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Ask Ayana Iman: My Husband & I Haven't Had Sex In 5 Years, What Should I Do?

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Ask Ayana Iman is a bi-monthly advice column where real women anonymously submit their questions about work, life, and love. In response, certified life coach Ayana Iman drops some much-needed gems. Check out this week's segment below.

Dear Ayana Iman: I suspect my baby daddy had an affair but he won't admit it, instead, we argue. How do I move past this?

Your intuition is letting you know something is wrong. When you're in tune with a person, especially someone you love, you notice everything from changes in their behavior to shifts in daily routines. I don't know what ticked you off about the alleged affair but it's imperative that you recount what led you to believe this.

Now is not the time to fight. Ask him those specific questions when you're levelheaded. I understand it's an emotional situation, however, you lose your ground when you don't remain calm. He will not admit to an affair whether he is or isn't having one. For those reasons, don't waste your energy arguing.

Instead, figure out what you want. Would his admission of guilt help you move on? Or would it just prove you right?

If your goal is to keep him and work through it, then the second option seems plausible. Love is complicated, but what it is not is crazy-making. Don't let him drive you crazy any longer – get clear on your true feelings about this relationship. I also suggest getting an STD checkup, if, in fact, he is cheating, you want to make sure your health is a priority.

Dear Ayana Iman: My husband and I have been married six years and we've had a sexless marriage for about five of those years... (continued on the next page)

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