

Content Creators Cam & Vicky Logan Share How They Make Their Modern Arranged Marriage Work
When we imagine arranged marriages in the traditional sense, our minds may trail off into stereotypes that reflect reluctant brides, invasive parents, with two coerced individuals, doomed to suffer in a loveless union. Not so romantic, right? But arranged marriages are not to be confused with forced marriages. See, the former centers the autonomy of choice: with two consenting adults, choosing to pursue one another for a lifetime - even after the allure of their parent's wise counsel fades. This was the case for content creators, Cam and Vicky Logan; who after 7 years of marriage illustrates what can happen when the potential for love is offered and accepted.
Courtesy of Vicky Logan
Cam and Vicky's parents were friends before the two of them ever met. Follow me: Vicky's father was celebrating his 40th birthday and invited Cam's father; it was there that Vicky met Cam's dad. Soon after the party, both sets of parents suggested that the two should meet, so Cam and Vicky started by adding each other on Facebook. Initially, there weren't any sparks that ignited their correspondence. In fact, Vicky shares that she never intended on dating someone who shared the same "Preacher's Kid" background that she grew up in, being that both her mother and grandmother were wives of preachers.
"I wanted a different experience and I knew how much work it would take," she shares. But what she didn't know was how God would use her expert-level background as preparation for the marriage awaiting her, "The joke was on me because since I knew how much it would take, it was just preparing me for doing the work with Cam."
Although reluctant at first, answering the call allowed her to step deeper into her purpose in becoming a helpmeet, which for Cam, was an answered prayer, "Growing up as a preacher's kid, various girlfriends didn't understand my necessity to be at church all the time, it's part of my life. As I got older and matured, I knew I needed someone that was going to understand this life in ministry and when I found out that she was a PK too, things started going off in my head like, 'Oh, this could work.'"
Courtesy of Vicky Logan
Their friendship grew even as the miles separating them widened, with Vicky finishing school in Texas, and Cam starting his post-grad life in Chicago. The distance between them allowed the space to be filled with what would fortify their relationship in the long run: deep and intentional communication. Still, the two had to get creative for things to work since, even in the early 2010s, technology still hasn't quite reached its peak, "We were recording videos on the back cameras of our iPhone 3s, we were on ooVoo and Skype. We communicated as much as we could to feel connected even though we were 1000 miles away," Cam says. Or as Vicky puts it, "We were definitely doing the most."
But you have to applaud the effort. Especially when you're young and dating at a distance, since, let's be honest, the innate reflex is to jump straight to the physical. Cultivating verbal and non-physical intimacy was fundamental for the two in their early days, "Since we weren't sexually attracted to each other at first, we were able to develop a natural, non-sexual friendship," Cam shares. "We genuinely talked about our interests and desires. It wasn't just, 'Aye girl, what you got on?'"
This approach laid a solid framework for their relationship because they were (and still are) truly friends, "At the end of the day, she's my homey, that's my best friend. Then you add the physical, sexual attraction and it just elevates how deeply we care about each other," Cam tells xoNecole.
"At the end of the day, she's my homey, that's my best friend. Then you add the physical, sexual attraction and it just elevates how deeply we care about each other."
One of the keys to making love work is building a relationship from a solid friendship. You never really know how important that can be until you're facing a difficult time with your partner, like a global pandemic, and realize there are some things that romance and sex just can't fix. As Vicky shares, you have to truly be in like with each other, "People like to ask me, how do we not get bored with one another? Well, we're friends! Do you get bored with your friends?" she shares laughingly.
The authenticity of their companionship not only beams over the phone but also through the camera. For over 10 years, YouTube has served as a digital archive for Vicky to document everything from ever-changing hairstyles, her colorful style hauls, and witty girl talk videos. So when the two got engaged in 2013, it was only natural for them to join forces to create their own vlog channel, Life With the Logans. As both platforms grew, there was one annual video that their community looked forward to the most: their Marriage Q&As.
Only in 2020, things were different. With COVID forcing everyone inside, Cam and Vicky decided to open their YouTube livestreams for their subscribers to ask them all things love and relationships advice. The response was so great, it springboarded their newest collaboration, the Everything is We podcast.
"We had a really good foundation because we spent a lot of time just being friends. Now, when we go through things as a married couple, we have our friendship to fall back on, it's not like our only connection was sexual or romantic. We had a true friendship where we enjoyed hanging out together, doing things together, marking each other laugh, no matter what we're doing, we're enjoying each other's company."
Courtesy of Vicky Logan/Instagram
On their faith-based, relationship-centered podcast, the two speak candidly about a range of topics from sex before marriage, toxic relationships, love languages, and even gender roles and submission. After 7 years of marriage, the two felt confident enough in their experiences to dish advice on their union from a place of transparency to host honest and open dialogue. "We know each other well enough to give people something of substance. This a 'we' thing, not just a 'me' thing," Vicky shares, explaining the origin of the show.
Creating as a "we" continues to add color and vibrancy to the Logans' relationship, with visual documentation being a vital part of how they keep record of their experiences together and connect with their audience. Vicky grew up with home videos and videotapes being essential in logging her childhood memories, so continuing that tradition was a natural progression for her and Cam's story. "I love documenting our relationship because I can always go back and see our memories happening on video. It keeps me grounded because I can see our progression as a couple," Vicky explains.
Courtesy of Vicky Logan
Documenting your life online for yourself and for the world to see comes with its own set of boundaries. For the Logans, that means staying true to their authentic selves and being present in the moments they share together. Cam expresses that who you are online should always match who you are in private. "I saw people that would vlog and become these public figures, and when they turn the cameras off, they're nothing like that. For me, in everything that I do, I want to be consistent."
Staying rooted as a content creator requires a deep level of self-awareness and routine check-ins with yourself. In fact, Vicky recalls a time early in her vlogging career where she found herself swept away in the process of creating a perfect memory, instead of participating in the moment. "When I was heavily into YouTube, I was vlogging so much, I felt like I have to go back and watch those videos to remember what happened because I wasn't present in the moment." She continues, "I was looking at my life through the lens instead of looking at it as my life. I never want to get back to that point. I try to prioritize being in the moment rather than creating content."
"When I was heavily into YouTube, I was vlogging so much, I felt like I have to go back and watch those videos to remember what happened because I wasn't present in the moment. I was looking at my life through the lens instead of looking at it as my life. I never want to get back to that point. I try to prioritize being in the moment rather than creating content."
When you've been with someone through your 20s and into your early 30s like the Logans have, evolution becomes the third wheel. Over the years, the two have seen each other grow and evolve as individuals with callings that stand alone and complement each other's purpose. Arriving at the place in a relationship where everything is truly about the we and not the me takes sacrifice, time, and the process of "dying to yourself" daily. That means pride and self-centeredness have no place. For the Logans, this required taking the time to learn how to truly love each other the way each person needs to be loved, not the way they assumed they needed to be loved. As Vicky puts it, "I think sometimes people come into relationships a little bit prideful and don't want to change."
But if the common goal is longevity, you have to forgo the "that's just the way I am" mentality. "We know that we're different people, but at the same time, we want to operate as a team," Vicky shares. "You have a partner for a reason: to help you."
Courtesy of Vicky Logan/Instagram
If you follow the #CamToria hashtag on Instagram, you'll find that the Logans are far more than your typical "relationship goals", they're the embodiment of steadfastness. A marriage that hasn't rushed through the years or the moments that they've shared together, but has instead made the daily decision to partake in the witnessing of one another's blooming growth. "My life has changed just by being friends with Cam," Vicky reflects, "He truly loves people and I try to be like that more and more every day."
For Cam, experiencing Vicky's growth has been the greatest honor to witness as a husband, "[Vicky's] ability to literally go after her dreams... I don't know if people realize how difficult that is in a society that trains you to do what people tell you to do." He adds, "She's a boss, but remains humble and loving at the end of the day. She's constantly growing and I'm just happy to be married to her."
The freedom in having an unconventional love story is in the license it gives to a couple to tell a story that's never been told before. Although arranged marriages aren't something that's typically highlighted in the Black community, the Logans exemplify what can happen when you follow the wise counsel of your parents, while fostering the "it takes a village" adage. "I think our community could benefit from the fact that our parents are connected with solid people with solid foundations, values, and morals," Cam says. When you're building towards a future legacy, sometimes the best way to know where you're headed to by trusting the wisdom and guidance of those who have been where you're headed. Even if that turns out to be your own parents.
"I know that when we have children, that's definitely something I plan on doing," Cam says.
To stay connected with Cam and Vicky Logan, check out their new podcast Everything is We on YouTube and Spotify. And follow them on IG via @victoriouslogan and @camlogan.
Featured image courtesy of Cam and Vicky
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
How Content Creators Hey Fran Hey And Shameless Maya Embraced The Pivot
This article is in partnership with Meta Elevate.
If you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, chances are the names Hey Fran Hey and Shameless Maya (aka Maya Washington) have come across your screen. These content creators have touched every platform on the web, spreading joy to help women everywhere live their best lives. From Fran’s healing natural remedies to Maya’s words of wisdom, both of these content creators have built a loyal following by sharing honest, useful, and vulnerable content. But in search of a life that lends to more creativity, freedom, and space, these digital mavens have moved from their bustling big cities (New York City and Los Angeles respectively) to more remote locations, taking their popular digital brands with them.
Content Creators Hey Fran Hey and Maya Washington Talk "Embracing The Pivot"www.youtube.com
In partnership with Meta Elevate — an online learning platform that provides Black, Hispanic, and Latinx-owned businesses access to 1:1 mentoring, digital skills training, and community — xoNecole teamed up with Franscheska Medina and Maya Washington on IG live recently for a candid conversation about how they’ve embraced the pivot by changing their surroundings to ultimately bring out the best in themselves and their work. Fran, a New York City native, moved from the Big Apple to Portland, Oregon a year ago. Feeling overstimulated by the hustle and bustle of city life, Fran headed to the Pacific Northwest in search of a more easeful life.
Her cross-country move is the backdrop for her new campaign with Meta Elevate— a perfectly-timed commercial that shows how you can level up from wherever you land with the support of free resources like Meta Elevate. Similarly, Maya packed up her life in Los Angeles and moved to Sweden, where she now resides with her husband and adorable daughter. Maya’s life is much more rural and farm-like than it had been in California, but she is thriving in this peaceful new setting while finding her groove as a new mom.
While Maya is steadily building and growing her digital brand as a self-proclaimed “mom coming out of early retirement,” Fran is redefining her own professional grind. “It’s been a year since I moved from New York City to Portland, Oregon,” says Fran. “I think the season I’m in is figuring out how to stay successful while also slowing down.” A slower-paced life has unlocked so many creative possibilities and opportunities for these ladies, and our conversation with them is a well-needed reminder that your success is not tied to your location…especially with the internet at your fingertips. Tapping into a community like Meta Elevate can help Black, Hispanic, and Latinx entrepreneurs and content creators stay connected to like minds and educated on new digital skills and tools that can help scale their businesses.
During a beautiful moment in the conversation, Fran gives Maya her flowers for being an innovator in the digital space. Back when “influencing” was in its infancy and creators were just trying to find their way, Fran says Maya was way ahead of her time. “I give Maya credit for being one of the pioneers in the digital space,” Fran said. “Maya is a one-person machine, and I always tell her she really changed the game on what ads, campaigns, and videos, in general, should look like.”
When asked what advice she’d give content creators, Maya says the key is having faith even when you don’t see the results just yet. “It’s so easy to look at what is, despite you pouring your heart into this thing that may not be giving you the returns that you thought,” she says. “Still operate from a place of love and authenticity. Have faith and do the work. A lot of people are positive thinkers, but that’s the thinking part. You also have to put your faith into work and do the work.”
Fran ultimately encourages content creators and budding entrepreneurs to take full advantage of Meta Elevate’s vast offerings to educate themselves on how to build and grow their businesses online. “It took me ten years to get to the point where I’m making ads at this level,” she says. “I didn’t have those resources in 2010. I love the partnership with Meta Elevate because they’re providing these resources for free. I just think of the people that wouldn’t be able to afford that education and information otherwise. So to amplify a company like this just feels right.”
Watch the full conversation with the link above, and join the Meta Elevate community to connect with fellow businesses and creatives that are #OnTheRiseTogether.
Featured image courtesy of Shameless Maya and Hey Fran Hey
Omarion Speaks On Where Co-Parenting With Apryl Jones Stands Now & I Have 6 Solid Takeaways From It
Between growing up in an entertainment industry home and then getting my start as an entertainment industry writer, there are always a few things that I make sure to keep in mind when it comes to that particular world. One, celebrity worship is ridiculous, even though our culture is basically obsessed with it.
Two, popular people are people who are just known more than the rest of us; never forget that we’re all human and we’re all gifted in some capacity (which is a huge part of the reason why my first point is a very valid one). Three, don’t put anyone on a pedestal; famous folks aren’t always what they seem. Four, no matter how much you think you know, you will never know as much as you think you do about celebrities. And five, rather than trying to model your life after them, use the things that you do discover as lessons or takeaways.
Omarion is no exception to all of this. When he comes to mind as an artist, B2K’s “Gots Ta Be” (which is the best song that they ever did, in my opinion), his song “Icebox” (which a few of my friends argue is his best solo effort to this day) and his visual “Touch” (the choreography is dope and you can definitely tell that Pharrell produced it) are what I think of first. As for his personal life, I remember thinking that it was not on my bingo card that he and his then-girlfriend Apryl Jones would go on Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood (he touches on why he/they did here); that all of the, umm, stuff that evolved from it isn’t shocking because, well, it started on Love & Hip Hop.
I know that (sidebar) his brother, O’Ryan is fine as hell (and it seems like Jhené Aiko has a type when it comes to men — and the fathers of her children — because he and Big Sean somewhat favor). I also know that Omarion, as a person, has definitely played out to possess some of the qualities that are associated with his zodiac. By that, I mean he seems brave, mystical, determined, creative, calculated, explorative, potential for wanting full control, deep, and — I didn’t know they, Scorpios, were considered to be “the sex symbol” (pun/no pun) on the zodiac chart; I always thought that was reserved for my people, Geminis, yet he exudes sensuality nonetheless, so…that’s noted too.
So yeah — between all of the rumors surrounding both B2K (if you know, you know) and his relationship, through all of its roller-coaster-like-a-mutha stages, with his now ex-Apryl — the woman who is the mother of both of his children (Megaa and A'mei) who you can definitely tell they made together — it’s been a little challenging to not keep them somewhat on my radar…which is why a recent interview that he did on Sway in the Morning caught my attention; especially as it relates to what he had to say about co-parenting and where he and Apryl are finally. FINALLY.
Here are my six takeaways from a famous person that can hopefully help others who may be on a similar journey.
1. Please Don’t Resolve to Be “Unteachable” in Your 20s
A lot of us either watched Omarion grow up or grew up with him. And from my calculations, back when he and Apryl went on Love & Hip Hop, he was in his late-20s. They were in a relationship when he came on, and so, yeah, this point is a very relevant one: even though being in their 20s makes people “grown,” sometimes folks can be worse than teenagers when it comes to not listening to the wisdom and insights of other individuals (especially who are older than they are). It’s almost like folks act as if it’s some rites of passage to make reckless or unhealthy decisions during that decade, only to look back and blame it all on “being young” when some humility and discernment could’ve avoided a helluva lot of drama, to begin with.
Listen, I’m speaking from personal experience here because all four of my abortions were between 19-25, and although the reasons behind the decisions can’t all be chalked up to age, I do know that if I had followed something that my mom used to say often, life could’ve been less, at times traumatizing and at others counterproductive and straight-up foolish. What she used to say is, “Discernment prevents experience from being your teacher.”
So yeah, if you are in your 20s and reading this, please don’t be so “I’m grown” that you end up doing things that result in you needing to use your 30s to heal, only to look up and surprise, surprise — you’re in your 40s (or even 50s). Omarion said, more than once, that he and Apryl were young when they were together. Again, “young” was in their 20s. And also, again, 20s is adulthood; still, brains just stop fully developing at 25. Apply some humility to your grown-ness. You’ll thank me later. Trust me.
2. SEX. MAKES. CHILDREN.
Just yesterday, I was having a discussion with a friend about the fact that folks who act shocked when they get pregnant are kind of comical (me included). Why? Because if you really don't want to have kids, you'll either A) live a life of abstinence (which is the only full-proof approach) or B) be birth-controlled up. And since I am well aware of the fact that only ONE-THIRD of Americans uses condoms (SMDH) — it looks like my point is far from being just an opinion or even a theory. Yes, sex feels amazin' but good enough to make children before you're ready or without fully considering who you are making them with? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
And this is why I will forever rock with the elders' wisdom of "If you wouldn't want to have a child with that person, don't have sex with them." Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but since a lot of people don't want to use birth control and also since sex is the conventional way of conceiving a child, it needs to forever go on record that when you "engage" — especially raw and sometimes even with birth control, especially if you don't use it correctly — a child could come from that; a child who didn't ask to be here or navigate through parents who initially only had sex for…fun or casually which is what a lot of people do (check out "We Should Really Rethink The Term' Casual Sex'").
Keeping all of this in mind, Omarion and Apryl appeared to have been in a serious dynamic at the time of creating their children; however, I do think that something that Omarion said in the interview needs to be kept especially in mind:
“Not to generalize women, but you know, umm, sometimes women think that you know, love stories are supposed to be this kind of like, happy thing and this, ‘Oh we vibin,’ and you know, we, we get married, and we have a family,’ but it’s really, it’s really not like that. You know, umm, that wasn’t my experience. Looking back on the history of how I viewed relationships, like, my mom is not married, you know, my Nana was married at a very young age…like, steppin’ back and realizin’ like, ‘Oh, your love style, your support, the things that you actually need, you know, is different from what you perceive. And it allowed me to really see, you know, what it is that I truly want, and it is acceptance. It is love. That’s what love is.”
One of the things that I gathered from this is Omarion and Apryl wanted very different things from each other. Whether they knew this before having their first child and ignored it, knew it right before conceiving their second and downplayed it, or hoped that kids would change things (children don’t fix issues; they oftentimes amplify them) — children are permanent.
And so there really need to be serious BEFOREHAND conversations about 1) what you want from the people you choose to sleep with — short- and long-term; 2) what your plans will be for your child should you choose to become pregnant with one, and 3) if you and the person/people you have sex with are strong enough to walk through that life experience together. It really is time-out for the “we’ll just cross that bridge when we get to it” approach.
One of the best things that you can do for future children and your future self is to take sex seriously before children exist…or you arrive at your future self.
3. It’s Okay, Welcomed Even, to Go to Therapy Re: Healing from a Break-Up and/or Co-Parenting
Fight me on this if you want to, but I personally believe that therapy should be mandatory for single parents — single moms and single dads alike. Not forever, but initially, once the baby is born because, while some people plan to have kids outside of a two-parent nucleus (now more than ever, actually), there are still many — tons even — who didn’t. And so, whether it’s therapy in order to mentally and emotionally prepare for such a major life shift and/or therapy to process what co-parenting needs to look like for the sake of your mental and emotional health as well as your child’s…yes, do it.
Because it is triggering AF to watch so many people either weaponize their children when it comes to dealing with their child’s other parent or the child having to go through the emotional roller coaster ride (or is it a hamster wheel?) of watching their parents not really know the difference between what they need to own about their relationship with their child’s parent and/or what they need to deal with on the day-to-day, strictly as it relates to co-parenting.
Honestly, I think that Omarion and Apryl’s journey in the spotlight helps to prove this particular point because I watched more than a couple of videos where Apryl was in a lot of pain and processing (rinse and repeat for a few years) when it came to how she felt that Omarion (mis)handled the situation. Not only that but now that I’ve watched the Sway interview, even Omarion has owned that he can get why that was the case (like when he said that they had different interpretations of their future and relational needs; he even owned in the interview that he somewhat abandoned her emotionally as well).
Even watching this throwback video (here) where Apryl talked about dating Omarion and his bandmate Lil’ Fizz (Fizz eventually publicly apologized) — how can pain not be a part of that kind of decision?
Listen, I don’t know if Omarion and/or Apryl went to therapy or not. All I know is, as someone who used to be a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, I dealt with generations of single mothers who had some really unhealthy and/or bitter and/or tunnel-visioned perspectives on relationships and men (not necessarily in that order) which is why I’m not shocked at all that there are plenty of studies on the fact that even adult children from divorce are a bit jaded when it comes to their views of getting married themselves (for example, they have more trust issues and are more likely to get divorced themselves, if they ever get married at all) — and since we’re seeing more single parents than ever…I’m sure you can get where that domino effect could possibly lead.
Relational pain going down from generation to generation is never good. So yeah, if you’re a single parent and you’ve got some unresolved issues with your ex when it comes to co-parenting or with yourself as it relates to both, needing therapy and getting some isn’t a gaslight or an insult. In fact, I actually salute the self-awareness and strength of individuals who take the initiative to get some.
4. Release Your Ex from Not Being What You Wanted. Or Needed.
A guy I know and I are both survivors of our parents’ divorce (get old enough, and you’ll probably come to see why I choose to frame it just that way). Something that he and I both discuss is how we both experienced so much… unnecessariness, all because our mothers didn’t properly heal from the divorces that they initiated (most divorces are initiated by women, by the way). My mom has even said to me that “being divorced is like living with a ghost because, if you had children with that person, a part of them is still living with you.” And if you don’t get whatever you felt/feel about your ex “in check” while knowing this, the children who you created with them can end up catching the brunt of stuff that isn’t their fault or even their business.
It could be abuse. It could be walking on eggshells. It could be serving as an emotional caregiver or counselor (which is another form of abuse, by the way). It could be constantly being compared to the other parent. Y’all, my mom said to me, just a couple of weeks after my father died (he took his life, in part, due to toxic female influences in his life; he and I discussed it for years), “I can’t stand either one of your fathers” (she was also referring to my brother’s dad). First, that was a super selfish thing to say at the time (timing much?), and second, umm, YOU CHOSE THEM…what do you expect the kids to do about it? Besides, I liked my father…a lot. Deal with your stuff…over there.
You know, when I take into account so much of what I’ve heard Apryl say out of her own mouth about feeling abandoned and alone by Omarion and now Omarion looking back and seeing that neither one of them was really meeting each other’s needs — and then I look at those children, and you can see hybrids of Omarion and Apryl’s faces…it’s a reminder that it’s so important to release what you thought you would get from your ex (relationship-wise), who you thought they were or even what you may still want them to be. Why?
Because I don’t care how popular single parenting may be in this culture, stats still reveal that it puts kids in a place where it is more challenging to overcome life obstacles — so the more you’re able to function from a place of forgiveness, peacefulness, flexibility, emotional maturity, and harmony, FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS, the better.
And letting go of whatever narrative you had in your mind regarding your ex? That is a truly awesome starting point. Which brings me to my fifth point — and takeaway...
5. Yep. Co-Parenting IS a Form of Black Love
Although I think that the entire segment about co-parenting was good, probably my favorite part is something that co-host Tracy G. touched on. It’s when she said that co-parenting is a form of Black love. Yeah, that is truly powerful because imagine how much drama and trauma could be spared if more people approached raising children with their ex (or exes) from that space and place.
And here’s the thing about this particular form of love — I actually disagree with something that Omarion said when he was in the midst of defining love. He said that love isn’t about judging someone but supporting them. I’ll say this when you sign up to be TRULY LOVED by people, a part of what comes with that is accountability: people holding you fully accountable, and that can come with “judgment calls” being made.
Yeah, it’s kind of another message for another time that a part of the reason why so many people end relationships — personal, professional, familial, platonic, romantic, etc. — is because they think that folks are only supposed to be their cheerleaders and not their accountability partners too (yes, love includes telling you about yourself when you need to hear it).
On the flip side, what I do totally agree with is people need to intentionally build with individuals who accept them. Acceptance is about receiving someone and believing in them — not based on what you want them to do or think they should be but who and what they are. And Lord, just imagine how much smoother co-parenting would go if people took this approach to their child’s other parent. This doesn’t mean that acceptance is easy, either.
Accept that things didn’t go as you initially planned. Accept that your ex may not have ever wanted what you did. Accept that your expectations vs. your reality may be totally different things. Accept that your ex is not you, so their approach to parenting may manifest in a different way. Accept that your main focus should require putting your ego aside for your child’s greater good. Accept that it’s fine to have boundaries…so long as they aren’t walls.
Accept that choosing to not be petty, vindictive, or in a cycle of unforgivingness is always going to benefit everyone in the long run. Accept that the Plan A that you might have had for your life that didn’t work out can still manifest into a Plan B (or Plan H) that ultimately will be even better. And yes, ACCEPT that raising your child in a peaceful dynamic, even if it stretches you out of your comfort zone, is good for your child and ultimately the Black community, at large because…Black love always is.
Again, no one said that acceptance would be easy; it pushes back on the ego every chance that it gets. So yes, oftentimes love, especially co-parenting love, requires something else that Omarion touched on:
“There were some important conversations that needed to be had, in front of my children, between mom and dad. The kids need to see that…Showing up as a man for my kids means that we’ve got to have some tough conversations sometimes…consider your kids. Your kids don’t ask to be here. It is your duty to be in servitude to them, and you make sure you guide them, up until that point when it’s time for them to make decisions.”
Adding to that, the biblical definition of love should be taken into account too, knowing that God rewards those of us who do our best to do it:
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always 'me first,' doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.
"Love never dies.” — I Corinthians 13:4-8(Message)
Okay, so as far as “puts up with anything,” even God has boundaries (or the Book of Revelation wouldn’t exist); however, the context is to be as merciful and gracious as you would want someone to be with you — in this case, your child’s other parent because neither of you is perfect…BOTH OF YOU are going to make mistakes along the way.
And finally, when it comes to co-parenting with an ex, it can be beneficial to apply one of my favorite quotes on why sometimes things don’t end up the way that we thought they would or wanted them to:
“As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.”
Love is continual becoming. That is so rich. And when you get that — when you get that sometimes the one who you created life with is, as Omarion so eloquently put it, a teacher and not your forever (not his exact words, but you get the gist), you can transition into my last point for today.
6. Celebrate Your Ex Moving On. For the Sake of Your Children.
Here’s the thing — if you’ve got some resentment, if you’re triggered, and/or if you’re flat-out pissed about your ex moving on with someone else, do yourself a favor and dig into why that is the case. Because another great takeaway from Omarion in the interview is what he said about Taye Diggs now being with Apryl:
“It’s a beautiful thing when somebody finds a good thing and you should be supportive of that.”
And indeed it is. My discernment says that as Omarion explained that he and Apryl are in more of a peaceful place and space now, her heart moving on with someone else (in what seems to be a much healthier way) probably plays a huge role in the…better co-parenting. And really, why wouldn’t you root for the fact that if your ex has more joy in their life, your child will feel the effects/reap the rewards of that as a direct result — and that ends up making your own life easier in the long run?
You know, I peeped that Omarion mentioned that, as far as Taye is concerned, he’s older and has his own kids (which sounds like he’s noticing that there may be some wisdom and empathy from Taye that he can feel good about), so yes, applying discernment with your own ex’s (new) partner is smart and necessary. Just make sure that the motive has nothing to do with you (other than them being respectful as the mother of your child) and everything to do with your child.
When that is the case, you can do as Omarion professes and have an “open arms approach” to your ex’s new normal — because even if things didn’t work out with your ex, you still want who helped to create your child to be good so that your child can be in a loving and safe environment…both in your presence and outside of it. You can say, as Omarion did about Taye, “I only expect good things from him,"…and actually MEAN it.
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Can you tell that I could go on and on about this topic? I really could because I know too many people who are going through the PTSD of this topic not being addressed from this kind of angle. Yet as I wrap this up, I hope that you found at least a couple of pearls — and that you will do something else that Omarion says that he does these days: wish the people of your past well (not passive-aggressively but literally) and that you CHOOSE WISELY…yes, especially when it comes to who you make life with.
Yeah, good stuff from this interview. Good (and needed and relevant and lasting) stuff, indeed.
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Featured image by Corey Nickols/Getty Images for IMDb