The first time I saw Dana Chanel was at a viewing party for Keke Palmer.
She wore a simple outfit—a white tank under a black jacket, dark-washed jeans ripped at the knee, with her hair slicked back into a low bun and face beat for the gods. Not provocatively dressed, but fashionably flawless. I watched as she quietly worked the room. She didn't make a lot of effort to get close to the celebrity guests; in fact, they seemed to greet her first as if she was an old friend. Though I didn't know who she was at the time, she gave an air of somebody who was supposed to be there, and not just as press, but for reasons beyond posting an event recap on a blog the following day.
I was right, but not for the reasons I initially thought. She was there for a greater purpose—on a mission from God to spread His love and word without the door-to-door sales pitches and fire and brimstone fear tactics. She blended in effortlessly while standing out spiritually, not quite what you would expect from a 21-year-old hailing from the projects of Brooklyn, who once worked in a strip club—serving not swerving.
The young boss is the founder of Sprinkle of Jesus—an online ministry that utilizes social media and technology to touch souls and change lives, spreading the word of God through real experiences and real revelations. On any given day you'll find the beauty passionately delivering a word on a number of relatable topics through her Instagram videos and Sprinkle of Jesus app alerts in between snapping photos with some of your favorite celebs. Not bad for someone who just a few years ago barely even knew who God was.
Growing up Dana had no idea that her purpose in life would involve connecting others to a higher power. She was born in Brooklyn to Dominican parents in a house with eight brothers and sisters. Money was tight and opportunities limited, so to give her kids a chance at a better quality of life her mom moved the family to a small suburban area in Middletown, Delaware. Life was decent but not good enough to stop living paycheck to paycheck, and soon Dana found herself wanting more than just the average lifestyle—she knew that there was something better for her than just getting by. She was the first in her family to get accepted into college, racking up offer letters to some of the top schools in the country including St. John's University, but the cost of tuition was too much to bare.
“They wanted like $55,000 a year and I was like, dude, I am not going to owe you guys a house before I graduate. I was like, hold on, this isn't for me!"
Instead she went to a community college in Philadelphia, but being a poor college student without bus fare to get to school made her desperate, so much so that she found herself working in a strip club as a front desk hostess. For the first time her financial situation seemed to be on the come up. She was going to school by day and walking out the club every night with $500 in untaxed dollars.
“Literally, I had no one; I felt so lonely," she confesses. “But God was by my side the entire time. He needed to remove me from my lifestyle to be able to teach me to seize the gift that He had given me because I was too distracted. That literally was the turning point. A lot of the time we don't give God space, we don't give Him the room to work in our life. But, when I was alone and had no friends, I just read my Bible and was like, yo, why didn't somebody tell me about this guy sooner? Why am I just learning about this?!"
"A lot of the time we don't give God space, we don't give Him the room to work in our life."
Being from a family that didn't grow up in the church meant that she had to become a self-taught Christian. She was overwhelmed with the more traditional text of the Bible, so she started with inspirational books on faith before graduating to The Message Bible and reading up on the New Testament. Although she was learning and growing spiritually on her own, she desired to connect with like-minded individuals who were curious about Christ, but also wanted to talk about the day-to-day struggles such as sex, drugs, violence, and being in the club. She started blogging about her own personal experiences on Sprinkle of Jesus, and shared inspirational videos on her Instagram, so much so that she was deemed “The Jesus Girl" by her followers. The more she posted the more her following grew, and with celebrities and their friends picking up and sharing the content her videos begin to go viral. She also began attracting people from all over the world who wanted to share their knowledge and experiences on the blog as well.
Dana recognized the power of social media and determined that sharing her message about Christ was her calling. She partnered with her dad, who had entrepreneurial experience as a the famous Uncle Majic—a hip hop magician for kids of celebrities—to take Sprinkle of Jesus beyond the desktop and into a full-functioning business, complete with the Sprinkle of Jesus app in addition to a separate Christian-based advertising company specializing in building apps and websites for their clients, as well as helping businesses to get commercials on cable networks such as MTV, BET, VH1, and more.
Having multiple streams of income backs this boss chick's belief that Christians aren't meant to be poor and that it's important to have multiple streams of income, and years of just barely getting by taught her that faith without work is dead.
