

Prayer. And lots of it.
It's safe to say that's what helped my now-husband and I not have sex for the more than two years that we dated.
The decision to be celibate was an easy one to make at first. It was one of those situations where we knew we'd be husband and wife one day, even though we never really said it out loud. Of course, that made it even more difficult to wait because, what would the harm be in having sex with someone who you knew you were going to marry anyway?
In those extremely difficult moments, I always had to come back to being intentional about our celibacy. It was a vow that I made and knew I would regret if I didn't keep it. In part, it was a promise to God because I felt like I had disappointed Him enough in all of my failed situationships and I wanted to make a change. This was also a personal promise because I had finally discovered my value and wanted to fully know myself before I gave away this invaluable part of me to someone else.
But trust me, even with those promises, it got challenging.
We Set Boundaries
Clearly, we were attracted to one another. If not, we would have kept friendzoning each other like we did for the first 2+ years we knew each other. But once we crossed over into a serious relationship, and realized just how much we wanted to act on that attraction (and make up for lost time), we knew we had to set a few limits.
For starters, it wasn't anything unusual for him to spend the night when we first started dating. It was actually expected. Especially if neither of us had to work the next day. We found out the hard way that that was just asking for a night and morning of passion. So, him not staying the night anymore was the first boundary that we set. After that, I noticed that when he did leave or drop me off after a date night, he stopped prolonging the goodbyes.
Before I knew it, he was either at the door with his coat on ready to leave my apartment after a TV night, or wouldn't even come inside when he dropped me off. At first, I was in my feelings and was extra offended. But I was late to the party and realized these were more of his efforts to make sure we didn't cross that infamous line.
I Went With My Gut
Because let's be honest, if anyone was going to cross that line, it could have been us. Yes, we probably sound like very responsible people setting boundaries and whatnot. But to be real, there were times where I just knew we were going to end up doing it, like, in the heat of moment think, It's about to go down.
But that's where I'm convinced the prayers came into play. There were moments that going to a certain level honestly just did not feel right. It wasn't like a stomachache or anything like that, just this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was doing something wrong and something that I would regret. It became so strong, I didn't have a choice but to listen to it.
We Were True To Ourselves
I think another reason we were able to stay celibate during our dating phase was because it's what we wanted. Anyone who knows us knows that we grew up in church and were taught that sex was this thing you were supposed to steer clear of at all costs. But if we made that decision for our parents, or even to keep up appearances, I can't honestly say that we would have been successful. It all came down to what we felt was best for our relationship.
When we did get married, we didn't even put it out there that we had abstained from sex. Partly because we just made it by the hairs of our chinny chin chin. But also, because we just never really felt a need to have this major announcement. It's not even that we were embarrassed. I mean, these days celibacy seems to be the new trend. It just means that it was a decision that we felt good with within ourselves and didn't feel we needed to tell the world at the moment.
This doesn't mean that couples who do have sex before marriage are bad, or couples who are more open about their celibacy are doing it (or not doing it) the wrong way. In fact, some of those couples were an inspiration to me during my times of weakness. It was just about what was right for us. Now that we've been married for almost a year, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Spring is upon us, and with this time of year comes the annual closet cleanout we so desperately need and collectively look forward to. As the chill of winter finally gives way to sunnier days, it’s the perfect opportunity to clear out what no longer serves us in life and our closets. A symbol of new beginnings and transformations, the shift in seasons is the perfect time to declutter our space while releasing the old to welcome the new.
During the process of evaluating our wardrobes, we determine what we can live without while looking forward to what it is we truly need. With trends constantly coming and going, it’s easy to get caught up in the endless cycle of “must-haves” that barely last a season. To help you create a closet you actually love, one that feels stylish, effortless, and true to you, we’ve curated 10 essentials that will ground your style and keep you ready for whatever the season brings.
1.White Tank Top
The must-have ribbed white tank is the number one staple everyone needs in their spring and summer wardrobe. Perfectly paired with denim, soft trousers, maxi skirts, and more, the combinations are indeed endless. A ribbed tank is relatively inexpensive, even with a quality find that provides plenty of wear and durability.
2.Denim Maxi Skirt
As mentioned above, a maxi skirt is a perfect foundation for a fashion-forward casual outfit. Denim maxi skirts, with their nod to the 2000s era, have proven to be a versatile staple that can be dressed up or down depending on your mood and plans for the day. Keep it casual by pairing a denim maxi with sneakers and a simple white top for everyday errands, or elevate the look with a sleek heel, cut-out top, and moto jacket for a more polished, modern take.
3.Straight Leg Denim
When it comes to denim, the straight-leg silhouette has officially cemented its place as a go-to style. Offering a slim, streamlined fit without the look and feel of skinny jeans, this cut pairs perfectly with everything from boots to sneakers. With a range of washes from light blue to indigo, the slim-leg denim is a timeless wardrobe essential that blends comfort and style easily.
4.Statement Jewelry
Minimal jewelry had its moment, but lately, bold accessories have taken center stage. Statement pieces have the power to elevate even the simplest outfits, adding instant personality and polish. If not wearable art, it's stackable jewelry, with the chunkier being the better. If you’re not ready to give up the minimal look, add in a statement necklace layered with minimal chains and hoop earrings to achieve an effortless, cool girl look.
5.Loafers
If you’re a chunky boot lover, loafers are the perfect swap for warm weather. Style with chunky socks when wearing a skirt, or slip into a classic pair with oversized, long-length, low-rise jeans. Loafers have firmly earned their spot as a year-round staple, offering the perfect blend of style, comfort, and versatility.
6.Oversized Sunglasses
Nothing about this year is about blending in or being subtle, which is why designer frames from Loewe, Gucci, and Tom Ford continue to set the standard for bold, statement-making looks when it comes to eyewear. Just like most accessories, frames are bigger and bolder, thanks to classic aviator styles and oversized sunnies with face-shaping silhouettes.
7.Shoulder Bag
There's something about the shoulder bag that continues to captivate the fashion world. It's small yet conveniently fits all necessities with a limitless range of colors, shapes, and patterns to match any look. It’s also the perfect balance between the micro mini and the oversized tote. If looking for a classic designer bag for spring, its size and shape will be worth the investment, as this silhouette will never go out of style.
8.Button-Down Long Sleeve
The button-down long sleeve is one of the most loved closet essentials. The versatility is unmatched, and the price is unbeatable for the amount of wear one can achieve in this staple piece. Worn open, closed, layered underneath a corset, or wrapped around one's waist, there's more than enough reason to benefit from owning a crisp white button-down top. Pair with leggings and heels for a casual chic moment, layered with statement accessories for a classic spring look.
9. Dad Trouser
Trousers are a great option for women who love to stretch the limits of chic workwear. The "Dad Pant" is a classic tailored aesthetic with a high-rise fitted waist and extra-long hem, a length perfect for high heels, sneakers, or chunky sandals. Opting for lightweight fabric is also perfect for year-round temperatures. Wear long trousers with a fitted white top, and an oversized black or beige blazer with pointed-toe heels for a sophisticated look day or night.
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Featured image by Edward Berthelot/Getty Images
Originally published on March 16, 2023