the corner with an open mind and the proper amount of vetting.

Want more stories like this? Check out these xoNecole articles:

Blended Family: How To Be A Better Bonus Mom

Jada Pinkett Smith's Co-Mothering Conversation With Will Smith's Ex-Wife Was Powerful

This Ex-Couple Turns Pain into Power After Reading Letters to Each Other's Spouses

Mashonda & Alicia Keys' Co-Mothering Relationship Is A Reminder That Blended Families Can Be Lit

Featured image by Getty Images

From Love & Basketball to The Woman King, The Evolution of Gina Prince-Bythewood

Of all the joys that came from my recent viewing of The Woman King in theaters, my favorite was simply watching another one of Gina Prince Bythewood’s visions brought to life. Since 2000 when she came on to the scene with her sports romantic drama Love and Basketball, Bythewood has built a diverse filmography that centers Black women.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
Bags Secured: How Tia Mowry Continues To Make Money Moves Outside Of Acting

After 25 + years in the entertainment industry, Tia Mowry has remained a mainstay in many of our lives. Tia and her twin sister Tamera garnered fame after starring in their own TV series Sister, Sister, which premiered in 1994 and since then we have seen them venture into solo endeavors. Tia, specifically, went on to act in the film Baggage Claim, Netflix’s series Family Reunion, and who can forget her role as Melanie Barnett in The Game?

Keep reading...Show less
5 Ways To Keep It Together On A Stressful Work Day

Stress is a common part of living, especially when it comes to work. For women, the impact can be felt even more due to workplace issues including unequal pay, gender discrimination, and race-related aggressions. In fact, research shows that professional women experience more stress than men, with a 46% prevalence for those employed full-time (versus 42% for men).

Keep reading...Show less
What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them

What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.

Keep reading...Show less
Halle Bailey On The Revolutionary Act Of Wearing Her Locs As Ariel

When the trailer for The Little Mermaid dropped, everyone finally got to see Halle Bailey as Ariel. Black women and girls raved over the singer/ actress’s beauty as the beloved character while she belted out the Disney classic song “Part of Your World.” And one of the most noticeable things that many fans pointed out was that the character’s red hair was made of locs.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts