As I near 25, I'm not sure if I'm the target audience for Grown-ish anymore, but I still watch it faithfully every week. On one hand, I feel it keeps me young; my old soul requires a regimen to keep up with the times. On the other, I have a strong desire to support up-and-coming artists of color, like Yara Shahidi and Chloe x Halle, who are not only wildly talented, but also using their crafts to bring light to important topics. The show exhibits an earnest effort to incorporate stories that represent diverse walks of life. Naturally, being set on a college campus, Grown-ish discusses sexuality a great deal, investigating topics ranging from exploratory experiences, to defining consent, to LGBTQ+ issues.
A few weeks ago, I sat down eagerly to watch episode ten of season three and was thoroughly fascinated when the topic -- celibacy -- was revealed. The episode started out pretty typically, with Ana, a member of the show's central friend group, going on a date with a guy named Javi. Based on the flirtatious banter in the car when they pulled up to Ana's house, it's clear the date went well. At this point, any viewer invested in the story rejoices, because Ana has had a difficult run when it comes to finding love. Javi walks Ana to her door and is invited inside, presumably to hook up.
However, just as things are heating up, Javi stops things and gently tells Ana that he made a recent decision to rededicate his life to Christ and to, subsequently, practice abstinence. Hearing Javi say those words, Ana blanched with surprise. I was just as shocked as she was. I squealed with interest and made my husband watch it with me from the beginning.
grown-ish Season 3, Episode 10 | Sneak Peek: Javi Surprises Ana | Freeformwww.youtube.com
The source of my enthusiasm about the story that was unfolding was twofold. One reason I connected to these events was that my now husband and I, who I met in college, had decided first as individuals, then as a couple, to wait until marriage to have sex.
Practicing abstinence was probably the hardest and best decision I've ever made, and an important part of my story. While I share that story with my husband and some friends, it's not the mainstream narrative represented in the media which is the second reason I was so compelled by this plot. In my favorite shows, the most common picture of sexuality is generally one of liberal exploration; sex at its best is depicted to be with diverse partners, with frequent partners, and commonly occurring during adolescence. While this isn't always the case, virginity, and sexlessness are often depicted as anomalous, involuntary, corny, and even an indication of inferiority.
Ana and Javi's storyline runs parallel to those of characters like Aaron, who holds the position that no self-respecting man would not have sex for six months. With that being the majority mentality of the show, I was eager to see how the show approached this alternative path. I wondered if the idea of a celibate lifestyle would be given equal dignity and respect as the other paths represented. I was increasingly pleasantly surprised as the show's events unfolded, and Ana and Javi's journey wasn't presented as this weird thing, wasn't overly idealized, and was treated as legitimate.
As someone who can relate to the ups and downs of celibacy, I noticed certain elements that Grown-ish got right about a journey of spiritually-motivated celibacy.
Sometimes You Fall Down and You Have to Get Back Up
I know some Christians I know were disappointed to see Ana and Javi tumble back in bed after having made the commitment to wait. However, while I sympathized with the guilt the characters felt after violating their expectations of themselves, I found the depiction to be refreshing in its realism, because no one is perfect.
Celibacy can be a process that involves failures along the way, followed by rallying and renewed commitment, but that shouldn't lead to feelings of defeat. Abstaining from sex is countercultural and can feel like going against the grain, but it comes down to is making sacrifices where necessary.
In the show, I love how you see Ana and Javi going through that process of falling off the wagon, solidifying their "why," reassessing their boundaries, and relying on their faith and community to give them strength going forward. The important part was that they allowed the lessons they learned from their failures to inform a new approach as they tried again.
Saying ‘No’ to Sex Requires Saying 'Yes' to Something Else
The truth is that avoiding sex isn't easy, especially on a college campus, where there are so many opportunities to partake and sex is often considered an important part of coming of age. For me, though I grew up in a household that valued saving sex for marriage, my parents' standards weren't enough to keep me on that path in college. Being on my own and faced with so many choices, I had to develop a conviction strong enough to stand on in times of temptation. I was motivated by a desire to please God and trust Him; I genuinely believed obeying Him was best for me.
While I was interested in sex and found dating fun, I formed a belief that sex is deeply sacred, and I desired to focus my dating life on building friendships, healing my emotional traumas, and discerning whether marriage would be a reasonable goal with a given person.
In the show, Javi says that he decided to put sex on the shelf to clear his head so he could hear God better. He and Ana hit a snag in their relationship early on when her convictions didn't align with his. After asking Javi where he got his strength from and later rekindling her own relationship with God, Ana found her "why" for being celibate -- being at peace with God and pursuing relationships that were based on more than sex -- and it gave her the strength she needed to move forward.
It Helps to Have a Community of Like-Minded People
A consistent theme in Ana and Javi's journey pursuing a celibate relationship is remaining rooted in community. Having access to and spending time with like-minded people plays a major role in fortifying their commitment to their faith and their celibacy journey, especially when they mess up. Another facet of having positive reinforcement was their friendship with one another and their shared values.
I can speak from personal experience when I say that remaining celibate is so much easier when you have a partner who shares your values and carries their own conviction about celibacy. It's difficult enough having physical boundaries when you're in love and longing to express that physically, without the added temptation of the other person low-key seducing you. It helps to be with someone who understands and knows how to help you meet your goals.
Some people also consider sex to be a vital component of a loving relationship, even before marriage, so it can cause some distress if you're not on the same page and one person feels their needs are not being met. When one person has to violate their own boundaries to meet the needs of the other, it can only lead to resentment.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what it means to make a faith-based decision to lead a celibate life. One that I've heard a lot is the perception that following Jesus makes you somehow disinterested in sex until marriage. The other is that celibacy is impossible. Neither is true.
To choose to abstain from sex is a daily commitment to live in that tension between acknowledging your existing sexuality, and that a desire for sex is natural and beneficial, and delaying gratification until your circumstances facilitate the best environment for you to thrive sexually, based on your convictions.
The beauty of art is that it can represent all walks of life. It's great to see celibacy included in the definition of what it can mean to be sexually liberated.
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The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Damn Shellie, what a grim way to start an article. Yeah, I hear you. Really though, it all depends on how you look at it because, when you accept that aging is a (blessed) part of life and taking proactive measures can make easing into the aging process so much easier to handle, take it from me — it’s not so bad. And when it comes to your skin, specifically, you can actually hang on to its “bounce back” (the ability for your skin to maintain its natural elasticity) for much longer than you might think.
For starters, by following these eight proven (and all-natural) beauty hacks…
8 Natural Ways To Keep Your Skin Firm and Youthful
1. DIY a Witch Hazel Spritz
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I’m not exaggerating when I say that there isn’t one good reason why every household in this country shouldn’t have a bottle of witch hazel somewhere. It’s inexpensive. It works well for all skin types. And it comes with a myriad of skin benefits including containing properties thatreduce inflammation and irritation, decrease the appearance of pores, speed up the healing process of acne, protect skin from free radicals, and even help to soothe scalp discomfort (if your scalp happens to be particularly sensitive).
As far as your skin’s elasticity is concerned, witch hazel is “that one” because it has the ability to correct elastosis; elastosis is what happens when your skin starts to thicken and degenerate which makes it more difficult for your skin to maintain its elasticity.
That’s why it’s a good idea to create a skin-toning spritz out of one part distilled water and one part witch hazel. Spray your skin with it in the morning and whenever you need a skin refresher in order to maintain a subtle “tightness” and natural glow.
2. Do Some Chemical Peels
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I’ve mentioned before that I am absolutely sold on chemical peels (check out “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.”). Although I’ve had to do a little bit of trial and error (as far as the strength level of the peel and how long I should leave it on my skin before thoroughly rinsing it the peel off), once I got the groove of things (which roughly took me a couple of months), I have appreciated everything that chemical peels have done for the quality of my skin.
That’s because they help to resurface skin, even skin tone, reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, make skin look and feel much smoother, and boost the production of collagen and elastin in it. Like I said, I prefer to go the at-home route. However, if you want quicker and more drastic effects, book an appointment with a professional (and reputable) dermatologist or esthetician. I say that because to say that all chemical peels are created equal — that is a flat-out lie. Some are so potent that you shouldn’t even want to attempt them without an expert’s assistance. Trust me.
3. Moisturize with Aloe Vera Gel
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Even though Aloe vera gel is made up of 99 percent water, it also has vitamins A, C, E, zinc, magnesium, copper, potassium, enzymes, and a wealth of other nutrients in it. That alone makes it an ultimate skincare go-to; especially when it comes to hydrating your skin, healing the effects of psoriasis and eczema, and treating inflammatory acne. Know what else Aloe vera gel is good for? Keeping your skin firm. That’s because the properties in the gel help to produce collagen production — and the more collagen that your skin has, the more elasticity it will too.
4. Apply Vitamin C Extract
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Something else that your skin loses over time is its amount of hyaluronic acid. If you’re curious about what hyaluronic acid is, it’s a natural substance within your system that helps to keep your skin hydrated as well as flexible. Personally, I’m such a fan of the stuff that I wrote an article on it a couple of years ago (check out “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday”).
And listen, if you’re super serious about keeping elasticity in your skin, pair the acid up with some vitamin C extract. While a bottle of hyaluronic acid alone will help your skin to maintain its texture, vitamin C extract (serum) will help to brighten your skin, reduce hyperpigmentation, soften the appearance of dark circles underneath your eyes, boost collagen production and yes, help to prevent skin sagging as well.
5. Eat (More) Antioxidants
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Antioxidants are chemicals that help to fight off free radicals. That’s necessary because free radicals are linked to things like impaired vision, autoimmune disorders, cancer, diabetes, gray hair, and yes, skin aging. When you consume foods that are high in antioxidants, it helps your skin by reducing inflammation, improving its texture, softening the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, increasing hydration, and stimulating the production of collagen and elastin. Foods that are high in antioxidants include berries, dark leafy greens, pecans, apples, cabbage, mushrooms, potatoes, olive oil, cloves, and red wine.
6. Indulge in Dark Chocolate
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Dark chocolate brings me so much joy — and I’m not just talking about men either. LOL. I’ve seen what dark chocolate has done for my system to the point where I was inspired to once write “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe.” And, well, when it comes to your skin, dark chocolate is awesome because it contains organic compounds that increase blood circulation, protect your skin from damaging UV rays, improve hydration, slow down aging signs, and also, because dark chocolate has manganese in it, this means that it’s a food that helps with collagen production (which as you already know, leads to skin that has more elasticity).
So yeah, when it comes to dark chocolate (that is made up of around 65-70 percent cacao) — eat up! Your skin needs you to.
7. Sip on Some Ginger Tea
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Last fall, when I wrote the article, “10 Different Ways Herbal Teas Can Fit Into Your Beauty Regimen” for the platform, I didn’t include ginger tea — oh, but I probably should have. While, health-wise, ginger is great when it comes to reducing nausea and morning sickness, making menstrual cramps more tolerable, and decreasing your cholesterol levels, ginger is good for your skin because it reduces the amount of oil that your skin produces, softens the appearance of scars and it improves your skin’s elasticity and tone.
So, if sipping on tea is totally your thing, the sweet-meets-spicy flavor of ginger tea can do you and your skin some good on a ton of different levels.
8. Get Plenty of Rest
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Sleep is a time of rejuvenation which is why your skin needs you to get no less than 6-8 hours of sound rest on a nightly basis. What science has proven is your skin will most definitely benefit from consistent zzz’s because sleep can help to strengthen your immunity which can decrease inflammation and breakouts; it decreases stress and anxiety levels which can keep your hormone levels stabilized; it can help to keep your skin cells healthy; it can slow down aging signs (check out “Women In Their 40s Share The Beauty-Related Things They Wish They Did In Their 20s”), and sleep can even help to keep your skin from becoming dehydrated.
And since collagen is also produced while you sleep — perhaps now it makes all of the sense in the world that the saying “beauty sleep” is actually a very real thing. Sweet dreams (to you as well as your skin), sis!
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