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I’m Single, Saved, Celibate & I Want To Have Sex

Sex

I know many of the celibacy sound saints may not be able to relate to this post but I'm sure there are a few out there that aim to honor God with their bodies and are still struggling in the celibacy department.

So, allow me to break the ice by confessing with you where I'm at in my life: I'm single, celibate and I want to have sex – I don't want to wait anymore.


Shocker! I know this isn't what you'll hear from the average Christian however, this isn't your average cookie cutter article either. We get down to the real issues Christians are dealing with in today's world and let's be honest, desiring sex is definitely one of them.

I've been celibate for almost six years. And throughout this journey of purity by way of honoring God with my body, it's been a roller coaster ride. Some seasons, my mind is on a heavenly high while other times my mind wanders to some low, impure places.

Where I'm at right now in my celibacy journey is completely next level. My desires have never been this strong. I want to have sex. Like I crave sex, the intimacy and act of it -- the whole shebang.

For the longest, I tried to suppress these feelings because having these desires are completely against Christian culture. But the more I ignored them, the bigger my cravings got until I finally decided to stop ignoring my feelings and I took my desires to Jesus and laid them at His feet. Because if I can't help me, I know He can.

As Christians, we're taught that sex out of marriage is bad so don't have sex, and that's about how deep we get into the sex talk. Generally, our pastors and spiritual leaders aren't teaching us how to deal with sexual desires while abstaining from sex (because the desires do come) so a lot of the time we end up hiding what we're going through. Which then leads to struggling in silence or succumbing to those desires. That's not healthy and causes bigger trouble. If you sweep crumbs under the rug, it will bring roaches in your home.

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The reality is that those who struggle with celibacy but have made the decision to obey God by abstaining from sex, don't want these desires. They (we) want to choose God over the world's way always because we know that His way is the best way.

So, why is it that so many Christians are struggling?

First, let me say that sex is totally NATURAL and it is a part of our DNA to procreate. It is normal to have thoughts about sex. As Christians, I feel like we don't think we can talk about or want sex until we're married, as if sex talk is a sacred language only the married can partake in. But I don't believe that's true.

We should be able to engage in healthy conversations with friends, significant others or our community about sex. Sex talk doesn't have to be profane. There are healthy ways that you can talk about sex, which includes your desires to the ones you're close with.

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The more your transparent about your sexual desires, the more empowered you can be to overcome them. Don't be afraid to open up!

Second, we desire sex for a multitude of reasons, such as wanting to be wanted; loneliness and it feels good. As Christians whose main goal is to surrender their lives to God, you need to get to the root of why you're struggling. Are you lonely because you're not spending enough time with God, which leaves space for these desires to take root in your heart? Or do you have some unresolved issues that are preventing you from being able to surrender your body to God? Whatever the reason behind these desires that's causing you to want to have sex, you have to know the why so that you can fight the feeling!

All in all, my goal with this piece is to share with y'all that it is normal to have sexual desires even while being celibate. And it does not make you any less saved because you have these feels. However, as Christians, we should strive to be Christ-like and if your desires don't mirror Christ, don't fall victim to them.

Talk to someone, pray, cut off the things that feed your desires. It's an everyday fight to be pure, but you can do it!

Featured image courtesy of Monique Love

You know what? Sometimes, you've got to push a few coins aside and determine in your mind that you're going to invest into your sex life (if you had a sex jar, this would be easier to do, by the way. You can read more about what that is all about here). If you're someone who is totally down to do that, but you don't have a clue where to begin, boy have you come to the right place! Between the joy of being a writer who sometimes gets samples sent to me, the constant research that I do for the couples I work with and having folks shout-out certain items semi-often, I've compiled a list of 12 sex-related items that may seem random AF (a pun is kind of intended there) and, at the same time, can make sex so much better between you and your partner. Where's your pad at? You're definitely gonna wanna take note.

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