Do you ever have moments when you think of an artist and you devote an entire music listening day to nothing but them? Recently, that's what happened when Brandy came to mind. She recently got honored with BMI's President Award and boy does sis deserve it. Brandy has some hits, you hear me? HITS. One song that has always been my favorite was never an official single. It was off of her Full Moon LP and the title is "He Is". If you've never heard it before, click on that hyperlink and let it richly bless you.
Anyway, whenever I listen to that, it makes me think "This is a perfect song for a wedding" and that gets me all sentimental, so then I go to YouTube to watch some Black Love marriage proposals. The three that I happened to watch this time, they each had a moment that stood out to me in particular.
First was Breanna Aponte and Dre Smith who got engaged this time last year. They have, a movement really, called WorthTheeWait because they are remaining abstinent until marriage. Something that Dre said was, "It's funny how God will sometimes give you exactly what you asked for, just to show you it's not what you need." That was in reference to all of the wrong ones that came before his now-fiancee'. And yes, Dre, that will preach.
Next was Mitchell and Chanel. Mitchell proposed this past May and he decided to do a scavenger hunt for his lady. Mitchell told Chanel in a text that since he knew that she loved reality television, the entire day was going to be devoted to providing her with her own reality television experience (aww). He really did provide her with the royal treatment too.
Then there's Lexi Laure and her man David Jose. I think it went down in June or July. David was out here having different people in Lexi's life handing her red roses before he even said a word. And when he did get down on one knee, he said, "I knew from the moment that I met you, and we started praying together every night, that you were the one. 'Cause I know my mom prays for me every day. And, if it wasn't for a woman like that, I don't think I'd be where I'm at today." Whew.
All of the couples are beautiful. They are also on-time reminders that love is real, marriage remains relevant to many people and, when a man is ready, he'll move the ends of the earth to let the woman who he loves and desires know it.
Now here is where I'll tie all of this in. When I heard some of the couples share how long they've been dating, that got me to thinking about some of the articles I've read regarding how long two people should date before they decide to walk down the aisle. I'm not sure if the findings will surprise you or not. But, at the very least, I hope it provides you with some serious food for thought; especially if you've been seeing someone a while and you're wanting things to go to the next level.
What a Christian Married Couple’s Facebook Survey Said
I'll just say, before even getting into what scientific research reveals about this, I've had clients who dated for two years and got a divorce, and also clients who dated for 10 and ended their marriage. The reason why I think it's important to lead with this point is because, although there is good and valid information out here that can apply to all couples, no two people, together, are exactly alike. There are nuances that makes each relationship quite unique. Now, with that said, I do think that if you're currently in a serious relationship—not just in your mind, but the guy you're seeing agrees with you (see "5 Signs That You're In Love (All By Yourself)")—and marriage is what you desire, some of the data here can offer a helpful perspective.
With that said, before getting into what the experts and their research revealed, I think it would be well worth your time to check out the video "How Long Does It Take For A Man To Know?". The married team, Jerry and Tanisha Flowers, are some of my favorite Christian speakers on relationships. Anyway, they conducted a study of their own that consisted of 200 married men. When they asked them how long it took them to know that they had met their wife and, as a result, they started putting steps towards getting married, guess how long they said? A year or under. Less than 12 months, y'all! Oh, there are some gems in that video too:
"A man knows a wife or wife material when he sees it. And a man knows a woman he'll play with and never marry. And a man knows when there's a woman that he can get all of the husband privileges he desires, and he never has to give her his last name."
"There is a difference in the way the 'counterfeit' pursues and the way the 'Godsent' pursues. The Godsent always has a clear destination, but the counterfeit? He doesn't; his is always cloudy. The Godsent is crystal clear about his destination; he's trying to get you to the altar. He's trying to marry you—that's his pursuit. And he's not just saying that with his lips; he's complementing that with his actions…even when you have hiccups, even when you have hard times, that is not going to detour him; he is your Godsent. This means he is sent to you, he is assigned to your life…when I look at God in the Scriptures, I don't see him changing his mind a lot. What God sends you, it is yours. The counterfeit, he has no destination. He may mention marriage, but he has no intentionality, no consistency of getting you to the altar."
Let the collective Church say "Amen!" I have written a few pieces before that pretty much echo their points (see "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife", "Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again" and "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material"). Plus, most of the husbands that I know said they knew when they had met their one; they also knew that they had to make some quick moves so that they wouldn't lose her.
Something else that the Flowers shared in that video is that data can't be debated. When there is a general consensus that points to one overall point, there is always some relevancy and truth to that. So ladies, if 200 men said that it took only a year to know who their life partner should be, and your man has been dragging his feet since for-e-ver, at least consider sending this article to him because really—short of him being really young, living in another state or trying to complete a certain life goal in order to make the quality of your life with him better…what's the hold up?
What Research Has to Say on the Issue
If what I just shared isn't enough to convince you that a man knowing that you are his queen shouldn't take a billion years (some would say even five), here's a little more meat to chew on. Penn State University once conducted a study called The PAIR Project. Their findings brought them to the conclusion that couples who were together a little over two years (25 months, to be exact) had the highest marriage success rate. By the way, the two years includes dating and engagement. Meanwhile, according to a study of 3,000 couples at Emory University, those who dated for three years or more were around 40 percent less likely to end their marriage than those who knew each other less than a year. Three years of dating. Hmm. Let's keep going.
I also found an article onPsychology Today's website that said two years is a good amount of time to date before making the next step. Meanwhile, an article on The Knot featured Tammy Nelson—a woman who has her PhD, is a licensed relationship therapist, board-certified sexologist and author. What she stated was, "There is no magic time frame when a couple should date before the engagement, but the rule for any happy and successful marriage is to realize this—all couples go through a 'romantic love' phase. This lasts anywhere from 2 days to 26 months, and then the couple will enter into the power struggle or the conflict phase of their relationship." There goes the two-year mark again. Terri Orbuch, another woman who has her PhD and is also an author, basically co-signed on this in another piece on the topic stating, "Studies show that it takes at least 12 to 18 months before the passion and lust decline and you can finally see your partner for who they really are, faults and all." So, she's clocking in at around a year-and-a-half.
OK, so that is still hovering around the two-year mark. It looks to me like, according to the experts, it takes approximately two years to seriously date, experience life with someone and then come to the decision that you want to spend the rest of your lives together (and once you do get engaged, experts say that it shouldn't take more than about 13 months to plan the wedding and jump the broom). Not 10 years. Two years.
So, there you have it. If you're currently in a relationship, you desire to be married, your partner knows that and has expressed the same sentiment, and it's been longer than 24 months (give or take a couple of months)—again, this article might be worth forwarding along to him. Not so much because the two of you have to follow suit with statistical information, but because it's a good idea to see if there is some sort of forward movement in that direction. Because if you're not careful, it's really easy to let another two years go by, then another two years…and chile, then another.
I've read the comment sections enough across all platforms to be confident that you all have something to say about all of this info. So please, sound off—even though plenty of data states that roughly two years is more than enough time to date and officially prepare for marriage, what are your personal thoughts? Is that too much time, too little time or just enough?
Because honestly, if you're dating with a purpose and that purpose is marriage, there should be some sort of time frame and plan involved, right? I think so. Just make sure that "he" does. Does he? How do you know? What has he told you? Better yet, what has he shown you? Time is tickin', so again, all of this is definitely some real and relevant food for thought...right? Indeed.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Love Is Patient. But Is Your Relationship Just Wasting Your Time?
5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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