“Poverty is not of God. It says in the Bible that when you work hard, you reap what you sow. So I expect to make a certain amount of money; I expect certain things from God because I know how hard I work for Him."
"Nobody sees that I'm up at 5 o'clock in the morning every single day and not going to sleep until 3AM, and then waking up and doing it all over again. God will reward you with what you give Him."
To be clear she's not passing the collection plate around to her followers; her earnings come solely from the advertisements on her site and the conglomerate of businesses her and her family have built beyond Sprinkle of Jesus.
Outside of the daily hustle Dana is still a young adult dealing with the pressure of being in a world where almost anything goes, including morals. It's even harder when you publicly claim your religious beliefs, because everything from your actions to your words are constantly critiqued and criticized by peers looking to find loopholes in your character. Recently the gorgeous gal put up a post with a low cut dress that set her comment section on fire, with people claiming that she was dressed inappropriately for a woman repping #TeamJesus.
“We live in a generation where we get judged all the time on Instagram, you feel me? People are judging us regardless of anything that you do. Being judged and stuff doesn't bother me. I've been called to this; God has prepared me for this. So there's nothing that anyone could say because I know who made me and I'm confident in that."
I ask her if she believes that she represents the woman described in Proverbs 31— a chapter of the Bible that depicts ultimate woman of God.
“I'm working on it. And I'm okay with saying that," she says. “I'm not all the way there, but what I can do is I can try and I can do my best to try to embrace that. And when I make a mistake, ask for forgiveness and ask to continue to become the woman that He sees fit."
In actuality, it's her imperfections that make her more relatable to the audience that she caters to. Her past and her not quite cookie-cutter image has given her the platform to be able to have open and honest discussions that her followers may not otherwise get in the churches that often dance around the topics that are really relevant.
“I don't feel like I was prepared for the real world. Other ministries will talk about the good stuff, but are you really preparing me to encounter the enemy and how he's trying to destroy my life?"
On that note, we dip into the subject of temptation, and how she constantly struggles with trying not to revert back to the same way of thinking that she once had when she was the party girl getting drunk in Miami and ending up in “bad situations." She tells me that staying engulfed in her Bible and making sure that she isn't just working for God, but actually spending time with Him is important in helping to keep her thoughts and her attitude in check.
When it comes to love, God blessed Dana with her one when she found her heart in human form in self-proclaimed "Pastor in Business" Prince Donnell. Her partner, her lover, her best friend, the two have been partners in business for a while, as well as partners in life, having made things official by tying the knot. The proud "couplepreneur" have a marriage and a business relationship deeply rooted in their mutual love of God and one another.
"For me, I needed more than a man who was going to love me, but to challenge me to become an extraordinary woman. To us, it's the most attractive thing we love about each other. I remember sitting with my Father and telling him I think it's time for Prince to leave his job and come work with us. You helped make our first million dollars. I praise God for giving me the ability to fire my husband's boss," she shared in an Instagram post.
"For me, I needed more than a man who was going to love me, but to challenge me to become an extraordinary woman."
"It took him a little while to find his footing, but with LOTS of prayer, rebuilding, reshaping his mindset and support he's begun to obsessively figure out new ways to use what the Lord gifted him with to become a resourceful, the sexiest thing about Him is his love for God and I can't help to stare at him awe when he works hard to provide for our families and our future. Our endless conversation and intentional practices we use to force each other to think and grow into a level of consciousness necessary to be there for one another spiritually, mentally, and as an entrepreneur is what keeps our relationship going. I love you so much and love the man you're becoming... let's never stop holding one another accountable."
Love is a beautiful thing. Especially when you can tie it to your purpose.
Together, Dana and Donnell work diligently to spread the wealth of their knowledge with the world. She recently opened a 2000-square foot office in Philly called coWorking Faith for Christian entrepreneurs. There, she spends a lot of time giving workshops on how to create apps and monetize your business to Christians.
Dana's just like the rest of us—a work in progress, but progressively working to fulfill her purpose, as well as helping to guide others to their purpose. From the pulpit to the boardroom.
For more of the Sprinkle of Jesus founder, follow her on Instagram.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy