I’m Single, Saved, Celibate & I Want To Have Sex

Sex

I know many of the celibacy sound saints may not be able to relate to this post but I'm sure there are a few out there that aim to honor God with their bodies and are still struggling in the celibacy department.

So, allow me to break the ice by confessing with you where I'm at in my life: I'm single, celibate and I want to have sex – I don't want to wait anymore.


Shocker! I know this isn't what you'll hear from the average Christian however, this isn't your average cookie cutter article either. We get down to the real issues Christians are dealing with in today's world and let's be honest, desiring sex is definitely one of them.

I've been celibate for almost six years. And throughout this journey of purity by way of honoring God with my body, it's been a roller coaster ride. Some seasons, my mind is on a heavenly high while other times my mind wanders to some low, impure places.

Where I'm at right now in my celibacy journey is completely next level. My desires have never been this strong. I want to have sex. Like I crave sex, the intimacy and act of it -- the whole shebang.

For the longest, I tried to suppress these feelings because having these desires are completely against Christian culture. But the more I ignored them, the bigger my cravings got until I finally decided to stop ignoring my feelings and I took my desires to Jesus and laid them at His feet. Because if I can't help me, I know He can.

As Christians, we're taught that sex out of marriage is bad so don't have sex, and that's about how deep we get into the sex talk. Generally, our pastors and spiritual leaders aren't teaching us how to deal with sexual desires while abstaining from sex (because the desires do come) so a lot of the time we end up hiding what we're going through. Which then leads to struggling in silence or succumbing to those desires. That's not healthy and causes bigger trouble. If you sweep crumbs under the rug, it will bring roaches in your home.

img.buzzfeed.com

The reality is that those who struggle with celibacy but have made the decision to obey God by abstaining from sex, don't want these desires. They (we) want to choose God over the world's way always because we know that His way is the best way.

So, why is it that so many Christians are struggling?

First, let me say that sex is totally NATURAL and it is a part of our DNA to procreate. It is normal to have thoughts about sex. As Christians, I feel like we don't think we can talk about or want sex until we're married, as if sex talk is a sacred language only the married can partake in. But I don't believe that's true.

We should be able to engage in healthy conversations with friends, significant others or our community about sex. Sex talk doesn't have to be profane. There are healthy ways that you can talk about sex, which includes your desires to the ones you're close with.

s.yimg.com

The more your transparent about your sexual desires, the more empowered you can be to overcome them. Don't be afraid to open up!

Second, we desire sex for a multitude of reasons, such as wanting to be wanted; loneliness and it feels good. As Christians whose main goal is to surrender their lives to God, you need to get to the root of why you're struggling. Are you lonely because you're not spending enough time with God, which leaves space for these desires to take root in your heart? Or do you have some unresolved issues that are preventing you from being able to surrender your body to God? Whatever the reason behind these desires that's causing you to want to have sex, you have to know the why so that you can fight the feeling!

All in all, my goal with this piece is to share with y'all that it is normal to have sexual desires even while being celibate. And it does not make you any less saved because you have these feels. However, as Christians, we should strive to be Christ-like and if your desires don't mirror Christ, don't fall victim to them.

Talk to someone, pray, cut off the things that feed your desires. It's an everyday fight to be pure, but you can do it!

Featured image by Getty Images

Sign up today and be the first to get notified on new updates, exclusive events, retreats and giveaways!

More Posts

When I was 19, I lost my father, the only caretaker I'd known my entire life.

Growing up in Brooklyn, NY in the '80s, it was common for black children to be raised by drug-addicted parents. My mother abandoned my sister and I while succumbing to her addiction to crack cocaine. But my father, he stayed. And that man loved me fiercely for the years we had, while battling his own addiction to heroin. Despite his own pain, he took care of me. Losing him is still the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

Keep reading... Show less

In 1972, Lonnie Lynn was born on the south side of Chicago to a teacher and a youth counselor. At the time, his parents had no idea that their son would one day grow up to rock stages around the world, become an award-winning actor, and eventually, write a book that would change the narrative of how black men look at love, therapy, and childhood sexual abuse.

Keep reading... Show less

I have a confession before I start this piece. I hate the outdoors. I need to lead with that fact because as I type, I am laying in a yurt outside with stars above me in upstate New York.

Keep reading... Show less

Summer travel is upon us, and that means we'll be looking for new items to add to our wardrobe. I know there are many fast fashion brands that keep us looking so fresh and so clean on a budget, but I started to think about purchasing investment pieces from black designers.

Keep reading... Show less

Brian J. White has been a consistent face in so many of our favorite series and films. I still remember his character's crazy but sexy relationship with Olivia Pope on Scandal. And who can forget him repping the Theta's in the college classic Stomp the Yard

Keep reading... Show less

Skincare isn't just a part of my daily routine, issa sport. Last year, I got hit with some pretty severe cystic acne that dramatically altered my day-to-day life.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts